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Unlike physical activities, such as football or golf, in which it's quite possible to lose a leg or break one of your lungs, it's generally accepted that videogaming is a relatively "safe" hobby (barring the danger posed by fit-inducing imagery and scenes of extreme violence and moral depravation). However, I bear scars on my body which belie this stream of thinking: videogaming is as dangerous as climbing up a big chimney while greased and naked. INJURY # 1: SUPER STAR WARS There's this level in Super Star Wars for the 16-bit Super NES, where the player, as Luke Skywalker I believe, has infiltrated the Jawa sandcrawler in search of R2-D2. Unlike the film, where the sandcrawler resembles the sort of mess you'd find behind the average garden shed, albeit with robots, the sandcrawler in Super Star Wars is filled with flame-belching pipes, laser beams, and deadly molten droid-filled pits (I'm assuming there's no such stuff behind your garden shed, lest you happen to be called something like "Doctor X"). Anyway, there's one particular molten pit, which has a very low ceiling above it. Attempting to jump the pit, without smacking one's head and falling to a fiery death, was near impossible. Upon my 34th attempt I punched my ageing sofa, accidentally hitting the patch where the padding was almost bare, and brought the side of my fist into contact with the wooden frame. Bruising and swelling and a pain which still flares up when the wind is particularly cold were the result. INJURY # 2: DONKEY KONG GAME AND WATCH Nintendo's first Donkey Kong game for the home was this two-screen LCD Game & Watch thing. Having little patience at the age of 12, I wasn't prepared to have my high scores jeopardised by the pace of the gameplay constantly speeding up. I had little choice but to hurl the annoying handheld device down the stairs. The way the liquid crystal oozed out of the cracks in the broken glass screen was so beautiful, I couldn't help but play with it. The resultant sliced thumb was inevitable. Subsequent attempts to explain to irritated parents that my expensive birthday present had "Fallen out of my hands", were ignored and I was sent to bed without any supper. Where I nearly starved to death. INJURY # 3: STREET FIGHTER 2 Super NES joypad/new Street Fighter 2 game/four hours of constant playing = blistered thumb. INJURY # 4: PLAYSTATION Having bust my original PlayStation lead using it to whip pygmies, I successfully scrounged a replacement off some small peripherals firm. Unfortunately, as is the nature of unlicensed hardware, it lived by its own rules. When that too recently broke, I attempt to remove the lead from the machine, only to find that it was wedged firm into the slot. Upon eventually yanking it free, my hand flew backwards into the fireplace surround, and I received a two inch gash across my forefinger. It's still bleeding even today.
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