Marge in Chains

Marge in Chains
                                      Written by Bill Oakley and Josh Weinstein
                                                        Directed by Jim Reardon

TV Guide Synopsis

Marge escapes a flu epidemic, but not the eyes of Apu, who catches
her accidentally taking an item during a shopping run for flu
sufferers.  Her attorney: Lionel Hutz, of course.  Other voices: Julie
Kavner, Hank Azaria, Harry Shearer.

Title sequence

Blackboard

    {I do not have diplomatic immunity.}
    {I do not have diplomatic} at cutoff.

Lisa's solo

    Descending eighth notes.

                        .... .
              .          #Nb  b # #Nb  b   N# . . .  .
              1_______5 5443 1754 4434 31 /346161/3__1

    Recycled from [8[FG]01].

Driveway

        Homer yells, ``D'oh!'' when Lisa scoots past.
        Homer yells, ``Waugh!'' when the car closes in on him.

Couch

        A miniature family climb onto a normal-sized couch.

        Recycled from [9[FG]09].

Quotes and scene summary

   


 ``I Can't Believe They Invented It!''
   
   Hello, everybody, I'm Troy McClure, star of such films as ``P is for Psycho''
   and ``The President's Neck is Missing''.
   -- ``Marge in Chains''
   
 As usual, the inventor is Dr. Nick Riviera.  His latest creation is
 an orange juice squeezer called the ``Juice Loosener''.  Homer
 orders one.

 In Osaka, Japan, a Japanese assembly line worker with the flu coughs
 into the box destined for Homer Simpson before sealing it.

 ``6 to 8 weeks later''...  The juice loosener arrives, and Homer is
 immediately greeted with a green cloud of germs.  A similar fate
 befalls the other citizens of Springfield.  Green clouds of germs
 terrorize all of Springfield, while nevertheless obeying all local
 traffic laws.

 Kent Brockman reports that over 300 cases of the dreaded Osaka flu
 have hit Springfield.  One of them being Arnie Pie in the sky, who
 loses his lunch at the corner of Twelfth and Main.  Sunning himself
 on a building roof, Otto proves the unlucky recipient.

 Bart's temperature is normal; he's well enough to go to school.
 Bart asks Marge to take his temperature a second time.  Meanwhile,
 his antibodies realize that it's a school day and allow the virus to
 overrun the body.

 Enjoying his day off from school, Bart watches an Itchy and Scratchy
 cartoon.

 The cartoon is interrupted by an emergency announcement from the
 mayor.  He has cancelled his vacation to the Bahamas as a result of
 the crisis.  (Pull back to reveal that he's standing on a Bermuda
 beach with a faux office backdrop.)

 Burns shows Smither his germ-free, hermetically sealed chamber.  But
 it seems that Homer is inside it, eating a sandwich.
   
   Burns: Who the devil are you?
   Homer: [thinks]  Don't panic.  Just come up with a good story.
          [aloud]  My name is Mr. Burns.
          [thinks] D'oh!
   -- Burns, eh?  ``Marge in Chains''
   
 An angry crowd has gathered outside the Hibbert Medical Clinic...
   
   Crowd:   We need a cure!  We need a cure!
   Hibbert: Ho ho ho.  Why, the only cure is bedrest.
            Anything I give you would be a placebo.
   Woman:   [frantic] Where can we get these placebos?
   -- ``Marge in Chains''
   
 The crowd overturn a truck in search of placebos, but alas the only
 thing inside is a crate of killer bees.

 Not even the Flanders family has escaped the scourge of the Osaka
 flu.  Rod observes Todd speaking in tongues, but alas, Todd is merely
 delirious.  Ned realizes what it is he did to deserve this punishment
 from above.  Flashback to Ned watching ``Married... with Children''...
 and laughing!
   
   Oh, the network slogan is true!  Watch FOX and be damned for all eternity!
   -- Ned Flanders, ``Marge in Chains''
   
   Lisa: Mom, could you bring me more O.J.?
   Bart: Mom, could you get me some of those Flintstones chewable morphine?
   -- Marge tends to an ill family, ``Marge in Chains''
   
 Homer wants Marge to change the TV channel for him.  And Grampa wants
 a bottle of bourbon.

 Marge wanders down the Kwik-E-Mart aisles collecting cold remedies
 for her family.  She reaches the counter, her basket filled to the
 brim.  (Helen is behind her in line.)
   
   Marge: And a bottle of aspirin.
   Apu:   [holding a bottle that can't hold more than 10 tablets]
          The aspirin is $24.95.
   Marge: $24.95?!
   Apu:   I lowered the price because an escaped mental patient tampered
          with the bottle.
   -- Our loss is your pain, ``Marge in Chains''
   
 Marge reluctantly pays her bill and leaves with a sack of items.
 But when she reaches the door, sirens wail.  Says Apu stiltedly,
 ``Oh dear, the alarm must be broken.''  He asks Marge to step a bit
 to her left, which she does.  Along the doorway is a tape measure,
 which Apu uses to jot down Marge's height.  (8 1/2 feet, incl. hair.)
 Apu tells Sanjay to help Marge pick up her things.  Sanjay winks, and
 a quiet conversation in some Indian language is carried out.  Sanjay
 finds a bottle of bourbon in Marge's coat, which she had forgotten
 to pay for.  The police arrive.
   
   All right, come out with your hands up,
   two cups of coffee,
   an auto freshener that says `Capricorn',
   and something with coconut on it!
   -- And keep them high above your head where I can see them, ``Marge in Chains''
   
 [End of Act One.  Time: ??:??]

 Marge and Homer retain the services of Lionel Hutz.  Hutz is
 confident in success, until he sees that he will be facing Judge
 Snyder.  Apparently Hutz kinda ran over his dog.  (Well, replace
 `kinda' with `repeatedly' and `dog' with `son'.)  Homer suggests
 talking to Apu.

 At the Kwik-E-Mart, Apu and Sanjay (wearing party hats) celebrate
 their victory.  Homer asks them to drop the charges, but Apu points
 out that it is the policy of the Kwik-E-Mart (and its parent
 corporation, Nodyne Dynamics Inc.) to prosecute all shoplifters to
 the fullest extent of the law.

 In the sauna, Wiggum (still wearing his police hat) tells Quimby
 (wearing a ``mayor'' sash), ``Don't tell anyone, but Marge Simpson
 was arrested for shoplifting.''  Quimby repeats the pronouncement at
 a major speech.  Gossip about Marge is exchanged over bridge;
 present are Rev. and Mrs. Lovejoy, Miss Hoover, and Dr. Hibbert.  At
 the Flanders homestead, Ned reassures Marge, but when she excuses
 herself to use the bathroom, Maude spies on her.

 The trial begins, and the D.A. is so confident of success, he wastes
 the court's time asking the jury to rate various male hunks.
   
   Ooh, he's going to win!
   -- Lionel Hutz observes the District Attorney, ``Marge in Chains''
   
   D.A.   Now, Mrs. Lovejoy, could you tell us a little about Marge Simpson?
   Helen: Well, as the wife of a minister, I'm privy to a lot of
          sensitive information.  And here it is...
   -- ``Marge in Chains''
   
 Helen's portrayal of the Simpsons household is none too flattering.
 (But accurate.  Except for the last bit.)

 Dr. Frink proves that Marge was present at the assasination of John
 Kennedy.

 Hutz proposes that Marge merely forgot about the bottle of bourbon.
 (The mention of bourbon rekindles Hutz's own penchant for the potable,
 until he rushes to a pay phone and calls David Crosby for support.)
   
   So, Mr. Nahasapeemapetilon, if that <is> your real name...
   -- Lionel Hutz cross-examines Apu, ``Marge in Chains''
   
 When Apu claims a perfect memory, Hutz turns around and challenges
 Apu to describe the tie he's wearing.  Apu's description is right on
 the mark, so Hutz struggles with his tie, eventually taking it off.
 (So there!  I wasn't wearing a tie at all!)

 Hutz joins the Simpsons at dinner, confident in success.
   
   Lisa:  You're a latter-day Clarence Darrow!
   Hutz:  Uh, was he the black guy on the Mod Squad?
   -- No, he's the black guy on the Supreme Court, ``Marge in Chains''
   
   If there's one thing America needs, it's more lawyers.
   -- Lionel Hutz, ``Marge in Chains''
   
 The thought of a world without lawyers sends a chill up Hutz's spine.

 Lionel Hutz concludes his argument, then realizes he isn't wearing
 any pants.  He tries to get the trial dismissed, unsuccessfully.  He
 tries intercepting the jury's verdict on the way to the judge, but
 that fails as well.  The verdict: Guilty.  Marge is sentenced to
 thirty days.  The next case is ``The National Council of Churches
 v. Lionel Hutz''.

 Marge bids farewell to her kids, but Bart has plans on springing her.
 All he needs is a cocktail dress and a crowbar.
   
   Homer: Marge, I'm going to miss you so much.  And it's not just the sex.
          It's also the food preparation.
   -- ``Marge in Chains''
   
 Marge is taken away.  Apu and Sanjay celebrate, confident that their
 store is once again secure.  Cut to Snake carting the entire store
 (literally) away.

 [End of Act Two.  Time: ??:??+7:32]

 Springfield Women's Prison.  Marge greets her cell-mate, Phillips,
 so named because she killed her husband with a Phillips screwdriver.
   
   It's so nice not to have to cook.
   -- Marge enjoys a meal in prison, ``Marge in Chains''
   
 She recalls the one time Homer tried to cook.

 Marge is introduced to Tattoo Annie.
   
   Now, kids, while your mother's gone, I don't want to have to wash any
   dishes, so from now on, drink straight from the faucet or milk carton,
   and we'll eat while standing over the sink or toilet.
   -- Homer watches the kids, ``Marge in Chains''
   
 Lisa observes that if everyone does their fair share, they can keep
 the house clean.  Ten minutes later, the house is a total mess.
 (Complete with alligator.)
   
   Bart: Dad, we're running out of clean clothes!
   Lisa: It seems like I've been wearing this same red dress forever!
   -- ``Marge in Chains''
   
 Homer has found a cache of clothes in the attic.  He appears in a
 wedding gown.

 Bart's lunch consists of a pack of sugar and peanut butter smeared
 on a playing card.
   
   Nelson:  Hah-hah!  Your mom's a jailbird!
   Bart:    So's yours.
   Nelson:  Oh yeah.
   -- ``Marge in Chains''
   
 The kids visit Marge.  Homer is dressed in an old Hallowe'en
 costume.  Leaving Grampa alone with a 'gator stuck halfway down the
 toilet.  In the conjugal visit trailer, Homer doesn't want to push
 anything.  ``We can just hold hands, or sit and talk...'' Marge
 leaps onto him.  The trailer tips over.

 The ``Beautify Our Parks'' bake sale falls flat when the customers
 learn that Marge's marshmallow treats aren't for sale.  Fifteen
 dollars short, instead of getting a statue of Lincoln, the park
 commissioner must settle for a statue of Jimmy Carter.  The crowd
 riots.  ``This never would have happened if Marge Simpson was
 here,'' laments Maude.

 Marge is released, and her cell-mate reveals that she has a new
 boyfriend.  It's Barney, going under Homer's name.

 Bart and Lisa stand in a room filled with junk that needs to be
 cleaned up before Marge comes home.  So they sweep it under the rug.
 All of it.

 Marge is given a warm greeting by the townspeople upon her return.
   
   From now on, I'll use my gossip for good instead of evil.
   -- Helen Lovejoy, ``Marge in Chains''
   
 All cheer, and Quimy unveils a special treat:  The Jimmy Carter
 statue has been given a Marge Simpson 'do.

 Later, Bart and Lisa use the statue as a tetherball pole.

 [End of Act Three.  Time: ??:??+12:48]
   

Voice Credits

Starring

    Dan Castellaneta        (Homer, Grampa, Willy, District Attorney)
    Julie Kavner            (Marge)
    Nancy Cartwright        (Bart, Nelson)
    Yeardley Smith          (Lisa)
    Hank Azaria             (Chief Wiggum, guy under the rug)
    \:    and
    Harry Shearer           (Kent Brockman, Principal Skinner)

Special Guest Voice

    David Crosby            (himself)
    Phil Hartman            (Troy McClure, Lionel Hutz)

Also Starring

    Pamela Hayden           (Milhouse)
    Tress MacNeille         (Helen Lovejoy)
    Maggie Roswell          (Miss Hoover, Maude Flanders)

Reviews

Yours truly @{rjc}: The infomercials aren't authentic enough.
You know you're in trouble when the best gag is a swipe at FOX.

Didja notice...

    .... Maude wears lipstick and make-up, even when she has the flu!
         (We've seen before that she also wears lipstick and make-up
         to bed.)

Movie (and other) References

    + Married with Children
    . Psycho
    + JFK

Freeze Frame Fun

Homer's address

    Homer Simpson
    742 Evergreen Terrace
    Springfield, USA

People who bought a juice loosener

    * Homer Simpson
    * Principal Skinner (for his mother)
    * Patty and Selma (birthday gifts for each other)

Stores in Springfield

    * Guns (store is for sale)
    * Savings bank
    * Sign:  You are now leaving Springfield.  Come back soon.
    * Sign:  Shelbyville 47 miles
             North Haverbrook 63 miles
             Mexico City 648 miles

Miscellaneous

    * Conjugal visit trailer bumper sticker:
      ``Don't come a-knockin' if this van's a rockin'.''
    * Phillips' prisoner number: 40609

Animation and continuity goofs

Comments and other observations

Jimmy Carter

Odd that the city opted for Jimmy Carter, even though Marge voted for
him.  Twice.  (Ah, Jimmy Carter.  The president whose main faults were
that he was too nice, too smart, and too honest.  Traits least
befitting a politician.)

Cross-dressing

Okay, this cross-dressing thing is getting out of hand.  It started
innocently enough...

[9[FG]02] Bart wears Lisa's high heels.

Then it gets a little weird.

[9[FG]16] Grampa's dream.
[9[FG]18] Grampa entertains the Nazis.

But now it's out of control.

[9[FG]20] Bart's plan to help Marge escape.
[9[FG]20] Homer wears a wedding dress.

On the other hand, after all, how many of us can honestly say that at
one time or another he hasn't felt sexually aroused by wearing women's
clothing.  I know I have.  I mean, most normal adolescents go through
a stage of wearing panties two or three times a day.  Some youngsters
on the other hand are attracted to it by its very illegality.  It's
like murder---make a thing illegal and it acquires a mystique.  Look
at arson---I mean, how many of us can honestly say that at one time or
another he hasn't set fire to some great public building?  I know I
have.  The only way to bring the crime figures down is to reduce the
number of offences---get it out into the open---I know I have.

Distribution notice and Acknowledgments

Blah blah.