Lisa the Beauty Queen

Lisa the Beauty Queen                                    Written by Jeff Martin
                                                      Directed by Mark Kirkland

TV Guide Synopsis

Lisa competes to be Little Miss Springfield and, after from going from
second to first in a flash, she takes her role to heart---and angers
the sponsor.  Bob Hope has a voice cameo.

Blackboard

	{I will not prescribe medication.}
	{I will not prescribe} at cutoff.
	Only in Canada.

Driveway

        Homer yells, ``D'oh!'' when Lisa scoots past.

Couch

	Homer, Marge and Bart overshoot the mark, accidentally
	escaping off the film into empty space.

Quotes and scene summary

   

 Welcome to the Springfield Elementary School Carnival, ``The Happiest
 Place on Earth''.  The town lawyer (joined by two thugs) threatens a
 lawsuit over the use of the Disneyland copyright phrase.  Skinner
 fights back.  Literally.

 At a water pistol booth, Nelson turns his weapon on Martin.
 Elsewhere, Bart runs a booth of his own---Three-card Monte.  When
 Skinner approaches, Bart disappears in a puff of smoke.  Meanwhile,
 Groundskeeper Willie mans a customer-less ``Haggis -- 50 cents'' booth.
   
   Get your Haggis right here!  Chopped heart and lungs boiled in a wee
   sheep's stomach!  Tastes as good as it sounds.
   -- Groundskeeper Willie, ``Lisa the Beauty Queen''
   
 Homer challenges the ``Guess Your Age and Weight'' booth.  The
 operator guesses ``53 years old and 420 pounds''.  ``Ha ha, you
 lose!, 36 and 239!''

 Operating `The Paralyzer', Otto accepts Bart's challenge to make the
 ride go faster.  A capsule breaks off and crashes into the side of
 the school, bursting into flames.
   
   I'll be in Mexico until this thing blows over.
   -- Otto, ``Lisa the Beauty Queen''
   
 Cub scout Milhouse is excited at finding Jimbo's Spookhouse.
 Inside, Milhouse finds himself surrounded by Jimbo, Dolph and
 Kearny.  Jimbo threatens Milhouse as Kearny demands he hand over all
 his cash.  Outside, Milhouse clutches his stomach as Bart strolls by
 with an ice-cream cone.  When Milhouse confirms that the experience
 was indeed scary, Bart eagerly enters.  ``Uh-oh.''

 Lisa sits down to have a caricature done of her.
   
   Artist: [making small talk] So girly, you like roller skate'n?
   Lisa:   No.
   Artist: Yeahhhhh, everybody loves roller skate'n!
   -- ``Lisa the Beauty Queen''
   
 Lisa gasps at the crude drawing of herself on roller-skates, chasing
 a boy.  The surrounding crowd laugh.  Lisa regards the drawing the
 artist hands to her, ``Oh my God!  I'm ugly!''

 On the school steps, Principal Skinner prepares to raffle off the
 grand prize:  A ride in the Duff Blimp.  Homer slips into a fantasy...
   
   You see the circular patterns on those fields?
   That's from central pivot irrigation.
   -- The blimp pilot gives Homer an aerial tour, ``Lisa the Beauty Queen''
   
 The next stop is the Super Bowl, where a section of the crowd
 creates a giant-sized picture of Homer while chanting his name.
 Back in reality, Homer softly chants his name.

 The second-prize of a shoe-buffer goes to Ned Flanders.
   
   Homer: Oh it's no fair!  We'll never have a buffer!
   Marge: We have one at home, you never use it.
   Homer: [whines] Well, I want that one!
   -- The buffer is always greener, ``Lisa the Beauty Queen''
   
 ``And the winner of the blimp ride is Homer Simpson!''  Homer reacts
 with an ``Oh, my God!''

 In her bedroom, Lisa grieves over the cartoon drawing.  She sobs and
 belly-flops onto her bed, burying her face in a pillow.  In the
 hallway, Homer gaily sings his heart out.
   
   Homer: Heyyy thereeee, blimpy boy!  Flying through the sky so fancy free!
   -- ``Lisa the Beauty Queen''
   
 Homer notices that something is amiss, and Lisa shows him the
 caricature.
   
   Oh, Lisa, this isn't real.
   It's just how you might look if you were a cartoon character.
   -- Homer reassures Lisa, ``Lisa the Beauty Queen''
   
   Homer:  You're cute as a bug's ear.
   Lisa:   Fathers have to say that stuff!
   Homer:  [sees Grampa walk pass] Dad, am I cute as a bug's ear?
   Grampa: [poking head in] No, you're homely as a mule's butt!
   Homer:  [to Lisa] There, see?
   -- ``Lisa the Beauty Queen''
   
 Homer mopes at Mo[p]e's Tavern.
   
   Homer:  Moe, have you ever felt unattractive?
   Moe:    [ponders] Mmmm, no.
   Homer:  [turns to Barney] How about you, Barney?
   Barney: [raising mug] Not for a second!  (*belch*)
   -- ``Lisa the Beauty Queen''
   
 Once again, Homer is saved by the magic of television advertising.
 A man tosses his daughter high into the air, noting that every
 father must think his daughter is the cutest.  He is joined by Jack
 Larson.
   
   Father: Wow, president of Laramie Cigarettes, Jack Larson!
   Larson: This year, Laramie is sponsoring the Little Miss Springfield Pageant.
           You see, government regulations prohibit us from advertising on TV.
           [takes a puff on a cigarette and holds up the box] Ah, that sweet
           Carolina smoke!  But, they can't prohibit us from holding a beauty
           pageant for little girls aged 7 to 9.
   Homer:  Lisa's aged 7 to 9!
   -- ``Lisa the Beauty Queen''
   
   Larson: Your daughter could be crowned Little Miss Springfield by our host,
           the Ma\^itre d' of Glee, Krusty the Clown.
   Krusty: [file footage, blandly] I heartily endorse this event or product.
   -- ``Lisa the Beauty Queen''
   
   Girl:  [dressed as pageant winner] What a feeling!
          I'm as happy as a smoker taking that first puff in the morning!
   Homer: [astonished] That could be Lisa!
   -- ``Lisa the Beauty Queen''
   
 Unfortunately, entry into the pageant costs 250 dollars, and all
 Homer has in his wallet is a photo of Lisa and a blimp ticket.
 Curiously, Barney accepts Homer's offer to sell the ticket for 250
 dollars, and he pays in cash.  Barney explains that he got the money
 ``from sone scientist!  Since they stopped testing on animals, a guy
 like me can really clean up.''  Barney returns to his beer,
 revealing wires connected to the back of his skull.

 [End of Act One.]

 Lisa views her grotesque reflection in a spoon.  Marge tries to
 cheer her up. by singing a song about the ugly duckling.
   
   Marge: Lisa, I know a song that will cheer you up.
          [singing]  ``There once was an ugly duckling...''
   Lisa:  [frowning] So you think I'm ugly?!
   Marge: Noooo.  No, I meant you were one of the good-looking ducks... that
          makes fun of the ugly one.  Mmmm.
   -- ``Lisa the Beauty Queen''
   
 Homer enters and asks Lisa what shd would do with one wish.  Lisa
 would prefer never to be seen by human eyes again.  But Homer grants
 her instead entry into the pageant.  ``I couldn't find a big enough
 photo of you, so I sent in that funny drawing of you on
 roller-skates.''  Lisa refuses to go along and leaves.  Bart
 expresses his hubba-hubba appreciation of the girls who enter beauty
 contests.
   
   Homer: Hey, nobody's prettier than my little girl!
   Marge: Mmmmm, you're looking at her through a father's eyes.
   Homer: Well if I could gouge out somebody else's eyes and shove them into my
          my sockets I would; but to me, she's beautiful!!!
   Marge: [moved] That is so sweet!
   -- ``Lisa the Beauty Queen''
   
 Marge visits Lisa in her room and, although she isn't going to force
 Lisa into doing anything, offers to tell her where Homer got the
 money to enter her into the contest.  Downstairs in the kitchen,
 Homer waves a pickle in the air, singing Blimpy Boy mournfully to
 himself.  Lisa announces, ``I'll do it!''

 Lisa waits in line to register at the pageant.
   
   Girl 1: Didja see Tina Epstein?
   Girl 2: Whoa.  If you're gonna binge, you better purge.
   -- Gossip at the Little Miss Springfield Pageant, ``Lisa the Beauty Queen''
   
 A bleached-blonde little girl enters with a fur coat and blue
 shades.  She discards her coat to reveal a Shirley Temple-esque
 dress.  One hand at her hip, she fluffs her hair with the other.
   
   Girl 2: Amber Dempsey.
   Girl 1: In the same week she was Pork Princess <and> Little Miss Kosher.
   -- ``Lisa the Beauty Queen''
   
 But that's not all.  Amber removes her sunglasses, revealing long
 eyelashes which she blinks adorably whie shrugging her shoulders.
   
   Girl 1: Eyelash implants.
   Lisa:   [puzzled] I thought those were illegal?
   Girl 1: Not in Paraguay.
   -- ``Lisa the Beauty Queen''
   
 At home, Lisa compares Amber to Jack Nicklaus, but Marge thinks
 Jack is much more attractive.  (She fantasizes on the golfer bending
 over to retrieve a sunk putt.)  Lisa clarifies, ``I meant that they
 both win all the time, Mom!''  Marge hurriedly explains that that's
 what she meant, too.  Marge offers to take Lisa to the beauty parlor.
   
   Later, I'll teach you the tricks of the trade:  Taping your
   swimsuit to your butt, petroleum jelly on your teeth for that
   frictionless smile, and the ancient art of padding. [purrs]
   -- Bart, ``Lisa the Beauty Queen''
   
 At the beauty parlor (``Turn Your Head and Coif''), Lisa hangs
 upside down with a mud pack on her face, cucumber slices over the
 eyes, hair in curlers.  She asks the man besides Marge if they're
 finished yet.  Igniting a blowtorch, the man states they're just
 warming up.
   
   Lisa: [feeling the heat from the blowtorch] Uh, isn't this dangerous?
   Man:  Don't worry, I am well protected.
   -- You don't want to get this sucker near your eye or your groin,
      ``Lisa the Beauty Queen''
   
 Lisa's final hair style almost matches her old one.

 As the girls return home, Homer advises Bart to make a big fuss over how
 Lisa looks.  Bart doesn't see the point.
   
   She'll see through me like Grandma's underpants!
   -- Bart, ``Lisa the Beauty Queen''
   
   Homer: When it comes to compliments, [making fierce gestures]
          women are ravenous blood-sucking monsters always want'n more...
          <more>... <MORE>!  And if you give it to them, you'll get
          plenty back in return.
   Bart:  Like what?
   Homer: I'll tell you when you're older.
          [Homer dreams of lounging in a hammock while Marge mows the lawn]
   -- ``Lisa the Beauty Queen''
   
 Homer raises a hand to his face in fake astonishment when Lisa and Marge
 enter the house.
   
   Homer: Is that Lisa?  Oooo, I gotta call heaven.  [looking around]
          There's an angel missing!
   Bart:  [pointing] And whose your little school friend?  [sways back]
          Wait a minute... [puts his hands to his face in shock]  That's Mom!
   -- Flattery will get you most places, ``Lisa the Beauty Queen''
   
 Hook, line and sink-her.  ``I know two fellas who will get a special
 dinner tonight!''  After the girls leave, father and son do a
 high-five.  Bart asks Homer if he knows anything else about women.
 Homer shakes his head, ``No, that's it.''

 Bart applies his newly-acquired knowledge at an ice-cream parlor,
 and it works better than one could imagine.

 Watching the girls rehearse for the beauty pageant, the
 choreographer takes a drag on his cigarette before shouting at them.
   
   I said `Step pause turn pause pivot step step' not `Step pause turn pause
   pivot step pause'!
   -- ``Lisa the Beauty Queen''
   
 With the aid of Maggie (as another contestant) and a
 banana-microphone, Bart-MC pronounces Lisa the winner of the pageant.
   
   Bart: And the winner is... [pause] Lisa Simpson!
   Lisa: [clasps face, gasps]
   Bart: Okay, wipe away a tear... [Lisa complies]
         Hug the loser... [Lisa hugs Maggie]
         And now, for your triumphant walk down the runway.
   -- Dress rehearsal, ``Lisa the Beauty Queen''
   
 But Lisa has trouble with the high heels, ending up with a faceful
 of carpet.  Bart shows her how it's done and really gets into the act.
   
   Lisa: Those other girls are prettier than me.
   Bart: [difficultly] Lis, as your bother, this is the hardest thing I've ever
         had to say... [pause]  You're not ugly.
   Lisa: [joyfully] Oh Bart!
   -- ``Lisa the Beauty Queen''
   
 The Ye Olde Off-Ramp Inn (``We're now Rat-Free!'') plays host to the Little
 Miss Springfield Pageant.  Inside, the pageant opens with the girls on
 stage, doing a musical number.
   
   Amber: [waving] My name is Amber Dempsey.  When I grow up I wanna be a
          sweetie pie.  [flutters eyelashes adorably]
   -- ``Lisa the Beauty Queen''
   
 A Pakistani girl introduces herself.
   
   Pahus: I am Pahusacheta Nahasapeemapetilon, and tonight, I'll be playing
          MacArthur Park on the tablah. [audience laughs] No, I am serious!
   -- ``Lisa the Beauty Queen''
   
 With Apu and Sanjay both attending the pageant, the Kwik-E-Mart is
 left unattended.  Jimbo, Dolph and Kearny haul off the Squishy
 machine.
   
   Lisa:  [introducing herself] My name is Lisa Simpson, and I want to be Li'l
          Miss Springfield so I can make our town a better place.
   Homer: Yeah, clean up this stink-hole!
   -- ``Lisa the Beauty Queen''
   
 Back stage, Jack Larson is markably annoyed at Krusty's late
 arrival.  Helped by Miss Pennycandy, Krusty strains to fit into a
 tuxedo.  ``Yeah, yeah.  What is this, the uh Republican
 fund-raiser?''  On stage, the girls complete the song, and Krusty
 rushes on-stage (not entirely dressed) just in time for his line.

 In the talent segment, Apu and Sanjay, the only people not sleeping,
 applaud loudly when Pahusacheta finally finishes MacArthur Park.
 Lisa is up next.  Before heading on-stage, she applies petroleum
 jelly to her teeth.  Homer tries it and finds it tasty.

 Lisa begins with a rendition of ``America the Beautiful'', then
 strips off her dress, revealing dancing tights, and unleashes a
 rip-roarin' song-and-dance rendition of ``Rollin' on the River''.
 The final round begins.
   
   This is my favorite part of the pageant because---[squints]  Whazzat
   say? ... Oh---it gives me a change to visit with a girl's personality.
   Uh, personally.
   -- Krusty the Clown hosts the Little Miss Springfield Pageant,
      ``Lisa the Beauty Queen''
   
   Krusty: Amber, do you think the Bill of Rights is a good thing, or a
    	baaaaad thing?
   Amber:  Um.... [thinking `hard']
   Krusty: Take your time, dear.
   Amber:  Good thing.  [flutters her eyelashes]
   Judges: Awwwwww...
   -- It's all in the delivery, ``Lisa the Beauty Queen''
   
 Finally...
   
   And now it's time to name our runner up, who if the winner doesn't
   fulfill her duties, blah blah wasa wasa wasa... And don't say it'll never
   happen, because we all remember that thing with what's-her-name,
   [making camera gestures] click click, you know. [wobbles his hand]
   -- Nudge nudge wink wink, ``Lisa the Beauty Queen''
   
 Time to announce the runner-up.  Drum roll.  Lisa and Marge wait
 anxiously; Homer polishes off the rest of the petroleum jelly.
 The runner-up is Lisa, leaving Amber Dempsey as the winner.  As
 Amber triumphantly walks down the runway, Krusty sings to the winner.
   
   L the losers in her wake,
   I the income she will make,
   T is for her tooth-filled mouth,
   T is for her tooth-filled mouth...
   -- Krusty sings the L-I-T-T-L-E M-I-S-S S-P-R-I-N-G-F-I-E-L-D song,
      ``Lisa the Beauty Queen''
   
 At home, Lisa sadly watches Scott Christian's news report with her family.
   
   Coming up next, a new fad that's sweeping the nation -- wasting food.
   -- Scott Christian's news report, ``Lisa the Beauty Queen''
   
 But first, Amber Dempsey opens the Danish super-chain ``Sh{\o}p''.
   
   Scott, everyone is here... From the mayor's illegitimate son to our
   own Duff Blimp.
   -- Kent Brockman's report, ``Lisa the Beauty Queen''
   
 The blimp pilot lets Barney drive for a while.  Barney proceeds to
 steer the blimp into a radio tower, and the dirigible bursts into
 flames.  Meanwhile, Mayor Quimby and Jack Larson applaud as Amber
 turns on the ``Severe tire damage'' spikes.  Menacing thunderclouds
 roll in, and it begins to rain.
   
   Marge: Oh dear, it'll be a shame if that pretty dress got wet.
   Lisa:  I'd say the greater danger is her sceptre acting as a lighting rod.
          Unless it's made out of plastic.
   Bart:  [intense flash of light from TV] Nope, metal.
   -- ``Lisa the Beauty Queen''
   
 In front of the Simpsons' house, Lisa is sworn in as the new Little
 Miss Springfield to great media hubbub.
   
   Dave:  Doctor, what is Amber's condition?
   Dr. H: Oh, she'll be fine.  In fact, she already won the Little Miss
          Intensive Care pageant.
   -- ``Lisa the Beauty Queen''
   
 Jack Larson places the smoking tiara on Lisa's head, and Krusty
 presents her with her sceptre.  But he keeps pulling it away as she
 reaches for it.  A bolt of lightning strikes the sceptre.  As smoke
 wafts from his body, Krusty admits, ``I deserved that.''

 [End of Act Two.]

 Lisa poses by a wax figure of herself at the Springfield Wax Museum.
 In response to Bart's comment, the attendant admits that the torso
 used to be Dr. Ruth, whose head is now on a pike at the chamber of
 horrors, joining Mr. T and Ronald Reagan.

 In the school's cafeteria, Lisa (wearing crown) walks pass several
 boys, who wave and whistle in admiration.
   
   Lisa:  [coyly] Hi, fellaaass.
   Chuck: [after she leaves] Love that chewing gum walk.
   Ralph: Ve-ry Wrigley.  [both boys toast their pints of milk]
   -- Can't be chewsy, ``Lisa the Beauty Queen''
   
 Lisa welcomes a boatload of immigrants to America, only to learn
 that they're being deported.

 At Fort Springfield, Bob Hope, armed with the name of the town mayor
 and golf club, takes the stage.
   
   Hello, this is Bob ``What the hell am I doing in Springfield?'' Hope.
   -- ``Lisa the Beauty Queen''
   
 After a typical Bob Hope joke...
   
   I want to show you what you're fighting for, if there was a war on.
   -- Bob Hope entertains the troops at Fort Springfield,
      ``Lisa the Beauty Queen''
   
 He introduces Little Miss Springfield.  Having expected a more
 mature Miss Springfield, the servicemen are a mite peeved.  (``First
 Tony Randall cancels, now this!'')  They rush the stage, but Lisa
 and Bob Hope make their escape on a helicopter.

 Lisa is introduced to the Little Miss Springfield float for the
 Springfield Founders Festival Parade:  A pack of cigarettes.  What's
 more, she's become the unwitting spokesmodel for their cigarettes.
   
   You see, Lisa, it's been an unlucky year for Laramie.  A lot of the
   people who smoke our product have been [waving hand] well... dying.
   -- Jack Larson, ``Lisa the Beauty Queen''
   
 Lisa will be used to target younger customers.  Moreover, they're
 considering retiring Menthol Moose.  A cool-ly dressed moose
 character takes a drag on his cigarette and coughs horribly.

 I love a parade.  Homer, Marge, and Maggie are lost in the crowd of
 spectators.  Homer salutes the ice-cream men marching past.  Next up
 is the Laramie's float, with Lisa sitting atop the giant pack of
 cigarettes while Menthol Moose tosses free samples to the crowd.
 Lisa is shocked to see everyone smoking, even the kids.  Even Maggie
 replaces her pacifier with a cigarette.  Lisa demands, ``Stop this
 float!'', and it does.  (Santa Claus crashes into them from behind.)
 Refusing to be a corporate shill, Lisa kicks the pack of cigarettes
 and vows to speak out against the evils in society, ``from
 dog-napping to cigarettes!''

 Springfield Shopper headline:  LISA KICKS BUTT.

 A football stadium.
   
   Before I sing the national anthem, I'd like to say that college football
   diverts funds that are badly-needed for education and the arts!
   -- Lisa, ``Lisa the Beauty Queen''
   
 Thus inspired, a quartet of nerds charge the field.

 Springfield Shopper headline:  QUEEN TO MAYOR: YOU'RE NEXT.
 Second story reads, ``Nerds pummeled in football melee''.

 In a smoke-filled room, Mayor Quimby demands that Lisa Simpson be
 dethroned and Amber Dempsey restored.  Chief Wiggum is more
 interested in a bag of Bar-B-Q potato chips.  Jack Larson bursts in
 with incriminating evidence:  Lisa's pageant application.  Their
 prayers have been answered.

 Kent Brockman reports that Lisa Simpson is no longer Little Miss
 Springfield.  The intended footage of the unceremonious
 crown-stripping is replaced by a goat being bottle-fed.
   
   The father of the deposed beauty queen, Homer Simpson, filled out
   the pageant application incorrectly.  In the area under `do not write in this
   space' he wrote `OK'.
   -- Kent Brockman's report, ``Lisa the Beauty Queen''
   
 Homer and Lisa watches the report at home.  Homer takes full
 responsibility.
   
   Lisa:  Dad, do you remember why you entered me in that pageant?
   Homer: I dunno.  Was I drunk?
   Lisa:  Possibly.
   -- ``Lisa the Beauty Queen''
   
 ``But the point is you wanted me to feel better about myself, and I
 do.''  Homer asks, ``Will you remember this the next time I wreck
 your life?''  Lisa agrees.

 The news continues with Kent's exclusive interview with Pope
 John Paul II.  But all that we get is the goat footage.  Kent leaves
 in a huff.

 [End of Act Three.]
   

Voice credits

Starring

    Dan Castellaneta    (Homer, Lawyer, Carney operator, Groundskeeper Willie,
			Guy who forgot to turn his card, Dad in commercial?,
			Grampa, Barney, Krusty, Scott Christian, Nerd)
    Julie Kavner        (Marge)
    Nancy Cartwright    (Bart, Nelson)
    Yeardley Smith      (Lisa)
    Hank Azaria         (Caricaturist, Moe, Wiggum, Apu)
    and
    Harry Shearer       (Skinner, Otto, Blimp pilot?, Ned, Jack Larson?,
			Kent Brockman, Dave Shutton?, Dr. Hibbert)

Special Guest Voice

    Bob Hope		(himself)

Also Starring

    Doris Grau      	(waitress)
    Jo Ann Harris	(Amber Dempsey?)
    Pamela Hayden	(Milhouse, Pahusacheta Nahasapeemapetilon?)
    Lona Williams	(other contestants?, girl in commercial?)

    Russi Taylor is not credited.  Perhaps she didn't provide Martin's voice.

Didja notice...

    ... the ride car lodged in the wall of the school?  @{hot}
    ... in the commercial, the little girl doesn't come down!
    ... Lisa's first fall?  @{dh}  [No it wasn't.  See 8F02. --rjc]
    ... the tiara was still smouldering from the lightning strike as Lisa
        was crowned `Little Miss Springfield'?

Movie (and other) References

      All That Jazz
        - The Bob Fosse-esque director of the beauty pageant.  @{mbb}
      The Hindenburg disaster
        - Kent Brockman's ``Oh, the humanity...''  @{rc}
    + LBJ's Presidential inauguration.
        - Lisa being sworn in as the new Little Miss Springfield.
        - Marge wears a `Jackie' pillbox hat.  @{rc}
      Apocalypse Now (Playboy Bunny scene)
        - the escape from Fort Springfield -- the helicopter airlift,
          replete with Hope hanging off the runner.  @{pd}

Freeze Frame Fun

The Springfield Elementary School Carnival @{rc}

    - `The Happiest Place On Earth'
    - Guess Your Age & Weight
    - Haggis / 50 cents (attended by Groundskeeper Willie)
    - The Paralyzer
    - Jimbo's Spookhouse
    - Caricatures $3  (The `Ayyy' Fonz, Farrah Fawcett, Darth Vader surfing)

Lisa's hair styles

    - Bo Derek (corn rows)
    - Grace Jones (Devil's Tower)
    - Princess Leia
    - Marge Simpson
    - Lisa Simpson, slightly curled

The Little Miss Springfield Pageant @{rc}

    - Ye Olde Off-Ramp Inn
    - We're Now Rat-Free!

Judges

    - ?
    - The ice cream lady
    - Jake the barber
    - Larry

The Springfield Founders' Festival Parade

    . Laramies Jr. Cigarettes float.
    . God Bless Mommy and Daddy and Laramie Cigarettes
    .
    . SURGEON GENERAL'S WARNING:  Smoking By Pregnant Women May Result in
      Fetal Injury, Premature Birth, And Low Birth Weight.
      [Note `in' is not capitalized, but all other words were. @{rlg}]

The headlines

    . Lisa Kicks Butt
    . Queen To Mayor / You're Next
    . Nerds Pummeled In Football Melee

Animation and continuity goofs

   ... Lisa's miraculous appearance during the couch sequence.
    [Not true.  Lisa came in from the garage. --rjc]

Comments and other observations

References from the obvious to the obscure

Previous episodes

[7G01,7G10]  Ye Olde Off-Ramp Inn.
     [8F06]  Homer <finally> got a photograph of Lisa for his wallet.
     [7F20]  Was the first pageant entrant the babysitter's younger
	     sister? @{kw}

Georgie Girl

Aside from the name of the title character, `Blimpy Boy' is identical
to the song `Georgie Girl', originally recorded by the Seekers, and a
theme song from the movie of the same name, circa 1966 or 1967.
``Yes, there was life before 1966,'' adds @{syr}

Vanessa Williams

The former Miss America was forced to abdicate her crown owing to the
publishing of nude photos of her (with lesbian overtones) in a
magazine devoted to such things.  Note Krusty's camera motions and his
limp-wristed wave.

Joe Camel

Laramie's mascot ``Menthol Moose'' is a reference to ``Joe Camel'',
the mascot of Camel Cigarettes, whose phallic image is used to entice
young people to smoke.

Dan Rather

Kent Brockman's storming off the set is reminiscent of Dan Rather's doing the same.  Note that Kent tells anyone who's listening that ``you can find me downstairs at...'' @{jf3}

SH{\O}P

Michael Parisi @{map} suggests that the name ``Sh{\o}p'' is a swipe at
the chain of Swedish home furniture stores in the Los Angeles area
named ``St{\o}r''.

The Importance of Being Amber

Karl Wagenfuehr @{kw} reminds us that amber played an important r\^ole
in the discovery of electricity.

It's funny because it's true

The ``It's funny because it's true'' award goes to Calvin Henry-Cotnam
@{chc}: ``I have commented to others before how women will go to `get
their hair done', and make a <really> big thing about it.  But they
always return looking exactly the same as when they left.  I mean
<exactly>.  At least when I get my hair cut, I return looking as if it
was.''

Miscellaneous

The Laramie logo depicts a pack of cigarettes, with a few fags poking
out the top of the box.  But what's weird is that one of the
cigarettes is lit.  At the filter end!

Unresolved questions

Did the two other contestants in the pageant have names?  Who voiced them?

Boring distribution restrictions

Portions copyright 1992-1993 by Chris Baird and Dave Hall, edited and
incorporated by permission.  All the other standard disclaimers apply.