In Lampertsheim the arbiter announced the disqualification of a player before
round seven. Volker Widmann explained what had happened: "In the sixth
round a player came to me and said he suspected his opponent, W.S. from L.,
was using illicit aids during the game. He often left the board for protracted
periods of time to go to the toilet, even when (especially when) it was his
turn to play. He had done this in earlier rounds against other players as well.
I watched W.S. and noticed that he played a number of moves very rapidly and
then disappeared in the toilet. I followed him and could hear no sound coming
from the stall. I looked under the door and saw that his feet were pointing
sideways, so that he could not have been using the toilet. So I entered the
neigbouring stall, stood on the toilet bowl and looked over the dividing wall.
I saw W.S. standing there with a handheld PC which displayed a running chess
program. He was using a stylus to operate it.
I immediately disqualified the player. When confronted he claimed that he was
only checking his emails, so I asked him to show me the computer, which he refused
to do. There are witnesses for my investigation in the toilet, and we will ask
the chess federation of our state to ban the player from playing in other tournaments."
A full report on the Lamprechtsheim Open with games and tables is available
at http://www.schachland.de/turniere.htm
Editorial comment
Many great ideas in the history of mankind were born in the shower. Or in the
toilet. But computer-assisted ideas during chess tournaments are frowned upon.
It is immoral and unethical to use our hand-held program to find a refutation
to the combination your opponent has just played. It is even more dishonourable
to use the little device to consult the giant online database that is maintained
by ChessBase in Hamburg and contains over two million games. Or the truly gigantic
online openings tree, where the program gives you full statistics on each move.
That is just plain wrong!
However, if in spite of our admonitions anyone should decide to actually use
Pocket Fritz to enhance his performance, the least he or she can do is to avoid
getting caught. The manual clearly give instructions on how to do this. We bring
you a summary extract with pictures taken by our German ChessBase colleagues.
Now this is the wrong way of going about it. Obviously the cheat has
not protected himself from the prying eyes of arbiters who may look over the
top of the stall.
This is much better. The use of an umbrella is highly recommended, but the
cheat is still getting it wrong: the pocket PC screen is visible to an arbiter
looking into the stall from above.
Correct! The arbiter will simply assume that the player is protecting himself
from an unexpected downpour of rain.
Note that you should restrict your visits to the toilet to three or four during
a game. Going to the loo after every single move will doubtless raise suspicion,
and the arbiter may in fact demand that you do not take the umbrella with you
the next time.
In order to conceal your Pocket Fritz during a chess game third party vendors
have come up with some interesting solutions. We have tested the elegant winter
hat shown in the above picture and are able to confirm that it completely conceals
a Pocket PC with the program installed on it.
With this hat and an umbrella nobody will look twice when you slip into the
toilet to check the position with your Pocket
Fritz.
André Schulz/8.1.2003
Dentophonics
Soon after publishing the above article we received the following missive from
David Levy, the President of the International Computer Games Association
(ICGA),
one of the sanctioning bodies of the Kasparov vs Deep
Junior match.
David writes:
No need to visit the toilet! I suggest that Chessbase should start a new service
to modify fillings in teeth to receive sound signals. You will recall that Fischer
had all his fillings removed because he knew the Russians were beaming waves
at him through his teeth. Presumably they were advising him to play weak moves.
There would be an inital dental charge and then a monthly subscription. The
amount of the subscription would depend on whether a player wanted to receive
only the best moves, or the moves and current score for the position, or some
other service such as all the openings data for the opponent from the current
position. The subscription could also vary according to the current ranking
of the program being accessed.
Revenue streams would be:
- Commission on the dental fees.
- Subscription income for receipt of moves etc.
- A percentage of prize money won.
- Bonus payments when a subscriber gets the FM, IM or GM title (etc.)
For suggesting the idea I should receive 5% of Chessbase's net income from
the scheme. Please ask your patent agent to resigister this idea. I suggest
we launch the service in New York later this month – they have plenty of
dentists there.
Nice one, Centurion
From Vishy Anand we received the following short email: "Great article on Alwermann
II. Nice one centurion, liked it."
For the uninitiated: Alwermann was a German chess player who was caught some
years ago getting moves via radio transmission from Fritz. He won a GM tournament
in that way. The centurion is from the Life of Brian, where an ancient
prisoner named Ben has deep admiration for his Roman captors. The scene ends
with this exchange:
Centurion: Pilate wants to see you!
Brian: Pilate? What does he want to see me for?
Centurion: I think he wants to know which way up you want to be crucified.
Ben: Oh, ha ha ha haa! Ha haa! Nice one, Centurion. Like it. Like it.
Centurion: Shut up!
Ben: Right. Right. (Reverentially) Terrific race, the Romans. Terrific.
Here's
a transcript of the whole scene.