This Little Wiggy                                       Written by Dan Greaney
                                                      Directed by Neil Affleck
==============================================================================
Production Code: 5F13                     Original Airdate on FOX: 22-Mar-1998
Capsule Revision A (3-Nov-2000)
==============================================================================
> "TV Guide" Synopsis
==============================================================================
 [United Kingdom] Marge arranges a play date for Bart and the class geek,
   Ralph Wiggum. [Yes, I buy cheap-ass TV guides --hmw]

==============================================================================
> Title Sequence
==============================================================================
Blackboard: I WAS NOT TOLD TO DO THIS
            I WAS NOT TOLD/ cutoff

Couch:      Bart runs in and sprays a picture of OFF on the couch, and signs
            it "El Barto".

==============================================================================
> Voice Credits
==============================================================================
- Starring
   - Dan Castellaneta (Homer, Krusty, Mayor Quimby, Penitentiary Security
        Guard)
   - Julie Kavner (Marge)
   - Nancy Cartwright (Bart, Database, Ralph Wiggum, Nelson Muntz, Kearney)
   - Yeardley Smith (Lisa)
   - Hank Azaria (Robbie the Automatom, Professor Frink, Chief Wiggum,
        Leprechaun)
   - Harry Shearer (Principal Skinner, TV voiceover, Mr. Burns, Smithers)

- Guest Voices
   - Phil Hartman (Troy McClure)
   - Marcia Wallace (Mrs. Krabappel)
   - Pamela Hayden (Milhouse, Jimbo Jones)
   - Tress MacNeille (Dolph)

==============================================================================
> Didja notice...
==============================================================================
   ... this episode is set in April, according to the calendar in Bart's
       classroom?
   ... the automaton has an atom structure as a brain?
   ... (in his fantasy) Milhouse is smiling as his arm is burnt?
   ... (in his fantasy) Nelson has a small picture of an atomic bomb explosion
       on his lab wall?
   ... Martin is the only pupil who doesn't cheer as Principle Skinner is
       being attacked by the automaton?
   ... the Flandereses in front of OFF in the Knowledgeum?
   ... Bart, Lisa and Homer know some of the things in the Knowledgeum [such
       as the virtual salad, the giant book and the sex simulator] despite
       having never been before?
   ... Ralph's creation, "Wiggle Puppy", makes engine noises?
   ... Marge uses a vacuum and a Dust Buster at the same time?
   ... in Ralph's room, there are pictures [drawn by Ralph] of Wiggle Puppy,
       taped to his window etc.?
   ... Ralph has drawn Wiggle Puppy on the chalkboard in his room?
   ... the crime scene boundary tape Chief Wiggum uses to keep people out of
       his forbidden closet of mystery?
   ... Chief Wiggum keeps his police car in his driveway?
   ... Ralph's night light is the man in the moon?
   ... the bullies are playing hacky sack with a frog?
   ... the gates of Morningwood Penitentiary are held together with a small
       padlock?

Matthew Anscher:
   ... the "Let's Make a Baby" moving chair and gun is intended to simulate
       an erect penis?
   ... all of Marge's towels are blue?
   ... Bart and Ralph were apparently not seriously hurt after their accident
       on the trampoline?

Nathan Mulac DeHoff:
   ... Chief Wiggum keeps police records in his home?
   ... the chair seemed to do less damage to the Mayor than one might expect?
   ... Springfield has a LOT of prisons?
   ... Bart actually has a fairly clean room?
   ... Marge has been to jail on an occasion other than the one in "Marge
       in Chains"?
   ... Burns knew that the note was referring to the electric chair in
       which Quimby was sitting, and not the one that was used in
       "Hurricane Neddy"? 

Daniel L. Dreibelbis:
   ... Todd Flanders mooning into the giant telescope at the Knowledgeum?
   ... one of Ralph's soft toys in Binky, from Life in Hell?

Jordan Eisenberg:
   ... according to Dr. Nick's file, he really is a doctor?
   ... the family photos above Ralph's staircase?
   ... Bart knew what Ralph's cards were?
   ... Mayor Quimby's eyes when he was electrocuted?
   ... Ralph nodded yes to the leprechaun?
   ... this episode is dedicated to Sunni Walton O'Neil?

Alex Foley:
   ... this is the first 5F episode to have the full opening?
   ... Homer's file does not have the 'Confidential' label on it?
   ... Homer's first name is spelled out on his police file, unlike the
       others, with just an initial?

Andrew Gill:
   ... the hard drive can crash at a rate?
   ... yes, Bart is El Barto?
   ... Nelson knows SI units?

Don Del Grande:
   ... the robot has three "fingers" on each hand?
   ... Martin didn't answer the math question right away?
   ... the "MARS" logo at the Knowledgeum was the second half of the "STAR
       WARS" logo with the W turned upside down?
   ... at first, Ralph appears to understand the concept of a finger trap
       better than Bart does?
   ... Homer's file does not say "Do not remove from police station" like
       the others?
   ... they never call Chief Wiggum's master key a "skeleton key", yet its
       head is skull shaped?
   ... for some reason, the electric chair has a key switch as well as the
       "traditional" switch?  Why bother with the second switch?
   ... the abandoned prison is on the top of a hill?

Dave Hall:
   ... in the couch scene Bart spray painted Homer's two hair strands?
   ... the apple on Mrs. Krabappel's desk?
   ... the robot has three digits per hand?
   ... Larry has the heaviest brain at 3.2 kilograms?
   ... Bart actually had a apple on his desk?
   ... Wendell, who usually is sick a lot, is walking on the ceiling?
   ... Dr. Frink's visible computer has no monitor?
   ... part of Database's shirt isn't tucked in?
   ... Chief Wiggum wears his badge on the correct side of his chest?
   ... Maggie is not around when Marge talks to Chief Wiggum?
   ... Ralph's "special area" is his right shoulder?
   ... Bart's map is titled "Springfield Residential Hills"?
   ... Bart's map to teachers homes has 13 red crosses on it?
   ... Bart sorts his toys?
   ... the Scratchy doll in the bookshelf in Bart's bedroom?
   ... the discarded underwear on the floor of Bart's bedroom?
   ... Ralph has stuffed Mr. Teeny and Bongo dolls?
   ... Krusty the Clown has a criminal record?
   ... Bart shudders when he comes to Sideshow Bob's police record?
   ... the coffee stains on Homer's police record folder?
   ... Chief Wiggum addresses himself as Chief Wiggum around his son?
   ... The Wiggums portraits hanging on the wall along the stairs?
   ... Chief Wiggum drops his police gun and forgets about it?
   ... the police car is too big to fit in the Wiggums' garage?
   ... Ralph can roller blade?
   ... Springfield Zoo has dingoes?
   ... all the trees surrounding Morningwood Penitentiary are dead?
   ... the front doors to Morningwood Penitentiary are already open?
   ... Springfield's state supports Capital Punishment?
   ... one pull chain controls all the lights in the Penitentiary?
   ... when Mayor Quimby sits in the chair he turns his feet inward?
   ... Lisa is left handed?

Tony Hill:
   ... the prison has a Princess wall phone?

Joe Klemm:
   ... each stooge's brain had their respective hairdo?
   ... the stooge equation in the background?
   ... Chief Wiggum confiscated beer from a grown up [Kearney]?

Ondre Lombard:
   ... Maggie sleeping in Marge's arms as the family walks back to their car?
   ... Ralph really doesn't seem to do much with that fudgsicle besides let
       it melt?
   ... how somewhat sloppy Lisa's writing is?

Tom Rinschler:
   ... the Superfriends (the school group, not the superheros) are gathered
       around the "Visible Computer"?
   ... Lisa has a sextant? (what was she using it for on land? Attempting
       to find her latitude?)

Benjamin Robinson:
   ... Ralph holds his riot club by the wrong end?
   ... Bart looks a lot like Homer when he's drooling?
   ... someone's been paying a guy to guard an empty prison for thirty years?
   ... for some reason known only to the Fox network, we got to see the
       full-screen closing credits?

Mike Smith
   ... it's the first episode, since 4F21, that the full end credits were
       shown (not counting variations)?
   ... it's the first episode, since 9F13, that focused on Ralph?
   ... the episode was shown only FIVE DAYS AFTER St. Patrick's Day (as
       opposed to 4F15, which was shown the day before St. Patrick's Day)?
       [referring to the leprechaun thing --hmw]

==============================================================================
> Movie (and other) References
==============================================================================
   + "This Little Piggy"  [nursery rhyme]
        - episode title

   + "Forbidden Planet" [movie]
        - robot visiting class {jk}

   + "Lost in Space"  [movie]
        - Robbie the Automaton is a parody of Robbie the Robot ["interesting
        how there was a commercial for the new remake in the first break,"
        says Tom Rinschler]

   + "The Little Prince" by St. Exupery
      - Milhouse touches a star, and animation very similar to the cover
        illustration {ac}

   + "The Three Stooges"  [slapstick comedy]
        - Nelson observes which of the Three Stooges had the heaviest brain,
          in his fantasy of what the Knowledgeum will be like

   + Various museums
      - Knowledgeum

   ~ "The Visible Man/Woman"
      - the toys have been joined by "The Visible Computer" {tr}

   + "Star Wars"  [movie]
        - the gun used in the sperm game {ji}
        - the same font is used on the "Mars" logo

   + The Pathfinder mission
        - Bart's makeshift skateboard is a model of the Sojourner probe, which
        had probably just touched down when this episode was written {bjr}

   + "Apollo 13" [movie]
        - Bart's "Housten, we have a booger" comment {jk}

   + teenagers taping crime sprees
      - there have been several instances of this in the last few years. They
        are repaid for their stupidity by getting caught with indisputable
        evidence {tr}

   ~ "Leprechaun"  [horror movie]
        - the wrong-doing wee little leprechaun

   + "Jerry Maguire"  [movie]
        - answer machine message spoof of the infamous "show me the message!"
          scene

   + "The Flip Wilson" [TV show]
      - 'Geraldine' and the devil quotes {ji}

   + J.R.R. Tolkien [author]
        - name of toy store, 'J.R.R. Toykin' {jk}

   + "Dumb and Dumber" [movie]
        - the bullies' taunt, "Hey, it's Dork and Dorker," plays on the title
        of this movie {bjr}

   + "Big" [movie]
        - giant keyboard on toy store floor

   + Rockwood State Penitentiary
        - prison referred to as Penn State [Both are in State College, where I
        happen to reside] {ag}

   + "Prisoner, Cell Block H"
      - when Bart tries to call the prison, the guard is next to a sign that
        says "CELL BLOCK H" {ddg}

   + "There's a Wocket in My Pocket" [children's book]
      - Burns quotes "Smithers, there's a rocket in my pocket!" when Bart's
        rocket lands in his pocket {ma}

   + "West Side Story" [movie]
        - 'rocket in my pocket' {ag}

==============================================================================
> Previous Episode References
==============================================================================
- The five times Homer has been in jail {af}
   - [7F11] in jail for speeding
   - [9F14] in jail for drunk driving
   - [2F21] arrested for parking in a handicap space and imitating Officer
            Marge
   - [4F15] arrested for being the beer baron
   - [5F12] in jail for stealing Moe's car

- The two times Marge has been in jail {af}
   - [8F14] in jail for blocking traffic on the Springfield bridge
   - [9F20] in jail for shoplifting the Kwik-E-Mart

- Leprechaun appearances {hl}
   - [7F22] Homer tells Marge that she is living in a world of make-believe
            with "flowers and bells and leprechauns and magic frogs with funny
            little hats"
   - [1F05] Grumpy leprechaun stands at one end of Brad Goodman's "Feeling Bad
            Rainbow"
   - [4F13] Bart makes crank 911 phone call about "leprechaun bite"
   - [5F02] Boy dressed up as leprechaun for Halloween. {kab}
   - [5F05] Lisa says angels are a fantasy like unicorns, sea monsters and
            leprechauns. Brockman rebutts by saying leprechauns are extinct

- [7G07] Bart is friends with the bullies 
- [7F11, 9F14, 5F12] Homer in jail {nmd}
- [7F12] [9F16] [4F08] "Do the Hustle" is referenced {ol}
- [7F19] Simpson family members visit a museum {nmd}
- [7F22, 9F15] Burns engages in Seuss-esque speech {nmd}
- [7F23, 1F06] bullies play keepaway
- [8F03] kids cheer when something happens to Skinner {nmd}
- [8F12, 9F03] Bart melts plastic figures {af}
- [8F23] Homer has sperm trouble {th}
- [9F12] outsized cotton swab {ol}
- [9F13] Ralph episode {af}
- [9F15] Burns shuts off power at the push of a button {nmd}
- [9F15, 2F01] robots attacking people {nmd}
- [9F20] one of Marge's times in jail 
- [9F21] [3F06] [3F10] episodes dedicated to the memory of someone {ol}
- [1F05] trouble with a trampoline
- [1F12] giant keyboard in toy store 
- [1F13] Homer saves the day in the rocket, but a carbon rod gets the credit
         and praise.  (cf. Lisa saves Mayor Quimby, and Ralph gets the praise)
         {ol}
- [2F11] A rocket is launched, and it misses its target {ol}
- [3F15] A 'candy' bride and groom are abused {je}
- [3F24] Marge runs a vacuum cleaner to drown someone out {ol}
- [4F01] Nelson has a poster involving atomic bomb explosions
- [4F02] Someone else gets the credit and praise for something Lisa did {ol}
- [4F07] someone is rescued from the electric chair {nmd}
- [4F18] A Malibu Stacy with no head. (Bart and Ralph pulled the head off) 
- [4F21] Bart plays with police equipment {nmd}
- [5F03] Ralph being associated with "special" education {ol}
- [5F06] a Van Houten's arm meets trouble {th}
- [5F10] Bart makes an 'unmasculine' comment while washing something {je}
- [3G02] full opening {af}
- [3F24] Marge uses a vacuum to cover noise {ji}

==============================================================================
> FFF (Freeze Frame Fun)
==============================================================================
- Nelson's Three Stooges equation {bjr}

        /L   M   C\
    3 = |- + - + -| X 0 + 3
        \B   B   B/

        LMC
        --- X 0 + 3
         B

        0 + 3
    3 = 3


- The Springfield Knowledgeum sign

       +-------------------+
       |    SPRINGFIELD    |
       |    KNOWLEDGEUM    |
       |  "WHERE SCIENCE   |
       | IS EXPLAINED WITH |
       | BRIGHTLY-COLORED  |
       |       BALLS."     |
       +-------------------+


- a sign in the Knowledgeum

       +--------------+
       | SEX          |
       |  EDUCATION   |
       |    PAVILION  |
       +--------------+


- Residential Folders in Chief Wiggum's forbidden closet of mystery
   - Riviera, N
   - Krustofski, H
   - Terwilliger, R
   - Simpson, H


- What's in Chief Wiggum's closet {dh}
   - Riot Gear (Helmets and batons)
   - three gun belts with bullets
   - Four handcuffs
   - uniform with badge on wrong side of chest.
   - three Holsters with guns
   - Box of Tear Gas
   - Three rifles
   - criminal records


- the vehicle the bullies are using is a "Parking Enforcement" vehicle.


- Some activities at the Springfield Knowledgeum {dh}
   - Earthquake Simulator
   - Macro-Scope
   - Hall of Wonders
   - Double Helix
   - "Ceiling walking"
   - Virtual Salad
   - Reading a Giant Book
   - Sex Education Computer
   - enormous pendulum
   - The Visible Computer (run by Dr. Frink)
   - Sex Education Pavilion
   - Let's Make a Baby
   - Mar Landscape
   - The Ear
   - "The Virtual Ass"


- Labels on the police files [minus Homer's] {af}:

                 Confidential
                 Do Not Remove
              From Police Station


- 99 Hilarious Phone Messages {dh}


- J.R.R. Toykin's {dh}


- Morningwood Penitentiary - Condemned {dh}

==============================================================================
> Animation, continuity and other goofs
==============================================================================
= In the opening scene [Bart's classroom] the kid's continuously change places
  on different camera shots.

= The calculators and paper vanish from the student desks. {dh}

= Mrs. Krabappel vanishes from the classroom just before the robot enters.
  {dh}

= The first term in the second line of Nelson's chalkboard should be
  "(L+M+C)/B" not "LMC/B". {hl}

= Marge pulls the Knowledgeum brochure out of thin air. {dh}

c Heard - Bart:  "I'm gonna go toss the virtual salad."
  Seen  - Bart:  "I'm going to crawl inside the visible frenchman." {je}

- Krusty says, "Hey, baby, remember me?" when he sits down at the "Let's Make
  a baby" ride, yet the Springfield Knowledgeum's grand opening is that very
  same day. [I think this was more of a reference to some kind of obsession
  with sex he has. --hmw] {dh}

c Heard - Voice: "You are out of sperm."
  Seen  - Voice: "Your score is zero." {hl}

c Heard - Homer:  "Beer!  Beer!  Beer!  Bed!  Bed!  Bed!"
  Seen  - [barking] {je}

= The Floating Point Unit (FPU) on Frink's "Visible Computer" appears to be
  located in the monitor housing.  Most PCs put it in the main computer "box";
  in fact, since 1992 most PCs have integrated the FPU on the CPU chip itself.
  (For the PC-impaired:  This just means the FPU is in the wrong place.) {bjr}

* Bart has played with Ralph in the past.  A ball game in "Homer at the Bat"
  and the cowboys and Indians game in "Bart's Girlfriend" come to mind. [So
  therefore shouldn't mind hanging around with him --hmw] {nmd}

= Ralph's finger trap was attached to Bart, but after the commercial break it
  is attached to Ralph's tongue. {dh}

= Marge's vacuum cleaner only appears when she needed it.  Also note Bart's
  knapsack vanishes at about the same time. {dh}

= While the bullies are filming their crime spree, the camera clearly shows
  them quickly approaching Bart and Ralph. They should have reached the two
  in about two seconds, but then the cart appears to be much further away
  when shown again, and takes considerably longer than it should have.

= The closest light and pull chain vanishes after Bart uses it. {dh}

* Ralph doesn't have, nor need a bunkbed.  Bart should've needed a sleeping
  bag. {ol}

* Police records should probably be at the police station, and not in Wiggum's
  household. {ol}

* Marge should have a separate police file. {af}

c Heard - Bart:  "Aw, mom's only been in [prison] twice."
  Seen  - Bart:  "Ah, he killed the swan at the zoo." {je}

= Before Chief Wiggum rolls over, his badge is on the left. After rolling
  over, it's on the right.

= Chief Wiggum saw that the 'crookie' was in the closet, yet he rolled in and
  aimed his gun away from it. {je}

* Judging by the numerous times I've seen cops use battering rams to  break
  down a door, I'd say a police "master key" for the town is a fictional
  device. {bjr}

* You can't really make a giant Lego block from smaller ones, since none
  of the smaller ones have the rounded shape necessary to make the bumps
  at the top of the large one? {ddg}

= The chocolate and icing stains disappear from Bart and Ralph's mouths
  after leaving the bakery. {ma}

= Ralph doesn't have the key to Springfield around his neck until he turns the
  corner and runs into Jimbo, Dolph, Kearney and Nelson. {ol}

* Why does Bart still want to hang around with Jimbo and the other bullies?
  He's known that they were unpleasant to hang around with since "The
  Telltale Head." {nmd}

= The trees around Morningwood Penitentiary don't have leafs on them, even
  though [according to the calendar in Bart's classroom] it's only April.

= Ralph runs into the Penitentiary, and Bart follows. At this point they
  both are covered in mud after being in a mud puddle, but when they enter
  the penitentiary the mud has strangely vanished.

= The wedding figurines don't appear in Ralph's back pocket until Bart decides
  to execute them. {bjr}

* Why would an abandoned prison need a guard? {af}

= The newlyweds vanish from Ralph's back pocket in some scenes. {dh}

= Bart and Ralph leave behind the mess of the melted figurines.  However,
  it's not there at the press conference. {ol}

= That old rotary phone the guard was using has one too many numbers. {dh}

= Pay attention to the switch on the wall as Mayor Quimby sits down in the
  electric chair.  It jiggles from frame to frame. {dh}

= The rocket vanishes from Burns' desk. {dh}

= The 'Safety/Armed' electric chair switch disappears in Quimby's scene. {je}

= The activation lever for the chair used to be on the opposite wall of the
  chair, but changed position in Quimby's scene. {je}

* Mayor Quimby would not have survived the electrocution. Observe the
  following extract of an article about the electric chair:

  "The electricity enters the inmate's head and immediately depolarizes, or
  scrambles, the normal electric signals within the brain. At that point,
  all consciousness and feeling are eliminated."

==============================================================================
> Reviews
==============================================================================
Dale G. Abersold: The (evil) rule of thumb of post-9F17 episodes seems to be
   "in order to be funny, characters must be portrayed wildly out of
   character."  Dan Greaney proves that the opposite is true: humor and
   somewhat realistic character portraits can go hand in hand.  This is not a
   perfect episode by any stretch of the imagination, but it is most pleasant
   and most welcome. (Grade: B+)

David Carruthers: I thought this episode was great. I thought it was
   especially goof how they showed Ralph's life more! This was definitely the
   best of season nine. This Simpsons episode proves the Simpsons is still
   alive. Homer had some good lines,  especially the answering machine.
   (Grade: A)

Ben Collins: I haven't had this much fun watching The Simpsons in a while.
   Instead of simply filling this episode with idiotic one-liners (although
   there were a couple), Dan Greaney actually develops Ralph's character (a
   strange idea in the Scully era). Unfortunately, the third act declines into
   pointlessness and ends idiotically. (Grade: B+)

Chris Courtois: "This Little Wiggy" had a disjointed, slapdash feel, almost
   like a first draft of an episode. The opening Knowledgeum scenes were full
   of great bits, but the transition to the main Ralph-Bart story line was
   abrupt and awkward. (Ralph gets pulled out of a giant ear and starts
   barking like Wigglepuppy, which inspires Marge to have Bart play with
   him??) For a Ralph centered episode, there were surprisingly few great
   Ralph lines, certainly nothing on par with the lines in "I Love Lisa",
   although the moonrock in the nose, and "My dad took away your beer" were
   both good. The episode was amusing, if somewhat slight. A bit more
   tightening up might have raised this from the C+/B- grade I give it.

Nathan Mulac DeHoff: The plot wasn't especially well developed this time, but
   the characterization was done well, except for Bart's desire to hang around
   with Jimbo and company. It seems to me like he would have learned his
   lesson about hanging around with them. This episode's main asset was it's
   humor. It kept me laughing more than most of this season's episodes did,
   from the beginning scene in school on. The museum scene, for instance, was
   quite well done. (Grade: B)

Daniel L. Dreibelbis: Another largely funny episode which puts the rest
   the idea that season 9 is lame, with Ralph Wiggum back on form with his
   bizarre behaviour, and some great lines and a nicely set up plot. Homer
   gets in some great shots too (that scene in the parking lot had me ROTFL,
   as well as when Bart tells Marge she has no idea what it's like "hanging
   around with a doofus"). Give those writers a raise! (Grade: A)

Jordan Eisenberg: Can somebody please remind me why I've ever been
   disappointed with this season? This was amazing. Nothing OOC, plenty of
   original, inspired gags and every member of OFF had a respectable amount
   of time. The plot seemed to change dramatically in the last few seconds
   of the first act, but it took me until second viewing to even notice.
   Looking back at my past few reviews, I've begun to realize I love this
   season! As of this episode, I'm raising my standards for an A. (Grade: B+)

Alex Foley: Dan Greaney does it again with "This Little Wiggy," a big
   improvement over "Realty Bites". Great jokes, good story make for the best
   episode since "Lisa's Sax". The one problem with this episode was the end
   with Quimby on the chair, but otherwise, a superior episode. (Grade: A)

Tony Hill: This was a simply hilarious episode, easily the funniest of
   the 9th season so far.  Making Ralph more than a one-dimensional character
   worked.  The reason this ep did, however, is because the focus was on Bart
   and not Ralph. (Grade: A)

Kevin Hinrichs: I liked this episode. The Robbie the Robot joke at the
   beginning was funny. Ralph's wigglepup character and his leprechaun. Mayor
   Quimby getting fried was hilarious. (Grade: A+)

John Isles: This episode can be simplified in one word-- GREAT!  The story
   had a great first act, and the laughed never died down to muteness. The
   museum scenes were the best part, having several ingenious and interesting
   exhibits. Sight gags aside, I thought the story worked well, in spite of
   the fact Bart doesn't like hanging out with dorks like Ralph.  I thought
   the writing for Ralph REALLY sparkled, seeing how he conquered the fear of
   going into the not-quite-abandoned prison.  The events that took place in
   the worked in sync, providing a not-so-obvious story line (i.e.:  Bart
   ditching Ralph and forgetting him altogether). All in all, the BEST
   episode of this season [thus far]. (Grade: A-)

Joe Klemm: Even though there wasn't any interesting quote that is up there
   with the classic quotes, it was still a funny episode. I loved the
   knowledge museum, which I wish was real. The ending was very clever with
   the leprechaun of Ralph's imagination wanting the boy to set the house
   on fire. (Grade: A)

Haynes Lee: Had a real painful start but picked up somewhat near the end.
   Could have used a subplot though. This is no where near as good the first
   Ralph vehicle "I Love Lisa". (Grade: C+)

Jake Lennington: A nice romp that adds another dimension to everyone's fav.
   one liner machine, Ralph. [thats a memorable line itself, Jake! --hmw]
   Overall, I thought the episode was not the funniest of Season 9, but it
   was not all that bad.  It was cool to see Bart and Ralph paired together
   and the idea of having a "master key" to Springfield bring them together
   was a nice touch also. (Grade: B+)

Michael K. Neylon: While most of the rest of the episode was strong, the use
   of Ralph in this show was disappoint, and offset the strength of the rest
   of the episode.  If they didn't dumb down Ralph as they have with Homer,
   this would have been a much stronger episode.

John Ogan: This one amused me.  They had some great material written, dense
   with jokes and evident of some screwed-up minds behind the scenes.  Take
   the concept of the "Make A Baby" game, getting trapped in a giant ear and
   being cleaned out by a giant Q-tip, and Wiggle-Puppy... I love it.  It
   really wasn't the best plot I've ever seen, and the ending was pretty
   unbelievable, but I appreciated the show for what it was.  I laughed,
   strangely enough, when Lisa was introduced with the strum of a harp
   when using the sextant, almost indicating some magical quality about
   her.  To me, "This Little Wiggy" was what we call a "lighthearted romp".
   And how many times was religion brought up in this episode?  Bart thanking
   the lord for his bounty, Lisa praying that the rocket hits its target,
   and Wiggum crying out for God when he goes down in his bedroom.  At least
   Lisa got a good moment for herself in that she displays her ability to
   let someone else take the credit for her work when they need it more.
   (Grade: B)

Tom Rinschler: Whew! I haven't laughed that much during an episode in a
   long time! There were non-stop jokes from beginning to end, many of them
   LOL's and ROFL's, and at worst plenty of good little snickers. The jokes
   were held together by a decent (if skimpy) plot, with nice characterization
   for Bart, Ralph, Marge, and Lisa. Homer wasn't a complete ignoramus, just
   highly excitable. Best of all, Ralph wasn't merely played for jokes, but
   with sympathy for his plight. All in all one of the best (if not THE best)
   of the season, and probably up there with the best of the series!
   (Grade: A+)

Benjamin Robinson: The highlight of this show wasn't the expected hijinx that
   Bart was supposed to get into with the town's master key.  Instead, it was
   the surprising way writer Dan Greaney transformed Ralph from Springfield's
   dumbest boy into someone who could win your sympathy.  Marge also shines as
   a well-intentioned, and slightly meddlesome, mother.  The plot starts off
   great, with a hilarious trip to the science museum, but the third act
   shifts direction too abruptly and is slightly flat.  Not my favorite
   Greaney-written episode, but it's a good one overall. (Grade: B)

Matt Rose: Dan Greaney is one of those who still is capable of a good Simpsons
   episode. Make him producer! For those to come along in the last three
   seasons, he's my favorite and this episode shows why - A good mix of story,
   emotion, and humor, and characters that for the most part were who they
   were supposed to be. I enjoyed all the museum sequences... reminded me of
   "Duff Gardens". Although some of Ralph's lines weren't all that funny, he
   still had some great ones, and Bart was played beautifully. A shame that
   great episodes are a rarity these days, but it's comforting to know it's
   still possible from the current staff. (Grade: A-/B+)

Mike Smith: Not since I Love Lisa (9F13), have we got an really funny
   episode focusing on Ralph. Tonight is no exception!!! The funniest episode
   in some time. My vote for the second best episode of the season (After
   Lisa's Sax, of course!). (Grade: A)

Yours Truly {hmw}: There's something about the episode that I can't quite put
   my finger on. It was a fairly decent episode, but the style of humour
   didn't gel for me. But it was good to see Bart back in his prank-pulling
   and danger-seeking ways. (Grade: C)

==============================================================================
> Comments and Other Observations
==============================================================================
>> Behold.. the Pathfinder!

Joe Klemm: In the Mars background, Bart is using the Pathfinder as a
   skateboard. The Pathfinder is a Mars rover that landed on the red planet
   in 1997 to investigate rocks, which were named after cartoon characters,
   for any signs that life once existed on Mars. Currently, the mission is
   about over since transmission from Mars is cut.


>> Troy McClure's acting career: Welcome Kiosks
   - Welcome to Springfield Airport
   - Where's Nordstrum?
   - The Springfield Knowledgeum


>> Movie for a late, late night

Benjamin Robinson sheds some light on the movie Chief Wiggum was watching:
   There actually was a series "Pink Panther" movies -- an original "The Pink
   Panther," and a run of sequels each bearing a title that was an
   increasingly ridiculous variation of "The Pink Panther Returns."  Not
   related to the cartoon character (*), the movies were about the
   misadventures of Inspector Clouseau (sp?), a French detective who was
   perpetually on loan to the Brits. The French knew what they were doing --
   Clouseau was incompetent and clumsy to the extreme, and as a result, the
   "Panther" movies combined slapstick comedy with international intrigue.
   The Inspector was played by Peter Sellers.  When he died, it seemed as
   though the series had come to an end. It's hard to discourage Hollywood,
   and they decided to make a go of it with another actor (not Ken Wahl,
   though).  The critics savaged it, and the audience stayed away in droves.
   <That> brought the series to an end.

   A comedy about a bumbling cop?  Gee, I wonder why Wiggum would want to
   watch that...

   (*) Although the 'toon Panther did make an appearance in the opening
   credits.


>> By all medical logic, his eyes ought to be popping out of his sockets 

A few comments about the electric chair from "Faces of Death", submitted by
   Andrew Gill.

   1. The electric chair typically has two switches, so that no one knows who
      killed him/her.
   2. The shock, IIRC, lasts 30 seconds at a high voltage, with a 5-minute low
      voltage shock.
   3. But you know that you caused him/her at least some damage, as typically
      you give several shocks.
   4. The reason that you give several shocks is that the person is typically
      alive for the first few.
   5. Thus, Quimby would likely be alive for the first shock.
   6. You typically have tape the eyes--they do pop out.


>> Thoughts

Andrew Gill: Did anyone else notice the number of double entendres in this
   ep? ("I'm gonna toss the virtual salad", morning wood -- the Ovulator
   2000 doesn't count, though.)  Not since Black Widower have we seen this...

Dave Hall: I was expecting something to happen with the bullies' video taping
   their crime sprees, but nothing became of it.

Jeremy Reaban: Does Ralph actually know Bart? I know he recognizes him
   vaguely, but I didn't think he knew his name (see Bart Sells his Soul).


>> Musical references

   + "Do the Hustle"
        - Homer sings this as an answering machine message, and replaces
          "hustle" with "message"

   + "There's a Rocket in my Pocket"
        - KISS song {hl}

   - Apparently the close captioning made reference to the Who album "Tommy,"
     by including the song "I'm Free" in the Toy Store {jr} [They included
     the lyrics, even though on the show they aren't heard --hmw]


>> Miscellaneous

- MPAA rating: TV-PG {ddg} [Kinda weird, considering the sexual references
  and some other unsuitable bits, ie. Quimby's electrocution --hmw]

- Inside Reference: the movie "Jerry Maguire" was produced by Gracie Films'
  James L. Brooks and Richard Sakai. {dh}

==============================================================================
> Quotes and Scene Summary
==============================================================================
[Syndication cuts are contained in {curly brackets}, and were observed by
Haynes Lee]

% It's another lazy day in Springfield, the town without a state. Edna
% Krabappel's class are learning mathematics.

Krabappel: Now, whose calculator can tell me what seven times eight is?
           [the kids rush to the sum. Milhouse Van Houten has an answer]
 Milhouse: Oh! Oh, oh, oh!  Low battery?
Krabappel: [sighs] Whatever.
-- "This Little Wiggy"

% Principle Skinner appears at the doorway with a treat in store for the kids.
% With a bit of trouble, he finally manages to grip the kids' attention.

Skinner: We have a very special visitor today, but he's no ordinary visitor.
         In fact, [almost chuckling] you might say--
   Bart: He's a robot.  We saw him on the way in.
Skinner: [loses enthusiasm] Thank you, Bart.  All right, come in, they know.
-- Lost in Springfield? "This Little Wiggy"

% A Dr. Who-esque robot [on wheels] rolls into the classroom.

Skinner: Kids, this is Robbie the Automaton.
  Robot: [in robotic voice] Greetings, Earth children.
  Lewis: Where are you from?
  Robot: [pauses] Earth.
-- Me too! "This Little Wiggy"

% The robot asks the kids if they've ever wondered which of the Three Stooges
% had the heaviest brain. Nelson drifts into a daydream, in which he is a
% scientist observing three brains.

Hmmm... Larry... three point two kilograms. Fascinating!
-- Nelson Muntz learning which of the Three Stooges had the heaviest brain,
"This Little Wiggy"

% The answers to these - and similar questions - can be found at the
% Springfield Knowledgeum, a hands-on learning environment opening on
% Saturday. Once the advertisement is over, Bart glances out the window
% beside him and notices the sucker controlling the robot sat in a tree.
% Bart equips his slingshot and shoots the man down, turning the robot's
% back to rubber, and resetting it's configurations to default.

Command link severed.  Default setting. Crush, Kill, Destroy.
-- I, robot, "This Little Wiggy"

% The robot grabs Principal Skinner, and executes a bear hug. The children
% ignore Skinner's begging for help, and cheer.

% Soon enough, OFF are at the parking lot of the Knowledgeum.

 Lisa: What a whimsical building. Who says science can't be fun?
 Bart: Me. I smell a museum.
Homer: Yeah, good things don't end with eum. They end with mania. Or teria!
-- "This Little Wiggy"

% OFF enter the Knowledgeum, and move along on a conveyor belt. A
% well-sized screen is playing the Knowledgeum welcome kiosk, starring
% Troy McClure.

Troy:  Welcome to the Springfield Knowledgeum.  I'm Troy McClure!
       You may remember me from such automated information kiosks
       as 'Welcome to Springfield Airport', and 'Where's Nordstrom?'.
       While you're enjoying our hall of wonders, your car will be
       unfortunately be subject to repeated [fades out].
Homer: What'd he say?  What about my car?
-- at the Knowledgeum, "This Little Wiggy"

% The Simpsons enter. To their delight, a wealth of educational and fun
% activities inhabit the entire building. Kids slide down a scientific
% helter-skelter, Rod Flanders moons into a giant telescope, and some kids
% try to stand on the earthquake simulator.  Fueled by this eye candy, the
% Simpsons are anxious to look around.

  Bart: Hey, I'm going to go toss the virtual salad!
  Lisa: I'm gonna read the giant book!
 Homer: I'm going to try the sex education computer! (he jumps, and the
        bounces away on the trampoline like floor) Yoink!
 Marge: Come on, Maggie.  Let's try and find the enormous pendulum!
-- Er... I'll be at the world's smallest chess board, "This Little Wiggy"

% Elsewhere, Professor John Frink is hosting an exhibit called "The
% Visible Computer," in which a transparent shell lets people see the
% inside of the average PC. The audience are the nerds and geeks --
% the Super Friends, Martin, etc.

   Frink: The section now illuminated is the floating point unit. One of my
          personal favorite units.
Children: [ooh's and ah's]
   Frink: [flattered] oh, well...
    Bart: [typing on the keyboard] Hey, how do you get this thing to play
          blackjack?
   Frink: Stop that, you're hurting it.
    Bart: So how is it supposed to work?
   Frink: Well..
    Bart: Boring.  Am I on the Internet?
   Frink: No! You can only access the..
    Bart: Boring.  What's that fire for?
Database: The hard drive is crashing at an alarming speed!
          [Martin takes a photograph.]
   Frink: [to Martin] No more pictures!
-- "This Little Wiggy" 

% Meanwhile, Homer is spending his time playing "Let's Make a Baby."

Homer: Aah!  Eh!  Ovulate, damn you!  Ovulate! 
Voice: You are out of sperm. 
-- Homer playing 'Let's Make a Baby,' "This Little Wiggy" 

% Homer moans in defeat and walks away.  Krusty leaps into the chair.

Hey, baby, remember me?
-- Krusty the Clown, getting ready to play 'Lets Make a Baby,' "This Little
   Wiggy"

% Meanwhile, Bart is walking around a clone of Mars. Observing a crater
% which resembles a half pipe [and a perfect edge for grinding], Bart
% notices this is also a perfectly good skate park!
% Bart leaps onto a nearby Mars Rover and begins skating. He skates in
% and around the crater and ends up skating towards Ralph, who happily
% sits, smiling.

I found a moon rock in my nose!
-- Ralph Wiggum, "This Little Wiggy"

Houston, we have a booger.
-- Bart on Ralph, "This Little Wiggy"

% Jimbo, Dolph, Kearney and Nelson approach Bart and Ralph.

  Jimbo: Hey loser, this planet's for space studs.
Kearney: Yeah, blast off!
-- it's a free planet, "This Little Wiggy"

% Kearney grabs Ralph and tosses him into a large model ear.

Kearney: Tell it to the ear, baby.
   Bart: [laughs] Good one, guys.
Kearney: Simpson, go kiss the virtual ass!
   Bart: Yes, sir.
-- "This Little Wiggy"

% Later, Marge and Chief Wiggum watch on as a Knowledgeum worker tries to
% pry Ralph out of the ear with a giant Q-tip. They finally get him out.
% Ralph begins to run around in circles barking and making engine noises.
% Marge looks on, half-disgusted, but Chief seems to be proud of him.

 Marge: Is that normal?
Wiggum: No, he's just playing 'wiggle Puppy'!  That's a dog he made
        up who flies by wagging his tail.  Heh, I tell you, that dog has had
        some amazing adventures.
-- Like father, like son, "This Little Wiggy"

 Marge: Well, Ralph certainly has a lot of imagination.
Wiggum: Aw, yeah, the kid's incredible.  I mean the special schools are
        all over him.
-- "This Little Wiggy"

 Marge: Maybe he needs some real friends.
Wiggum: Sure, we'd all love some <real> friends, Marge, but what are the
        odds of that happening?
-- "This Little Wiggy"

% Marge is impressed by Ralph's manners.

Help!  She's touching my special area!
-- Ralph panicking when Marge touches his shoulder, "This Little Wiggy"

% The Simpsons are walking back to their car in the parking lot.

Homer: [excited] Then me and my friend were about to press it, but the
       man said not to press it, but we pressed it anyway!  And we ran
       and we hid in this giant tire, we had.. and my other friend was
       already there..
Marge: All right, all right, now, you're over stimulated.  Let's get
       some beer in you, and then it's right to bed.
Homer: Woo hoo! [running] Beer, beer, beer, bed, bed, bed!
-- Just a big kid, "This Little Wiggy"

% The next day, Bart is packing his bag for a typical prank filled school
% day.

Firecrackers.. stink-bombs.. maps to teacher's homes.
-- Bart, preparing for a typical school day, "This Little Wiggy"

% As Bart starts to go out the door, Marge stops him, with an excited look
% on her face. Marge has arranged a playdate for Bart instead of school.
% The door bell rings. "A wha-- with who?!" asks Bart, desperately.
% Marge opens the door, revealing Ralph Wiggum, holding a melting popsicle 
% in one hand and a finger trap in the other. 
% Later, Ralph has the finger trap stuck to his tongue.

 Bart: You want me to hang out with Ralph Wiggum? 
Marge: Not hang out! Play date! 
 Bart: Stop saying that! 
Marge: Now why don't you show off your new friend around the
       neighborhood? You two make an adorable pair! 
 Bart: [to Ralph] Someone will be right with you. [slams door] Mom,
       school has changed a lot since you were a kid.  Popularity is
       very important now.
Marge: But--
 Bart: Don't talk. Just listen. The social order of elementary school is
       densely layered.  The coolest kids are at the top...
Marge: Oh, you mean like the 'A' students?
 Bart: [pauses] I don't wanna play with Ralph.
Marge: He's just a misunderstood little boy who needs a friend!  And, if
       he hangs around with you, well, everyone will think he's cool!
 Bart: [flattered] Well, I don't know about that... it might help him a
       little...
Marge: Okay!  Great!  You kids have fun!
Bart:  {Hey, wait, I didn't agree to...}
-- "This Little Wiggy"

% {Marge starts vacuuming and humming loudly, blocking out Bart's attempts
% to make her reconsider.}

% {Later, the play date is in action. Bart and Ralph are in Bart's bedroom.
% Ralph is looking at the contents of Bart's toychest, while Bart monitors
% Ralph, uncomfortably.}

{Your toys are fun to touch; mine are all sticky.}
-- Ralph Wiggum talking about Bart's toys, "This Little Wiggy"

 Bart: {Ralph, I just got through sorting those!}
Ralph: {I dropped my pop-stickle in your toy chest.}
 Bart: {Ralph, would you...}
Ralph: {Look, a rocket ship!}
-- Hell on Earth, "This Little Wiggy"

% {Ralph runs over to a model rocket ship on the windowsill. Bart stops
% him from causing any damage. Bart suggests they play hide-and-seek.
% Apparently the pair are playing hide-and-seek. Marge opens a cupboard,
% revealing Ralph hiding behind a pile of towels.}

{I've been here two hours, and Bart still hasn't finded me!}
-- Ralph, proud of his hide-and-seek skills, "This Little Wiggy"

% {Marge goes up to Bart's room with Ralph, where Bart is scrubbing the
% syrup stains from his toys. Marge persuades him to go out with Ralph.}
% Bart and Ralph walk down the street. Bart is deliberately walks faster
& than Ralph.

Slow down, Bart!  My legs don't know how to be as long as yours.
-- Ralph Wiggum trying to keep up with Bart, "This Little Wiggy"

% Bart continues walking faster than Ralph, until, to his horror, he
% sees the local bullies cruising in a parking enforcement buggy,
% catching their own crime spree on camera.

Videotaping this crime spree is the best idea we ever had!
-- Jimbo Jones, "This Little Wiggy"

% Bart pushes Ralph into some nearby bushes as the bullies drive past.
% Once they've passed, Bart pulls Ralph back out. They walk to Ralph's
% house.

Bushes are nice 'cause they don't have prickers -- unless they do.
This one did. Ouch!
-- Ralph coming out a thorn bush, "This Little Wiggy"

% Meanwhile, Ralph is giving Bart a tour of his back garden.

Ralph: This is my swing set.  This is my sandbox. I'm not allowed to
       go in the deep end.  [points to large rock] That's where I saw
       the leprechaun!
 Bart: [sarcastically] Right, a leprechaun.
Ralph: He told me to burn things.
 Bart: [unsure] Uh huh...
-- I'm the leprochaaaaauuun! "This Little Wiggy"

% Later, in Ralph's bedroom, Bart is pondering on things to do.

Ralph: Wanna play stuffed animal parade?
 Bart: Maybe later.  Come on, Ralph, your dad's a cop!  There must be
       some cool stuff around here, bullets, dead body photos, what have you.
Ralph: He keeps that stuff in his closet.  But he says I'm not allowed in
       there.
 Bart: Did he say I'm not allowed in there?
Ralph: Yes.
 Bart: [pause] Well, I'm goin' in anyway!
-- "This Little Wiggy" 

% They go inside Ralph's parents' room. Bart rips through some police
% crime scene tape covering a closet and opens it to a vandal's paradise.

Oh Lord, I thank you for this bounty I'm about to receive... 
-- Bart, checking out Chief Wiggum's forbidden closet, "This Little Wiggy"

% Bart finds some files of the residents of Springfield. He flips through
% and finds Homer's file.

Wow! Dad's been in jail six times! Aw, Mom's only been in twice...
-- Bart, "This Little Wiggy" 

% Clancy Wiggum enters the house and greets his family. Panicking, Bart
% shoves Ralph and himself into the closet as the Chief climbs the stairs.

Eh, oh, man, we have got to get an escalator!
-- Chief Wiggum takes the stairs, "This Little Wiggy"

% He sees the door of his closet slide shut.

[gasp] A 341 in my own bedroom!  All right, crookie, lets dance!
-- Chief Wiggum, "This Little Wiggy"

% Chief Wiggum does a break fall towards the cupboard, and injures his
% back. Bart and Ralph emerge from the closet.

What is your fascination with my forbidden closet of mystery?
-- It's just a kid-thing, Chief Wiggum, "This Little Wiggy"

Ralphie, you got a friend?  Hey... that's fantastic! Here, here, have
some riot gear; it's on the house! [Ralph and Bart attack each other
with the riot gear, with helmets as protection]  Aaah, that takes me
back to the Sixties.
-- Chief Wiggum, "This Little Wiggy"

% Wiggum leaves the room and hangs a weird key on his bed post.

 Bart: What's that weird key for?
Ralph: That's Daddy's Magic Key. It opens every door in town!
 Bart: A police master key? Ralph, do you realize what we can do with..
       [drools] Get me a towel..
-- "This Little Wiggy"

% Back at the Simpson house, Homer and Marge are trying to pick an
% appropriate answering machine message from a book called '99 Hilarious
% Phone Messages'.

Homer: Hi, this is Jerry McGuire.  Show me the message! Show-me-the-message!!
Marge: No, that stinks. Let me try one.  This is Geraldine, and the devil
       made me miss your call, so hear come the beep!  Here come the beep!
       [chuckles]
Homer: Do the message! [sings the tune of 'Do the Hustle']
-- Married life will never be the same, "This Little Wiggy"

 Bart: [Bart enters, equipping a sleeping bag] So long! I'm going to sleep
       over at Ralph's!
Marge: Oh, see, I knew you'd find something you liked about him.
 Bart: Oh, I found something all right... [drools]
-- 99 Hilarious Ways to Worry Your Mother, "This Little Wiggy"

% Later, back at Wiggum's place, Bart and Ralph are tucking into their
% beds. Chief Wiggum flicks on Ralph's night-light, which is so bright
% you can actually hear it.
% Bart and Ralph tip-toe into Clancy's bedroom. Inside, the television is
% switched on, and Clancy and Sarah are asleep, in bed.

We now return to 'The Return of the Pink Panther Returns' starring Ken Wahl
as Inspector Clouseau.
-- I think I saw that one.. or the sequel, "This Little Wiggy"

% Bart tries to get the key with the handle of a broom. It hits Chief a few
% times, but then Bart gets it. Bart throws in a few extra shots at Chief.

% Bart and Ralph, now possessing the Springfield Master Key, stand outside
% a J.R.R. Toykins, and unlock the doors.

 Bart: The world is our toy store.
Ralph: Toy store, toy store, toy store!  Whee!
 Bart: I want to be eight again.
-- At least you'll never get any older than ten, "This Little Wiggy"

% Bart and Ralph build a giant lego brick with small lego bricks, practice
% archery with Malibu Stacy dolls, and have a go on the trampoline, with
% pogo sticks as a means of bouncing higher.  After their fun at the toy
% store, they take a trip to the bakery, and have a helping of an entire
% wedding cake and a batch of funeral fudge.

Ralph: I can't believe we ate a whole wedding cake! 
 Bart: And an entire pan of funeral fudge! 
-- "This Little Wiggy"

% Suddenly, Bart stops. Jimbo, Dolph, Kearney and Nelson are playing Hacky
% Sack with a frog. They notice Bart and Ralph. They warm up with the
% usual insults, and learn from Ralph that they're on a playdate.

  Bart: I'll take it from here, Ralph. [to the bullies] Um, we're hangin'.
        Chillin'.  A little bit of hillin'. 
Nelson: I don't get you, Simpson.  Sometimes you seem kinda righteous, but
        then we see you fraternizing with lameoids. 
 Jimbo: Which makes you a lamewad! 
  Bart: Oh yeah? Would a lamewad have the police master key? 
-- No but a dorkzilla would, "This Little Wiggy"

% The four are impressed. They choose things to do with it, but Bart has
% the best idea.

% Bart, Ralph and the bullies are outside Morningwood Penitentiary. Bart
% really does have some strange ideas.

  Bart: There she is!  The big house, the stony lonesome, the thug jug, the
        mobster trap, Penn State, the oral crook--
Nelson: Shut up, let's just open the gate. 
-- "This Little Wiggy"

% Ralph is scared about going in.

It's just an abandoned prison. All the murderers are long dead, and I'm
sure their ghosts are probably in hell.
-- "This Little Wiggy"

% Jimbo orders Bart to ditch Ralph. Bart does so, bringing Ralph to tears.

Ha ha! Wait, I missed that!  Get him to say it again!
-- Jimbo Jones with a camcorder, after Ralph pours some emotions out,
   "This Little Wiggy"

% Bart decides he can't bail out on a friend, even if it is Ralph. The
% bullies take the master key and play "keep away".

  Bart: Hey, come on!  I thought we were friends.
Nelson: Yeah, well, I hope the irony's not lost on you, Simpson.
        [punches Bart in the stomach, sending him into a mud puddle, and
        throws the Springfield master key through a now-shattered window]
-- "This Little Wiggy"

 Dolph: This sucks.  Let's do something else. 
Nelson: [excited] I know, let's go pick some huckleberries!
        [the gang agrees, enthusiastically]
-- What the hell is this? "This Little Wiggy" 

% The gang leaves. Ralph runs through the gate of the Penitentiary, after
% the key Bart follows.

Wow, look at all these toilets!  They're just inches your bed! Talk about
luxury..
-- Bart in Morningwood Penitentiary, "This Little Wiggy"

There's the key! [a rat takes it] Aagh!  The pointy kitty took it!
-- Ralph, "This Little Wiggy"

% They follow the rat. It goes into a room labeled "Danger". They go
% inside. It turns out to be the electric chair room.

 Bart: Woah, mama, the electric chair! [sniffs] Smell that, Ralph? That's
       the smell of justice.
Ralph: Smells like hot dogs.
-- "This Little Wiggy"

% They use the master key to activate the chair, deactivated years ago.
% Ralph and Bart put some newlyweds from a cake to the chair, and melt
% them into a pool of slime.

[evil cackle] 'Til death do you part!
-- Bart electrocutes some cake's newlyweds, "This Little Wiggy" 

% Bart turns it off, and they hear someone coming, so they split.

Why do I always shout first? Just gives them a chance to run away. Well,
I'm an idiot.
-- the Morningwood Penitentiary security guard, "This Little Wiggy"

% The next day, Ralph and Bart are playing cards.

 Bart: Got any threes?
Ralph: [the camera reveals Ralph has three of them] Go fish!
 Bart: Oh, see, here's the problem, Ralph.  You have several threes.
Ralph: Go fish!
-- Hmmm.. wanna go fishing? "This Little Wiggy"

% Bart flicks on the TV. Well whaddya know -- it's the news at Morningwood
% Penitentiary. Talk about coincidence! And Mayor Quimby's about to
% demonstrate the electric chair -- since it's <deactivated> -- how about
% that?

 Ralph: Hey, there's our play chair!
Quimby: To demonstrate what you're in for, I will now strap myself into
        this electric chair, which was deactivated over thirty years ago,
        and, I  can only assume, still is.
  Bart: Uh oh, we didn't reset the safety switch.
 Ralph: He's going to smell like hot dogs!
-- Dear God NO! "This Little Wiggy"

% Bart runs over to the telephone and dials O. He gets Morningwood
% Penitentiary, but the line is busy.

Now, Martha, we've been over this and over this!  We're too old to start
having children. If you're looking for something to do, why don't you start
a new twine ball?
-- The Morningwood Penitentiary security guard, on the phone with his wife,
"This Little Wiggy"

% Bart and Ralph need a way of warning Mayor Quimby -- and fast!

 Bart: Come on, a man's life is at stake. We need to get a message to the
       prison. [shaking Ralph] Think! THINK!
Ralph: Lisa's a good thinker.
 Bart: That's it!  Ralph, you're a genius!
-- "This Little Wiggy" 

% Back at the press conference, Mayor Quimby reminds his staff not to come
% to his assistance, no matter how realistic his performance may be. In
% Bart's room, Lisa scribbles a warning note and attaches it to Bart's
% rocket. They launch it, but it misses the Penitentiary completely.
% Instead, it pings from a cooling tower at the SNPP, and soars through
% Mr. Burns' office window, dropping into his jacket pocket.

   Burns: Smithers! There's a rocket in my pocket!
Smithers: You don't have to tell me, sir.
-- "This Little Wiggy"

% The electric chair is switched on, as we see. However, since Quimby
% stressed not to come to his aid -- no matter how realistic his
% performance is -- his crew just watch.  Meanwhile, Burnsie reads the
% note.

'Electric chair is on', eh?  Then the old prison has been getting free
electricity for thirty years!  I'll put a stop to that!
-- Mr. Burns, "This Little Wiggy"

% He turns off the electricity by the touch of a button. The electrocuting
% stops and Quimby is half dead.  OFF cheer for Ralph.

 Bart: Way to go, Ralph!
 Lisa: Ralph? But the rocket was my idea!
 Bart: But asking you was Ralph's idea!
Homer: You're the man, Ralph!
-- Justice -- does it smell like hotdogs now? "This Little Wiggy"

% OFF cheer on Ralph, Lisa being the last to join. A small leprechaun appears
% on Ralph's shoulder.

[Irish] You've done grand, laddie! Now ya know what ya have ta do! Burn the
house down! Burn 'em all! [Ralph smiles, and nods in agreement.]
-- Ralph's Leprechaun, "This Little Wiggy"

==============================================================================
> Key to Contributors
==============================================================================
{ac}  Andy Clinton
{af}  Alex Foley
{ag}  Andrew Gill
{bg}  Ben Geffen
{bjr} Benjamin Robinson
{ddg} Don Del Grande
{dh}  Dave Hall
{dld} Daniel L. Dreibelbis
{hl}  Haynes Lee
{ji}  John Isles
{jk}  Joe Klemm
{jr}  Jeremy Reaban
{ma}  Matthew Anscher
{th}  Tony Hill
{tr}  Tom Rinschler
{nmd} Nathan Mulac DeHoff

==============================================================================
> Legal Mumbo Jumbo
==============================================================================
[5F13] capsule copyright 2000, Hari Michael Wierny. (The quotes remain the
property of Fox, and the reproduced articles remain the property of their
respective authors. I'm just taking credit for the compilation.) Not to be
redistributed in public forum without permission.

Thanks to Benjamin Robinson and Frederic Briere for supplying me with the
a.t.s. archives, and thanks to Dave Hall who helped me find a lot of other
submissions -- I appreciate everyone's help.