The Last Temptation of Krust                            Written by Donick Cary
                                                  Directed by Mike B. Anderson
==============================================================================
Production code: 5F10                     Original Airdate on FOX: 22-Feb-1998
Capsule revision A (25-Aug-2000)
==============================================================================
> TV Guide Synopsis
==============================================================================
   None submitted.

   [For the sake of reference, here is a TV Guide-like synopsis: When Krusty's
   attempt at observational humor fails horribly, he decides to speak his mind
   -- and it's funny! Back on the scene with more impact than ever, Krusty is
   faced with the option of staying respected and funny, or selling out.] 

==============================================================================
> Title sequence
==============================================================================
Blackboard: PAIN IS NOT THE CLEANSER
            PAIN IS NOT THE (at cutoff)

Couch:      The family's rear end's are on fire. They run in and extinguish
            the flames in a water-filled couch. 
            [Repeated from 5F01. {ddg}]

==============================================================================
> Didja notice...
==============================================================================
   ... Lisa seems to smirk at the fact that Bart will have to try on shoes and
       she won't?
   ... nobody is in ALL CREATURES GREAT AND CHEAP except Homer? (Not even a
       clerk)
   ... the obligatory brick wall at the comedy show?
   ... a shocked Chinese man in the crowd when Krusty is making fun of Chinese
       people?
   ... the Springfield Shopper van that drives past the Pimento Groove?
   ... Sideshow Mel goes to the Pimento Groove still in his sideshow getup?
       [No shirt and a grass-skirt?]
   ... when Krusty walks around on stage at his press conference, he picks up
       all four microphones from the podium?

Anthony Dean:
   ... Maggie only appears at the mall scenes (if I'm not mistaken)?
   ... Krusty's resemblance to comedian George Carlin at Moe's?

Nathan Mulac DeHoff:
   ... Krusty has to turn two pages from where the description of him begins
       to where his name appears?

Jordan Eisenberg:
   ... the comedy booth was called "Laugh 'till you care"?
   ... Maggie roles her eyes when Marge explains what makes her laugh?
   ... Krusty's press release says he is a local clown?
   ... the tags at the bottom all say "KLS - 3205"?
   ... two are torn off?
   ... we can see Bart on his bike outside the Springfield Amphitheater?
   ... Krusy's eyes are hairy when Bart finds him?
   ... Bart's room is only littered with Krusty merchandise in
       Krusty-centered episodes?
   ... Bart has the same Krusty poster as in Krusty's sauna?
   ... when Krusty pushes out the Canyonero folks out, the background is
       looped?
   ... Homer throws his pants at Krusty?
   ... Moe's has a V.I.P. door?
   ... Krusty's car keys have a big, fancy 'K' on them?
   ... outside of the end credits and the sign Bart reads, Jay Leno was the
       only guest whose name was mentioned?

Jeremy Gallen:
   ... Marge actually tells Homer he's fat?
   ... the symbol with Cowboy Krusty on it?

Don Del Grande:
   ... unlike in 2F12, Krusty does birthdays now?
   ... during Krusty's drinking, the music sounds like Lawrence "Champagne
       Music" Welk's theme, "Bubbles in the Wine"?
   ... the faces on the Pimento Grove "wall of fame" include James Brown,
       Bette Midler, Leonard Nimoy, David Crosby (or is that Swartzwelder),
       Conan O'Brien, Ranier Wolfcastle, Ringo Starr, Brooke Shields, and
       Birch Barlowe?
   ... we can add "speaking Spanish" to Lisa's talents?
   ... Bart does a pretty good Marge impression?
   ... the car is called "Canyonero", pronounced like the name of the
       winner of the 1971 Kentucky Derby and Preakness?
   ... the Springfield Shopper still costs 35 cents an issue?

John Isles IV:
   ... Krusty runs over at least eight deer?
   ... the sign at Moe's said "4 drink minimum" -- this would mean Homer
       would have had to pay for 16 beverages? [What's new? --hmw]
   ... when Krusty hair came undone while he was talking to the business
       execs, he happens to have two extra rubber bands with him, since I
       heard a rubber band fly off twice?  But I may have no proof for
       this, since I never saw any rubber bands fly.
   ... Krusty and Bart don't buckle their seat belts?

Darrel Jones:
   ... this is the first episode of Season Nine to reuse a couch gag?

Diego Kontarovsky:
   ... Dr. Hibbert's continuous laugh at the mall lasted 10 seconds?
   ... the overflowing ashtray on Krusty's table at The Pimento Grove?

Joe Klemm:
   ... the screen of the Internet Comic is blank?
   ... Krustylu Studios now films News Channel 6?
   ... Principal Skinner still gets an allowance?

Haynes Lee:
   ... Bart is wearing Lisa's shoes and vice versa?
   ... Steven Wright looks alot like the Larry Davis Experience?
   ... Bette Midler in the table next to OFF?
   ... Krusty using an excess of Yiddish terms? (are they clean?)

Benjamin Robinson:
   ... in the couch scene, Maggie can't say, "Ahh," so she rolls her eyes in
       relief, instead?
   ... Marge lets Bart change channels in the middle of her show?
       (I tried this stunt with my mother once, and she nearly handed me my
       head.)
   ... there's a Jeep Grand Cherokee in the big pile of SUVs?
   ... Hank Williams Jr. sings the Canyonero theme song?

Donni Sapphire-Bernstein:
   ... Krusty's contract motto- "Hey hey, they're binding!"
   ... no one ever explains when or why Moe had comedians at the Tavern?
   ... Janeane Garofalo's sketch was pretty damn unfunny?

==============================================================================
> Voice credits
==============================================================================
- Starring
   - Dan Castallaneta (Homer, Gil, Krusty, Sideshow Mel, reporter at Krusty's
        press conference, Barney)
   - Julie Kavner (Marge)
   - Nancy Cartwright (Bart)
   - Yeardley Smith (Lisa)
   - Hank Azaria (Moe, Chief Wiggum, Canyonero exec 2, Carl)
   - Harry Shearer (Dr. Hibbert, Comedy Festival promoter, reporter at Krusty's
        press conference, Principal Skinner, Lenny, Canyonero exec 1)

- Also starring
   - Marcia Wallace (reporter at Krusty's press conference)

- Special guest voice
   - Jay Leno (as himself)
   - Bruce Baum (as himself)
   - Janeane Garofalo (as herself)
   - Bobcat Goldthwait (as himself)
   - Hank Williams Jr. (as himself)
   - Steven Wright (as himself)

==============================================================================
> Movie (and other) references
==============================================================================
   + "The Last Temptation of Christ"
     - obvious inspiration for title

   + "Goody Two Shoes" [children's story]
     - the Goody New Shoes store has a similar name ("Goody Two Shoes" is an
       actual children's story, believe it or not) {bjr}

   + "The Dick Van Dyke Show" [TV show]
     - two tv shows featuring hapless shoe salesmen {hl}

   + "Married... With Children" [TV show]
     - same deal as above {hl}

   + "Def Comedy Jam" [TV show]
     - Bart must be a fan of the show, since his "Bart's Comedy Jam" spoofs
       the title {bjr}

   + Jerry Lewis [comedian]
     - a long time ago he imitated the Japanese by wearing buck teeth,
       slanting his eyes, and repeatedly bowing and saying "Ahh Soo" -- a
       very dated stereotype {hl}

   + Denis Leary/Dennis Miller [comedians]
     - Krusty's new, improved comedy stylings are reminiscent of these two
       comedians {bjr}
       [There were some arguments thrown back and forth in a.t.s. claiming
       it was George Carlin or Andrew Dice Clay. But I'll trust {bjr} with
       this one. --hmw]

   + "Return of the Jedi" [movie]
     - `Java the Hut' playing on character name Jabba the Hutt

   + Hockey's Stanley Cup
     - Krust drinks out of something suspiciously like it in his binge {tr}

   + "Cinderella"
     - Krusty drinks beer out of a transparent high heal shoe {ji4}

   + 1997 Oscars
     - see "comments" {jk}

   + The Count of Monte Cristo
     - An eye-blinking system is used to convey messages from someone that
       can't talk {jr}

   + Mad Magazine
     - The Canyonero is called "the Cadillac of automobiles" - in the MAD
       Magazine book "MADvertising", there's an ad that says "Cadillac - the
       Rolls Royce of cars" {ddg}

   + Kentucky Derby
     - 1971 winner was Canonero II, pronounced "canyonero" {ddg}

==============================================================================
> Previous episode references
==============================================================================
- [7G12] Krusty stuff everywhere in Bart's room {ad}
- [8F04] Marge, "you hear that, kids? Brown!" reminiscent of Bart, "wow,
         brown!"
- [8F05] Krusty is at OFF's home {ji4}
- [8F21] Bart imitates his mother's voice {bjr}
- [8F24] a Kamp Krusty flag is tacked to Bart's bulletin board {bjr}
- [8F24] The Krusty Brand Seal of Approval appears {nmd}
- [9F09] Krusty performs community service {nmd}
- [9F14] All Creatures Great and Cheap is seen {bjr}
- [9F19] Krusty falls into disfavor, and Bart helps him out {nmd}
- [1F07] an episode title parodies "The Last Temptation of Christ" {nmd}
- [1F08] Krusty tries to do adult humor {nmd}
- [2F14] Homer burns money {asv}
- [2F32] Krusty is injured by his own product {nmd}
- [3F12] Krusty leaves show business
- [3F12] Krusty's death is suspected {je}
- [3F15] The Pimento Grove is shown {bjr}
- [3F24] Krusty drinks a whole six-pack of beer at once, like Homer tried to
- [4F03] Radon gas detector {hl}
- [4F05] Bart "zings" his mother {bjr}
- [4F05] Jokes are made at Marge's expense {nmd}
- [4F12] Krusty's unintentionally becoming "in-your-face" is similar to
         Homer's at the Poochie auditions {nmd}

>> Non-episode Simpsons references

   + The Simpsons After Dark Screensaver
     - the Krusty clock above Bart's bed is featured in this package

==============================================================================
> Freeze frame fun
==============================================================================
- Stores we see at the mall {je}
   - Goody New Shoes
   - CARDS
   - Fancy Styles
   - ALL CREATURES GREAT and CHEAP
   - SPORTS SHOP
   - ELECTRONICS
   - HOUSE of no REFUNDS
   - The Leftorium
   - POPULAR BOOKS


- "Laugh Till You Care" guest roster {bjr}

        CELEBRITY
         GUESTS

        FEATURING

        JAY LENO
    JANEANE GAROFALO
       BRUCE BAUM
    BOBCAT GOLDTHWAIT
      STEVEN WRIGHT

[{bjr} adds, "Okay, it's not that funny, but it does tell you who's on the
show tonight." --hmw]


- Krusty's press release

        L O C A L
      C  L  O  W  N
        AVAILABLE
        FOR HIRE

                I'M
               FUNNY
                /
        [KRUSTY]
       /
     HIRE
      ME!
    ----------------
    | | | | | | | | |


- Pictures at the Pimento Grove {bjr}

Barry    Johnny       Bette    Leonard   Buzz
White    Carson       Midler   Nimoy     Aldrin

Hank     Ranier       Ringo    Brooke    Birch
Scorpio  Wolfcastle   Starr    Shields   Barlow

[Buzz Aldrin and Hank Scorpio pointed out by Jordan Eisenberg. --hmw]


- Springfield Shopper headline {bjr}

  DOG KILLS CAT, SELF

  [{ddg} calls it "a reference to one too many headlines where the last victim
  of a crazed shooter is the shooter himself" --hmw]


- Krusty's bender
   - The Gutter Room
   - Blottos
   - The Bloated Liver


- People at the Brew Ha-Ha the first time {je}
   - OFF
   - Dr. Hibbert
   - His wife
   - Apu
   - Manjula
   - Lenny & Carl (Together)
   - The Barflies
   - Principal Skinner
   - Agnes Skinner
   - Otto
   - Hans Moleman
   - Chief Wiggum
   - His wife
   - Mrs. Krabappel
   - Ms. Hoover
   - Moe
   - Barney
   - Hollywood agents

- People at the Brew Ha-Ha the second time {je}
   - Lenny
   - Carl
   - Homer
   - Principal Skinner
   - Mrs. Krabappel
   - Comic Book Guy
   - Princess Kashmir
   - Otto
   - Herman
   - Apu
   - Sanjay
   - Kirk Van Houten

==============================================================================
> Animation, continuity, and other goofs
==============================================================================
= The arguing bird's head changes from green to red, and back to green.

+ According to "Home Sweet Home-Diddily-Dum-Doodily (3F01)," Lisa wears
  prescription shoes.  Perhaps her condition, whatever it was, has improved?
  {bjr}

- When Lisa removes her shoe, her foot only has three toes. {ddg}

= Lisa isn't wearing the store sock -- nor any -- when she's trying on the
  shoes.

= Krusty comes to the Amphitheater with his clown costume on, but performs
  wearing a tux. [Note: still wearing his clown shoes.]

+ Krusty didn't have any problems with his material in 1F08. {ddg}

= In the last shot at The Pimento Grove, Krusty throws away a cigarette he
  supposedly put out at the beginning of the scene. {dk}

= Krusty's mouth shouldn't be big enough to take in all the beer from the
  6-pack in the montage. {dk}

+ I think Rod and Todd know who Krusty is (see "Hurricane Neddy") {nmd}

= The sticks Rod and Todd drop on the lawn disappear.

= At first, the Krusty wall clock in Bart's room has no hands, but later they
  appear. {ddg}

= The towel Bart uses for Marge's impression ties itself up when he puts it
  on. {je}

+ Krusty can't read, but uses a notepad on his special performance for OFF.

= The banner in the back of the press conference spells "Klown" with a C. {dk}
  [So does Krusty's press release. Krusty wouldn't be able to tell.. --hmw]

* Why would Krusty need to quit show business just because he failed at adult
  standup? He's a children's clown, and still had a successful career with
  kids despite failing with adults.

* Moe utters "Is this thing on?"  to which Barney shouts "No!  Sorry!" and
  plugs in the microphone.  But what would it matter if Barney could hear him
  say that from the back anyway? {dk}

= As usual, everyone's seating changes during Krusty's performance at Moes.

+ I'm pretty sure there aren't any deserts or red-walled canyons in
  Springfield. {jg}

c In the 'Canyonero verse "Well, it goes real slow with the hammer down" the
  captions say "Make a big, bad sound with the hammer down". {je}

==============================================================================
> Reviews
==============================================================================
Miranda Buckle:  I was thrilled to see that the writers had come up with
   something this good! Some of the highlights were Homer's lines "You have
   to EARN the cracker!" and "Don't you hate pants?"  I also loved Mel's line
   "You can be so cruel when you're sober."  I was laughing out loud at so
   many scenes, it's hard to remember them all!  And that commercial at the
   end was simply classic.  I was glad to see Krusty again!  We haven't seen
   him for so long, it's about time we saw him in his purest sense- the guy
   who merchandises everything!  And I was also glad to see Mel actually
   WITH Krusty this time.  In some of the other more recent episodes, we've
   seen a lot of Mel by himself.  I was always wondering where Krusty was.
   And by the way- I don't care what you say, I thought the plot was superb.
   No unsatisfying open endings, no dramatic changes at the end, not too
   far-fetched, and with plenty of gags.  (A+)

Steve Bunnell:  I was left a little dry by "Das Bus" last week, but this
   episode filled in the gap left by it. The celebrity cameos were great,
   every Homer line was funny, and Krusty's short-lived new style of comedy
   was hilarious! (A+)

Ben Collins:  A mostly pointless affair; indubitably the worst "Bart Saves
   Krusty" episode ever. Marge was far out of character in the shoe store
   scene; the rest went on a stumbling, badly paced autopilot with dumb gags
   and an uninteresting story. "Observational" humor about stand-up comics
   is not what made the Simpsons great.  (D+)

Chris Courtois:    Maybe "The Last Temptation of Krust" should have kept the
   alternate title "Clown Time is Over", as there certainly isn't much life
   left in the "Bart helps Krusty recover from a career dip" plotline.
   There really wasn't too much wrong with the episode outside of a few rake
   scenes (Dr. Hibbert laughing at the mall, Homer not getting the jokes),
   but there wasn't too much that was great about it either, other than the
   quite funny Canyonero commercial, which  despite being the highlight of
   the show was still too little, too late.  The celebrity cameos were
   mostly wasted and seemed to be pure ratings ploy, as only Jay Leno and
   Janeane Garofalo got more than one line. All in all, a thoroughly
   mediocre C, bumped up to a C+ by the Canyonero commercial.  (C+)

Anthony Dean:  Tonight's episode was quite an improvement from the last few
   weeks' episodes. It was interesting to see Krusty finally realize (albeit
   temporarily) that his crass commercialization of literally everything
   finally caught up to him.  The Sports Utility Vehicle commercial seemed
   pretty dead-on commentary on this current status symbol item; Krusty's
   impromptu stand-up performance at the news conference was the best part of
   the episode. Jay Leno appearing didn't do too much for me, though (though
   this is probably the only time one would get to see what Leno might look
   like with a chin-ectomy :-)  (B)

Nathan Mulac DeHoff:  This episode really didn't have much in the way of a
   plot, and the special guest stars didn't do that much for me, since I'm
   not very familiar with their work, but it was pretty funny.  Among the
   highlights were the opening scene in the mall, Kent Brockman's filling in
   for Krusty, and the commercial at the end.  I was also pleased in that it
   did not turn out to be a remake of "Krusty Gets Kancelled."  (B)

Jordan Eisenberg:  On my first viewing, I hated this episode.  It seemed
   formulaic, slow, forced and nauseatingly disregardful of the characters'
   traits.  I thought this right up to the first scene of my second viewing,
   when I began to appreciate it.  It made a clever statement about 'new
   age' comedy and I related to every word of it.  Not since "Easy Bake
   Coven" have I related to its satire so well.  On the Simpsonesque scale,
   it rates somewhere in the middle, for the hidden references and shoe
   store scene.  Not many things are quotable, although there were some
   clever lines ("You kids are WAY overdue for a growth spurt!",  "Excuse
   me, sir, [To Dr. Hibbert] do you like to laugh?").  Ingenuity showed
   with many things such as Krusty's new hairdo and the 'Is this thing
   on?' gag.  This episode goes from a C+ to a B- because I've been
   humming 'Canyonero' all day.

Jeremy Gallen:  Excellent episode!  It packed quite a laugh!  I personally
   liked the part at the end about the "Canyonero"!  (A+)

Don Del Grande:  It felt like an episode of "Dr. Katz", only with the
   characters moving around, the backgrounds in color, nobody squiggling,
   and Bart and Lisa much better than Ben and Laura... but at least on "Dr.
   Katz", the routines are good.  (B-)

John Isles IV:  I thought that Leno's voice did have a good, long on-tape
   time, but really wasn't enough.  This episode was mediocre at best;  The
   ONLY good laugh I had was when Krusty was at OFF's house-- Krusty looks
   into a poster of him and says, "I have a tack in my forehead" or
   something like that.  Also, the other comics-- Janeane Garofalo, Steve
   Warner, Bruce Baum, and Bobcat Goldthwait-- deserved, and should have
   gotten, more time.  A disappointment in the trails of "Das Bus" & "Joy of
   Sect".  I liked Krusty's hair when it was like George Carlin's -- Held
   together in the back of the head with a rubber band.  (C+)

Darrel Jones:  I liked this episode! The best part was the car ad at the end.
   I also liked Homer's line about "Bart, why didn't you tell me you were
   washing a clown with two men and a monkey?"

Joe Klemm:  A very clever episode thanks to Krusty's act and the Canyonero
   song by Hank Williams Jr. However, when it come to Jay Leno, I think the
   five minute short where he is with the kids of South Park is better.  (A-)

Diego Kontarovsky:  I loved Krusty's Carlin routine!  I am a HUGE Carlin fan!
   All the subtleties of his act were there.  Hope the Spanish soap opera
   isn't cut in syndication, cuz I finally got to hear my name on the show.
   Better than last week; not amazingly good, but not too shabby, either.
   Meaning they had some good gags, but it's lacking the magic that's present
   in past episodes, such as Deep Space Homer (1F13), or Duffless (9F14).  I
   miss Homer's angry outbursts.  But I liked it, because it seems they can't
   do any better right now.  (A-)

Haynes Lee: Slightly better than this season's offering but nowhere close to
   "Krusty Gets Kancelled".

Jake Lennington:  Overall, an episode that is all glitter and no substance.
   This episode could've done so much more with the comedians, but they
   decided to waste too much time doing another "Krusty Gets Kancelled".
   Honestly, the only time I laughed was when the Sport/Utillity Vehicle was
   running over the deer in the commercial.  (D-)

Andrew Milner:  Okay, not unwatchable, but a notch below the last two
   episodes. The Blum, Garofalo, Goldthwait and Wright cameos weren't enough
   to write home about.

Michael K. Neylon:  Overall, another weak outing, not strictly anything wrong,
   but so much that could have been done better.

Jeremy Reaban:  Not painful, and had some funny moments. However, the plot
   wasn't that original. Didn't Krusty cease being funny a couple times
   before? Oh well. Homer has some great moments "Impeach Churchill!",
   "Don't you hate pants?"  (C+)

Tom Rinschler:  Another so-so effort.  The first two acts went really slowly,
   and only the third picked up a little.  There were only a few good laughs
   here and there -- but the second "Canyonero" ad was classic ROFL! (Great
   meta-humor joke: "you're due for a growth spurt any time now!";  after
   nine seasons I hope so!)  The plotting wasn't bad, and the characterization
   was actually quite good (Lisa was portrayed very well), both of which drag
   the episode back from the abyss. But you think with so many comedians,
   they could have come up with a bit more humor.  (C+)

Benjamin Robinson:  We've seen the premise before, and we'd like to see more
   of the guest stars, but "Clown Time is Over" is a hilarious episode.
   (Which is apt, since it's about comedy.)  Krusty's attempts to remake
   himself for the Nineties are accompanied by a steady stream of good jokes
   from the cast.  It's Donick Cary's best "Simpsons" to date.  (A-)

Matt Rose:  A dismal effort. Joke after joke failed to make me laugh, with
   all those comedians up there you'd think something would. But the only
   laugh I had at all was for "Java the Hut". Celebrity cameos do nothing for
   me, and neither does stand-up type of humor. A very weak outing in a very
   weak season... something has to change.  (D)

Yours truly:  A pretty good episode. Some bits (Bart's "funniest man alive"
   etc.) annoyed me a little, just due to the cheesiness, but most of it was
   funny. Wrapped up a bit soon, too, but one of the highlights of the season.
   (B)

==============================================================================
> Comments and other observations
==============================================================================
>> Bill Hicks / Krusty

An in-depth, informational and interesting investigation on whether or not
   new-style Krusty was based on Bill Hicks, by Tom Brown:

   Last Temptation of Krust is clearly an episode about the financial
   pressures comedians face which cause them to compromise their material.
   Krusty temporarily transforms himself into a rebel comedian so for a brief
   moment we can see on TV what a comedian would look like who doesn't sell
   out. It seems there has been some discussion on which comedian(s) this
   character has been modeled after.  Was it Dennis Leary, George Carlin,
   Dennis Miller? Or was it Bill Hicks?  Most people have never heard of Bill
   Hicks, primarily because just as he had reached a certain level of
   popularity, his material was censored from the CBS version of David
   Letterman (after 11 appearances on the NBC version) because it was too
   controversial and he died of pancreatic cancer in February, 1994.  At the
   beginning of 5F10, the family runs into publicity volunteers for the
   Springfield Comedy Festival at, of all places, the mall.

   Bart: "Hey, somebody screwed up bad.  You've got all these big comics lined
          up for your show, but there's no Krusty!"
   Festival Volunteer: "Who?"
   Bart: [irritated] "Krusty the clown!...Funniest man alive..."

   Bill Hicks appeared on TV through the help of Jay Leno.  Jay appeared
   several times on British Channel 4's documentary "Just a Ride":

   Leno: "He really wasn't a comedian when I met him, he was, starting to be a
         comedian, I mean I knew him, god, twelve, thirteen years, he was
         still a kid, he was in high school, and I was playing in Austin, and
         he would come and listen, you know, when you're a comedian, you've
         been on TV, inevitably, the comedy club owner always says, oh,
         there's a group of people in the city, would you talk to them about
         comedy? Okay, so, one of the afternoons, you go down, you talk to
         them about comedy, I think he had a comedy workshop at this club, and
         ah... I always find when you're teaching comedy, the one who sort of
         gets up in disgust and leaves and thinks you're a jerk is usually the
         best comedian in the room." (reference #1)

   Bart asks to see the organizer to vent his incredulity about the absence of
   Krusty:

   Bart: "Well, if you're running the show, how can you leave out Krusty the
          Clown?"
   Jay Leno: "Ahh, Krusty the clown...that takes me back.  Didn't he die in a
          grease fire?"
   Bart: "No, he's alive and he's so funny..."

   Also appearing as a guest in 5F10 is Janeane Garafolo who has described
   Hicks as perhaps her biggest stand-up influence.  Garafolo describes Hicks
   who never made it to the point of Seinfeld presumably partly because he
   refused to sell out (reference #2):

   "And then there's people like Bill Hicks, the late Bill Hicks, who tried to
   do something really important, and that's why he never made it to the point
   of Seinfeld or DeGeneres. He tried to do something that was so very
   important. I mean, it was my honor and my privilege to open for him. I
   opened for him a couple of times when I was younger and it was among the
   greatest stand-up experiences I could have ever retold to a tape recorder...
   Bill Hicks used to walk the room like you've never seen and for those who
   stayed and those who hear what he's saying, it's like a gift. Bill Hicks is
   giving you something. He means something. His life was not squandered. He's
   one of the most important people, in his way, in his short life he lived,
   to be a social critic, I guess, if that's what you want to call him. He was
   so important. And that's why so many people would leave, because they don't
   get it."

   Bill Hicks was not an overnight success.  He spent several years working on
   his act without making a name for himself.  Finally, as Mike Sager writes
   (reference #3):

   Frequently, after a show, Bill would go home and cry. "I suck, I'm not going
   anywhere," he'd tell Laurie. He felt that he had gained all this knowledge
   but didn't know what to do with it. "I can't feel anything," he wrote to
   Dwight. One night at the Comix Annex, Bill approached Steve Epstein. Eppy
   was a big partyer, as were the Outlaws. For many years, Bill had stayed
   clear of cigarettes, alcohol and drugs. He had always been a man on a
   mission. He never wanted to waste time. But lately, he kept wondering why
   the real geniuses of comedy-Bruce, Pryer, Carlin, Kinison--had been into
   drinking and drugs.  "I wanna get drunk," Bill told Eppy.  Twelve shots of
   tequila later, Bill stumbled out of the wings with a cigarette dangling
   from his rubbery lips. He was in a rage. "You people, you're the ones
   responsible for Gary Coleman! You're the reason why Diffrent Strokes is the
   number-one show on TV!"  Drunk, slurring, Bill was angrier than anyone had
   ever seen him. Religion, parents, television, war, fire and brimstone. It
   was as if the flood of alcohol had broken a dam inside."

   Likewise on 5F10, Krusty must go on a binge to transform into the rebel
   comedian dressed in black:

   Krusty: "I'm going to go on the bender to end all benders!"

   Krusty then proceeds to have a night on the town, drinking from boots, the
   Stanley Cup, and gasoline.

   In Rant In E Minor, the last released album of material from Bill Hicks,
   Hicks rails on Jay Leno for doing the Tonight Show and doing Doritos
   commericals.  In one of the bits, Jay Leno commits suicide on the air after
   yet another bad interview with Joey Lawrence.

   In 5F10, Krusty rails on Leno:

   Krusty: "Comedy isn't funny anymore...You've got some big chinned slob
            reading typos from the Palookaville Post!  Well, here's a headline
            for ya.  Nobody cares!"

   Jay Leno: "Hey, I washed your hair!"

   Finally, when Krusty is temporarily the rebel comedian in black, his
   material reflects Hicks's classic bits about about marketing where Bill
   says "If you're in marketing or advertising, kill yourself.":

   Krusty: "There's nothing those Madison Avenue grave robbers won't do to get
            us to buy their crap!"

   Although it is not certain or perhaps not even important who the rebel
   comedian in black was in "Last Temptation of Krust", one thing is certain.
   It was not Dennis Leary.

   I noticed the original airdate was 2/22/98.  bill left us on 2/26/94.
   Spooky.


>> Comedy Tonight!

Benjamin Robinson takes a closer look at the show's all-star line up:

   * Jay Leno:  Probably the best-known of the guest stars, Leno is the
     amiable host of "The Tonight Show."  He's generally thought of as being
     a nice guy, and his willingness to help out Krusty may have been the
     writers' comment on this reputation.  (Notice that when the other
     comedians bust on Krusty, Jay notices that the clown is in earshot, and
     tells them to quiet down.)

     Jay Leno most distinctive physical feature is his prominent chin.
     Characters on "The Simpsons" are known for not really having one, so
     "Simpsonizing" Leno must have been a real challenge for the artists. I
     think they had mixed results, personally -- he looked more like he had a
     thick neck than anything else. [I didn't notice any problems.. --hmw]

     Jay Leno, Steve Allen, and Johnny Carson have all been guest voices on
     "The Simpsons."  Think we can get Jack Paar on the phone?  We can have
     all the major "Tonight" show hosts on the show!

   * Janeane Garofalo:  Winner of the coveted "Person Whose Last Name is
     Harder to Spell than 'Groening"' Award, and also a comedienne.  She has
     kind of a cynical, world-weary style, which earned her a variety of
     roles in the movies ("Reality Bites," "The Truth About Cats and Dogs")
     and on television ("The Larry Sanders Show," "Saturday Night Live").
     Garofalo's no stranger to Fox, either; Roger Moore employed her as a
     correspondent for his irreverent "TV Nation."

   * Bruce Baum:  I remember seeing him <way> back when on "An Evening at
     the Improv," but haven't heard much from him since.  He was a prop
     comic, with unusual objects (like the inner tube and the "fish
     through the head" thing he was wearing on the show) being the basis
     for his humor.

   * Bobcat Goldthwait:  Does he really talk like that?  I guess so,
     because I never heard him sound otherwise.  Goldthwait has a rather
     bizarre act that isn't based on telling jokes so much as it is on
     watching the antics of a guy who's obviously a lunatic.  The
     "Tonight" show had him as a guest once, although I don't think it
     was during Leno's watch.  While trying to make a point on the show,
     Bobcat set fire to a chair, which put his career on hold for awhile.

     [Ondre Lombard counters, "Not necessarily.  You might've wanted to
     point out how Bobcat Goldthwait has been on `Unhappily Ever After'
     (obscure WB show) playing the divorced-but-reconciled loser Jack's
     talking bunny puppet, Floppy, ever since 1995, which is around when
     he pulled that stunt on Leno and got banned from Leno's show." --hmw]

   * Steven Wright:  Extremely laid-back entertainer who tells one-liners
     based on wordplay and common idioms.  The bit about the zebra and
     the dictionary is certainly his style.  So is this one:  "Anywhere
     is within driving distance, if you're patient enough."  Pity they
     only had enough time on the show for one joke.


>> Yiddish, Springfield style

Benjamin Robinson clears up some confusion on the vocabulary used in this
   episode:  "Plotz" means, "to explode."  Surprised?  Most people are,
   since they use it to mean "to collapse."  "Sphfitz [I have no idea how
   to spell that]" is more narrowly defined:  It means to perspire, just
   as Krusty does when he sits in that sauna thing-a-ma-bob.

>> Writer Watch

Benjamin Robinson:  For "Clown Time," writer Donick Cary got to write a
   lot of material for Jay Leno.  That's interesting because, in a
   previous life, he was a writer for rival talk show host David
   Letterman.  [What? --hmw]

   Well, I thought it was interesting.


>> That's a nice cup you've got there.

Joe Klemm explains a visual gag in tonight's episode: The cup Krusty drinks
   last is the Stanley Cup. This is the cup given to the NHL Champions each
   year. It is very possible that you can drink from it.


>> William Shakespeare drinks Kenco -- do you?

Joe Klemm explains one of Krusty's quotes: Krusty's comment on dead men in
   advertisements refers to the 1997 Oscars. In it, Jim Carrey joked about
   the bad uses of visual effects by commenting on the ads where Fred
   Astaire promotes vacuum cleaners and Bob Dole, even though he's still
   alive, promotes Visa. He ends it with him promoting Trident gum and Crest
   toothpaste with his butt.


>> The moron who threw the clock

Nathan Mulac DeHoff explains the deal with a certain joke: Kent Brockman
   mentioned "the moron who threw a clock out the window."  The punchline
   of that joke, as you probably know, is "He wanted to see time fly."


>> "Unexplainable fires"

Ben Collins shares some info on Canyonero-type vehicles: Many
   Canyonero-style sport-utility vehicles have been plagued with safety
   problems. In 1987, the reputation and popularity of the Japanese Jeep
   rip-off Suzuki Samurai was irreversibly damaged when Consumer Reports
   road tests showed a tendency to roll over in hard turns. The equally
   tippy Isuzu Trooper received similar well-deserved bad press in 1995.


>> God rest his smutty soul!

Haynes Lee explains who Redd Fox is, someone Krusty mentioned: Redd Fox
   (no relation to 20th century Fox) who became famous in tv show
   "Sanford and Son" during the 1970s was one of the racier Black
   comedians precluding Eddie Murphy.


>> Lyrics to the Canyonero song {je}

   Can you name the car with four-wheel-drive?
   Smells like a steak and seats thirty-five!
   Canyonero!  Canyonero!
   Well, it goes real slow with the hammer down.
   It's a country-fried truck endorsed by a clown.
   Canyonero!  Canyonero!
   Twelve yards long and two lanes wide,
   sixty-five tons of American pride!
   Canyonero!  Canyonero!
   Top of the line in utility sports!
   Unexplained fires are a matter for the courts.
   Canyonero!  Canyonero!
   She blinds everybody with her super-high beam.
   She a squirrel-squishin', deer-smackin' drivin' machine!
   Canyonero!  Canyonero!


>> Meta References

Benjamin Robinson shares a couple of meta references he noticed:

   - Lisa mentions that she forgot to wear socks that day.  Actually, she
     never wears socks as part of her standard outfit, so she's equally
     "forgetful" every day.  (Which is good, because you're not supposed to
     wear socks with that kind of shoe.)

   - Marge tells the kids they'll grow into their new shoes.  Bart asks,
     "When?"  (Along with most of the audience, no doubt.)  "You're both way
     overdue for a [growth] spurt," Marge answers.  Yeah, about eight years
     overdue...


>> Thoughts

- Ondre Lombard, "Lisa is smart, but eight year olds are still advancing
  through the English language.  I doubt that Lisa would know SO much
  Spanish that she'd be able to translate passages in a Spanish television
  show.  (In other words, it's another example of Lisa being made to look
  older than she actually is.)"

  [She was learning German back in "The Canine Mutiny", too, remember?  Alex
  added, "Well, then again, Bart, not a genius... hell... below normal at
  best, can speak French (see `The Crepes of Wrath'). Besides, from Lisa's
  facial expression, I think she was lying."  Counters DK, "She really was
  translating it correctly." --hmw]

- Jeremy Reaban, "This had 6 guest voices (besides regular guest Marcia
  Wallace) -- the most I've seen."

- Was Rod and Todd mentioning an evil clown a reference to Stephen King's
  "It"?


>> Life Imitates the Simpsons

- Krusty does a bad Japanese imitation right after the Nagano Olympics just
  ended.
- Homer says "Impeach Churchill" while a few weeks ago people want to do
  the same thing with Clinton.


>> Musical references

   + "Rawhide"
      - similar song in "Canyonero" ad {tr}

   + "Bubbles in the Wine" performed by the Lawrence Welk Orchestra
      - the song played under the montage of Krusty getting drunk {am}


>> Other references

   + "To An Athlete Dying Young" by A. E. Houseman [poem]
     - Krusty's quotes some of it in his resignation speech {aw}


>> Miscellaneous

- In "Virtual Springfield" (game on PC), there is a Sideshow Bob poster in
  Bart's room in the same place as the Krusty poster in this ep. You might
  call it.. ironic.

- Benjamin Robinson's chosen title for this episode is "Clown Time".

- Haynes Lee's alterna-title for this episode is "Krusty Gets Kanned".

- Jordan Eisenberg's alternate title for this episode is "Clown Time is Over".

- MPAA rating: TV-PG. {ddg}

- Overseas Animation: Anivision; J.C. Park {ddg}

==============================================================================
> Quotes and scene summary
==============================================================================
% OFF are shopping at the mall, and Marge decides to buy the kids some new
% shoes. Meanwhile, Homer has other plans.

Marge: Oh, look! This is the perfect chance to get you kids some nice church
       shoes!
Kids:  [sigh]
Bart:  What do we need church shoes for, Jesus wore sandals.
Homer: Well, maybe if he had better arch support they wouldn't have caught
       him.
-- "The Last Temptation of Krust"

Marge: Look, Homer -- it's that bird you like to argue with!
Homer: Well, well, well. If it isn't Professor Know-it-All! 'Scuse me, Marge.
-- Mallrats, "The Last Temptation of Krust"

% Inside the shoe store, Marge explains what she wants.

Marge: They need a good, stiff, all-purpose dress shoe. Something for church,
       but also for doctors appointments, dental checkups, piano recitals,
       building dedications, visiting elderly relatives, haircuts, and shoe
       shopping!
Gil:   Well, we have a brown shoe..
Marge: You hear that kids, brown!
-- Exciting news, "The Last Temptation of Krust"

Lisa: Oh, rats! Talk about bad luck.. I forgot to wear socks today. Guess I
      can't try those on.
Gil:  No problem, you can wear the store sock! [holds up dirty, slimey sock]
Lisa: Ewww...
-- Shoe shopping, "The Last Temptation of Krust"

Gil:  Would you mind lacing them up, kid? I have a bad back.
Bart: Hey, if you didn't want to you shouldn't have become a shoe salesman.
Gil:  [sighs, kneels down, crruunncchh]
-- "The Last Temptation of Krust"

% Homer argues with the parrot. Meanwhile, the kids have got the new shoes
% on their feet, and they're too big.

Lisa:  Mom, these are at least two sizes two big!
Marge: Perfect, you'll grow into them!
Bart:  When?
Marge: Ooh, you're both way overdue for a spurt.
-- Meta-feet-a, "The Last Temptation of Krust"

% The family are walking around in another part of the mall. A guy stops
% Marge.

Guy:   Excuse me ma'am do you like to laugh?
Marge: [laughs] Oh, yes! As long as its tasteful. And never at someone, or
       with, and not--
Guy:   [to Homer] Excuse me sir, do you like to laugh?
Homer: Why yes, yes I do!
Guy:   Well, then you'll love our comedy festival. It's for a good cause!
Homer: A rest home for pirates?
Lisa:  No, dad, it's to fight soil erosion!
Homer: Now that's a fight I wanna be a part of!
-- The target audience, "The Last Temptation of Krust"

% Bart complains to the guy about Krusty not being on the bill.

Guy:     Excuse me sir, do you like to laugh?
Hibbert: Well yes, but only if something tickles me just right! [laughs
         excessively]
-- "The Last Temptation of Krust"

% Bart, meanwhile, searches for Jay Leno to speak about Krusty getting on
% the bill.

Bart:     Yeah, excuse me, I'm looking for somebody called.. [checks paper]
          Jay Leno.
Jay Leno: Somebody wanna get this kid a TV?
Bart:     Wow, thanks, mister!
-- "The Last Temptation of Krust"

% Bart talks Jay Leno into letting Krusty get into the show. Krusty agrees
% to do it as part of his community service.

% At the comedy festival.

Comedian: I finally got around to reading the dictionary. Turns out the
          zebra did it.
          [crowd laughs]
Homer:    I don't get.
Lisa:     Dad, the zebra didn't do it, it's just a word at the end of the
          dictionary!
Homer:    I still don't get it.
Lisa:     It's just a joke.
Homer:    Oh, I get it! I get jokes! [laughing]
-- At the comedy festival, "The Last Temptation of Krust"

% Krusty arrives and meets the other comedians backstage.

You're the reason I went into comedy! If it weren't for you, I'd be a
doctor!
-- Bobcat Goldthwait, "The Last Temptation of Krust"

% Janeane Garofalo is next on the lineup.

Janeane Garofalo: [sigh] I got my period today.
Marge:            [spits out drink in shock] Good lord!
Janeane Garofalo: Plus got a new boyfriend, and you know how it is when
                  you're kissing a guy with a tongue stud.
Homer:            [laughing hysterically] Yes! Yes! Oh God, yes! [thumping
                  fists on table]
-- Hmmmm. "The Last Temptation of Krust"

% Jay Leno introduces Krusty.

Krusty: Hey hey! [laughs] So, how about those TV dinners, huh? I tried one the
        other day! Lightning strikes, the peach cobbler goes out! Get it?
Bart:   [laughs]
Krusty: Cobbler! [silence] The other thing about TV dinners, you don't have
        leftovers, you have reruns!
-- Oh boy, "The Last Temptation of Krust"

TV dinner jokes? [sarcastically] Oooh, take that, Swansons!
-- Janeane Garofalo, "The Last Temptation of Krust"

Ohh, what's he gonna do next, the flapping dicky?
-- Jay Leno on Krusty's bad performance, "The Last Temptation of Krust"

% To try and win the audience's laughter, Krusty does a racist impression of
% Chinese people, followed by the flapping dicky.
% After the show, Bart tries to comfort Krusty, and convinces him he rocked.
% The other comedians badmouth Krusty, who over hears them.

Guy:    Five minutes, Krusty.
Krusty: Oh, I ain't going back out there.
Guy:    No, five minutes to get your stuff and get out!
-- "The Last Temptation of Krust"

[End of act one.]

% In the Pimento Grove, Krusty sits with Sideshow Mel and reads the review
% of the festival.

Last night's comedy benefit delivered wall-to-wall laughs without exception.
Phew! The only exception was the dated humor of Springfield's green haired,
red-nosed hack.. [turns pages] Yeah yeah yeah.. [stops page] Krusty the
Clown! Ohhhhh...
-- Krusty, "The Last Temptation of Krust"

% Krusty goes on the bender to end all benders.

% At home, Marge and Lisa watch a Spanish drama on TV. Lisa translates some
% of the dialogue for Marge. Bart changes over to Krusty. Instead of Krusty,
% Kent Brockman is at a news desk.

Hey. Hey. I'm Kent Brockman the Clown filling in for Krusty the Clown, who
didn't come in today. He is presumed dead or on vacation. Today's top joke:
it seems a local moron threw his clock out the window. We'll tell you why,
right after this!
-- Kent Brockman fills in for Krusty, "The Last Temptation of Krust"

% Bart leaves, and sees Krusty in the Flanders garden, poking a hungover
% Krusty with sticks. Bart scares them away, and takes Krusty up to his
% room.

Bart: Oh, P-U, what were you drinking, gasoline?
Krusty: Yes, I was drinking gasoline, MOTHER!
-- "The Last Temptation of Krust"

% Krusty tries to fix his face by looking in a "mirror" (a Krusty poster)
% and tries to get the tac out of his face. He realises selling out so
% badly over the years was a bad idea.

% Bart and Jay Leno bathe Krusty in the bath, washing his hair.

Bart:     Thanks for coming, Jay, Krusty really needs help.
Krusty:   No question, I gotta freshen up my act. Jay, you're a professional
          comedian, right? Right? Answer me!
Jay Leno: Yes, now stop squirming, I'm trying to get these tangles out!
Bart:     [sounding like Jay] They are just impossible!
          [Jay Leno looks at him confused]
          Well they are!
-- Let's continue, "The Last Temptation of Krust"

% Jay tells Krusty do some observational humor.

       [Homer comes in to take a whizz. He's about to begin..]
Bart:  Dad!
Homer: Whoops, sorry, son. I didn't know you, Jay Leno and a monkey were
       bathing a clown!
-- "The Last Temptation of Krust"

% Later on, Bart is doing some comedy in front of the family, as a support
% warm-up for Krusty. Krusty tries to do some observational humor, but falls
% flat on his face.

What's the deal with cardboard?
-- Krusty tries to do observational humor, "The Last Temptation of Krust"

% Krusty is at Krustylu Studios, announcing his quitting show business.
% While explaining why comedy isn't funny anymore, he pokes fun at Jay Leno
% and other comedians, he has the press audience in hysterics without
% realizing it. Krusty realises he's telling the truth -- and it's funny!

% Krusty is doing a show at Moes, and much of the town is going to see,
% including our favorite family.

Marge: Four drink minimum?
Homer: I'll cover ya, honey.
-- Entering Moes, "The Last Temptation of Krust"

% Inside.

Hi, how're you folks doin'? I'm Moe, or as the ladies like to call me,
"hey you, behind the bushes".
-- Moe, "The Last Temptation of Krust"

Krusty: So I'm watching TV today..
Homer:  Woo! TV, yeah!
Krusty: And all I keep seeing is dead celebrities hawking products! You've got
        poor old Vincent Price floating around in a toilet keg telling me
        about the <horrors> of an unfresh bowl!
-- The comedic stylings of Krusty, "The Last Temptation of Krust"

% Krusty also pokes fun at an ad with Winston Churchill.

Impeach Churchill!
-- Homer, "The Last Temptation of Krust"

% Krusty makes a stand, and burns a dollar which those fatcats won't get their
% grave robbing hands on. He has the round at his control, and they all start
% to burn money. Marge gives Lisa some money to go and bury in the yard.

% In the back, two execs are watching in amazement.

Exec 1: Wow.. they're hanging on his every word! Are you thinking what I'm
        thinking?
Exec 2: I hope so.. [puts his hand on Exec 1's]
Exec 1: I <thought> I made myself clear in Boston.
-- "The Last Temptation of Krust"

% On the ride home..

Homer: Heh heh heh, from now on, I'm gonna be just like Krusty and tell it
       like it is. Marge, you're getting a little fat around the old thighs!
Bart:  Dad!
Homer: You too, Bart!
Marge: Oh, knock it off, Homer, you're the fattest one in the car!
Homer: [shocked, hurt] You didn't have to tell it like it is, Marge!
-- Practice what you preach, "The Last Temptation of Krust"

% When they get back, Lisa and Marge give eachother the thumbs up -- Lisa's
% buried the money.

% In a coffee shop, Krusty and Jay Leno sit together.

I'm proud of you Krusty, oh sure, I've got material success, my own show,
acres of cars, a nice microwave oven.. but you're out  on the edge, you're
doing it for the sheer thrill.  If I wasn't so afraid of clowns, I'd give you
a big hug.
-- Jay Leno to Krusty, "The Last Temptation of Krust"

% The two execs approach Krusty and Jay.

Exec 1: Excuse me, Krusty, we've been watching you at Moes all week.
Exec 2: And your credibility is just.. wow.
Krusty: Get to the point, Armoni!
Exec 2: Well, we think you'd be the perfect spokesman for our company's new
        sports utility vehicle, the Canyonero!
        [Krusty grabs them both by the collar]
Krusty: I guess you Wall Street weasels didn't get the word -- Krusty's not
        for sale!
Exec 1: But you endorse everything! In fact, this endorsement contract comes
        from your line of legal forms!
Krusty: [takes a look] That's a quality form.. but those days are behind me!
        I don't shill for nobody no more!
Exec 1: Are you sure? We're prepared to offer you a free fully loaded
        Canyonero!
        [a beautiful red Canyonero sparkles in the light outside. Krusty's
        tied back hair pops out to the way it was in the days of "The Krusty
        the Klown Show]
Krusty: [Krusty makes lusty noises, but looks at his comedy friends, who
        look sad.] No! Take your corporate blood wagon and get the hell out!
        [ties hair back, and pushes them out.]
Exec 1: Are you sure? It's free!
Krusty: [hair pops back out] Stop saying that!
-- "The Last Temptation of Krust"

% At Moes, Krusty comes out onto stage. Homer sits with Lenny.

I brought a bag of money in case he wants us to burn it again.
-- Lenny/Lemming? "The Last Temptation of Krust"

I hope he tells us to burn our pants.. these things are driving me nuts!
-- Homer, "The Last Temptation of Krust"

% Krusty explains what happened earlier, and also what happened after he
% threw them out. He took the car for a test drive, and now it's his! Yep.
% He sold out.

I'm tellin' ya, the Canyonero is the Cadillac of automobiles!
-- Krusty endorsing the Canyonero, "The Last Temptation of Krust"

% The crowd doesn't like this one bit, and boos him, throws stuff at him,
% and leaves.

Wait, where are you all going! I've still got plenty of beefs! Fat-free
yogurt.. the quality of computer porn!
-- It's funny 'cause it's true. Krusty, "The Last Temptation of Krust"

Bart:   I don't get it, Krusty. You said you would never be a shill again!
Krusty: Meh, I learned something about myself today. It ain't comedy that's
        in my blood. It's selling out.
-- "The Last Temptation of Krust"

% Krusty gives Bart a ride home, which becomes a ad for the Canyonero.

==============================================================================
> Contributors
==============================================================================
{ad}  Anthony Dean
{am}  Andrew Milner
{asv} Aaron S. Veenstra
{aw}  Al Wesolowsky
{bjr} Benjamin Robinson
{ddg} Don Del Grande
{dk}  Diego Kontarovsky
{hl}  Haynes Lee
{je}  Jordan Eisenberg
{jg}  Jeremy Gallen
{ji4} John Isles IV
{jr}  Jeremy Reaban
{nmd} Nathan Mulac DeHoff
{tr}  Tom Rinschler

==============================================================================
> Legal Mumbo Jumbo
==============================================================================
[5F10] capsule copyright 2000, Hari Michael Wierny. (The quotes remain the
property of Fox, and the reproduced articles remain the property of their
respective authors. I'm just taking credit for the compilation.) Not to be
redistributed in public forum without permission.