Screaming Yellow Honkers Written by David M. Stern Directed by Mark Kirkland ============================================================================== Production code: AABF10 Original Airdate on FOX: 21-Feb-1999 Capsule revision A (29-Oct-1999) ============================================================================== > "TV Guide" Synopsis ============================================================================== (Canadian): Homer is devastated to learn that he accidentally bought a car that is strong enough for a man, but made for a woman, prompting a car swap with Marge, who becomes high on power behind the wheel of the dainty- mobile. Country singer Hank Williams Jr. guest-voices as the Canyonero pitchman. {hl} ============================================================================== > Title sequence ============================================================================== Blackboard: GRAMMAR IS NOT A \ TIME OF WASTE Couch: The family runs in to sit on the couch, which now has a safety bar attached to it. When they sit down, the bar lowers, locking them in place. Then, the Simpsons take a wild ride around their own living room. [Recycled from AABF02] ============================================================================== > Did You Notice... ============================================================================== ... "El Barto" has visited the Springfield Police station Jon Blum: ... Edna's voice seemed really different. ("they can hire new voices, and no one can tell the difference!") ... Bart has a very large nasal cavity? ... Lisa actually wanted to go to an animal park? (PC-thug mode must be dormant in comparison to 8-year old girl mode this week ...) Ellen Cohen: ... the opening number of "Edu-Tainment" is supposed to be how the performers love to be teachers, but about half the performers are not teachers? (i.e. Otto, Groundskeeper Willie, Lunchlady Doris and Supernintendo Chalmers) [{gw} points out that Willie did do temporary duty as a French teacher -- Ed.] ... Krusty the Clown actually went to the performance at the school? Does he have kids or know one of the teachers? ... even though Marge can see through the wall into the kitchen, and can see Bart wearing tonight's dinner as pants, she only reprimands him for going through her purse? ... while Homer is being dragged around by the rhinoceros, he informs the construction workers, "It's not my rhino!" ... Homer [...] has forgotten the DMY creed? Nathan DeHoff: ... the Canyonero doesn't seem to be quite as wide as it was last season? ... Kearney's "interruption" of the traffic school film seemed fairly "cartoonish"? ... Springfield has a zoo, an animal refuge, and a wild animal park? Don Del Grande: ... Lunch Lady Doris has a "speaking part"? ... Homer can hot-wire Marge's car? ... Marge's car's hood can be opened entirely from the outside? ... somebody gave Homer financial credit? (see 7G09 for what happened the last time) ... when Homer asks Marge if she thinks he's gay, he's holding her purse with both hands? ... Evergreen Terrace has its own exit sign? ... Lisa carries Maggie into the car? Yuri Dieujuste: ... the Bush/Ford house is missing? Jordan Eisenberg: ... Marge's hair blocks part of the stage at the assembly? ... Superintendent Chalmers falls on the floor when Skinner, who was right under him in the pyramid, jumps off? ... while carting away 32 grocery bags, Marge keeps her eye off of the road for a very long time? ... both episodes to feature the Canyonero were the 10th in their production lines? (5F10 and AABF10) Curtis Gibby: ... Wiggum knows the word "aplomb"? Andrew Gill: ... the X on Snake's forehead (again)? ... stubbiness apparently runs in the Wiggum family, too? Joe Green: ... the young, androgynous cop in the Road Rage movie? John Jensen: ... Marge's comment "go back to New Jersey" was amusing because NJ drivers would normally be considered the reckless ones. ... they actually DID knock out one of the rhinos with popcorn! Damien Jones: ... Lou was going to return the Curtis E. Bear costume although it was wrecked? Joe Klemm: ... one rhino laying near Marge's old car during the attack? ... NBC was finishing up NBA coverage when Marge tells viewers to see what's on that channel? Haynes Lee: ... "this both sucks and blows" is a very fitting comment? Ondre Lombard: ... Homer seemed enticed by Mrs. Krabappel in 8F16, but now he seems to be repulsed by her? ... objects are thrown at someone twice this episode? ... this is the first time we've seen Homer wear a belt with his usual outfit since I believe 7F18? Paul Melnyk: ... at first impression, the guy on the O.K. Cor-ral [sign] looks like Smithers in the Simpsons Spinoff Showcase? ... Marge calling Hans Moleman "Grandma"? ... inmates at Springfield Minimum Security Prison need the fence to break to escape? ... isotope flag in background in Moe's bar? Mark Aaron Richey: ... in the couch gag, Homer and Marge duck when the bar comes down? ... the GPS system? ... the ice cream dripping all over the seats? ... The expression on Hans' face when he changed lanes? ... the guy sleeping in the class? ... the astronaut is holding a golf club? ... Curtis E. Bear is pretty beaten up outside? ... Apu shaking hands with Kearney? ... Moe shaking hands with Krusty? ... the cars turned over in the parking lot? ... one of the construction workers drops a pickax? Benjamin Robinson: ... the amount of cross-gender addressing in this episode? (See "Personal Comment & Observations") ... the first strike chips Curtis E. Bear's tooth? Samuel Sklaroff: ... one of the people running from the park looks like Matt Groening? Mike Smith: ... Rev. Lovejoy doesn't know Marge was driving? ... OFF didn't know what program NBC is airing at that moment? [See "Comments" section for more] Gary Wilson: ... it *is* of course physically possible for something to suck and blow, especially when thought of literally? ... Homer is simply eating plain salt while in the car? [Or maybe not. See "Goofs" section -- Ed.] ... Mrs. Krabapple actually showed her butt in her performance? ... Krusty's Canyonero appears to be the women's version as well (or looks exactly the same)? ... Krusty calls Marge a clown, despite the obvious fact that he is a clown as well? ... the Canyonero blatantly says "buy me!" on it? ... Hans Moleman no longer drives a Gremlin? ... Chief Wiggum thinks "road rage" is a technical term? ... Lisa says the animals are not there to entertain them, when they really are? ... Kent Brockman doesn't know the Simpsons' names, despite the fact that he has met them all numerous times and Lisa is a frequent guest on his show? ============================================================================== > Voice Credits ============================================================================== - Starring - Dan Castellaneta (Willie, Krusty) - Julie Kavner (Marge) - Nancy Cartwright (Bart, Nelson, Kearney) - Yeardley Smith (Lisa) - Hank Azaria (Chalmers, Carl, Wiggum, Moe, Snake, Lou) - Harry Shearer (Principal Skinner, Gil, Stan, Lenny, Lovejoy, Man (driving truck), Judge, Crazy Guy [?], Eddie, "We're free!", Brockman) - Special Guest Voice - Marcia Wallace (Edna Krabappel) - Hank Williams, Jr. (Canyonero Singer) - Also Starring - John Kassir (Silent guy standing in background) - Tress MacNeille (Sgt. Crew, Agnes, Woman (driving car)) - Maggie Roswell (Computer) - Karl Wiedergott (Zookeeper) ============================================================================== > Movie (and other) references ============================================================================== + Screaming Yellow Zonkers (nosh) {bjr} - title spoofs the name of this snack food, of course - [Steve Portigal describes it as, "Cracker Jack-esque snack food ... popcorn with caramel type coating." {ddg} notes that this reference is also qualifies as (a) double entendre and (b) meta-reference] + "20th Century Fox" logo {jk} - "That's Edutainment" logo is similar + "That's Entertainment!" (movie) - "That's Edu-Tainment!" a parody - [{bjr} writes, "'Edu-Tainment' is also a term referring to books, movies, and such that are supposed to teach you something without boring you to death."] + "Pomp and Circumstance" {ec} - the opening number of "Edu-Tainment" is sung to the tune of this piece, which is usually played at college graduations. + "Fame" (movie and TV show) - the teachers sing "Not Gonna Teach Forever" to the melody of this song + Abbott & Costello's "Who's on first?" routine - Superintendent Chalmers and Principal Skinner botch this classic comedy bit [See "Comments" section for more] ~ Mork and Mindy {ag} - there was an episode where [a woman] did the balloon thing (and she got the same reaction) + the O. K. Corral - truck dealership named for the site of the famous shootout + "Glengarry Glen Ross" (movie) {hl} - the board showing individual sales - "South Park" (TV show) - Homer said "sweeet" like South Park's Eric Cartman {hl} - when Lenny and Carl are picking on him, he says "Screw you guys!" and goes home (reference to Cartman's "Screw you guys, I'm going home!) {ec} + Ford's F-series pickup {bjr} - the female-oriented Canyonero uses the same moniker. - [{bjr} notes, "The guys at the plant denigrate it as a girly-truck. I think the 'Simpsons' writers must be Chevy partisans."] + Secret (brand of antiperspirant) {hl} - "Strong enough for a man, but made for a woman" is the tagline for this product + Microsoft (software company) - "Where would you like to go today?" lifted almost directly from their ads - Wheaties (cereal) {pm} - Courtney Love on box + "Thelma and Louise" (movie) {hl} - Wiggum sarcastically calls Marge both names - D.A.R.E bear (anti-drug icon) {pm} - Eddie dressing up as Curtis B. Kind + "Disney's Wild Kingdom" {yd} - "Wild Animal Kingdom" + Mutual of Omaha's "Wild Kingdom" (TV show) {bjr} - Wild Animal Kingdom zoo name similar + "Born Free" (song and movie) - used in Wild Animal Kingdom's slogan + "Peanuts" (comic strip) {jk} - after getting shot with the tranquilizer dart, the sloth dances like Snoopy sometimes does [See "Comments" section for more] + "Jumanji" (movie) - Homer says it to get rid of the rhinos - "Jurassic Park" (movie) - scene where the police watch the rhino destroy their vehicle similar to the one Dr. Grant watch a dinosaur fight from behind a tree {je} - Homer attacked in can, the way lawyer on the can was eaten {hl} - "Friday the 13th" (movie) {sw} - Jason attacks a guy in a port-o-john, by stabbing a knife through the side (cf. the rhino attacking Homer with his horn) - "The Crocodile Hunter" (TV show) {ck} - zookeeper similar to Steve Irwin from this program - "The Gods Must Be Crazy" (movie) {rk} - rhino instinctively stomps out a fire + "Dateline NBC" (TV news show) {ms} 2 - Marge refers to the show's ill-fated expose of Chevy trucks [See "Comments" section for more] ============================================================================== > Previous episode references ============================================================================== - Gil's appearances {gw} - [5F06] Works as a realtor alongside Marge, first appearance - [5F10] Similar man sells the kids shoes (is it Gill or not?) - [5F14] Is waiting for an audit with Homer - [5F18] Tries to sell Marge and Homer a car (Repeat occupation, in this episode he works as a car salesman again) - [AABF03] Actually sells the school a computer - [AABF06] Loses all his money and the company pay roll in Vegas - Porta-potties on The Simpsons {je} - [2F19] Foreman dumps sand onto a porta-potty - [3F08] Grampa thinks the porta-potty is an elevator - [3F24] Porta-potties at the Chili Cookoff - [5F16] CBG is in the porta-potty - [MG28] OFF visit the zoo {je} - [7G09], [9F07] Homer interested in a fancy car {gw} - [7G09], [9F07] The Simpsons get a new car {mr} - [7F10], [2F18] Rhinos mentioned/appear {je} - [7F22] A lemur appears {ss} - [8F06] School talent show {ms} - [8F14] Lisa: "Mom, Bart did _____." Bart: "I did not!" (does it again) {gw} - [8F14], [1F03] Marge is associated with Thelma and Louise {gw} - [8F14] Bart and Lisa fighting in the car {ol} - [8F14] Marge shows her early tendencies for road rage {bc} - [8F15] Homer and Lisa's stubby fingers {bc} - [8F21] Marge is not very assertive in changing lanes (cf. Skinner's driving the school bus) {gw} - [8F23] Speech opened with "Webster's defines ..." {bjr} - [9F03] Springfield Prison broken into as a result of car accident {je} - [9F03] A Simpson crashes into prison and lets prisoners go (including Snake) (gw) - [9F07], [5F06] Homer buys a new car without Marge's permission {ol} - [9F14] Homer forced to see educational film on drunk driving {hl} - [9F16], [9F21], [2F20] Weapons used against the TV {je} - [9F18] "Born Free" is referred to {dj} - [1F03] Marge on a driving rampage {ms} - [1F08], [4F09] Principal Skinner says "Oh, mercy." {gw} - [1F10] Willie's joke about North Edinburgh and South Edinburgh golfers sounds vaguely like the one about white and black drivers {jg} - [1F18], [2F16] Skinner says "Mercy" {je} - [1F20] Moe attracted to Marge {gw} - [2F05] Moe calls Marge "Midge" {ms} - [2F05], [4F03] Moe calls Marge "Midge" {gw} - [2F15] "Plan B references" (the cow with sign said "Marry Me" and moving Springfield 5 miles further) {ms} - [2F18] Something lives inside the turkey dinner {je} - [2F18] Escaped rhinos chase people in Springfield - [2F21] Someone asks Marge how she thought of her plan {je} - [3F10] A shoe is thrown from Springfield Elementary's auditorium {je} - [3F12] NBC show opposite OFF is mentioned {ms} - [3F13], [4F01], [4F04] Kearney is old {gw} - [3F18] "Oh Crud" is said (by Nelson) {gw} - [3F20] The authorities encourage picking on those weaker than you {je} - [4F01] Kearney has a car {dj} - [4F09] Chalmers calling Seymour a "sexless freak" {pm} - [4F11] Homer's and Bart's lives are threatened by a herd of animals, but someone comes along and saves them {dj} - [4F18] Disaster at the zoo {gw} - [5F06] Homer buys a hotrod without consulting Marge {hl} - [5F06] Gil appears {ddg} - [5F07] Stan the car salesman appears {je} - [5F07] The Simpsons purchase a vehicle. {nd} - [5F10] Canyonero theme song heard {bjr} - [5F10] The Canyonero's triumphant return - [5F14], [AABF03], [AABF06] Gil appears. {nd} - [5F17], [AABF09] Wiggum says, "The [whatever] was just one day away from retirement." {pm} - [5F18] Gil at a used car lot {ms} - [5F18] Lenny and Carl appearing to try and make hoots at Marge {pm} - [5F18] Dave Barry is mentioned {je} - [5F19] Canyonero song {ms} ============================================================================== > Freeze frame fun ============================================================================== - Sign for the school talent show {jb} |-------------------------| | FACULTY TALENT SHOW | | | | Two-Milk Minimum | |-------------------------| - The Edu-Tainment pyramids {mar} Skinner Edna Chalmers Hoover Willy Doris ? ? Otto Largo - People at auditorium (Decipherable that is, some may be missed) {pm} - Chalmers, Skinner, Ms. Krabappel, Ms. Hoover, Mr. Largo, Groundskeeper Willie, Otto, Marge, Bart, Homer, Rod, Todd, Maude, Ned, Lunch-Lady Doris, Ralph, Martin, Ms. Van Houten, Ms. Wiggum, Chief Wiggum, Helen Lovejoy, Smithers, Sideshow Mel, Krusty, Agnes Skinner, Nelson {mar}, Mr. and Mrs. Prince {mar} - Sign at the Canyonero dealer {bjr} .li [cowboy lasso-ing] .li [ Canyonero ] THE O. K. CAR-RAL - Salesman toteboard {bjr} SALES DON .li [10 trucks] GENE .li [9 trucks] GIL .li [none] STAN .li [11 trucks] TOM .li [11 trucks] - Grocery store sign {je} springfield GROCERY store - People at training center {jk} - Agnes, Kearney, Moe, Chalmers {pm}, Krusty, Apu, sleeping guy {mar}, Marge - Title cards from Driver's Ed film {bjr} COURT ROAD RAGE: ORDERED DEATH FLIPS PRODUCTIONS THE FINGER presents - Sign at the zoo {pm} WILD ANIMAL KINGDOM "BORN FREE, THEN CAGED" ============================================================================== > Animation, continuity, and other goofs ============================================================================== = [There were] two different viewpoints in auditorium, and two different lightings, from point of view of stage {pm} * There doesn't seem to be any place in the auditorium for a spotlight to be coming from. {je} - Skinner reads off a card, but when he moves his wrist, we see the card is blank. {je} + In 3G03 Simpsoncalifragilisticexpiala(ANNOYED GRUNT)cious Willie claims to "hail from" Glasgow, and in 5F20 Lard of the Dance he claims North Kiltstown. Now it appears to be Edinburgh. {gw} + Homer seemed enticed by Mrs. Krabappel in 8F16, but now he seems to be repulsed by her {ol} = Homer eats pretzels from a box labeled "Salt". {dj} = The Simpsons' car looks red like the Canyonero, but their two cars are pink and purple [orange, actually -- Ed.]. {dj} * Since when can Homer afford a Canyonero? {jg} * Gil only dialed 3 digits, but his call went through. {tpe} = On the overhead shot of the house right after Homer finds out about the F- series, the cars are not in the driveway. In the next shot, when Homer is begging Marge to take the Canyonero, they are in the driveway. {mar} - The window in OFF's living room seems to be much wider than usual. {je} = The sunroof disappears temporarily when Marge enters the car. (Her hair couldn't have covered the entire sunroof.) {ddg} * On Marge's onboard car computer, any name with 6+ characters wouldn't fit. {pm} + Since when was there a freeway so close to the Simpsons' house? {bc} = When Marge gets stuck in traffic, she pulls up behind an aqua four-door sedan. When she leaves the road, the car ahead is a tan VW Beetle. {bjr} * Bart sprays whip-cream up his nose, yet it just wipes off. {pm} = When Marge presses the "4 X 4" button, there is no "LOW" button below it. In most of the other dashboard shots, there is. {bjr} + The houses across the street from the Simpsons (for example, the one that George Bush lived in) are no longer there, and the lots have been vacant long enough for grass to grow there. {ddg} + It's not the inter-episode continuity I'm worried about, but houses were even shown across the street in earlier scenes of the same episode, but aren't there as Marge escapes the interstate. {je} * How did Lisa know she was being spied on by Marge? {je} + Marge was installing the headlights, but in the song, they are implied to be standard: "She blinds everybody with her superhigh beams ..." (Unless she was just adjusting them, or they are optional equipment). {jj} * When Marge is testing out her high-beam headlights, which apparently allow her to see through walls, we see Lisa in the kitchen with Bart, who is wearing a turkey [chicken, actually -- Ed.], and nothing else. By the time Homer gets into the kitchen, Bart has managed to remove the turkey and completely re-dress. {jm} = The lines in the road are orange? {ddg} c The captions don't record what Marge said in the overhead shot of her driving down the highway. {mar} = When Marge goes off the road to pass cars, she goes through some bushes, but the bushes appear to be undisturbed. {ddg} - When Marge rolls her window up and down, the top edge "grows" to conform with the frame, rather than staying in the triangular shape it should have. {je} = most of the "Road Rage" movie was on the take-up reel? {ddg} = Krusty's nose is white when they show Eddie's point of view. {ss} = Apu is seen outside the driving class, when we never saw him inside it. {mar} * The Canyonero should have crushed Agnes Skinner's and Kearney's cars. This also could have killed the two of them. {yd} = Bart didn't have his slingshot when he entered the zoo. {je} * In order for saying "Jumanji" to do anything (even in the movie and book) Homer would have had to have won the game, which he didn't even begin playing? (picky, picky but what they hey) {gw} * When Bart and Lisa jumped into the car through the sunroof, they should have landed in the front seats, not the back. {ddg} * Lisa and Bart were still in car when it crashed. [Well, maybe not, since I didn't see them. Of course, that raises the question of how they got to the construction site -- Ed.] {pm} c Homer's "NBC sucks" comments over the closing credits are not captioned. {mar} ============================================================================== > Reviews ============================================================================== Rich Bunnell: Nearly as disjointed as the season low-point "Kidney Trouble." Some funny moments, but the plot couldn't seem to hold itself together and the NBC joke at the end was pretty lame, even though Homer's voice-over during the credits was hilarious. Still, I didn't laugh at a whole lot this episode. The 4th mediocre episode this season (along with Bart The Mother, Kidney Trouble, and D'oh-ing In The Wind), and I find that weird since in the past 9 seasons, there were maybe 3 or more, TOTAL, that I didn't care for. (C) Ellen Cohen: I enjoyed this one, even though I missed about five minutes in the middle. As you know I love the Marge-centric episodes! I never broke out hysterically laughing out loud, but there were some truly funny bits, like Bart pulling on "chicken pants" and Courtney Love on a Wheaties box. I can't believe I'm saying this, but I'm glad Homer wasn't such a jerk in this episode. That brings up my grade, sad to say! I wouldn't necessarily say "a bland timid entry for those recovering from surgery", but I give it a B+! Maybe the writers are pulling themselves out of the pit, finally. (B+) Ben Collins: Yawn. What a pointless episode. Marge the road rager doesn't interest me. At least it focuses on a character other than Homer, and all characters are put to good use for a change. A few giggles here and there (Bart and Lisa's sibling rivalry, the traffic school film), but not much. My interest in new episodes is starting to fade big time. (D+) Yuri Dieujuste: This episode was decent. The writing made sense and the episode was well executed. I liked having Homer as a secondary character after seeing him as a major character for most of the season. (B+) Jordan Eisenberg: This was one of those episode I wanted to re-watch immediately at 8:30, because it made me laugh so much. Sadly, once I've seen all the jokes, there's not a lot left that will make me want to watch it a thousand times later on. We have a few recycled jokes here and there, a great Jurassic Park parody, and nice focus on the family, but we also have a very uninteresting plotline (once you take all the gags away), a painfully cartoony zoo scene and another spotlight stolen by Homer. I don't mind the overly-polished animation as much as some do, but I wish the writing could be just as polished. (B-) Curtis Gibby: Simply awful. This episode was reminiscent of the early ones where Marge goes nuts, which I've always hated. I'm not saying that we can't have a Marge-centric episode (I liked "The Springfield Connection" a lot), but if it isn't funny, I really don't like it. I didn't think we could get much worse than "Homer to the Max," but we have a winner! The jokes just fell flat-- I didn't laugh out loud once. (D) Andrew Gill: Well, you can't win `em all. Almost every aspect of this episode made me wonder why this was happening. No incident seemed to have any proper impetus. That having been said, however, I liked the premise. Lisa using physical violence seemed a little out of character, also. (D+) Joe Green: Intensely funny at moments, but slowed down for much of the half-hour. I enjoyed seeing Marge's dark side come out for once. The ending came out of nowhere and managed to feel like a cop-out even though it didn't actually resolve the main plot. (B-) Darrel Jones: A slightly-above-average episode, rescued from blahdom by the excellent NBC-Fox [bit] done at the end. The other highlight was the school talent show. But Wiggum need to stop uttering "That ---- was only one day from retirement" lines. And Gil really should have gotten credit for that car-sale. (B-) Joe Klemm: I am unsure about how to rate the plot to this episode, though I'll bet that a few people will believe that the rhino attack was tagged on. However, the jokes that they use, including the bear bashing bit and the whole NBC crack, were clever in the style of the writers. (B-) Haynes Lee: Kind of a Duffless retread but the rhino stampede was the greatest animal attack scene ever in the Simpsons series. The Hank William Jr. scene was tacked in though. (B-) Jake Lennington: I was actually excited when I saw the previews, but when I saw the actual episode, I barely laughed or felt for the characters in any way. Too many gags seemed drawn out, and the dialog seemed a bit bland, as well. Boring. BTW, can we please stop with the animal attacks! (D+) Ondre Lombard: The first truly different Marge plot in a long time, but unfortunately, it turns into the sort of story "In Marge We Trust" was. Not really quite as dull and aimless, but still, the ending is very tacked on and reminds me a lot of Ned Flanders' baboon rescue. [...] If this were a fanscript, I don't think it'd get many high marks for humor. I had a few chuckles, but there isn't too much that's funny here at all. And it isn't really because it's a Marge-based episode; other characters have lousy lines and a lot of jokes are weak or predictable. (Such as Homer joining Bart in ransacking Marge's purse.) And God, somebody shoot Gil. He isn't funny. I suppose the best part of this episode was the Road Rage film. (D+) Paul Melnyk: This Episode was pretty funny. The first act wasn't top par, the teacher skit was ok. Gil's appearance was amusing, but didn't have the chest-pain-stimulus laughs he had in "Natural Born Kissers". The Second act was great, from the hilarious film clip, to the funeral, to the purse robbery. Third act also was great. The NBC skit was funny at first, but got old upon second viewing. (A-) Thomas Rinschler: The first half of the episode had some quality parts dealing with Marge's developing road rage. Unfortunately, the entire portion dealing with the rhino escape was a bit over-the-top. Overall, a somewhat disappointing episode. (B-) Matt Rose: Well, this was pleasantly surprising ... It's rare these days when they can make a good episode about Marge. Great opening moments with Skinner and Krabapple being so true to form ... also the return of funny public-service films. Can't really say I liked the overall wackiness of the rhino scenes but the first two acts were a treat. For a late-season Simpsons episode, this is about as enjoyable as they come. "The Simpsons" to me is a shadow of it's former self these past couple of seasons, but it can still be quite entertaining once in awhile. (B) Jason Rosenbaum: I have to say, I was slightly surprised when I saw this episode. It didn't have a good plot. I mean, nothing is funny about road rage. When I'm in my car with my dad and he gets angry, I want to leave. Marge was exactly the same. Her road rage wasn't funny, thus making the plot superficial and worthless. However, nobody, not even me, can deny that this episode had some great gags. The beginning was the funniest of the season, and the NBC gag at the end equally funny. But this episode lacked stability. It was a bunch of gags thrown against a wall with Marge's road rage. Not a great episode, but still, much better than I expected. (C) Gary Wilson: Well, I liked it. I liked the (long) jab at Fox, I liked The Talent Show and I liked the whole damn show. On this viewing it seemed overly wacky, but some of the best episodes have been this way and that is not necessarily a problem, just a fact. All the characters had a lot of good lines. The plot was a little bit too non-existent for me, but when it has a lot of jokes that make me laugh, what can I say? I think maybe watching the episode in company adds to the humor. When I watch alone or with my equally critical sister, I rarely find reason to laugh. But the truth is, most people (non die-hard fans) laugh hysterically at the newer shows, and for whatever reason, that makes it more funny. Grade (B+) Yours Truly: Putting Marge behind the wheel of an SUV is a perfect excuse to let her go wild, letting her shed some of her inhibitions without breaking her character. There's also some good moments from the kids, especially on a trip home from the store. However, like the Canyonero itself, the show is slightly too big, and its humor stretched slightly too thin. It's a good episode, but needs a minor tune-up. (B) AVERAGE GRADE: B- (2.51) Std Dev.: 0.8593 (25 reviews computed) ============================================================================== > Comments and other observations ============================================================================== >> Musical References Songs performed on this episode include During her act, Krabapple sings "Fever" by Little Willie John (1956) {dj} Willie plays "My Bonnie Lies Over the Ocean" on his bagpipes {dj} >> The SUV Mystique Benjamin Robinson speculates: Modern civilization has its rewards -- a nice home, the rule of law, "The Simpsons" on every Sunday night -- but it has its price, as well. Everyday commitments press down upon us, until life is just an endless series of errands: go to work, go pick up the kids at school, go drop off the kids at Little League, go to 7-11 for those little juice boxes Junior insists on having, go the Home Depot for a new toilet valve, go nuts. This wasn't how man was meant to live, was it? We were meant to be bold rugged explorers, wandering nomads who can go where we please and do what we want. Perhaps that is so, but nobody wants to sleep under the stars when they could be cozying up at home with a good book. So, Detroit gave us the next best thing -- the Sport Utility Vehicle. No longer were you a harried middle manager or time-starved soccer mom. Now you were fearless navigator exploring unknown territory, a mountaineer .li [*] carving out a new niche (except most woodsmen didn't carry infant seats on their journeys)! And for some reason the illusion persists, even though every SUV driver knows that every other SUV driver is just heading down to the supermarket for baby food. [*] Not coincidentally, Mercury sells an SUV called the "Mountaineer." >> Well, we didn't call them SAFE utility vehicles Benjamin Robinson: Sport Utility Vehicles (SUVs) have a partially deserved reputation for being accident prone. A typical SUV sits high above the ground and is heavier than a standard car or truck. This unfortunate combination means a higher-than-normal center of gravity, and an accompanying tendency to roll over. Perversely enough, this is most likely to happen while swerving out of the way in an emergency, when you most need stable handling. Paradoxically, many people consider SUVs among the safest vehicles on the road. Some of the bigger SUVs are practically massive enough to have their own gravitational field, so in a collision between you and just about anything else on the road, you win. (All bets are off if you collide with some other Suburban-driving soccer mom, though.) Insurance companies have taken note of this, and want to jack up the liability rates for these behemoths. One SUV dealer was quoted as saying every time a "SUVs mean death to everyone else on the road" story runs, his sales go through the roof. Makes you wonder what =really= motivates people to drive these things. Yuri Dieujuste adds: IMHO, I detest most of these cars. I hate those vehicles because they waste gasoline and cause more pollution, they cause more fatal accidents, and they have soured up the import market for Japanese sports cars. Also many of the people who own these cars cannot drive them. Anyone who lives in an area that snows often can see this on any highway (I think this is due to poor shifting between 2x4 and 4X4). Personally, the types of cars I prefer are Japanese and European sports cars and sedans. If I wanted a 4WD vehicle, I would go buy a Subaru or an Audi. Yes these cars are 4WDs and they are at normal height, but they perform better. Eventually, gasoline will become more expensive than CDs and everybody will come crawling back to cheaper, smaller fuel-efficient cars. >> Now that's Edutaining! Andrew Gill: In an attempt to expand the home-use market, computer companies have been trying to sell programs referred to as "edu-tainment" for several years. These are usually things like "Math Blaster" or "Vocabulary Blaster", where it's intended to be both educational *and* fun. Usually, it winds up being neither. Anyone remember "Oregon Trail"? >> "This both sucks and blows" No it doesn't, says Karl Clodfelter: Sorry, but "physically" speaking, it is completely impossible for anything to "suck". There is the situation where the pressure in one place (outside the space shuttle) is lower than the pressure in another place (inside the shuttle). If you create a place for the two pressures to equilibrate (an open door), then you get a push or "blow" effect from the molecules inside the shuttle going out the door. But science just doesn't "suck". >> So who *was* on first, anyway? Joe Klemm tells us how this routine is supposed to work: Who's on First is a comical routine done by Abbott and Costello. In it, Abbott runs down the line-up of a baseball team he has, with Costello confused with the players names, particularly a certain first baseman by the name of Who. >> Must've been working the concession stand A couple people noticed non-teachers like Chalmers were in the "That's Edu- Tainment!" cast. Todd Emerson notes who *wasn't* there: where was Mr. Largo? Or Mrs. Pummehorst? And whatever happened to the female teacher who once said, "Always with the magnets!" Or the male (ponytailed) teacher who asked his class, "Did I ever tell you kids about the '60s?" >> A tale of two columnists Mark Aaron Richey: Erma Bombeck -- Best-selling humor writer whose observations about everyday life and her family won her a loyal following. She died a few years back. Dave Berry -- Best-selling humor writer whose observations about everyday life and his family won him a loyal following. The two writers are quite similar, though Berry appeals more to guys than Bombeck does. >> Global Proving Grounds Andrew Gill explains how this option works: One of the newest extras for the automobile is the GPS (or "Global Positioning System") computer. By triangulating your location from several satellites, it can tell you exactly where in the world you are, what roads you should take, how far to your destination, &c., all within a few hundred feet. The military can find its location to within a few hundred cm, since the civilian GPS systems are intentionally wrong, so that enemy missile can't knock the satellites out of commission. I'm not sure exactly how long this has been around, but I remember seeing a clip on them which used a C=64 like cartridge for software, so it's been a while. Of course, there has been some stupidity surrounding the use of these machines. I remember, just recently, someone drove into a lake because the GPS told him that it was still the road. >> Where is Springfield? Speaking of GPS, Jordan Eisenberg shows how it might shed light on this eternal thread: On the SUV computer screen, the map depicts the entire United States, which is illogical for most drivers ... unless its creators don't want us to know which state it's in. (Or Homer just hadn't programmed the information in yet, even though I suspect such a thing would be automated.) That is, if that makes any sense ... >> Eat your Wheaties, and be just like Courtney Looks like Lisa isn't a Courtney Love fan. If you aren't, either, Benjamin Robinson explains who she is: Courtney Love is the loose-cannon lead singer (although she's been trying to rehabilitate her image lately) for the band Hole. Her pose on the box of Wheaties -- one leg up, and spread off to the side -- was pretty typical of her in-concert appearance. Mark Aaron Richey adds: Grunge rocker, frontwoman for the band Hole, and widow of Kurt Cobain. She is also an occasional actress, winning raves a couple of years ago for "The People vs. Larry Flynt". >> Still missing Phil Daniel W. Mielcarz: Did anyone else miss Troy McClure during the road rage film? I can see it now "Hi, I'm Troy McClure. You might remember me from such driver education films as 'Right turn on red: Now legal in 49 states' and 'So, you've hit a dog'" Jamie Gregorian agrees: You know, I was thinking the EXACT SAME thing when I saw that. Even though I knew he wouldn't be in it, when that filmstrip started, it just seemed weird to have anyone other than Troy narrating. Not to mention disappointing. >> What was that dancing animal? According to Christian Kammerer: [The tranquilized animal is a] three-toed sloth, well known for being the world's most sluggish and immovable mammal. The fact that the tranquilizer made it dance is the joke, since sloth's can't possibly be more tranquil than they are the drug must make them hyperactive. >> How not to stop a charging rhino Joe Klemm: Jumanji is a 1995 movie based on an award-winning children's book .li [by Chris Van Allsburg, according to {mar}]. In it, two kids and two adults, including Robin Williams, must play and finish a board game the adults started when they were kids. However, each move leads to a jungle- related peril for the gang to face, from a stampede to a hunter searching for poor Robin. How Homer tries to stop the rhinos refers to the way for the game to end, with the player landing on his/her last space saying Jumanji. >> Coming up on "Dateline Wednesday," an investigation of shoddy journalism on "Dateline Sunday" Mark Aaron Richey writes: [A] highly popular, if critically panned newsmagazine that seems to be on for 16 hours a week (actually, only 5). Stone Phillips is the chief anchor (also often critically panned). The conversation might have also been a veiled ref to the 1992 scandal where Dateline rigged a pickup truck (I can't remember if it was Ford or GM) to explode upon impact. Benjamin Robinson talks about that scandal: Speaking of SUVs and safety, Marge mentions a "Dateline" report where she learned the trucks burst into flame easily. Most likely, she's remembering a segment that lambasted the fuel tank design of Chevrolet and GMC full-size pickups (ironically, SUVs weren't mentioned -- just the pickups). Until a redesign in the early Nineties, the trucks' fuel tanks were mounted on the sides of the vehicle, outside the frame rails normally used to shield the tank. "Dateline's" contention was that the tanks would explode in a side-impact collision, and to prove their point, they T-boned a Chevy truck. Sure enough, it went up in a ball of flame. Unfortunately for NBC, it later came out that the truck was rigged to explode on cue. The "Dateline" folks confessed to having been duped, and for a while it looked like the whole "Dateline" franchise would have been killed. (Fortunately for NBC, the public forgot about the matter, allowing the network to expand "Dateline" to, oh, about nine times a week.) >> NBC's wonderful lineup Benjamin Robinson wonders: Hmmm, what =is= on NBC tonight? I think I'll go flip through "TV Guide." .li [flip, flip, flip] Ah, the last half-hour of the Lakers-Sonics game. I suppose that's nice if you're a basketball fan. [Tom R. notes, "And in the East Coast, 'Eraser' with Ah-nold was beginning," presumably right after the game -- Ed.] Personally, if "The Simpsons" wasn't on, I'd probably be watching "Mr. Holland's Opus," on ABC instead. When there isn't a b-ball game on, NBC airs "Dateline" in the 8:00-9:00 slot on Sundays; this might be why "The Simpsons'" producers sarcastically plugged that program. It looks like they didn't predict that NBC would give Stone Phillips and crew the night off. D'oh! >> RuPaul's revenge Benjamin Robinson talks about some subtle gender-bending on tonight's show: As I mentioned in the DYNs, there was more cross-gender addressing (calling a man by a women's form of addressing, and vice versa) than usual in this show. For instance: * The guys at the plant call Homer a "soccer mom." * Bart says, "You the man, mom" when Marge crosses the field. * Marge yells "Move it, Grandma" to Hans Moleman. * Snake calls Marge "chick-dude" when thanking her. >> Car Watch -- and this time, it's personal Benjamin Robinson writes: Aw, c'mon, you just knew there was going to be a "Car Watch" for this episode! There's a tan Volkswagen Beetle ahead of Marge when she and the Canyonero are stuck in traffic. Hans Moleman drives a Ford Contour (the original kind with the small grille and headlights). Kearney has evidently traded up from the Hyundai, because here he drives a Beetle, this time an orange convertible. (And in real life, they did come in that color.) [{tpe} vouches for this, saying, "My dad had to rent an orange Beetle back when the family car broke down when I was a kid ('73 or so). He tells me that I said the car looked like one of those Union 76 antenna balls. Ha!"] >> The End Jordan Eisenberg muses about tonight's end credits: What will happen to the credits once this episode enters syndication? It looks like the dialogue was perfectly befitting the shortened prime-time credits, because it was tied time-wise to the beginning and end. (Those whose stations talk over the credits won't have to worry about this, though.) There's a bitter irony in Homer retracting his NBC promotion over the credits, because any Fox affiliate that talks over the syndicated credits to promote themselves will only be compounding their follies by leaving a flamboyantly in-your-face NBC promotion unresolved. Andrew Gill predicts: I suspect that .li [the ending] will just fade into the end credits, like what was done with the Prof. Frink song at the end of .li [3F18]. Ondre Lombard: If most Fox stations running Simpsons are anything like the Los Angeles affiliate, they wait until the middle of the credits to either talk over the credits or split the screen for a promo. (I guess I wouldn't put it past some station in Colorado to run a promo blowing away the entire end credits much like Frasier's credits are murdered by a split-screen news promo in Los Angeles.) >> Miscellaneous, Etc. The Haynes Lee alterna-title for this show is: Canyonero Mama Jake Lennington suggested: The Unbecoming of Marge and the Summer of SUV Jordan Eisenberg's Alterna-alterna-title: It's a Country-Fried Truck Endorsed by a Mom Jon Blum: I'm not even sure if this was intentional, but Jerry Falwell's recent remarks about a teletubby's sexuality was mirrored by Homer and his 'red purse'. Yuri Dieujuste: Springfield may be near New Jersey. This places Springfield near the states of NY, CT, PA, and possibly DE. Michael Morbius: [Commenting on Canyonero jingle line from "Last Temptation of Krust (5F10)"] -- "*Unexplained* fires a matter for the courts." Whereas now we have an explanation--flammable gas tanks. ============================================================================== > Quotes and Scene Summary {bjr} ============================================================================== % At Springfield Elementary, students and their parents enjoy "That's % Edu-Tainment," a faculty talent show, which opens with teachers % singing to the tune of, "Fame." Well, perhaps "enjoyed" is too strong % a word ... I didn't think it was physically possible, but this both sucks and blows. -- Bart Simpson, "Screaming Yellow Honkers" % Principal Skinner comes down from a human pyramid (upending the man % he was supporting in the process) to introduce the first act of the % night. Skinner: Whew. Mercy. Good evening. Our old friend Noah Webster defines "laughter" as, "the act or sound of laughing." [a shoe thrown from the audience strikes Skinner on the head] Nelson: [from audience] Ha-ha! Skinner: [chuckles] Well illustrated, Nelson. And now, fasten your funny bone for Groundskeeper, oh, or should I say Grinskeeper [reads card] No, sorry, Groundskeeper was correct ... Willie! Willie: [playing bagpipe walks on stage as Skinner leaves] How many of you hail from the fair city of Edinburgh? [dead silence from hall] So, have you noticed how North Edinburgh golfers putt like this [putts stiffly] and South Edinburgh golfers putt like this? [putts with knees bent] Eh? [bagpipe deflates] Eh? Oh, I see -- Willie's not funny unless he's down on his knees, scooping up your little brats' puke! [audience laughs] Thank you, you've been great! -- Live at SES, "Screaming Yellow Honkers" % Next up is Edna Krabappel, who wears nothing but balloons and sings % "Fever." Every so often she pops one of the balloons, revealing more % and more of what's underneath. The members audience shudder % collectively. % % Skinner and Chalmers try their luck being Abbott and Costello. Chalmers: Well, Seymour, it seems we've put together a baseball team, and I was wondering, who's on first, eh? Skinner: Not the pronoun, but rather a player with the unlikely name of "Who" is on first. Chalmers: Well that's just great, Seymour. We've been out here six seconds and you've already managed to blow the routine. [storms off, muttering] Sexless freak. -- "Screaming Yellow Honkers" % Mercifully, Skinner calls an intermission when the show reaches its % halfway point. He touts the upcoming act -- cafeteria workers doing a % Beatles impersonation -- which quickly clears the auditorium. % Desperate to get away, everyone gets in their cars, including the % Simpsons. Homer: [nudges Marge to the steering wheel] You drive, I eat. [chows down on some boxes of snack food] Lisa: Dad, you're supposed to pay for those snacks. Homer: I saw Krabapple's butt -- I paid. [Marge drives towards the exit, which needless to say is mobbed] Marge: Whoopsie. This could take a minute. Lisa: There's an opening, mom. [points] Marge: I don't know, I hate to change lanes once I get going. That's really for race car drivers. [Ned Flanders, from his car, motions Marge to go ahead] Bart: Mom, to your left, he's letting you in. Go! Lisa: Come on, mom. Homer: Gun it, woman. Marge: No, no, as soon as I get over, that lane will stop moving. Erma Bombeck said so, and Dave Barry agrees. [a line of cars sneaks in ahead of Marge] Homer: Aw, you suck, Marge. [Krusty, driving his Canyonero, pulls up behind the Simpsons, and leans on his horn] Krusty: Come on, move it you clowns! Marge: What in blazes? [Krusty decides to cut across school grounds, even driving over a fence] Krusty: So long, schlubs! Homer: [admiring] Wow, did you see that thing? So powerful, so demanding, so forceful and raw. It didn't ask, it just took. -- It's so ... manly, "Screaming Yellow Honkers" % Smitten with the Canyonero bug, Homer visits his friendly dealer, % where he literally drools over the new trucks. Gil approaches him. Gil: Go ahead, drool all you want, you can't hurt that finish. Now rainwater, that will strip it right off, so ... aw, I shouldn't have said that ... aw, Gil. Homer: Hey, a red one. [runs to a red Canyonero] Can I buy that? Please? Gil: Well, if you, well ... really? Wow, Hot, hot dog! A sale! [goes to put a little Canyonero marker, indicating a sale, on a bulletin board] Stan: I'll take it from here, Gil. [takes Gil's marker] Gil: No, wait, no. Aw, you can't take my sale. My wife's going to leave me if I don't start bringing in the green. Come on, let me have this one, Stan, I'm begging you. Look at me, I'm begging you, Stan. Stan: Mm-hm. [walks Homer to his office] Let's go write this up, shall we? Gil: [pulls a rotary-dial cell phone from his jacket, and dials] Honey, you should have seen me with my last customer, I ... no, but I came so close. This guy was as ... Whose voice is that? Is that Fred? ... Aw, you said it was over ... No, don't put him on -- Hello, Fred, h-hi. -- "Screaming Yellow Honkers" % Meanwhile, in his office, Stan puts the finishing touches on the % deal. In addition to the truck itself, Homer buys a slew of finish- % protecting treatments, along with a tent to protect the paint. The % dealer also outlines the financing which includes a CBP, or "crippling % balloon payment." % % Soon Homer is showing off his Canyonero at the SNPP. As he drives % past, Lenny and Carl make cat-calls from the parking lot. Homer stops % and lowers his window. Lenny: Oh, sorry Homer. We thought you were one of those hot-to- trot soccer moms. Carl: Yeah, you don't see many men driving the F-series. [Lenny and Carl indicate badge on side of truck] Homer: Huh? Lenny: [reaches in the window, and pulls something out] See, instead of a cigarette lighter, it's got a lipstick holder. Homer: Aw, crap, it's a girls' car! I can't drive this. Lenny: Oh sure you can, dollface. [makes kissy noises] Carl: Heh, heh, pretty thing like you can do whatever she wants. [Lenny and Carl share a laugh] Homer: Shut up! Screw you guys! [drives off] -- "Screaming Yellow Honkers" % Homer won't suffer the indignity of being seen in the F-series, so he % opts for something a little more masculine -- Marge's station wagon. % When Marge won't give him the keys, he pretends to walk to his % Canyonero, only reach under the hood of Marge's car at the last % second. He hot-wires it, jumps in, and roars off. % % Marge still has to do her grocery shopping, and the Canyonero is the % only vehicle available. She walks up to the enormous truck, and eyes % it suspiciously. Marge: Good Lord. How am I supposed to get in this beast? [opens the door. A mechanized stepladder unfolds from the doorsill] Hmm. Well, that's a nice feature. [gets in] Not much headroom, though. [the sunroof opens, allowing her hair to spring out] Ooh! Well, I guess I can drive it for a little while. [the patter of little feet is heard, and then the kids jump into the back seat] Lisa: But mom, I read that sport-utility vehicles are more likely to be in fatal accidents. Bart: Fatal to the people in the other car. Let's roll. Marge: Hang on, the manual says I need to log on to the onboard computer. [enters "MARGE" on a keypad] M-A-R-G-E. Computer: Hello, Marge. Where would you like to go today. Marge: No one has ever asked me that before in my life. -- Must not be a Windows user, then, "Screaming Yellow Honkers" % On the way home from the grocery store, Marge marvels at the % Canyonero's ability to haul a prodigious amount of food. % Unfortunately, gridlock has stranded Marge and the groceries on the % highway. Even though the house is in sight, they can't get to it. % Bart occupies his time constructively, if you consider tormenting his % sister with whipped cream to be constructive. % % Bart does a little back-seat driving. Bart: C'mon, Mom, just cut across the field. Marge: Oh, I don't know. Doesn't seem right. Bart: Do you want to spend your whole life doing what's right? Marge: Of course not. [sees the "4X4" button blinking enticingly] Let's do it. -- "Screaming Yellow Honkers" % With the Canyonero jingle playing in the background, Marge engages % the four-wheel drive, signals her turn, and cuts across the field, % scattering wildlife left and right. "You the man, Mom," Bart says, % wowed. Singing along with the Canyonero theme, Marge pulls up to the % house. % % [End of Act One. Time: 8:32] % % Bart's in the kitchen, wearing only his underwear. Feeling a little % underdressed, he slips on a thawed whole chicken (!) and becomes Baron % von Chickenpants. Lisa isn't so much impressed as grossed out. She % tries to get Marge in to settle the matter, but she's preoccupied with % washing her truck. % % Meanwhile, Homer's snacking routine is disrupted by a rare find -- a % three-chambered peanut. He calls for her to come see what "he" did, % but she doesn't respond. Homer goes looking for her, and finds her in % the driveway, attaching some auxiliary lights to the Canyonero. Homer: Marge, you've been out there all morning. Marge: So? Homer: So? Lying on the couch and eating stuff isn't the same if you aren't around to see it. Marge: Oh, I'll come watch you do nothing after I try out my new high-intensity halogen headlights. [turns on the headlights. The beams are strong enough to pierce the kitchen wall, allowing us to see that Lisa has Bart in a headlock. Startled by the light, she runs off. Marge chuckles] Nobody will ever cut me off again. Homer: Aw, please come in. Maggie smells bad and the cat wants something, but I don't know what. [Snowball II taps her food dish against the door jamb] Marge: I'm almost done -- and tell Bart to get out of my purse. [cut to the view of the kitchen from outdoors. Bart is rummaging through Marge's purse. Homer comes in and says something to him, although we cannot hear it. Bart shrugs, and then the two of them resume their rummaging] -- "Screaming Yellow Honkers" % Joining the SUV set has certainly had its effect on Marge. Once % reluctant to change lanes, she now bobs and weaves through traffic, % keeping a running commentary on the incompetent drivers surrounding % her. Oh, for God's sake -- go back to New Jersey! -- Marge Simpson, defensive driver, "Screaming Yellow Honkers" % Even a funeral procession doesn't slow Marge down. Marge: Come on, come on, get that corpse off the road! The streets are for the living! [drives up on the sidewalk, and past the procession] Lovejoy: [from his car] Slow down, you maniac! Show some respect for coffin full of bricks representing a young man lost at sea. -- No respect for the, er, heavy, "Screaming Yellow Honkers" % It isn't long before Marge's aggressive driving attracts the % attention of the local police. Chief Wiggum pulls her over. Marge: [rolls down the window] This better be important. Wiggum: Can the sweet talk, Thelma and Louise. You have a serious mental illness. The technical term is, "road rage." [writes up a ticket] I'll see you tomorrow at traffic school, speedy. [hands ticket to Marge] You've got exactly five seconds to get out of my sight. [Marge rolls up window and drives off] Why are the pretty ones always insane? -- "Screaming Yellow Honkers" % The next day Marge and her fellow road warriors are at traffic % school, sitting in a small classroom. Wiggum walks to the front of % the room and addresses the students. Okay, I assume you all know why you're here. [ducks a chair thrown at him from offscreen] That's right, you're all angry, sick people. But, over these next eight hours, you will be broken down to the level of infants, then rebuilt as functional members of society, then broken down again, then lunch, then, if there's time, rebuilt once more. -- Chief Wiggum, introducing a traffic safety class, "Screaming Yellow Honkers" % Wiggum has Lou run the traffic school film, "Road Rage: Death Flips % the finger." The film opens with a police officer standing next % chalkboard set up by a busy road. Sgt. Crew: Hello, I'm Sgt. Crew, and I'm here to talk to you about [says the next two words slowly, while writing them on the board] Road Rage. Kearney: [in the classroom] Duh. Agnes: Quiet, fatso, the sergeant's talking. [to the film] Go on, dear. Sgt. Crew: In, these modern hectic days of fast food, answering machines and one-night stands, people are getting angrier. Now, what you're about to see is not pretty. [cut to a man driving a pickup truck. A car cuts him off] Man: Cut me off, willya? [throws his lunchbox. Not satisfied, he tears off his rear-view mirror and throws that] [cut to a women driving while applying lipstick. A horn honks] Woman: Learn to drive, dimwit! [cut to a man in judicial robes driving a car] Judge: [banging gavel on dashboard] I sentence you to kiss my ass! [cut to a man wearing what appears to be a space suit, leaning out the side of his car while he drives. He waves a golf club and makes a war cry] [the splits into quarters to show all four of these people at once. Sgt. Crew reappears in a square in the middle] Sgt. Crew: Look familiar? It should. Anger is what makes America great. [switch to a full-screen shot of Crew] But you must find a proper outlet for your rage. Fire a weapon at your television screen. Pick a fight with someone weaker than you. Or, write a threatening letter to a celebrity. So when you go out for a drive, remember to leave your murderous anger where it belongs -- at home. [cut to a blank screen. Two fists, labeled "THE" and "END", respectively, punch through] -- The rules of the road, "Screaming Yellow Honkers" % The lights come up after the film ends. Wiggum: And as if that wasn't enough, we have a special guest -- why, it's Curtis E. Bear, the courtesy bear. [Eddie, dresses as a bear, stands next to Wiggum] For the next three hours, this bear will take your verbal and physical abuse with good nature and aplomb. So, if you'll all just grab one of these two-by-fours ... [indicates a pile of lumber] Eddie: Um, Chief? Can I at least shield my crotch? Wiggum: Bears can't talk, Eddie. [switch to Eddie's point of view, through the bear suit's mouth. The students move in for the kill. Agnes knocks Curtis/Eddie over with one blow] -- "Screaming Yellow Honkers" % The class, film, herbal rinse, and opportunity to whale on a cop in a % bear suit have left Marge a calm and peaceful woman. Moe offers to % help "Midge" work through whatever rage she may have remaining -- even % if that means getting sexual. Marge politely declines. % % Politeness seems to be catching. Agnes and Kearney, who both have % blocked Marge into her spot, each offer to let the other one leave % first. The courteous deadlock begins to grate on Marge. When she % sees that even Curtis E. Bear isn't willing to wait his turn to leave, % Marge decides she's had enough. She puts the Canyonero in gear and % runs right over Agnes and Kearney's cars. % % When Marge leaves the parking lot, she's met by an oncoming vehicle. % Veering right onto a side road, she flies over a speed bump and % careens into the fence surrounding the jail. The prisoners run out, % shouting, "We're free!" Snake: Whoa-ho-ho! Thanks, chick-dude. [runs away] Wiggum: Well I hope you're happy, Simpson. Those prisoners were one day away from being completely rehabilitated. I'm tearing up your license. [takes Marge's license and tries to rip it up] Aw, geez, darned laminated -- would you mind? [hands license to Marge] I've got stubby fingers. Marge: [Marge obligingly tears up her license] Ohhh. -- Busted, "Screaming Yellow Honkers" % [End of Act Two. Time: 14:44] % % Marge bemoans her fate. Marge: I can't believe they took away my license. It feels like I lost a limb. Homer: Well, that's a turn-off. Lisa: Hey, why don't you come to the wild animal park with us? Marge: Oh, you father drives like an old lady. Homer: At least I've got a license. Marge: Mmmm. [glares at Homer] Homer: [sotto voce] Come on, kids, I went too far. [hustles the kids out of the house] -- "Screaming Yellow Honkers" % And so the Simpsons (minus Marge and Maggie) enjoy a quiet day at the % zoo. Perhaps too quiet. Bart: Oh, what a gyp. They're all just lying around. [to animals] Do something! Lisa: Bart, they're not here to entertain us. Homer: I've seen plays that were more exciting than this. Honest to God -- plays! -- Well, let's not go overboard, "Screaming Yellow Honkers" % Homer is disappointed that the lemurs in their cage are napping. % Lisa notes that the animals are nocturnal, but Homer is already % swinging into action. With Bart's slingshot, he takes aim at one of % the lemurs and (despite Lisa's protest) fires a stone at its backside. % The startled lemur runs around its cage, and bites a kangaroo on the % tail. The panicked kangaroo jumps over the fence into the rhino % compound, hitting a rhino. It runs toward the rest of the heard, % starting a stampede. The startled rhinos trample down the gate and % escape into the zoo. % % Surveying the chain reaction that he started, Homer hands the % slingshot to Lisa, and they run off. % % A zookeeper drives up in his jeep. I told them a chain-link fence wouldn't hold rhinos. No, wait, no I didn't -- I meant to tell them. -- Zookeeper, "Screaming Yellow Honkers" % The zookeeper picks up a rifle and loads a tranquilizer dart. He % fires at one of the rhinos, but the dart bounces off the animal, % ricochets off Homer's rear end, and hits a sloth. It does a happy % little dance and then falls soundly asleep. % % Frightened zoo patrons, Homer and the kids among them, run out into % the parking lot. Homer: Don't worry kids, I know just what to do. [faces the rhinos] Jumanji! [the rhinos keep charging. Homer starts running again] Does anything from the movies actually work? -- Evidently not, "Screaming Yellow Honkers" % Wiggum's patrol car is on the scene, but the rhinos quickly overturn % and trample it. Wiggum, Eddie, and Lou watch from behind a rock. Wiggum: Aw, nuts. Isn't there anybody who can round up these thunder lizards? Lou: Well, they'd need a pretty rugged vehicle. Eddie: And a heart to match. [Wiggum thinks for a minute, and the scene shifts to the Simpson house, where Marge stands in the doorway. The cops have come to pay her a visit] Marge: I'd like to help you, Chief, but my license was revoked. Seems I'm full of rage. Wiggum: [cradles his hat in his arm, and strokes it] Then do it for this adorable little puppy. Look at the puppy, Marge. Marge: That's your hat. Lou: Eh, she's good, Chief. Marge: Now if you'll excuse me, I have some dust that needs busting. -- "Screaming Yellow Honkers" % Marge goes inside and starts to vacuum. Kent Brockman is on TV, % reporting from the zoo as people run around behind him. Kent: This is Kent Brockman at the scene of a level three rhino alert. Authorities say there's no immediate danger to anyone, except those three luckless people [points to Homer, Bart, and Lisa, who are trapped on the roof of their car] whom we'll identify as soon as the rhinos spit out their wallets. Marge: [gasps in horror] [cut "live" to the scene] Homer: [throwing his popcorn at the rhinos] Back! Back, I say! Oh, no, I'm out of popcorn! Lisa: Throw your peanuts! Homer: You throw *your* peanuts. -- "Screaming Yellow Honkers" % The rhinos begin rocking the car. Just then, the cavalry, or rather % Marge, rides to the rescue. Driving the Canyonero, she rounds up the % rhinos, and corrals them into the zoo. Wiggum latches a flimsy lock % and declares, "This oughta hold 'em." % % The story isn't over yet. It seems Marge overlooked one of the % rhinos, which is threatening Homer and the kids. Marge quickly drives % over. Marge: [driving up and honking] Get in! Get in! [the kids do so, jumping through the open sunroof and landing in the back seat] Come on, Homer, jump! [he tries, but gets stuck in the sunroof] Homer: Oh, when will Detroit build a sunroof for the husky gentleman? -- Right after they build another Powell motorcar, "Screaming Yellow Honkers" % With the rhino approaching, Marge has no choice but to gun it. % Unfortunately, the quick start dislodges Homer from the sunroof, and % he tumbles into the parking lot. The rhino picks him up by slipping % his horn underneath Homer's belt, and lifting. The beast carries % Homer off the zoo grounds, past Moe's Tavern, and over to a % construction pit. % % Homer's belt breaks as the rhino swings him around, and he lands in a % Porta-John. The door closes behind him, and he takes a moment to % thank God and Porta-John. The respite is short-lived. The rhino % spears the Porta-John repeatedly, the menacing horn easily ripping % through the side walls. I'm gonna die! [claps hands in prayer] Jesus, Allah, Buddha -- I love you all! -- Homer Simpson, "Screaming Yellow Honkers" % Marge has followed Homer to the construction site. The rhino begins % to charge the Porta-John. Through one of the holes ripped in the % wall, Homer can see Marge driving up in her Canyonero, but she's too % far away beat the rhino to Homer. Looks like it's time for plan B. One ... two ... three ... B! -- Marge Simpson, "Screaming Yellow Honkers" % Marge jumps out of the truck. It rolls over and catches on fire. % The rhino diverts from his course to stomp out the flames. Marge: [raps on the door of the Porta-John] It's okay, Homey. You can come out now. Homer: [from inside] Uh, give me a minute. [his hand reaches out to grab some toilet paper, and takes it inside] -- "Screaming Yellow Honkers" % The police and the zookeeper arrive to throw a net over the escaped % rhino. Homer: Oh Marge, you saved me! Bart: Wow, you are so much cooler than Milhouse's mom! Wiggum: Yeah, way to channel that rage, Simpson. Lisa: How'd you know your plan would work, Mom? Marge: Glad you asked, honey. Well, I was watching "Dateline," and Stone Phillips said SUVs always roll over when you turn sharply. And the gas tanks explode at the drop of a hat. Zookeeper: And she also knew that if a rhino sees a flame, he'll instinctively try to put it out. Marge: Stone Phillips again. Homer: Is there anything that guy doesn't know? Zookeeper: Boy, that Stone Phillips sounds like quite a bloke. What television network is he on? Bart: Why, NBC, of course. Lisa: NBC has lots of great shows, and their news and sports coverage can't be beat. Wiggum: Do you think there's anything great on NBC right now? Homer: Oh, I'm sure of it. Marge: But there's only one way to find out. [cut to the closing credits] Homer: [voice-over] I'd like to read the following statement, but I do so under ... [sound of gun cocking] ... my own free will. It has come to my attention that NBC sucks. I apologize for misleading you and urge you to watch as many Fox shows as possible. So in summary, NBC -- bad. Fox -- good. [sotto voce] CBS great. [sound of gunshot, followed by a thud. The Gracie Studios logo appears, accompanied by three gunshots] -- Don't touch that dial! "Screaming Yellow Honkers" % [End of Act Three. Time (including credits dialogue): 20:43] ============================================================================== > Contributors ============================================================================== {ag} Andrew Gill {bc} Ben Collins {bjr} Benjamin Robinson {ck} Christian Kammerer {ddg} Don Del Grande {dj} Darrel Jones {ec} Ellen Cohen {gw} Gary Wilson {hl} Haynes Lee {jb} Jon Blum {je} Jordan Eisenberg {jg} Joe Green {jj} John Jensen {jk} Joe Klemm {jm} Jeremy Moran {mar} Mark Richey {mr} Matt Rose {ms} Mike Smith {nd} Nathan DeHoff {ol} Ondre Lombard {pm} Paul Melnyk {rk} Richard Kim {ss} Samuel Sklaroff {sw} Sean Walsh {tpe} Todd P. Emerson {yd} Yuri Dieujuste ============================================================================== > Legal Mumbo Jumbo ============================================================================== This episode capsule is Copyright 1999 Benjamin Robinson. It is not to be redistributed in a public forum without consent from its author or current maintainer (capsules@snpp.com). All quoted material and episode summaries remain property of The Simpsons, Copyright of Twentieth Century Fox. All other contributions remain the properties of their respective authors. The transcript itself is Copyright 1999 Benjamin Robinson. This capsule has been brought to you by the O.K. Car-ral. This work is dedicated to Raymond Chen, James A. Cherry, Ricardo Lafaurie, Frederic Briere, and all of those who made episode capsules what they are today.