Am I Right - Song Parodies, Me Depressed: Tarzan's Lament

Song Parodies -> Me Depressed: Tarzan's Lament

"Be Our Guest" Based on the performance by Beauty And The Beast
"Me Depressed: Tarzan's Lament" Parody by Kristof Robertson

When Spaff posted his excellent "Eat The French", Phil Alexander kind of challenged me to come up with something for this OS...this was the best I could do...sorry! ;-)

Me depressed ! Me depressed!
Me no longer beat me chest
Jane, she didn't like my loincloth
So me wear a tie and vest
Should the Lord
Of the Apes
Spend his weekends choosing drapes?
Jane can be so darn malicious
(She reminds me I'm fictitious)
Once I'd chew…on fresh gnu
Now it's bean sprouts and tofu
Coz my manly figure's spreading east and west
I once was fit and able
Before we got cable
Me depressed! Me depressed! Me depressed!

Vine to vine
Jane and me
Now a bus runs past our tree
So the only time we swing
Is with our neighbours, Frank and Bea
[JANE]
He's a slob
Layabout
And he never takes me out
Not that this gal is complaining
Coz The Phantom's "entertaining"
In his tight…lycra suit
I'd give monkey-boy the boot
But that Disney cartoon was a huge success
We're getting ten percent
Sold out to pay the rent
A cashfest
He has messed
Coz my hubby's the wet-test
Who's depressed?
Go on, guess…
He's depressed!

[TARZAN]
Me depressed! Me depressed!
Me redundant, more or less
No free meals with Steven Speil-
Berg; there's no deal and no screen test
Kiddies want The Terminator
Not some fat guy rasslin' gators
Me been shunned! Me been spurned!
Even King Kong has returned
With that Ewok from New Zealand, by request
There's no film work, so me strips
At the Jungle Club, for tips
Bach'lorettes
Shout "undress!"
Me depressed…

Me depressed! Me depressed!
They say Prozac is the best
But there's nine-ty miles of vine
Between me and a pharmacist
There's no chance of romance
While I hang with elephants
Janey's far less than ecstatic
(Dumbo's not too aromatic)
Lion cubs, chimpanzees
Leave a legacy of fleas
And it seems that they've infested our love nest
It's time to ride that vine
In search of calamine
We're bit by pests
From our pets
It's the pits
Me depressed….

Life used to be fuller
Drinkin' beer with John Weissmuller
And Ron Ely; in Swahili we would swear
Ah, those good ol' days when I was top chimp
Suddenly those good ol' days ain't here
No more wild adventures
Since Cheetah got dementia
And we sold him to a zoo to pay the bills
Most days you'll find me in the village
Acting like a wino
Since Jane caught me with that rhino…

[3 MONTHS LATER…]

Me depressed! Me depressed!
Losing hair, because me stressed
The director for my movie's been announced…
It's Martin Brest!
"He's so great", they all lied
I watched Gigli, then I cried
In the National Geographic
Jane's revealed that she's gone Sapphic
Found a gal, scratched an itch
Shacked up with that Sheena b!tch
Hakuna (bleep) Matata? Sir, you jest…
The Lion King was heinous
But that warthog's now famous
I'll confess
I'm distressed
So depressed!

CLI-NI-C'LLY DE-PRESSED!

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User Comments Follow...

Adagio - November 09, 2005 10:14:12 AM - Report Inappropriate Comment

Good enough for a wide screen version! So entertaining and funny, Kristof. 5's

Tim Mayfield - November 09, 2005 11:08:05 AM - Report Inappropriate Comment

You've got a zoo full of grrrrreat lines here. Tarzan swings, but Jane swings both ways? That's new information... 5's

carol - November 09, 2005 11:25:54 AM - Report Inappropriate Comment

no apoligies for a good one. I liked it 555

alvin rhodes - November 09, 2005 11:32:18 AM - Report Inappropriate Comment

me like...you fives

Phil Alexander - November 09, 2005 11:49:10 AM - Report Inappropriate Comment

Whaddaya mean, "sorry"?
He's depressed?
Who'd have guessed?
I say this has passed the test
Makes one bitter.. I mean "titter"
Sung with gusto, cheer and zest
I'd call this
Number one
Do I have to carry on?
'Cause there ain't much point, amigo
Massaging a great big ego

...or something like that ;-)

Arwen - November 09, 2005 12:08:07 PM - Report Inappropriate Comment

Yeah, I knew with the wink after his pre-parody apology, that Kristof was actually very proud of this. And, rightfully so...it's FABulous, KR...lots and lots and LOTS of laughs!!

Kristof Robertson - November 09, 2005 1:13:29 PM - Report Inappropriate Comment

Thank you all!
Adagio: As long as you're director, sweetie...
Tim: What? You didn't know?? ;-)
Carol: glad you enjoyed it, mademoiselle!
Al: oooh-ooooh-eee-eee!! :-)
Phil: Ego? Moi? :-) Thanks for another of your impromptu verses, mate Arwen: She knows me SO well. I DID work pretty hard on this, and while IMHO it falls short of Spaff's work (as usual), I'm actually fairly pleased with it. Cheers!!!

AFW - November 09, 2005 1:43:54 PM - Report Inappropriate Comment

You're depressed...I'm impressed!...I give you my best Tarzan yell, for your triumph...."Ahhhhhhh...ahh..ah..ah...ah...ahhhhhhhhhhhh!"

Rex - November 09, 2005 1:51:28 PM - Report Inappropriate Comment

You should beat your chest with pride over this one. And you should sell this expose' to the Weekly World News.

Luke Brattoni - November 09, 2005 6:31:57 PM - Report Inappropriate Comment

Dentist, from outside a broken window: "OK Tarzan, let's try saying 'Aaah' a little softer this time."

Great parody, Kristof. 555

Red Ant - November 09, 2005 6:56:17 PM - Report Inappropriate Comment

I've no good puns to use here so I'll just say excellent parody Kristof. 555.

Kat - November 09, 2005 8:31:52 PM - Report Inappropriate Comment

(laughs until she falls out of chair)

Claude Prez - November 09, 2005 9:32:32 PM - Report Inappropriate Comment

Lotsa great lines. Hilarious. Me impressed.

Spaff.com - November 09, 2005 11:04:17 PM - Report Inappropriate Comment

Oh, to hell with your modesty, man. This is spectacular. TMGLTM. One of your best. Shall we just declare you the November SOTM winner now and save ourselves a bunch of trouble?

John Jenkins - November 09, 2005 11:19:21 PM - Report Inappropriate Comment

A lot of diversity in that humor. Very well done, Kristoff.

stuart mcarthur - November 10, 2005 12:03:29 AM - Report Inappropriate Comment

and you reckon I get an idea and run with it...

gee this est
yes this est
one of K. Robertson's best

grinning the whole way thru I was, but oddly the one that made me literally LOL was "I watched Gigli, then I cried" - but there were probaly 2 dozen funnier lines than that - brilliant stuff - 555

The Thought Police - November 10, 2005 12:13:27 AM - Report Inappropriate Comment

This is one VINE parody! Three fives!

Kristof Robertson - November 10, 2005 1:02:42 PM - Report Inappropriate Comment

Well, tarnation! Thanks for the feedback, everyone! Obviously I'm my own worst enemy when it comes to rating my work....
AFW: Beat that chest like you mean it, son! :-)
Rex: That's an idea! "Apeman checks into Betty Ford Clinic....":-)
Luke: *groan* ;-) Thanks, mate..
Red Ant: Thank you very much
Kat: Careful!!!! ;-)
Claude: Much appreciated, Mr Prez
Spaff: You're too kind. No, really...you are. Remember, there's still 20 days left in November. Thanks for inspiring me to do this one
John J: Diversity...I like it! Thanx
Stu: Est? Wha?? ;-) Thanks, amigo...I always look forward to your feedback. The Gigli line inexplicably tickled me as well...glad you enjoyed it.
TPP: *double groan with a cherry twist* ;-) Thanks for swingin' on in...OK, I'll stop now. Hee!

stuart mcarthur - November 11, 2005 5:40:27 PM - Report Inappropriate Comment

yes, I'm so erudite, I find myself accidentally slipping into Ancient Latin, just in everyday conversation, KR - I've never pretended not to be pretentious ;-)

Peter Andersson a.k.a K1chyd - December 04, 2005 10:33:39 AM - Report Inappropriate Comment

SOTM - I hear that gene modification are now being used to try to bridge the gap between pharmaceuticals and medical plants, hence one day soon antidepressives might come in the form of an adjusted banana (insert your own parody related joke here).

Dumb Ass Kid - December 08, 2005 2:42:44 PM - Report Inappropriate Comment

[SOTM] Fantastic.. couldn't stop laughing! SOTY!!! 555+

stuart mcarthur - December 09, 2005 7:45:59 AM - Report Inappropriate Comment

(SOTM) dense with, and dripping with, brilliance - literally TMGLTM because there's a gag a second - this one is just a pleasure to read - the title was funny but to then fill in the back-story and evolve it from there is another level of funny *applause*

Agrimorfee - December 09, 2005 11:26:19 AM - Report Inappropriate Comment

(ABC) This parody swings! 555

Agrimorfee - December 09, 2005 11:32:10 AM - Report Inappropriate Comment

D'ya ever have one of those days where you think you are judging entries for ABC but it's really SOTM? This is one one of those days for me. But anyway...

Josh 2 - December 10, 2005 6:10:23 AM - Report Inappropriate Comment

(SOTM) LOL LOLO LOL LOL 5s

Red Ant - December 11, 2005 1:16:21 AM - Report Inappropriate Comment

(SOTM) See above!

bobpiecheese - December 22, 2005 6:40:22 PM - Report Inappropriate Comment

(SOTM) I could only remember the first bit of the OS, but it was great. Brill pacing.

Adam Eccleshall - December 24, 2005 6:41:59 AM - Report Inappropriate Comment

(SOTM) 5's for this ode to the King & Queen of the swingers :-)

Ethan Mawyer - December 28, 2005 5:39:33 PM - Report Inappropriate Comment

(SOTM) Someone once said that these disney songs bring out the best in people, and its proven true once again. Great job - immediately fived after reading.

Tim Mayfield - December 28, 2005 9:36:27 PM - Report Inappropriate Comment

SOTM - Again, greattt stuff.

wannabemustangjockey - December 29, 2005 10:39:30 AM - Report Inappropriate Comment

(SOTM) Whoa......this is Spaff-quality work here. (And it isn't just because he did this came OS last month either). I love all the references to other jungle residents ... you even got the Phantom in there! So Jane fell for the only guy dumb enough to wear a purple jumpsuit in a place as humid as the jungle? Hmm... Excellent job.

Johnny D - December 30, 2005 9:47:04 PM - Report Inappropriate Comment

(SOTM) "Jane's revealed that she's gone Sapphic" ... "Shacked up with that Sheena bitch" ... LOL !! And I kid you not --- I know the woman who did all the fight-scene-grunt-and-groan-voice-overs for Gena Lee Nolins' fight sequences! She and her hubby used to run a bed-and-breakfast in Bar Harbor.

Matthias - December 31, 2005 11:28:18 AM - Report Inappropriate Comment

I guess I didn't vote for this one yet. Well, you know what they say save the best for last. Try not to be too depressed.

Claude Prez - December 31, 2005 2:11:28 PM - Report Inappropriate Comment

A pleasure to revisit. TMGLTM, since I forgot last time.

Rick C - December 31, 2005 3:20:18 PM - Report Inappropriate Comment

One of the commentors said this was a laugh a second. That about sums it up. Me read, me laugh, me read again, me laugh again. Spectacular job, sir! Happy New Year!

2nz - January 02, 2006 2:06:44 AM - Report Inappropriate Comment

Just when I'm convinced I can't get sicker of a Disney song... you go and write a parody that makes it bearable again. Great work here, Kristof. Bro should get on a reality show now that he's all depressed. TV audiences eat that stuff up. You've got a right to be proud.

And for the record, I think the Crocodile hunter would give the Terminator a run for his money.

Kristof Robertson - January 03, 2006 10:39:47 AM - Report Inappropriate Comment

A big jungle thanks to everyone who dropped in, read, voted, commented etc, etc....and Happy New Year!

MasonR - January 04, 2006 2:56:17 PM - Report Inappropriate Comment

Wow! How did I miss this? Others have said it already, but...this is one of your best!

Huff - January 15, 2006 11:26:30 PM - Report Inappropriate Comment

It's really to bad that I just got to this one. (Some of you might have noticed my silence... I'm coming up with new stuff.) Anyways, this is worthy of a professional parodist's album. Very well done, and the beat never gets off. Laughs from the beginning to the end. The whole thing from switching from Jane to Tarzan was something I really liked. Not to mention it's a parody of a frickin Disney Theme lol. Congrats on winning the Nov. contest. You earned it. 555.