The most frightening thing that ever happened to me was attending a corporate paintball day and finding a group of semi-professional paintballers already on-site.

These gentlemen, who for the sake of this preview I shall refer to as "idiots", had no need to hire guns from the site organisers, for they already had their own automatic paintball artillery.

Far more worryingly was the "accessory" one idiot was forced to hand over during the first pre-game briefing: a real twelve inch-long machete.

Whether he intended to use it for a spot of in-game whittling, or whether he just wanted to gut his opponents, will never be known.

Suffice to say, it's probably idiots who purchase America's infamous Soldier Of Fortune magazine. This monthly publication features gratuitous colour photographs and information on the various armed conflicts occurring around the globe at any one time.

Activision, knowing a good thing when it sees it, has purchased the computer game rights to the magazine, and is turning it into a 3D shoot 'em up as we speak with the help of the Quake 2 game engine, and developer Raven Software.

"The Soldier of Fortune license allows us to bring the appeal of first-person action shooters to broader PC audiences and to extend the genre to the present day political arena," lisps Robert Kotick, the big cheese at Activision.

"This game is as close as players can get to experiencing the dangers and thrills of authentic mercenary combat without having to ingest bad rations, suffer in sweltering heat and visit some frightening third world country," he continues.

Soldier of Fortune won't be your average PC shoot 'em up. Why, there are no aliens or demons to shoot, for a start.

"Soldier of Fortune is set to deliver more action, espionage and firepower than any other first person shooter on the market," hisses Brian Raffel, vice president of Raven Software.

"The game's authentic 3D environments and scenarios will realistically reflect today's intense conflicts as players dodge bullets and pummel, toast, shred and incinerate hordes of enemies.

"This will be the most realistic action simulation game you will ever see," whispers his friend, Robert K. Brown, publisher of Soldier Of Fortune Magazine. "It's like your whole computer comes alive."

Actually, it probably doesn't do that.