The Great Pawn Hunter
Chess Tutorial
Outside the school, the birds were chirping and a chess player was planting flowers. Another was scraping a rusty old entrance gate to the detention hall for trouble makers. My friends, it was the Great Pawn Hunter, in the thick of it, and here is his story...
It was the last day of March. The Talker was busy at the teacher's desk, studying for the surprise mathematics quiz which was held every Tuesday, tomorrow to be precise. The Great Pawn Hunter and the Restless Knight were at Castle French Fry, their favorite place to eat, meet friends, and play chess. Now the Restless Knight was eating a healthy salad. She couldn't help but glance over and see the Great Pawn Hunter eat his messy, greasy, slimy hamburger. "Great Pawn Hunter," said Restless "Have you ever thought of being a vegetarian?" The Great Pawn Hunter looked at her and then at his food. Then, with a sudden role of the eyes, like a great white shark before it devours its prey, the Great Pawn Hunter took a bite out of his hamburger. Her question didn't phase him a bit. He just answered her, half chewing and sipping his soda at the same time. "I am a vegetarian!" said he with a glug, glug and a slurp.
Well, the Restless Knight was confused to say the least. "What do you mean your a vegetarian? You are eating a hamburger. Doesn't that come from a cow?" said she. The Great Pawn Hunter replied "I am a vegetarian by mathematics!" Well, the Restless Knight had to see this through to its ultimate conclusion...that the Great Pawn Hunter had flipped his lid, and was crazy as a loon. For, not all of his eggs were surely in the same basket.
The Great Pawn Hunter continued with his unerring line of reasoning. "Have you ever heard of the Mathematical Law of Association?" asked he. The Restless Knight smiled a perplexed smile and raised her eyebrow "Yes, go on," said she. The Restless Knight couldn't wait to hear this one. "Well," said the Great Pawn Hunter "the law states 'if (A equals B) and (B equals C) then (A equals C)' Am I right?" said he. "So far, go on" said she. "Now, if I eat the cow and the cow eats the plants then I am eating the plants too. Therefore, I am a vegetarian by Association," said the Great Pawn Hunter "Ladies and gentlemen of the jury, " said he to the air around him "I rest my case." and he took another bite of his hamburger. The Restless Knight said to her self "I was right he has lost it." "You can't argue with facts Restless," said the Great Pawn Hunter "It's a law of science. Do you want a bite?" and he took a sip of his soda. Now, Restless weighed her reply carefully. But, quite frankly, she thought "One of the bubbles in his soda went straight to his brain!" However, she replied skirting the obvious "I'll have a french fry" said she. My friends, he pushed over his carton of french fries.
Well, the next day came, April Fools Day, and the bell for home room ended. It was time for the mathematics test. The teacher passed out the tests and asked the students to pass them over their heads to the ones behind them. All the students sat with butterflies in their stomachs, except for the Great Pawn Hunter who knew his subject well, and the Talker who, for some curious reason, didn't. But, he didn't seem to care. The Talker had his mind on other things. "Plotting and planning is all in a days work. It's too much for one scoundrel to take. But, I'll handle it!" thought he to himself.
As the Great Pawn Hunter passed back the tests, he looked around the classroom. He saw the Restless Knight in the first row. Gradually, he looked down to the back row where he saw the Talker smiling back at him, and it was a mischievous smile at that. This unnerved the Great Pawn Hunter, something was up. He looked back at the Talker a second time. The Talker was chewing bubble gum. He stretched some from his teeth and put it back in his mouth without the teacher seeing him do it, for he was in stealth mode.
Well, the Great Pawn Hunter kept his gum in his desk. He got an uneasy feeling. "Maybe, the Talker is chewing my bubble gum!" thought he. So, he lifted the lid of his desk and peeked inside.
But, what he saw was an opened mathematics book. He tried to close the lid of his desk and noticed two feet next to him. He looked up. It was the teacher. Her name was Louise but the students called her "Big Louie". She opened the cover of his desk and there before her was the mathematics book turned to the page that the test was on.
Well, Big Louie was 6 feet tall and had a grin that could scare a rhinoceros. She had teeth so big she could bite your head off in one chomp. She picked up his book and ripped it in two with the strength of a wooly mammoth! Then, she took the Great Pawn Hunter by the ear and ushered the Great Pawn Hunter out of the room to the principal's office. From there, he found he was sentenced to serve two weeks of detention. Now, my friends, where's the love? I say where's the love in that?
Well, he walked through that rusty old gate of detention hall, up the steps and through the doors. He entered the room, where the monitor was on duty, ready to punish the Great Pawn Hunter, alias 'Prisoner 1803'. Now, the classroom monitor, "Sarg" as the prisoners called him, was an ex-marine. He liked to write poetry, read his bible, and play chess. However, because of his size, rumors were spread that he ate students for breakfast! Sarg pointed to where the Great Pawn Hunter was to sit without a word being spoken.
The Great Pawn Hunter took his place next to another student who was very sad and troubled. The students name was 'Shrubs'. He was always seen planting flowers and weeding the garden outside the detention hall. Shrubs just sat there writing a poem to himself. The poem read:
My lot in life
is weeding plants,
getting in trouble,
stepping on ants.
But some day
I won't be
planting daisies,
in detention,
with all these crazies.
I'll be free
sailing the sea,
without some schemer
harassing me.
If you come
upon my ship,
don't be brash,
don't be flip.
Because this pirate
shoots from the hip!
Your mast will fall.
Your ship will tip
and you won't give me
no more lip.
Yes, I'll be free
sailing the sea
without some schemer
harassing me.
Now, Sarg got up and went out of the room to do an errand. The Great Pawn Hunter asked Shrubs what he was in for. Shrubs told him he was innocent. Some schemer had opened a book inside his desk during a test. Well, the Great Pawn Hunter was surprised to say the least. The Great Pawn Hunter told him his story and they smiled, birds of a feather. Whoever the culprit was, he was a scoundrel.
Now, there was a chess set in the back of the detention room. The Great Pawn Hunter asked about it. Shrubs said that Sarg played the game but he dared not ask him to play. Shrubs was too scared of Sarg. In fact, with all the schemes he had fallen into, he was scared of everyone.
Well, when Sarg came back into the room, the Great Pawn Hunter sat there for a few minutes, trying to build some courage. Then, his hand slowly rose from his desk. "What is it that you want?" said Sarg. The Great Pawn Hunter summoned all the courage he could muster. However, he could only get half his words out "Could I teach" said the Great Pawn Hunter. Sarg interrupted "Are you being flip young man. Sarg got up from his desk and slowly walked over with ruler in hand. Well, the Great Pawn Hunter closed his eyes. This couldn't be happening. Then, he realized he better finish his sentence before he met his agonizing fate. "Could I teach chess to Shrubs?" blurted the Great Pawn Hunter.
Well, Sarg's stern look turned into a smile. "Oh, that's what you were asking." said he. Sarg gave it some thought "Chess does stimulate minds" But, before he could answer, the Great Pawn Hunter said "I promise I won't get into any more trouble if I can help it." Well, this is all that Sarg needed to hear. He was tough when it came to setting one straight but a marshmallow when one decided to follow the right path. To him, chess was a step in the right direction. Sarg said "Yes" and pointed them to the chess board. After Shrubs learned some hypermodern ideas, it was clear, to the Great Pawn Hunter, that Shrubs was a natural hypermodern player. They played the following hypermodern game of chess, with bishops fianchettoed on the long diagonals. Shrubs played white and the Great Pawn Hunter played black:
After the game was over, they sat back in their seats, Sarg said they could stay inside but he did need two volunteers to work outside in the yard. Well, anything was better than being couped up in detention hall on a fresh Spring day, the chess players took him up on his offer.
Shrubs weeded the garden. The Great Pawn Hunter started to scrape the rusty old gate of detention hall when Big Louie came up in back of the Great Pawn Hunter. "I have to tell you something," said Big Louie "I made a terrible mistake." Yes, my friends, she apologized for she came to the sudden realization 'if it was a surprise test, the Great Pawn Hunter would never had known what page to turn to in the mathematics book." Someone had framed him! Who that someone was, well, you can guess. But, I won't tell you.
Now, Big Louie went into the detention hall to talk to Sarg and the prisoners were freed. All they had to do was put their yard tools away. As they closed the rusty old gate to detention hall, the Great Pawn Hunter turned to Shrubs and said "Shrubs, there is nothing like your first tournament win. Chess grows on you." "Like a weed?" said Shrubs. "No," said the Great Pawn Hunter "Like a flower!"
and the Great Pawn Hunter leaves you with this piece of wisdom:
A seed needs fertile soil.
It grows for a gardener
who will work and toil.
It's good for the water
to get down to the roots.
Soon, the plant is
covered in shoots.
In Winter months, it's
covered in snow
It waits till Spring
for it to grow.
For everything has a season
and the blossom explains
God's good reason:
To grow, my friends, to grow.
The Great Pawn Hunter
Copyright © Manus Patrick Fealy 1994-2003
Game
(1) Stohl,I (2550) - Kindermann,S (2565) [A81]
Mitropa Cup Portoroz (3), 1998
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