ROCKY HORROR SOUTH PARK SHOW II: SOUTH PARK TREATMENT A South Park/Shock Treatment Crossover ["Shock Treatment" is the sequel to "Rocky Horror"] By Arthur Levesque -- bs@boog.org -- http://boog.org [This is a work in progress -- last modified, 24 March 1998] [The screen is black. We hear a voice, BEBE] Bebe: This is the story of South Park. Lights! [The lights come up. We are seeing Bebe's face in close-up.] Bebe: Once upon a time, in a town called South Park, there lived a real smart guy. His life was smart. His family was smart. Even his favorite candy was "Smarties". But he was still not satisfied. His friends were complete morons. So he decided to share his smart lifestyle with someone else - a cute little girl. Trouble was, she already had a boyfriend... [And with a "boing!" sound effect, the camera pulls back and the "South Park Treatment Overture" begins. The camera pans across a large billboard hanging from the rafters which says "South Park, the Home of Hamburgers". As the camera angle moves, we see that we are in the auditorium of South Park Elementary School. The seats are filled with the parents of students, with other people making their way in. The mayor, trying to walk and talk on her cellular phone at the time, bumps into Kyle's mother] Kyle's mother: Whoops! Mayor (into phone): Sorry, I just ran into one of these fat hicks... Kyle's mother: Wha-wha-what? [The camera tracks the Mayor as she walks to her seat, which is being reserved by her security squad. As she sits down, the camera continues to move, panning past a banner which reads "It's Gotta Be SP-TV!" The camera finally turns toward the stage, where we see the children taking positions next to some large letters which spell "SOUTH PARK". Zoom in on Kyle, dressed in what Mister Garrison thinks an orthodox Jew would wear, standing behind a huge dreidel with an "O" on it; speaking to Cartman, behind a big cheesy-poof shaped like a "U"] Kyle: Good luck, Cartman! Cartman (gnawing at the giant Cheesy Poof): Yeah, whatever... [Bebe has just taken her position by a huge Barbie Playhouse shaped like an "H". She is dressed as a cheerleader, and looks around nervously. She sees Stan and Wendy run out from backstage. Wendy is also dressed as a cheerleader, and runs to join Bebe. Stan, dressed as a cowboy, takes his position next to the big "S" which is painted with spots to look like a cow.] Stan: What are we gonna do, Wendy? Wendy: It's alright, Stan, everything's gonna be alright. [The camera pulls back to show the entire stage... That Pigpen-esque kid is dressed like Officer Barbrady and is standing next to the "T", which has a brick face and barred windows like a jail. Terrence is standing next to a "P" designed to look like his father's Genetic Engineering Ranch, his two friends are next to a bright pink "A", Pip is standing in front of an "R" which is striped like the Union Jack, and Kenny is standing to the left of a "K" made out of giant scotch bottles. Phillip Glass, off to the side, hits four notes on his keyboard to start the song...] SOUTH PARK, SOUTH PARK (to the tune of "Denton, USA") STAN You'll find greys and cows Chef does the nasty And Jimbo's Guns Tom's Rhinoplasty In South Park KYLE I'll sing the dreidel song For my mother's sake CARTMAN I'll get buffed up Beefcake, beefcake! KYLE In South Park PIGPEN There's nothing to see Not a thingy-dingy Cartman's mom is real clingy CARTMAN Hey! KYLE South Park students do their duties CARTMAN And South Park girls are full of cooties WENDY & BEBE You may call us a bunch of cracker rednecks But we have lots of drugs and good sex In S - O - U - T - H Park You know our bite is worse than our bark! CARTMAN If you're looking for a lot of pizzas Call Domino's of Little Caesar's KYLE Shut up, you fat hog CARTMAN I'm just doing my job KYLE You're a slob! AUDIENCE South Park, South Park Your humor is so dark You're where Kenny dies, you're OK! South Park, South Park We've got "Spin"'s lowest mark We never say "No" We've got lots of snow In South Park, South Park USA! TERRENCE This is the armpit of America TERRENCE'S FRIENDS We're stuck in this school all day TERRENCE This is where I study genetics TERRENCE'S FRIENDS Everyone here is gay... PIP Transfer here, I'm sure you will adapt. STAN Be quiet, Pip! KYLE Everybody hates you! CARTMAN And we think all French people are full of crap! AUDIENCE South Park, South Park Your humor is so dark You're where Kenny dies, you're OK! South Park, South Park We've got "Spin"'s lowest mark We never say "No" We've got lots of snow In South Park, South Park USA! [Audience stands] South Park, South Park Your humor's so dark You're where Kenny dies, you're OK! South Park, South Park We've got "Spin"'s lowest mark We never say "No" We've got lots of snow In South Park, South Park USA! [Audience sits. The big "K" falls over on Kenny, but he crawls out from under it and signals that he's OK. Enter Mister Garrison; as he speaks, the children leave the stage and carry off their letters]