Girly Edition Written by Larry Doyle Directed by Mark Kirkland ============================================================================== Production code: 5F15 First aired on FOX: 19-Apr-1998 Capsule revision A (25-Mar-2001) ============================================================================== > "TV Guide" Synopsis ============================================================================== None submitted. [If you use these summarize to determine if you have found the right capsule, here's a TV Guide-like synopsis: When Bart outshines Lisa as the anchor on a new news program for kids, she is green with envy. Meanwhile Homer gets a pet monkey.] ============================================================================== > Title sequence ============================================================================== Blackboard: None due to shortened intro. Couch: The family sit down and a live action hand spins the picture around, ruining the paint work. ============================================================================== > Didja notice... ============================================================================== ... Scratchy says "I quit" while the glass inflates? ... the Scottish pin-up in Willy's cabin? ... all the empty seats in Bart's classroom? ... Kidz News is recorded at about 4:38? ... Marge's hair is messed when she runs out of the house? (When Bart reads the newspaper) ... "Old Blackie" is actually light blue? ... they let Lisa take a camera out on her own? ... the "Bart's People" picture in Bart's dressing room? ... splatters of something on the walls and ceiling in the mess Homer and Mojo made? Anthony Dean: ... Willy lives on school grounds? ... Milhouse seems to be a bed-wetter? ... a "My Two Cents" plaque in Kent Brockman's trophy room? ... Maggie only appears during the scene with Bart's fan mail? Nathan Mulac DeHoff: ... Itchy and Scratchy appear for the first time since "In Marge We Trust," and they talk for the first time since "The Itchy and Scratchy and Poochie Show"? Jordan Eisenberg: ... the clever way Scratchy is twisted in the sign? ... Martin and Ralph are playing catch? ... Wendell reads a book on the carousel? ... at first, the Kidz News staff are children, then they become professionals? ... how small Burns' stereo speakers are compared to the rest of his TV equipment? ... Burns and Smithers sit in beanbag chairs? ... there is a sailboat on the Kidz News backdrop that looks EXACTLY like the one in OFF's living room? (The one that Marge painted) ... when Willy hit the camera, for a few frames, we saw the world revolving towards being upside-down? Jeremy Gallen: ... how much Lisa's attitude towards Bart has changed? Andrew Gill: ... Bart's sport coat? Don Del Grande: ... Janey uses both feet in hopscotch? ... the creamed corn chute animation "loops"? ... Lunch Lady Doris still doesn't speak, despite Tress MacNeille (a) having a role in this episode and (b) being able to do the LLD voice? ... despite being familiar with computers, Lisa does not know what "Zork" is? ... Nelson spins the globe in the correct direction? (NBC once had it spinning the other way) ... the fact that the donut that was tossed to him had a bite out of it didn't seem to matter to Homer? ... for someone who loves animals, Lisa is certainly afraid of the monkey? ... Kent Brockman doesn't have zazz, yet nobody suggests that he get a co-anchor? Tony Hill: ... Bart sticks out his tongue at Lisa? ... the Union Pacific train has a caboose? John Isles IV: ... Scratchy says "No" every time the "NO" in the NO VACANCY sign lit up? Joe Klemm: ... Krusty's show is on for three hours? ... Lunchlady Doris is still around despite the death of Doris Grau, the lady who voiced her? ... Mojo drank some Duff beer? Haynes Lee: ... this is the first Itchy and Scratchy with a full dialogue? [Excusing the goody-two-shoes episode on "Itchy & Scratchy & Marge"] Ondre Lombard: ... Maggie doesn't suck on her pacifier during the entire scene in the kitchen with the fan mail? ... Lisa has a bottle of perfume on her desk in her room? Benjamin Robinson: ... Bart sticks his tongue out at Lisa when he gets his way? ... Homer gets "differently abled," which is one of the less intuitive PC-isms? ... Brockman rides the carousel to the tune of "Turn, Turn, Turn" by the Byrds? ... Lisa throttles Bart just like Homer? What is this, a genetic thing? Mike Smith: ... Kent Brockman doesn't have any local Emmys in his shelf (Even the one from his report from 7F07)? ============================================================================== > Voice credits ============================================================================== - Starring - Dan Castellaneta (Homer, Krusty, Groundskeeper Willy) - Julie Kavner (Marge) - Nancy Cartwright (Bart, Nelson) - Yeardley Smith (Lisa) - Hank Azaria (Apu, animal shop clerk, Choc-o-Bot) - Harry Shearer (Principle Skinner, Kent Brockman, Mr. Burns, Smithers, Choc-o-Bot) - Also starring - Pamela Hayden (Milhouse) - Tress MacNeille (TV executive, Cat Lady) ============================================================================== > Movie (and other) references ============================================================================== + "Early Edition" - obvious inspiration for title + "The Glass Menagerie" (play) - Itchy and Scratchy episode, "The Glass Moan-agerie" + "Mighty Morphin Power Rangers"/"VR Troopers" (kids TV shows) - Mattel and Mars Bar Quick-Energy Choc-O-Bot Hour looks like pretty much the same thing + "Transformers" (cartoon) - the robots look like Transformers + "Kids Beat" (80s news show) - similar to Kidz News, ie. hosted by kids with news that kids will find interesting + James Bond movies - Bart says "so we meet again, Mr. Bond" and mentions "Octopussy" + "Zork" (classic computer game) - name of the classic role-playing computer game is recycled as one of the Bart's intangible qualities {bjr} + "A Face in the Crowd" (movie) - in this 1957 Elia Kazan film starring Andy Griffith as an insincere populist TV star, one day the producers deliberately leave his mic on during the commercials, so that the viewers hear him mutter about how stupid he thinks they are (similar to Bart seeing what Lisa thinks of him because the camera is left on) {am} + "Iron" Mike Tyson (boxer) - Iron Mike awards {ag} + Charles Kuralt, Andy Rooney, Paul Harvey's News and Commentary {ag} - Brockman's commentary material - Kent's accent similar to Harvey - sappy commentary style - waxing poetic like Kuralt + Bubble Yum (bubble gum) - Bubble Crumb {ji4} + "Monkey Shines: An Experiment in Fear" (movie) - movie about a monkey assistant that turns evil {mar} + Fortress of Solitude - "Fortress of Choclitude" a parody of this (It's where Superman hangs out when he needs to be in his own space, if you're not comic-savvy.) {bjr} + Col. Khadaffi - Col. Kha-Taffy spoofs the name of this unpopular (in America, at least) Libyan leader {bjr} ============================================================================== > Previous episode references ============================================================================== - OFF get a new pet - [7G08] Santa's Little Helper - [8F06] Homer buys Lisa a pony - [1F15] Bart wins an elephant named Stampy - [2F18] OFF become home of Santa's Little Helper's female companion, She's the fastest, and twenty five puppies - [4F16] Santa's Little Helper is temporarily replaced by Laddy - The voices of Itchy & Scratchy speak {af} - [7F09] In the friendlier version of the show after Marge's protest - [9F16] "Kids, don't do drugs!" {nmd} - [2F01] To promote Itchy & Scratchy Land AND in the Pinnocio parody - [3F16] In the Fritz the Cat parody - [4F12] In "The Beagle has Landed" and the death of Poochie - [7F07] Bart appears on the news {je} - [7F07] Kent Brockman talks about his awards - [7F21] "Turn, Turn, Turn" played {nmd} - [8F01] Veterans of Popular Wars hall seen {bjr} - [8F03] Bart wears a suit - [8F06], [9F10], [1F10] Apu gets shot (referenced or otherwise) {af} - [8F17] Bart visits Kent Brockman's home {ji4} {je} - [8F15] A Simpson becomes a monitor (Bart in 8F15) {ad} - [9F03] Bart imitates James Bond villain {nmd} - [9F08] House with lots of cats {nmd} - [1F05] soiled mattresses {th} - [1F11] Bart becomes a local celebrity - [1F11] Brockman goes nuts over missing danish, now it's over grilled cheese - [1F18], [2F32] Nurse Doris {ddg} - [2F03] Willy tries to strangle Bart {jg} - [2F03] Willy lives in a shack-like structure with a Scottish woman pin-up on the wall {ck} - [2F05] Lisa chokes Bart (while fighting in 2F05) {ad} - [2F09] Homer's delightful line: "And such and such..." {je} - [2F15] Octopussy mentioned {af} - [3F04] Lard Lad shop seen {bjr} - [3F04] Homer steals from Lard Lad (with Mojo's help) - [3F04] Willy tries to kill Bart {ck} - [3F23], [4F23] Someone makes armpit noises {nmd} - [4F01] Lisa's torrid love affair with Nelson mentioned {bjr} - [4F12] the TV executive is seen {rkk} - [4F12] [4F12] Musing about the quality of Itchy & Scratchy after so many years {ol} - [4F19] "Bart's People" similar to "Kent's People" {nmd} - [4F24], [5F05] Lisa appears on the news {je} - [5F07] Lisa tries to kill Bart {jg} - [5F07] a large pile of mail on OFF's kitchen table ============================================================================== > Freeze frame fun ============================================================================== - Educational TV {bjr} THE MATTEL AND MARS BARS QUICK ENERGY CHOCOBOT HOUR - Creamed Corn truck DANGER! CREAMED CORN - In the Kwik-E-Mart NEW! Bubble C r u m [picture of pink bubble gum with crum center being snapped] IT'S CRUN-CHEWY! - Helper animal store ANIMAL ASSISTANTS "AS FELT IN BRAILLE WEEKLY" - The video Kent shows Bart KENT CARES #47 - One of the places Bart visits VETERANS OF POPULAR WARS HALL - Milhouse's report NEWZ YOU CAN UZE - On the "Chocobot Hour" {bjr} FORTRESS OF CHOCLITUDE ============================================================================== > Animation, continuity, and other goofs ============================================================================== = Milhouse stands fairly far away from the swing set, but when Bart asks if he's ready, he magically appears in front of Bart. = Janey goes from hopscotch directly to jumprope in the Bart skateboard scene. {ddg} = In a panoramic shot, Sherri and Terri were swinging the jumprope for an unnamed girl, but when Bart skates by, Janie is in the middle. {je} [Hmm, this Janie appears to be more than meets the eye. --hmw] = How did Willy know Bart had landed in his pile? There aren't any windows on the side of his cabin facing the pile. = Willy's door shouldn't have opened in. {th} + Since when does Willy live on school grounds? {th} = The number of leaves from the pile decreases significantly when the pile is ruined. (It goes from a large pile, to a few leaves on the floor.) = Bart's skateboard doesn't have any creamed corn on it after emerging from Willy's cabin. = Nor does Groundskeeper Willy himself. + Willy's shack was behind the school but was visible from Bart's classroom which has been established in many eps and every blackboard gag to face the front. {th} = The studio doors shouldn't have opened in either; we could see the crash bars when Kent opened them. {th} = Bart's chair came from nowhere when he surprised Lisa. {je} = The quote marks from the Animal Assistants shop sign have disappeared when Homer, Abe and Mojo exit. = Before the first "Bart's People" the camera was focused on Bart even though Lisa was still reading her report. {je} = Where did Homer's pizza come from during Bart's duck story? c Heard - [nothing] Seen - Milhouse: Very touching {je} * Memorial Day exists to honor those who have died in battle. To be a veteran, you have to return alive. Hence, veterans really do only have one holiday in their honor. (Lisa claimed they're honored on Memorial Day) {bjr} = On the carousel, Kent Brockman was on one horse and there were three others empty. In the wide shot, there were more. {ji4} = Presumably, Apu controls his wheelchair with his left arm (notice the little "stand" it rests on), but it doesn't move when the wheelchair moves and stops. {ddg} = The "cat lady's" feet aren't shown walking behind the train. How did she get there? {je} = The envelope from Lisa's letter to Bart disappears. c Heard - Homer: What do you want? Seen - Homer: Give him a break, Marge. {je} = Mojo didn't type enough keys for "PRAY FOR MOJO" to be written. [Although Christian Kammerer notes: "Mojo's pressing of three buttons to say 'PRAY FOR MOJO' is a direct reference to the bonobos (pygmy chimpanzees) that have been taught to "speak" by pressing symbols that represent objects, concepts, and names on a computer. Most notable in this was the pygmy chimp named Kanzi, who had an extremely extensive symbol vocabulary." --hmw] ============================================================================== > Reviews ============================================================================== Rich Bunnell: The premise wasn't the greatest when I read the description for it last week, but the episode itself brought the idea out of the mediocre range and into the hilarious range. I was laughing for the next 5 minutes after the scene with the lady throwing the cats! The "Chocobot" show was also hilarious, with the line "Put down those entertaining Mattel products!" being a complete LOL line for me. Lisa wasn't bad, I don't care what you lame "KILL OFF LISA" people say. (Grade: A) Chris Courtois: "Girly Edition" was a pleasant surprise. Bart and Lisa were pretty much in character (some of Lisa's smugness in Skinner's office was a tad unpleasant), the episode had a nice blend of wacky surrealism (the incident with Willy's shed), character humor (the sibling rivalry theme), and social satire. Sure, the news satire wasn't anything series creator James Brooks hadn't say 10 years ago in his "Broadcast News", but unfortunately, the point is still just as valid today. The Helper-monkey subplot was less successful, and wore out its one joke (the monkey becomes as lazy as Homer) rather quickly, but at least not a lot of time was wasted on it. And the crazy cat lady made me laugh harder than anything else all season. (Grade: B+) Anthony Dean: For the most part, I enjoyed this episode, although the monkey subplot didn't do much for me, and I saw the "Kid's News gets canceled" ending coming from a mile away. I enjoyed the satire/commentary on fluff news stories, along with the "Chocobots" and Willy trying to kill Bart (again!). (Grade: B) Nathan Mulac DeHoff: A pretty good episode overall, although some parts weren't done that well. I liked the satire of the news profession, and it had some clever ideas (like Bubble Crum and the Chocobots). I was also glad to see Itchy and Scratchy return, although the I&S episode that was featured wasn't really one of the best. The ending wasn't all that great, though. I liked Lisa using Bart's techniques against Willy, but the cancellation of Kidz News was very predictable. As for the monkey subplot, it was pretty pointless. I probably laughed a few times at it, but the episode certainly could have done without it. (Grade: B) Jordan Eisenberg: Not bad. Not bad at all. I'd love to sit and try to yank the loose ends together, but there really are no flaws in this episode that haven't been cited in a previous review. The two plots, while not actually tying together, did as much interaction here as any have so far. And I thought Nancy and Yeardley did exceptionally good jobs. The biggest standout, obviously, was the admittedly underwhelming return of Itchy & Scratchy, and for that I have to give Larry Doyle some credit. The pros definitely outweigh the few cons (Which mostly involve Groundskeeper Willy's rendezvous), earning this episode an easy A-. Alex Foley: Lisa is out of character at times, but Bart is well in. Homer's helper monkey sub-plot, while no way connected to the main plot, was funny. And we finally get Itchy & Scratchy back. (Grade: B-) Andrew Gill: This was a rather good episode. Making minor concessions for the exploding shack, the sappy ending and the monkey subplot, I've been pleased with this ep. The debate between the news magazine and the news program still rages, and Lisa (and I) are losing. Characterization was good, plot wasn't bad, and I liked the point. (Grade: B+) Don Del Grande: Okay, the ending was a little telegraphed (Bart and Lisa get together, only for the news to be canceled), but at least they didn't go for the "obvious" ending of the producer telling them that they were being replaced by Nelson... (Grade: B+) Tony Hill: This was a downright hilarious episode. We got to see the best of all the main characters. I knew that Groundskeeper Willy would somehow figure in the climax. And I can't remember the last time we've had an I&S, let alone heard the characters talk. (Grade: A) Joe Klemm: Not one of the good episodes this seasons. IMO, it would have been better if the main plot involved Homer's monkey, not Bart and Lisa doing a news show. (Grade: C) Haynes Lee: Another mediocre episode. Homer being extra lazy is getting a bit irritating. (Grade: C-) Jake Lennington: Girly Edition is much better than the horrid Trouble with Trillions from last week. I'm glad Itchy and Scratchy is back this week and it is nice to see Willy up to his killing self again. (Grade: A-) Ondre Lombard: I'm not quite sure I'll fall into a popular category, praising the monkey subplot, but I absolutely loved it. Granted, it was distanced millions of miles from the main plot, but it still was worth some good laughs. The main plot, too, had quite a lot of funny moments, but dumps pounds of hot coal into the stove of "Lisa sucks" posts, given how concentrated Lisa is on exposing how dumb she thinks Bart is. (Given how little good the redemption Lisa displays in Lisa the Vegetarian did to save her reputation and that episode, I doubt Lisa's redemption will do the same here.) Larry Doyle's problem seems to be that he has Lisa acting very much so like a braggart. She points out how great a student she is, and gives off the impression that she's superior to Bart in several ways. Unfortunately, Bart seems to be the victim here, as he wants to prove he isn't dumb and can be a professional journalist by going to Kent Brockman, from whom Bart learns the trade of faking sentiment towards rather trivial issues. In the grand scheme of things, I think the plot works, and Lisa acting jealous and immature at a certain level would be believable (because she is after all, still, a child), but her jealousy and obsession gets carried away a bit far. However, as we near the end of Season Nine, it's becoming apparent that Season Nine does a better job at being funny than Season Eight did, even if the characters and story fumbles. (Grade: B) Andrew Milner: I wish they'd done more with the monkey subplot, and this is the umpteenth time we've had the "media integrity" theme (most recently "The Last Temptation of Krust"), but it was a pretty funny show. I was glad to see the early scene with Willy pay off at the end, and Bart's on-air monologues were on-target. (Grade: B) Michael K. Neylon: Well, we had nearly 2.5 acts of acceptable stuff, then suddenly, the episode turned for the worse, drastically reducing how well this episode sat with me. The first 2.5 acts had some good material... lacking the tightness that is usually associated with good episodes, but nonetheless some good plot and character development, and some good jokes. Lisa seemed a tad more devious than usual, but otherwise, no real problems for this part. The monkey subplot could really have been left alone... provided the necessary breaks from the main episode, but nothing of value from it. But then, when Bart arrives at the junk yard, and meets Willy, the episode took a turn for the worst. Why did we need to put Bart in danger in order for Lisa and him to resolve their differences? This is quite a tired old gag FROM THIS SEASON ALONE, that it was hard not see it from an hour away. Lisa's sudden rescue, and her use of the Bart newstalk to save the day was forced and was an obvious way to get out of the episode, without trying anything different. Then, the final joke, the chocobots cartoon, was truly misplaced... looking back through the episode, there was a lot of extra time that they had so that they could have moved the parody of the cartoon (long version) right to the start of the episode... then, to close this off, the announcement of Bart and Lisa's show being canceled, and replaced by the Chocobots, with credits over a cycled sequence from that parody. It would have been tighter, and gotten out with the memory that we should have of this show - Kids News. Ignoring the last 1/2 act, for the moment, the one thing that hurt this episode was tightness. Jokes taking too long to set up, or trailing for a bit too long. This is something that good editing can cure, but seems to have failed in this episode. Also, I have it from Matthew Kurth (who works in the television industry) that most of what the news crew had was beyond expectation, (For example, having wireless mics for outdoors, but requiring lapel mikes with cords for indoors). Technical errors that you'd think that people working on a tv show would know about. Overall, a good start, but the Season 9 curse rears it's head. 6/10 for this season, 5/10 overall. Jarad Nielson: I thought this episode kicked butt! Homer's monkey didn't really seem tacked on to me. It was a classic case of Homer abusing charity (remember Homer's stay at the Springfield Retirement Castle?), and the monkey gags were hilarious! The monkey gags tied Homer, Marge, Lisa and Grampa all into this episode which otherwise would have depended entirely on the kids news show for laughs. As for the kids news show, it was hilarious! I've never seen a better spoofing of tv news in my life! Those of you who keep dogging the show seem to forget that it's a COMEDY; or else you're expecting too much. People keep whining about intellectual matters ad nauseum; yet last night's show was a VERY intelligent spoof of television news. People whine about it not being funny enough, yet that monkey was the funniest thing I've seen in MONTHS! The problem may very well be the fact that when The Simpsons were new they brought a fresh approach to comedy, but now that they're on their 11th season, the same type of comedy - even if done just as well - loses it's impact because we know The Simpsons' style. It's too bad so many have become so petty and demanding. Tom Rinschler: A quite amusing story, with an excellent satire on the shallowness of news. An episode notable for not only having an "Itchy and Scratchy" for the first time this season, but two (!) subplots, a Willy on that tied in at the end, and a highly amusing, if silly, monkey one. It also featured an interesting study of the relationship between Bart and Lisa, superficially rival, but deep down, friends. (Grade: A-) Benjamin Robinson: This is one of those shows were everything seems to come together. The premise was good, and led to some fine satire of the television news industry. Everybody, especially Bart and Lisa, was characterized well. Plot elements were tied together nicely, and the show had a real ending. Overall, a fine freshman effort from Larry Doyle. (Grade: A-) Matt Rose: While there were a few things in the episode which were quite funny; all of it is lost for me in the absolutely inexcusable behavior of Lisa... this was like watching PTA Disbands all over again. I have always has a soft spot for Lisa Simpson, and to see this episode was very disheartening... This wasn't Lisa Simpson; this was someone who acted cold-hearted, egoistic, and downright selfish. Whoever wrote this episode needs a serious slap in the face... I don't think anyone should be allowed to write for the Simpsons unless you know how the characters are supposed to act; this was horrible, and it totally ruined what I thought was an otherwise decent episode. (Grade: C-) Would get about a B+ if not for Lisa's grossly blatant mischaracterization) The worst thing about this episode is it will fuel even more "kill Lisa" posts [in alt.tv.simpsons --hmw] ... As much as I like Lisa, I have to say if Lisa was like this all the time, I think I would agree with them. Yours truly: An interesting plot with many funny moments. Bart was marvelous, while Lisa was very annoying. It's good to see old traditions return such as Itchy and Scratchy and Bart skateboarding. (Grade: B+) ============================================================================== > Comments and other observations ============================================================================== >> An education in TV Benjamin Robinson shares some information that relates to the episode: Recently, the FCC has stipulated that TV stations air three hours of educational children's programming per week, or face the possibility that their licenses won't be renewed. Problem is, children historically have ran away from "good for you" programming like it was cod liver oil, so few suitable programs existed. Station managers, seeing that the rule wasn't going to go away, tried to justify some of the programming they already had as being educational. They went to amusing extremes. One manager tried to palm off "The Jetsons" as being worthwhile academic fare teaching children what life in the future might be like. The FCC rebuffed that line of argument, I think. On the other hand, they did accept one manager's claim that "The Animaniacs!" qualified as an educational program, because the characters occasionally burst into song about subjects like world geography. >> We now break from this commercial, to bring you a show Benjamin Robinson explains a joke from the episode: Once upon a time, a cartoon would air, become popular, and then spawn licensed merchandise. It was the natural order of things. In the Eighties, toy makers reversed this process: The merchandise would come out first, followed by a cartoon that would hopefully sell the new toys to the kids. Events proved this to be a successful strategy. The "He-Man" show, for example, moved millions of dollars of "He-Man" action figures, accessories, and clothing. Of course, it also meant that broadcasters who aired the show (it was syndicated) were in effect paying to give the toy company free advertising. On top of that, the resulting shows were often long on hardware and bad guys -- each of which had a real-life counterpart for you to buy -- and short on imaginative scripts and animation quality. None of these facts sat well with children's television activists, who threatened to take the matter up with Congress. I don't think it got that far, but eventually the activists got their wish: There are fewer "programercials" out now than there were before and, in my area at least, they get dumped in such prestigious time slots as 6:00am weekday mornings. >> Lisa's characterization Matt Rose: This wasn't Lisa Simpson; this was someone who acted cold-hearted, egoistic, and downright selfish. Tom Rinschler: So Lisa, who is attempting to be professional, is supposed to sweetly sit back and allow her undeserving brother to get the credit? She's supposed to not make a fuss when her brother is being superficial and getting praise for it? She would have to out-Christian Flanders to "turn the other cheek" in such a manner. I think that Lisa's character is completely misunderstood by 90% of the people on this newsgroup [alt.tv.simpsons --hmw]. Half of these simply sum up there feelings with "Kill Lisa", while the other half of these put her so much on a pedestal as to nearly worship her as a goddess. Lisa is the best character on the Simpsons because she is the most HUMAN. She is at times sweet, at times angry. She is adult, yet vulnerable. She expresses great joy in life, yet great sadness. Jealousy towards her more popular brother is certainly understandable. And I don't think it's odd when ever the main support of her self-esteem (good grades) is attacked, she exhibits mental instability ("The PTA Disbands", "The Joy of Sect"). IMHO, he behavior tonight fit perfectly within her characterization, getting more and more annoyed as her hard work went unnoticed and unpraised, while her brother's shallow work got all the credit. I certainly would have been angry at Bart if I had been in her place. Matt Rose: Now that I've seen the episode again I can see where you're coming from, but to me it seemed a little overdone I guess... I don't know. To me when watching this it almost seemed like they were trying to portray those feelings as "evil", and that's what I really have the problem with... I'm also worried that enough people will probably read the episode the wrong way and feel even more compelled to spew out their anti-Lisa dogma. Ondre Lombard: Lines need to be drawn. I won't dispute that a believable helping of humility on the part of Lisa would be welcome (heck, her petty and selfish side was well developed in "Lisa's Rival"), but here, she's wrapped up in her own little world, and most important, acting as though she's superior to Bart. And instead of trying to help Bart be a better journalist, she just wants to obsessively prove that Bart is actually unprofessional. (Am I the only person who noticed Lisa acting exactly like Frank Grimes did in "Homer's Enemy?" Right down to the maniacal laughter at the end of act two over the conception of a devious plan to make a fool out of another.) "I certainly would have been angry at Bart if I had been in her place." Angry, yes. Obsessive? Probably not. Lisa really isn't a brat, despite being human. The point I stress is that the writers went overboard with this genuine human quality, and turned her into a petty, bitter person. >> Miscellaneous, Etc. - MPAA rating: TV-PG {je} - Benjamin Robinson: Assume each new "The Krusty the Klown Show" gets a new "Itchy & Scratchy" cartoon. If Krusty doesn't have a summer repeat season (and I don't think the kiddie clown shows he's modeled on did), then he has aired I&S for 21 years. On the other hand, if he produces only 26 weeks of new shows (and repeats each show once), then I&S has been a Krusty feature for 42 years. I&S have been around even longer than that, so I'll guess they were popular in theaters before Krusty licensed them for his show. - Benjamin Robinson's mini car watch: Bart hides in a junked WV Beetle. (The classic Beetle, not the new one!) - A little explanation for people who didn't get the joke when Bart said "Some say the ducks went to Canada. Others say Toronto." Toronto is in Canada. - Matt Groening has pet ducks and sometimes mentions them in his "Life In Hell" cartoon. {hl} - It was odd to see Wendell on the merry go round given his history. {th} - It is interesting to note that mouse pads were rather unknown 198 episodes ago. {th} - Ondre Lombard: Krusty's show is flying farther and farther away from the realm of actual children's entertainment with every episode. Paul Harvey? Monologues? Three hour and ten minute installments? With hope these lines will be cut out of syndication so Krusty can still at least slightly resemble a children's show. - David B.: That satire of TV news was SO dead-on it should be shown in journalism schools. I went to one of those schools, and the emphasis in the broadcast classes was TOTALLY on "humanization" of stories. The way they took a story and "humanized" it all out of its original form was absolutely hilarious. And that's what many of the best broadcast journalism students are being taught to do in college. I wouldn't believe it if I hadn't gone through it. The thing I notice about the Simpsons is the ACCURACY of their satires. Most of us probably don't even GET most of the jokes in the show, I'll bet, because we're not familiar enough with the subjects being lampooned. But when you get a subject you know, like in my case, broadcast news, you realize how on-target they are with every little detail. If they had lampooned something else... even if i had a passing knowledge of the subject... I wouldn't have appreciated it nearly as much as I did. - Jordan Eisenberg's alterna-title for this episode is "Suppressing Your Anchor". - Haynes Lee's alterna-title for this episode is "The Bongo Show". >> Where is Springfield? Tony Hill does the dirty work this time: The Union Pacific operates in these states: Arkansas, California, Colorado, Idaho, Illinois, Iowa, Kansas, Louisiana, Missouri, Montana, Nebraska, Nevada, New Mexico, Oklahoma, Oregon, Tennessee, Texas, Utah, Washington, and Wyoming. And with its acquisition of the Chicago & Northwestern, you can add Minnesota, South Dakota, and Wisconsin. Do you think I have too much spare time? >> Meta references - Krusty comments that "Itchy & Scratchy's" quality hasn't gone down in 5,500 episodes. Meanwhile, "Simpsons" fans debate if their show's quality has declined in the span of 200 episodes. {bjr} >> Musical references - "Scotland the Brave" on Willy's radio. {tr} - "Turn, Turn, Turn" by the Byrds, played as Kent Brockman rides the Merry Go Round. - "Long Time Passing" played in Bart's duck piece. {tr} ============================================================================== > Quotes and scene summary (transcribed by John Ogan) ============================================================================== % Act one. It's The Itchy and Scratchy Show! Scratchy applies for an % apprenticeship with Itchy, who runs a store selling glass sculpture. Itchy % accepts the offer, and tosses him into the kiln. After Itchy blows % Scratchy into a glass "NO VACANCY" sign for a motel, he sits and admires % his finished work while sipping a drink with a female mouse in the pool. % Krusty, with the TV station lady first seen in "The Itchy and Scratchy % and Poochie Show", watch the episode from an office. Krusty puffs on a % cigar. Krusty: [laughs] Man, you think the quality would dip after fifty-five hundred shows! But... [laughs] Lady: Well, the FCC isn't laughing. They don't believe kids are learning anything from Itchy and Scratchy. Krusty: Oh, please! What don't they learn? Don't trust mice, cats are made of glass... Lady: Our renewal license is on the bubble. We need educational programming, fast! Krusty: What about that Mattel and Mars Bar Quick-Energy Choc-O-Bot Hour? Lady: That's barely legal as it is. Here's what I was thinking: a newscast for kids. By kids. Krusty: Well, you're not taking any time out of my show. It's jammed up as it is. There's a monologue, those idiot puppets, Krusty's nap time, the second monologue, Paul Harvey, Senor Papino, I tell ya, it's the tightest three hours and ten minutes on TV. Lady: We're cutting ten minutes from your show. Krusty: Well, I guess we can trim the Hobo Parade to a lean twenty. -- "Girly Edition" % At Springfield Elementary, the kids are at recess. Willy is on duty, % raking leaves. He decides to go into his cabin for a nap. % Willy takes a swig from his bottle, goes into his shed by the play- % ground. Meanwhile, for his latest stunt, Bart jumps off the swingset onto % his skateboard, where he speeds around the playground, causing havoc among % the children at play. He skates by Milhouse. Bart: You owe me a quarter, I didn't crack my skull. Milhouse: Rats. -- "Girly Edition" % With this, Bart skateboards off the edge of the concrete into the grass, % landing in Willy's freshly raked pile of leaves, scattering them all % about. Willy sees what has happened, and cries out in anger. Ark, me pile! It's been raped of its bonniness! -- Groundskeeper Willy, "Girly Edition" % Groundskeeper Willy takes Bart's skateboard away from him in revenge, % intending to use it as kindling. He goes back into his shed. Bart pounds % on the door to the cabin, but Willy turns on an old-fashioned radio at the % side of the bed (to three different bagpipe-playing radio stations) to % drown out the noise. % Meanwhile, a truck labeled "Danger: Creamed Corn" brings food to the % elementary school, which Skinner and Lunch Lady Doris inspect. Bart, % noticing the truck, puts a hose flowing with creamed corn into the chimney % of Willy's shed, filling his house with the yellow mush while Willy % sleeps. % Later that day, Principal Skinner sits at his desk, talking with Lisa. Skinner: Lisa, Channel 6 is launching a children's news program. And they've asked me to select an outstanding student to be anchor- child. Lisa: [gasps] Oh my gosh! [mimicking reporter] Today's top story: little girl on cloud nine as dream comes true. Skinner: Lisa, I've selected you to be that child anchor. Lisa: [crosses legs] I know. I already jumped to that conclusion. Skinner: Oh. All right, if you're so smart, tell me who I selected to be lunchroom monitor. Lisa: [excitedly] Me? [Skinner pauses and holds up a sash reading "monitor".] Skinner: Take your sash and go. -- The annoying girl. And Lisa. "Girly Edition" % While Bart sits in class, Willy's cabin fills up with creamed corn. % He wakes up and sees the mess all around him. % Willy takes big bites of corn, but the quantity (and taste) becomes too % much for him. The cabin soon explodes in a storm of creamed corn, % splattering all over the window Bart sits next to in class. Bart's skate- % board, too, comes rolling his way. He picks it up from out the window. % Willy, standing outside, laments his loss. % Willy, injured, gets taken away on a stretcher by school staff. Bart % laughs from his classroom, while Willy screams at him from outside. Willy: You did this, Bart Simpson! Bart: The man knows quality work. -- "Girly Edition" % Willy vows revenge. % Back at home, Lisa sits at the dinner table with a notepad, telling % her mother about her new position as anchor-child. Lisa: And I'll be able to tackle all the hard-hitting children's news the grown-up controlled media won't touch. Plus, I get to be on TV!! Marge: Oh, honey, I'm so proud of you. All your hard work and grade- grubbing have finally paid off. Bart: [taking notepad] So who's on your news team? [scans list] Nerd. Nerd. Nelson?! Lisa: Well, we used to date. Plus he threatened me. -- "Girly Edition" Bart: Well, don't worry about sports. I got that covered. Lisa: Back off, Bart. This may be the only chance I get as a second-grader to produce my own TV show, and I'm not gonna let you screw it up. Bart: Mo-o-om!! Marge: Oh, let your brother do sports. Lisa: Mo-o-om!! Marge: That "Mom" stuff doesn't work on me! -- "Girly Edition" % Down at the Kwik-E-Mart, Homer looks for something to satiate his hunger. Oooh, the gum with a cracker center! Mmm! -- Homer, White male, aged 18 to 49, "Girly Edition" % Homer, upon bringing his purchases to the front counter, is surprised % to see a monkey on the counter take his money from him. He screams. Apu, % with two arms and a leg in casts and confined to a wheelchair, comes % forward to explain. % At the "Kidz Newz" center, the staff is feeling a bit rambunctious; % Lisa arrives to settle them down. % She goes to take a seat in the anchor's chair, when it spins around to % reveal Bart. Bart: So, we meet again, Mr. Bond! Lisa: Bart! Get out of my anchor chair! Bart: Silence, Octopussy! Lisa: Come on, this isn't a joke! All over town, kids are just waking up from their naps cranky and hungry for the news! -- Demographics, "Girly Edition" % The newsroom is graced by a Springfield institution, who happens to be % just passing through... Milhouse: Wow! Kent Brockman! Brockman: Good luck, kids! [to stagehand] Where the hell's my grilled cheese?! -- Primary concerns for newscasters, "Girly Edition" % Homer visits the Animal Assistants Program office, specializing in the % sale of helper animals. Homer: I'd like a monkey, please! And...maybe one of those dogs, what do they do? Man: Uh, they serve as seeing-eyes for the blind, sir. Homer: Do they do any other tricks? Man: No. Homer: Just the monkey, then. Man: Eh, may I inquire as to how you are...differently abled? Homer: Oh, I'm not handicapped! I'm just lazy! -- "Girly Edition" % The man tells Homer he can only get one if he's physically challenged. % Later, Homer leads Abe and a new helper monkey out of the store. Abe: Oh, son! This monkey's gonna change my life! Homer: Mind if I take him for a ride? Abe: Sure, I'll just stand here! [Homer speeds off.] Mmm, I can't wait to eat that monkey! -- "Girly Edition" % Back at Kidz Newz, Nelson does the show intro by spinning a globe next % to the camera lens and imitating the dramatic music usually associated % with newscasts. He introduces the anchor, Lisa. She tells a boring story % about the library book purchasing committee slashing it's budget. % Krusty, watching the show on television with the TV station lady, % comments "Boring!". Lisa: And now, sports. Bart: Bart Simpson telling you to lock the doggie in the barn, because here comes dodge-ball action! The shirts continued their domination over the skins today. And in schoolyard fights, [Bart rings a hand-held boxing-style bell] the highly anticipated match between Kearny and Mr. Largo ended in a disqualification, for use of dog poo on a stick. Lisa? -- Now that's what I call zarf, "Girly Edition" % Lisa just stares at her brother. Nelson: And...we are out! Lady: All right, kids, we learned a lot today! Now, this is what makes my job difficult. Bart, you're off the sports beat. Bart: What?! Lisa: Sorry, Bart, but you gotta take some things seriously. Lady: From now on, you're Lisa's co-anchor. Lisa: What?! Bart: Ooh, that's gotta hurt! [rings boxing bell] -- "Girly Edition" % End of act one. Time: 7:23. % Act two. At the Channel Six news building, Bart, Lisa, and the TV % Station Lady are still talking in the Kidz Newz studio. Bart: Anchorman, huh? Well, if I'm gonna be an anchorman, I'd better go bleach the crud off my teeth! I'll be in make-up. Lisa: I don't need a co-anchor. I'm a straight-A student! Lady: Lisa, Bart's got something you can't learn in school. Zazz! Lisa: What is 'zazz'? Lady: Zing! Zork! Kapowza! Call it what you want, in any language it spells mazuma in the bank! Lisa: 'Zork'? What is 'zork'? Lady: I didn't say 'zork'. The point is, the camera loves him! Lisa: But that trivializes the whole idea of Kidz Newz! I mean, let's be honest... Bart's not exactly the brightest penny in the fountain. Lady: In English, Lisa? -- As opposed to Marketese, "Girly Edition" % Inside the dressing room, Bart uses an electric toothbrush and examines % himself in the mirror. A TV hangs on the wall, on which Lisa and the TV % Station Lady talk. Bart listens as Lisa calls him dumb. % In the Simpson kitchen, Marge chases the monkey all around the kitchen % with a broom, screaming. Homer comes in. % The monkey jumps onto Homer's shoulder for safety. Homer introduces the % two to each other. % Homer picks up the phone and says "Simpson residence," and hangs it back % up again. The monkey picks the phone up and chatters into it. Marge: Why didn't you tell me you were bringing home a filthy monkey? [pours, then drinks a glass of orange juice] Homer: This "filthy monkey" made the orange juice you're drinking! -- "Girly Edition" % Marge spits the O.J. out. Meanwhile, on the front steps of the house, % Bart finds the newspaper. I'll show Lisa who's dumb! [opens newspaper, reads] "Supreme Court Reverses..." [groans] I won't turn to the comics, I won't turn to the comics... all right, I'll read one comic just to get me rolling. Archie. [reading] "Hey Jughead, didja hear? The Supreme Court reversed..." [groans again] -- Bart, "Girly Edition" % Marge runs out of the house, holding her arm. Monkey screams are heard % inside. Bart: Mom, am I dumb? Marge: Honey, I'd love to reassure you, but right now Mommy needs a Tetanus shot. -- The second time in her marriage she's feared for her life, "Girly Edition" % Bart decides to visit Kent Brockman's house for help. Kent answers the % door holding a drink and wearing a pink jogging suit. Bart: Mr. Brockman, I need your help. I've got to become a great anchor so I can show up my sister. Brockman: Sister, huh? Heh, I've got a sister. Miss Big-Shot CNN- Washington correspondent. Pfft. Well, she's not the boss of me! Come in! -- "Girly Edition" % Led through the "Trophy Route" to the den, Bart gets a chance to see % Kent's various awards, lining the lengthy hall with gleaming metal. % Kent decides to let Bart in on his secret. % Kent turns on a tape of an old newscast, in which he stands in front of % a carousel. We watch. Hear that? It's the sound of children's laughter... silenced. That's because tomorrow, this old carousel, which has delighted young Americans for lo these past six years, will be torn down, to make way for the future: a store that sells designer mouse pads. -- Kent Brockman, "Girly Edition" % He gets closer to the carousel, and stands next to a blue-colored horse. % Kent decides to go for one last ride. % The song "Turn, Turn" begins to play, and the carousel comes to life. % Kent rides the horse around, coming in and out of view as he bids us % farewell. Back in the present, at Brockman's house, Kent smiles at Bart, % who understands now what he has to do. % Homer, watching Nelson give the intro for the next day's newscast, % sits next to the monkey, who now drinks a beer. Homer: Marge, the kids are on! Marge: [complaining] The monkey's on my part of the sofa. Homer: Honey, he's clearly marked his territory. -- Reasons not to domesticate jungle animals, "Girly Edition" % Marge growls, and they begin to watch Lisa give her report. % Bart decides to do a different kind of a news story in Kent's style of % anchoring. % The "Bart's People" logo appears behind the two anchor siblings, and we % go to Bart's taped footage. He stands before a man, sitting on a bench, % throwing bread into the water. Joe Banks, eighty-two years young, has come to this pond every day for the past seventeen years, to feed the ducks. But last month, Joe made a discovery. The ducks...were gone. Some say the ducks went to Canada. Others say, Toronto. And some people think, that Joe used to sit down there, [camera moves to another nearby pond] near those ducks. But it could be, that there's just no room in this modern world, for an old man...and his ducks. -- Bart, "Girly Edition" % "Where Have All the Flowers Gone" brings the scene to a close. At % the nuclear plant, Mr. Burns and Mr. Smithers sit, watching the report % on television, struck by the emotion. Burns: Smithers...you think maybe my power plant killed those ducks? Smithers: There's no 'maybe' about it, sir. Burns: [sniffles] Excellent. -- "Girly Edition" % Back on the couch, Homer watches the report, eating pizza with the % monkey. Homer: Marge, can I get a duck? Marge: You already have a monkey! Homer: Can he get a duck? Marge: No! -- "Girly Edition" % The monkey hits Homer with the pizza box and screams. Meanwhile, Bart % wraps up his story. The show ends. % The show's staff breaks into applause for Bart. Lisa takes him aside. Lisa: That wasn't news. That was sappy, manipulative drivel! Bart: Well, I'm sorry you couldn't feel for old Joe. [puts his hands on her shoulders] Lisa: [slaps them away] You didn't feel for him either, you big fat phony! Lady: Bart, look up here! This is where the tears would be if I could cry! But I can't. Botched facelift. You could learn a lot from him, Mary Anne! Lisa: It's Lisa. Lady: Mary Anne's better! -- "Girly Edition" % Later, Lisa sets off to settle the score with Bart. Lisa: They want cheap sentiment? I'll pump 'em so full of sap they'll be blowing their nose with a pancake! -- My mouth is watering already, "Girly Edition" % Standing in front of a dirty, ancient shed, Lisa gives her report. % Lisa speaks about a "Cat Lady" who is apparently crazy, but Lisa thinks not. % Apparently. % With this, the "Cat Lady" comes out of the house, cats covering her body. % She yells insanely at Lisa, runs at her, and throws cats at her. Lisa runs % away, ready to try again with another topic. She stands in front of a set % of train tracks. % Lisa: "The old Union Pacific doesn't come by here much anymore." % A train bearing the Union Pacific logo immediately thunders by Lisa. % She stands next to it, the camera still rolling, silently frustrated as % she stares at the train, then the ground. When the train finishes passing % by, it reveals the "Cat Lady" standing on the other side of the tracks. % She promptly starts screaming at, chasing, and throwing cats at Lisa, who % runs for her life. % Homer, still abusing the helper monkey program, is at the local Lard Lad % doughnut shoppe, pleading with his monkey to come down from a grate in the % side of the building and share the donuts he has around his limbs and tail. % The monkey opens the grate. Good boy, Mojo! Now bring 'em down and I'll give you one! -- Generous Homer, "Girly Edition" % Mojo decides to take the doughnuts to the top of a telephone pole % instead. Stop that! You're a helper monkey! This isn't helping! -- Homer, "Girly Edition" % The monkey considers it, and then tosses a once-bitten doughnut to % the ground. Defiant of the monkey's pity at first, he then gives in and % eats the donut off the ground. % Back at Kidz Newz, Bart's latest story rolls. Of forgotten veterans. Their guns are quiet now. Their helmets lost, or pawned. And yet here they are, making flags out of old clothes. Sure, they may not have the right number of stripes. And the colors are all wrong. And some purists will tell you the American flag doesn't contain the word "Jordache". But you know, if they run this up the flagpole, I'll salute. I'm Bart Simpson. -- Bart, "Girly Edition" % The clip ends, and we go back to the newsroom. Lisa: Hmm, thank you Bart, for yet another touching "Bart's People". Now, turning to... Bart: I just think our veterans deserve a little recognition. Lisa: That's what Veteran's Day is for, Bart. Bart: But is that really enough to honor our brave soldiers? Lisa: Eh, heh, heh...they also have Memorial Day. Bart: Oh, Lisa, maybe you're right, maybe you're wrong! The important thing is, veterans deserve a day to honor them! Lisa: [through clenched teeth] They have two! Bart: Well maybe they should have three. I'm Bart Simpson. -- "Girly Edition" % On the Simpsons' kitchen table, Maggie crawls out from under a pile of % letters addressed to Bart. Marge: Oh, my! Look at all these letters from people who want to be "Bart's People", Bart! Bart: I wish they all could be "Bart's People", Mom. I truly do. Marge: I'm proud of you, honey. You're finally giving something back to the community after taking so, so much! -- "Girly Edition" % Marge leaves the room, leaving Bart alone with Lisa. Bart: Hm. Really makes you think. Lisa: What does that even mean?! Mom might not see through you, but I do! You don't care about any of these people. Bart: Well, if I'm guilty of anything, maybe it's caring too much. I'm Bart Simpson. Lisa: Stop talking like that, stop it!! -- "Girly Edition" % Lisa starts choking her brother. Marge: "Lisa! Please. You've % absolutely no reason to be jealous. You're still a very important part % of Bart's show. % Lisa, enraged, leaves the kitchen for her room. % Lisa has an idea to prove that Bart is a phony. % Lisa begins to laugh evilly, when Mojo, perched atop Lisa's shelves, % imitates her cackling. She sees him, screams, and runs out the door. % End of act two. Time: 16:03. % Act three. Lisa enters Bart's dressing room, carrying an envelope. Lisa: Hey! Here's another letter for "Bart's People"! Bart: Oh! So many souls, so little air time. -- "Girly Edition" % Bart runs the envelope through an electric letter opener, and reads the % note inside. Bart: [reading] "Dear Bart, I came to this country hoping to share the American dream. But after many years of backbreaking labor, I find myself homeless and sleeping in a junkyard." Lisa: [faking concern] Oh, how terrible-read-on. Bart: [reading] "Should I abandon hope or fight on bravely against impossible odds?" Oh, this is too perfect. Lisa: It is, isn't it? Bart: I'm gonna put him on the air tonight, live! Lisa: Oh, Bart, you'll have to ride your bike pretty fast to get out there in time. Bart: No, I'll just take the chopper. [runs outside] Lisa: They gave you a chopper?! -- "Girly Edition" % Homer and his helper monkey are on the floor of the living room. Garbage % is strewn everywhere, and the walls are splattered with goo. % Marge complains that Mojo's wearing a diaper -- he's ment to be housebroken. % Homer and Mojo say "eh," at the same time, tossing their hands in the air % as if to say "who cares?". Marge: [groans in frustration] You said this monkey would be sweeping the floors and cleaning the gutters. And now, he just lies there, struggling to breathe! Homer: What do you want? His cholesterol's through the roof. Marge: I want you to take that monkey back, so he can be rehabilitated and get a second chance. Homer: No, no, he's fine! Go on, Mojo! Show Marge your happy dance! -- "Girly Edition" % Mojo gets up, and stumbles across the floor, barely able to breathe. He % makes it to a wall and leans against it for support, exhausted. % Homer: "And, so on." % Later, Homer leaves Mojo at the door of the Animal Assistants Program. % He steps on the gas and speeds away from the scene. % Man: "Mojo! What have they done to you?" % Punching a few keys into a voice generation typewriter, Mojo tells % him, "PRAY FOR MOJO". Back at the Channel Six TV Station, Milhouse does % a news report on a topic of great importance to him. So, by waking up a little early and having some extra sheets handy, no one's the wiser. Tomorrow, "Destroying The Evidence". -- Milhouse's news report, "Girly Edition" % Bart begins his report on the letter he received. % Suddenly, a familiar face emerges from under the rubbish, his clothes % torn, his body broken. % Bart tries to talk himself out of trouble. % Willy lunges at Bart with a yell and the fender of a car in hand. % Lisa, watching this from the newsroom, begins to laugh. However, when % Willy declares intentions of murder and knocks the camera over, killing % the live transmission, she reconsiders. % Lisa: "Oh no, what have I done? Nelson, cover for me!" % Lisa rushes off, and Nelson sits in the anchor's chair. Staring at % the camera, he clears his throat, and begins making armpit fart noises. % Switching to camera two to Nelson's left, he turns to face it, and % continues. % Meanwhile, in the city dump, Willy walks around, searching for Bart. % Willy imitates the voice of a cop, saying they caught Willy. % Bart comes out from his hiding place, under the hood of an abandoned % car. % Bart sees Willy and screams. He ducks back under the hood, and Willy, % bumper in hand, prepares to do away with him. He bangs away at the hood % several times in anger, when Lisa pulls up on her bike. Lisa: Willy, stop! Willy: Get away with ya! I've gotta finish him off, while I'm still temporarily insane! -- "Girly Edition" % Drastic action is needed, so Lisa puts herself in front of the hood. Lisa: No, you can't hurt Bart! He's... well... he's your son! Willy: What?! Lisa: Well, not literally. But, in a way...isn't he everyone's son? For you see, that little hellraiser is the spawn of every shrieking commercial, every brain-rotting soda pop, every teacher who cares less about young minds than about cashing their big, fat paychecks. No, Bart's not to blame. You can't create a monster, and then whine when he stomps on a few buildings! I'm Lisa Simpson. [Willy sniffles, then drops the fender.] Willy: You're right. It's all Willy's fault! I've been a terrible father! -- "Girly Edition" Bart: [emerging] Hey Lis', thanks. Lisa: Boy, that phony schmaltz of yours sure is powerful stuff! Bart: Uh, yeah, but I have a certain respect for that whole truth and hard work thing that you do. Lisa: You know, Bart, if we combine your showmanship with my integrity, we could make kids really care about the news. Bart: You're right! If we work together, there's no stopping us [The pair shake hands. Later, we see the result.] TV Announcer: The new, improved Kidz Newz...has been canceled! Stay tuned for the Mattel and Mars Bar Quick Energy Choc-O-Bot Hour! -- Okay, nothing but Choc-O-Bots can stop us, "Girly Edition" % The program begins. The Choc-O-Bots are at their command center. Choc-O-Bot: You can count on us, Mr. President. Major Nougat! Gooey! Cocoa! Put down those entertaining Mattel products! Colonel Kataffy is up to his old tricks! Cocoa: Let's power up! % Bart and Lisa watch the show on TV from their living room. Lisa: I can't believe they canceled us for this s... Bart: [interrupting] Shut up! I'm trying to watch this! -- "Girly Edition" % At the cry of "Chocolate Away!", the Choc-O-Bots soar out through their % ceiling and into space, accompanied by the sounds of a squealing electric % guitar, and of course, the credits. % End of act three. Time: 21:28. ============================================================================== > Key to Contributors ============================================================================== {ad} Anthony Dean {af} Alex Foley {ag} Andrew Gill {am} Andrew Milner {bjr} Benjamin Robinson {ck} Christian Kammerer {ddg} Don Del Grande {hl} Haynes Lee {je} Jordan Eisenberg {jg} Jeremy Gallen {ji4} John Isles IV {jo} John Ogan {mar} Mark Aaron Richey {nmd} Nathan Mulac DeHoff {ol} Ondre Lombard {rkk} Richard K. Kim {th} Tony Hill {tr} Tom Rinschler ============================================================================== > Legal Mumbo Jumbo ============================================================================== [5F15] capsule copyright 2001, Hari Michael Wierny. (The quotes remain the property of Fox, and the reproduced articles remain the property of their respective authors. I'm just taking credit for the compilation.) Not to be redistributed in public forum without permission. Thanks to Benjamin Robinson and Frederic Briere for providing me with the alt.tv.simpsons archives necessary for compiling the capsule!