its not just iPods.. i guess its peoples attitude more than anything.

I'd rather listen to my tunes.

Isolationism rules.

These days in big cities, if the lips are moving, there's probably a cell phone in one ear - often hands-free.

This is a bad example.

Although meeting new people and engaging in conversation is usually a very nice thing, talking on airplanes is BAD! Flying is stressful enough without me having to entertain the person next to me.

Other than that, I agree with you. We should try and be a little friendlier in other situations!

Take a look at this book. It's a sociology book about how the walkman was just a symptom of an increasinly more the individualistic society

Doing Cultural Studies: The Story of the Sony Walkman (Culture, Media & Identities, Vol. 1) (Culture, Media and Identities series) (Paperback)
by Paul du Gay, Stuart Hall, Linda Janes, Hugh Mackay, Keith Negus "Do you own a 'personal stereo'?..." (more)

I agree with your daughter. Did passenger 57 notice DeeDee was listening to an iPod? If so that is a pretty good indication that DeeDee did not want to converse.

I wear my iPod all day (listening to Suspicious Minds by The Fine Young Cannibals) at work. On rare occasions (because most people know now) someone is tentative in interrupting my. But I am almost always interruptible. The music is never so important that I can't be talked to.

We're caught in a trap
I can't walk out
Because I love you too much, baby

first of all i have to say that whoever this woman was that chose to disrupt your friends privacy because of her own selfish need to be chatty, or likeable, or accepted, deserves to be ignored. lets face it they were strangers. it not like this woman had anything important to share with your friend Dee Dee. no life saving first aid information that might get her out of a stand off with a grizzly if ever trapped in the woods. she wanted to make small talk. and in my opinion rudely thought so little of your friend or so highly of herself that she felt completely comfortable continuing a meaningless conversation with someone who niether welcomed or encouraged her company. comunication is a two way street that requres interest by BOTH partys. such as this forum. i was intersted in your comments so i responded. you may have no interst in my comments, if so the conversation is over. if i see someone rocking a pair of headphones i have enough respect for them and there privacy not to interupt them with a meaningless conversation that they are clearly not interested in. the only conversations worth my time are ones where i share a common interest with or in someone. the fool that chooses to impose there will on me because they lack the ETIQUETTE of allowing me the luxury of my privacy will be sternly met with a blank stare and the volume clicker on my ipod receiving a few guiltless clicks north.

I'm sure what you wrote was reasonable, but because there were so few pointers to how to read it (paragraphs, capital letters at start of sentences), my brain gave up after a few lines.

Like to try again?

This is one of those things I HATE myself. You are seeing the other person for the first and last time in your WHOLE life, yet they insist on yelling you their life story. Like I care?? I hate when the other person talks to you on a plane. The iPod is exactly what you need on a flight. Total isolation, and the other person should get the hint, and bug off already.

As an introvert who literally gets tired being "on" for people, the iPod is a great way for me to put the shields up, so I sympathise with Dee Dee. If it were me stuck in flight beside chatty Patty there, I might have become very irritated, and even ended up saying or doing something rude -- especially if I needed some down time right then.

I won't always keep my earbuds in if a stranger addresses me -- sometimes I'll switch off the iPod and start gabbing. Conversely, I might even switch it off to initiate a conversation with a stranger if the stranger looks interesting enough.

In that case, however, if THEY aren't interested in talking to me, I would be a boor to impose myself on them. I expect the same courtesy: if I'm not pulling out my earbuds, take that as a polite suggestion to leave me alone. Etiquette should apply to all parties.

I ride the train to downtown Chicago everyday. Before I got an iPod I seen hundreds of people using their iPods on the train and on the streets downtown. I wondered at the time if we were becoming a tuned out society with our wireless phones, laptops, portable DVDs, and iPods. I made it a point to be receptive to anyone who engaged me on the train. During the months no one ever really talked to me except for a guy who worked for Apple. He noticed all the Apple books I was reading and started a conversation. Outside of that, people were content to do their own thing.

Now *I* have an iPod and I read and listen to tunes or podcasts in oblivion to what others are doing. I figure that I gave them thier chance.

Interesting post!

--- Carl - www.switchedtomac.com

Some people live to talk and some talk to live. I would bet that the other passenger wanted to talk, but she that wasn't too interested in listening to DeeDee. This is neither bad or good, it just is the yin and yang, though I seemed to be yinged a lot and thus I pod.

There is some middle ground here. I have an iPod that I use at work. It's usually turned down so low that I can still hear people if they are trying to get my attention. When a song comes along that demands some volume (Dance of the Knights, for instance), I'll pump it up, and loud enough that people know I've tuned out for a moment.

In my workspace, which is a booth in an open space office of about 80 people, about 20 TVs, two inkjet plotters, six fax machines, four MFDs, and a whole bunch of senior staff with their heads up their arses, it's not only desirable but necessary for one's sanity to be able to tune out. Sometimes, it's the only way to meet a deadline - to actually be rude to people by ignoring them when they wish to indulge in trivialities that are superfluous to getting an urgent job compeleted and, as another poster mentioned, an iPod can make a great social barrier/shield in is circumstance.

OTOH, people who can't balance their need for iPod time with the need for socialisation will only end up with what they deserve - growing old and lonely.

I have read stories from about 100 years ago by Saki, Booth Tarkington, and others, of people who read on the train or interurban who were annoyed by people who felt the need to chat to them in spite of their reading at the time.

The more things change ...

It's very possible that the person on the plane was frightened. Fear of flying is, even in this day, surprisingly common. Personally I'd rather chat with someone on the plane than have then freak on takeoff. That said though, there are times when I'd rather read and iPod than converse.

I do find it rather amusing that some of the same people that use their iPod as a shield to avoid interacting with other people will take a cell phone call and talk so loudly that the passengers waiting at the next gate know their life story.

So little etiquette, so much time.

What about DeeDee's choice to want to be isolated? I find it rude when you flip the coin. I can't count how many times I've been walking down the street and someone comes up to me to ask for a cigarette or something and don't even try to catch my attention before they start rambling....it's not like my iPod headphones are invisible. If I were to see someone on the street walking with their headphones on, I'd assume that they were listening to something. Yet, these people walk up to me and start taking, so I reach into my pocket and press pause and ask them to repeat themselves. Hello? I was listening to music?!?! Flag me down first so that I have a chance to take an earbud out or press pause beofre you start blabbering on. Some people like isolation once in a while...how about respect for their choice? I got 23 hours to meet new people...give me an hour to myself at least.

As a college professor, I have found that I have to lay down ground rules for mp3 players at the beginning of the term. I say I've got an iPod, too, and I don't mind if you use one in class (this is not a lecture course), but if I walk up and start talking to you, please remove the earbuds so I know you are hearing me. Otherwise they'll look at me and nod, and I have no idea if they hear anything I'm saying.

...couldn't hear you typing; there's a great song on my iPod Shuffle right now. wanna listen?!

MacSpudster
(Brian @ TMO won't gimme my password because he wants me to send an email from the IP address wherein I signed up. But I NO LONGER HAVE that ISP service, so I can't get that IP address! Hello, McFly?!!!!)

"I was tired," DeeDee said defensively. "I just wanted to relax and listen to music, but the woman wouldn't stop talking to me."

What if she'd been reading a book? Would we even be having this conversation? No, I don't think we would. Think about that.

Dale Chapman Webb, as erudite as he might be, likely has an office with walls and door - and can close it when he needs to concentrate. How much time has he spent in cube farm with walls low enough that anyone over 5'4" tall can glance over?

We live in an increasingly crowded society. A busy society. Our privacy is being actively eroded in innumerable ways. Few people can take a year out of their life to pull a Walden. As a parent, spouse, homeowner, and worker, I'm lucky if I can get out to the nearby mountains for a day hike once or twice a year.

That people are choosing small ways to reclaim their personal space in tiny increments shouldn't surprise anyone. All that seems to make it noteworthy is that more and more are choosing the same way - a pair of white earbuds.

I agree with the majority of the commenters that you have too simple an opinion. It is not the case that all people whatsoever have an automatic right of stealing my time at will. There are at least two kinds of humans: some think "What did I do to him that he isn't talking to me?" and others think "What did I do to him that he keeps bothering me?" (you can call them extrovert and introvert if you like). My personal stance is that I prefer doing something altruistic or otherwise productive over meaningless chat. I grant everyone the right to set their own, different priorities, but I would be glad if I they could grant me the same right.

I disagree that if Vern's friend were reading a book we wouldn't be having this conversation. We just wouldn't be having it here.

I was on a plane a few days ago, chatting with my seatmate when she pulled out her iPod. I got the hint and wound up the conversation and let her be with her tunes.

I would have done the same thing if she pulled out a book, or if the book were in her lap, she picked it up and looked at it. It’s a cue. A cue that says, “I’m done”.

That was my cue that my seatmate has had enough and would like to stop talking. This is a nice subtle clue and if I catch it, we can disengage politely. If I miss the cue, then my seatmate is not “stuck” talking to me, she has many other options including yawning, looking away, being short in her answers. I.e. showing disinterest.

If I’m STILL clueless and continue to chat, then she has every right to say something like. “That’s nice… well, I’d like to just veg and zone out with some tunes now, it was nice talking to you.”

Vern’s friend had lots of options and control, I would say that she feared some kind of confrontation and thus did not try directly disengaging. I do not feel sorry for her, she had lots of ways to disengage without resorting to childlike behavior. Don’t complain about a situation afterwards when there was something you could have done while it was going on.

Also, Vern’s point didn’t seem to match to the example situation. It sounds like she DID meet and chat with the other person, but she did so longer than she would have liked. His point that people should not hide behind their iPods is a good one, but that wasn’t DeeDee’s issue. It seems what Vern is saying is even if you don’t want to, socialize!

Is Vern a socialist?

Nothing new under the sun:

"...Shielded in my Walkman in a halo of distortion
Aural contraceptive aborting pregnant conversation..."

From the song Fugazi. Marillion (1984)

Urg - I'd forgotten how pretentious Marillion were. Thanks for that.