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Chess History Quiz
Humor: Who said this?

By  Daren Dillinger

To see the answers:

  • highlight the space between the: >>>  <<< , OR

  • you can scroll down to below the last question to read the answers there also.

Who said this...

1.)     "(Chess) is so interesting in itself. . .Those who have leisure for such diversions, cannot find one that is more innocent . . . but advantageous to the vanquished as well as the victor."

     ANSWER>>> Benjamin Franklin in his essay Morals of Chess, written in 1779.  <<<

2.)      "Chess books should be used as we use glasses -- to assist the sight; although some players make use of them as if they thought they conferred sight."

     ANSWER>>> Former World Champion Jose Capablanca.  <<<

3.)      "Women are weakies, I can give any woman in the world knight odds and beat them."

     ANSWER>>> Bobby Fischer.  <<<

4.)      "Feets don't fail me now!"

     ANSWER>>> Said by Bobby Fischer when he lived in Hungary, as he did an abrupt about-face and started running upon seeing the Polgar sisters walking down the street in downtown Budapest. - 1999.  <<<

5.)      "Yes I'll play a match with Paul Morphy, we just need to get the match conditions to my liking."

     ANSWER>>> Said by Howard Staunton during 1858 and until Morphy had to leave Europe in May of 1859 to come back home to the United States (no match was ever played).  <<<

6.)     "Yes I'll play a match with (insert one; Anatoly Karpov, Garry Kasparov, Victor Korchnoi, Henrique Mecking, Yasser Seirawan, Susan Polgar, Judit Polgar, Nona Gaprindashvili, Maya Chiburdanidze or Diane Savareide), we just need to get the match conditions to my liking."

     ANSWER>>> Said by Bobby Fischer breaking the one year record of Staunton by 19 years. Extra credit: what question did Fischer ask, just before saying yes to the Spassky match in 1992? ("Yeah, well Boris has slipped out of the top 100 FIDE rated players...right?")  <<<

7.)      "Just ignore my girlfriend sitting behind me in the gallery...she's the one in the front chair with the low-cut, tight semi-transparent halter top, in the micro-mini skirt."

     ANSWER>>> Said by Walter Browne to various opponents during his amazing string of tournament victories during the 70s and 80s.  <<<

8.)      "I'm not paranoid, everyone really is out to get me!!"

     ANSWER>>> Bobby Fischer, but also full credit for Rustam Kamsky.  <<<

9.)      "Wadda ya mean the lighting's not okay in the corner - I loaned you a flashlight didn't I?"

     ANSWER>>> "Fast Eddy", the psycho tournament director.  <<<

10.)    "You have, let us say, a promising politician, a rising artist that you wish to destroy. Dagger or bomb are archaic, clumsy, and unreliable -- but teach him, inoculate him with chess! Our statesmen would sit with pocket boards while the country went to the devil, and our breadwinners would forget their wives in seeking after impossible mates."

     ANSWER>>> Said by H. G. Wells in 'Concerning Chess', 1901  <<<

11.)   "No, I will not bring Howdy Doody out to tell some jokes" said at various tournaments by?

     ANSWER>>> Said at various tournaments by past U. S. Chess Federation President (and Senior Tournament Director), "Buffalo" Bob Smith.  <<<

12.)    "Thanks for the game...I have to go potty now."

     ANSWER>>> Said after a game by 1999 National Kindergarten Champion, Jan Vincent Jaro, from Jacksonville, Florida.  <<<

13.)    "Thanks for the game...I have to go smoke some pot now."

     ANSWER>>> Said by W. J. "Weed" Clinton after his game as a member of the Georgetown University Chess Team vs. the Harvard Chess Team, 1967.  <<<

14.)    "Winning isn't everything... but losing is nothing."

     ANSWER>>> Edmar Mednis, on the importance of fighting for a draw.  <<<

15.)    "When you are lonely, when you feel yourself an alien in the world, play chess. This will raise your spirits and be your counselor in war."

     ANSWER>>> Aristotle  <<<

Answers

1.)     "(Chess) is so interesting in itself. . .Those who have leisure for such diversions, cannot find one that is more innocent . . . but advantageous to the vanquished as well as the victor."

     ANSWER>>> Benjamin Franklin in his essay Morals of Chess, written in 1779.  <<<

2.)      "Chess books should be used as we use glasses -- to assist the sight; although some players make use of them as if they thought they conferred sight."

     ANSWER>>> Former World Champion Jose Capablanca.  <<<

3.)      "Women are weakies, I can give any woman in the world knight odds and beat them."

     ANSWER>>> Bobby Fischer.  <<<

4.)      "Feets don't fail me now!"

     ANSWER>>> Said by Bobby Fischer when he lived in Hungary, as he did an abrupt about-face and started running upon seeing the Polgar sisters walking down the street in downtown Budapest. - 1999.  <<<

5.)      "Yes I'll play a match with Paul Morphy, we just need to get the match conditions to my liking."

     ANSWER>>> Said by Howard Staunton during 1858 and until Morphy had to leave Europe in May of 1859 to come back home to the United States (no match was ever played).  <<<

6.)     "Yes I'll play a match with (insert one; Anatoly Karpov, Garry Kasparov, Victor Korchnoi, Henrique Mecking, Yasser Seirawan, Susan Polgar, Judit Polgar, Nona Gaprindashvili, Maya Chiburdanidze or Diane Savareide), we just need to get the match conditions to my liking."

     ANSWER>>> Said by Bobby Fischer breaking the one year record of Staunton by 19 years. Extra credit: what question did Fischer ask, just before saying yes to the Spassky match in 1992? ("Yeah, well Boris has slipped out of the top 100 FIDE rated players...right?")  <<<

7.)      "Just ignore my girlfriend sitting behind me in the gallery...she's the one in the front chair with the low-cut, tight semi-transparent halter top, in the micro-mini skirt."

     ANSWER>>> Said by Walter Browne to various opponents during his amazing string of tournament victories during the 70s and 80s.  <<<

8.)      "I'm not paranoid, everyone really is out to get me!!"

     ANSWER>>> Bobby Fischer, but also full credit for Rustam Kamsky.  <<<

9.)      "Wadda ya mean the lighting's not okay in the corner - I loaned you a flashlight didn't I?"

     ANSWER>>> "Fast Eddy", the psycho tournament director.  <<<

10.)    "You have, let us say, a promising politician, a rising artist that you wish to destroy. Dagger or bomb are archaic, clumsy, and unreliable -- but teach him, inoculate him with chess! Our statesmen would sit with pocket boards while the country went to the devil, and our breadwinners would forget their wives in seeking after impossible mates."

     ANSWER>>> Said by H. G. Wells in 'Concerning Chess', 1901  <<<

11.)   "No, I will not bring Howdy Doody out to tell some jokes" said at various tournaments by?

     ANSWER>>> Said at various tournaments by past U. S. Chess Federation President (and Senior Tournament Director), "Buffalo" Bob Smith.  <<<

12.)    "Thanks for the game...I have to go potty now."

     ANSWER>>> Said after a game by 1999 National Kindergarten Champion, Jan Vincent Jaro, from Jacksonville, Florida.  <<<

13.)    "Thanks for the game...I have to go smoke some pot now."

     ANSWER>>> Said by W. J. "Weed" Clinton after his game as a member of the Georgetown University Chess Team vs. the Harvard Chess Team, 1967.  <<<

14.)    "Winning isn't everything... but losing is nothing."

     ANSWER>>> Edmar Mednis, on the importance of fighting for a draw.  <<<

15.)    "When you are lonely, when you feel yourself an alien in the world, play chess. This will raise your spirits and be your counselor in war."

     ANSWER>>> Aristotle  <<<


SCORING - One  point for each correct answer:

16-20:   You cheated!

12-15:   A genius

  9-11:   Smart

  5-8:     A little dense

   0-4:    You don't know your head from a hole in the ground.


By the way, only answers 1, 2, 3, 5, 6 (extra credit is parody), 10, 14 and 15 are correct; the other entries are for parody purposes only.


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