Long Service

Fanscript

INT. HOMER'S CONSOLE - DAY

HOMER frowns at a dusty console button, under a Perspex cover, marked 
'IN CASE OF COMMUNIST INVASION'.

HOMER 
Say: I never saw this button before.

KARL and LENNY lean on the console, munching doughnuts.

KARL
What's it do?

HOMER
Only one way to find out...

Homer flips open the cover.

LENNY
Gee, Homer: maybe you should look in the manual or somethin'.

HOMER
There's a manual for this thing? Where?

Homer looks around the console, which has a drawer handle on the 
front. Homer pulls it: it opens.

HOMER
Oh boy! A secret drawer! I thought that was just a miniature towel rail!

Inside the drawer is a dusty manual. Homer pulls it out, BLOWS OFF the
dust to reveal the title: 'CONTROL CONSOLE, 1954 MODEL. Now with
transistor technology!'

HOMER
Wow! I gotta look at this: maybe somebody used a dollar as a bookmark.

Karl leans over his shoulder.

KARL
Hey, Homer, what's that?

Inside the drawer is a dusty contract. Homer pulls it out and BLOWS OFF
the dust. The cover reads: 'HOMER SIMPSON: WORK CONTRACT'

LENNY
Wow! You gotta written contract?! Now that's gotta be worth something!


INT. SIMPSON LOUNGE ROOM - DAY

MARGE changes MAGGIE's nappy on the floor in front of the sofa as HOMER
rushes in from work.

HOMER
Quick...quick...it's on!

Homer rushes back and forth between lounge and kitchen, picking up
peanuts and beer, as Marge sits patiently with Maggie, waiting. Homer
sits down, then frantically looks around.

HOMER
Aargh! The remote! Where remote?! Marge!

MARGE
You could just walk over and turn it on...

Homer stops and stares at Marge.

HOMER
Marge? Have you been drinking?

Homer stays sitting, but frantically hunts around the sofa cushions with
his hands. Eventually he stops, wilts and buries his head in his hands.

HOMER
(WAILING) Oh God, oh God! It's all over, Marge. The remote is gone!

Homer suddenly looks up and throws his fists heavenward, angrily.

HOMER
Why couldn't you have taken me instead?!

MARGE
(LONG SUFFERING) Homer, will you just stand up?

HOMER
Oh, what's the point.

MARGE
Stand up, Homer.

Homer drags himself to his feet and stands there, pathetically.
Marge reaches to the general area of Homer's bottom and, with 
SUCKING NOISE accompaniment, retrieves the remote. She presses 
the 'ON' button.


TV SCREEN 
SOAPY music and titles fade up. 
SUPER: 'Davidhoff - starring Chuck Hunkster' DAVIDHOFF himself - tanned,
unfeasibly large biceps, with a dinky little pink life-saver's float
tucked under his arm - strikes a heroic pose in the golden afternoon sun,
staring out to sea from Malibu beach.

HOMER WATCHING

HOMER
(DREAMILY) Davidhoff...so manly...

TV SCREEN

Davidhoff is still striking the manly pose.

KID (OFF)
Er, Mr Davidhoff?

Davidhoff gives no reponse.

KID (OFF)
Mr Davidhoff!

Davidhoff snaps out of it, and looks down to see a KID tugging at 
his shorts.

DAVIDHOFF
Huh?

The kid points out to sea.

KID
I think that woman's drowning.

All of 20ft out to sea, a SUPERMODEL splashes around in
damsel-in-distress style, giving little CRIES. Buxom blonde lifesaver
PANDY bounces over, with unfeasibly large breasts in slow motion.

PANDY
Davidhoff! It's Cindy out there! She's broken a finger nail and 
she's just swimming round in circles!

Davidhoff leaps into action, running into the waves in slow motion, urged
on by the kid, who's running at normal 24fps down to the water's edge.

KID
Come on!

Davidhoff dives in and immediately gets into trouble himself.

PANDY
Oh my gosh! It's his muscles - he can't move his arms to swim!

Pandy dives in and swims up to the SPLASHING Davidhoff.  She reaches him
and bobs around, strangely high in the water - her breasts are very
buoyant.

DAVIDHOFF 
(GASPING) Quick, give me your float - my dense muscle tissue is dragging
me under.

PANDY
What float?

HOMER AND MARGE WATCHING

HOMER 
Davidhoff... Thank God for the surf patrol - where would Springfield be
without them?

MARGE
Honey, Springfield doesn't have a surf patrol - it doesn't even have a beach.

HOMER 
Yeah, well... If we'd had a surf patrol, maybe somebody wouldn't have
stolen the beach!


EXT. ENTRANCE TO SPRINGFIELD BANK - DAY

BART skates along the pavement, dodging PEDESTRIANS until brought to a
dead halt by CHIEF WIGGUM'S STOMACH.

BART
Yie!

Bart bounces off Wiggum's paunch and falls off his board, which stops in
front of the bank's glass doors.

WIGGUM
What?!

Wiggum, engrossed in a large donut, finally feels the impact and looks
round. He scowls at Bart.

WIGGUM 
OK, young fella, that's it: three strikes and you're out! You're
going away for a very long time.

Through the glass doors, we see TWO ARMED ROBBERS in masks running around
in a silent movie effect, brandishing weapons and stuffing money bags.  
Wiggum doesn't notice, and pulls out his citation pad as Bart picks
himself off the ground.

BART
Can't I just say I'm sorry?

WIGGUM 
I'm afraid it doesn't work like that. We have a thing called a
justice system in this country, boy, and you're going to jail to be
brutalised. That's all there is to it - oh my God!

Wiggum's RADAR HEARING detects a nearby parking meter CLICKING over to
'EXPIRED'.

WIGGUM
Wait there.

Wiggum goes over to write a ticket for the car. Behind him, the two
robbers rush out of the bank, trip over Bart's skateboard and lie in a
struggling heap behind Wiggum - who still hasn't noticed. The bank ALARM
sounds, and Wiggum turns round, irritated.

WIGGUM
Will you shut that thing off - I'm trying to write here -
(NOTICING ROBBERS)
Hey, you guys! Move along now.

BART
But chief - they just robbed the bank!

WIGGUM
They did?!

ROBBER 1
Damn it! You plan everything to the last detail, and then this!

ROBBER 2 
Why do we always have to lie here in a struggling heap? You'd
think we would've learned something after that Scooby Doo fiasco.


EXT. OUTSIDE THE BANK - LATER

Wiggum snaps the handcuffs on the felons and turns to an excited Bart.

BART
Do I get a reward do I get a reward?
Think I should go for a lump sum, or a simple percentage of the 'take'?

WIGGUM 
Er, well, son. Under the circumstances, we'll overlook your, er,
transgression with the skateboard...Oh, er, one other thing...

We see that he has in fact handcuffed himself to the robbers by both
hands, so they form a circle.

WIGGUM
Could you get my key for me - it's in my back pocket...


INT. SIMPSON KITCHEN - DAY

MARGE reads Homer's work contract, as HOMER leans over her shoulder.

HOMER
So? Is it valuable? Huh?

MARGE
When did you sign this, honey?

HOMER 
Gee, I don't know. When I first started at the plant. It was some
union guy who gave it to me - you know, the one who died.

MARGE
What union guy?!

HOMER 
Oh, you know: the guy who stood in a bath of cement and threw
himself into the Springfield River.

MARGE
(READING) Hey! Homer: how long have you been at the plant?

HOMER 
Uh, let's see... about ten years - not including the three times I
was accidentally fired and those fourteen other jobs...

MARGE
Wow! Then it says here you get a week's long service leave! Paid vacation!

BART rushes in, breathless.

BART 
Mom! Homer! Guess what guess what! I foiled a bank hold-up! I really
did! I'm gonna get a reward! I finally did something to make you proud of
me...

On Homer, daydreaming.

HOMER'S BRAIN (VOICEOVER)
Paid vacation...

DISSOLVE TO:
HOMER'S DAYDREAM

INT. SIMPSON LOUNGE - DAY

HOMER, unshaven, sweat-stained and fatter than ever, sits on the sofa
watching TV. Pyramids of beer cans and snack wrappers are piled either
side. A shirt button, strained to the limit, PINGS off his shirt at
stomach level. SANTA'S LITTLE HELPER YELPS off-screen.

HOMER
Sorry, boy.

END DAYDREAM

INT. MONTY BURNS OFFICE - DAY

BURNS, fuming, reads Homer's contract as HOMER stands nervously before
his desk. SMITHERS looks on.

BURNS 
Where did you obtain this obscene counterfeit?! A week's extra
vacation indeed! Where do you think you're living? Haiti?! I'll see you
get twenty years for this fraud - oh, what is it, Smithers?!

Smithers leans in to speak in a low voice.

SMITHERS 
Actually, sir, I believe it's genuine. The unions fought for
long service leave just before you manfully crushed them out of
existence, sir.

BURNS
No! It can't be! How could I let this one get through? 
(ASIDE) Was during it one of my ether episodes, Smithers? 

Burns stands up and turns to the window.

BURNS 
Oh, the shame of it. I'll be the laughing stock of the Chamber of
Commerce... You'll be telling me I have a health plan next.

SMITHERS
(LAUGHING NERVOUSLY) Oh no, sir, nothing like that.

BURNS
Hmm. Well, why haven't I found a way to rescind this ridiculous perk?

SMITHERS 
Well the situation hasn't arisen before, sir, as we are blessed
with a high staff turnover. In fact the only man who got close to ten
years was Lumpy O'Reilly from Fuel Rod Processing. God rest his soul.


INSERT

EXT. SPRINGFIELD CEMETERY - DAY

ON HEADSTONE marked: 'Here lies Dan O'Reilly, 1955-92' PULL OUT to
smaller neighbouring headstone, marked: 'Here lies Dan O'Reilly's tumor,
1983-92' 
END INSERT

BURNS
Well, I'm rescinding it now, and let's have an end to this nonsense.

SMITHERS
Ah. Sir, I don't think you can do that.

BURNS
I can't, eh?!
(TO HOMER) Tell me, man, is this the only copy?

HOMER
(NERVOUS) Er, yes. Sir.

BURNS
Ha!

Burns rips up the contract into tiny pieces.

BURNS
Whoops.

HOMER 
I mean, Marge wouldn't let me bring the original. Do you want me to
get you another copy?

Burns jumps to his feet, furious.

BURNS 
Get out of here, you indolent lallygagger! Taking food from the
mouths of hard-working Americans!

Homer retreats to the door.

BURNS 
Three weeks' vacation! It's positively unpatriotic! You may think
you've won this round, but so help me, I'll take this all the way to the
Supreme Court if I have to!

Homer exits hurriedly. Burns slumps back in his chair, exhausted.

BURNS 
Am I fighting alone, Smithers, in my crusade against sloth in the
workplace? Even I sometimes find myself weary, like a mere mortal.

SMITHERS
There, there, sir. I'll always be at your side. For when you go limp.

BURNS
Sometimes I fear for this great country of ours, Smithers.

SMITHERS
Try to relax, sir. I'll fetch you your morning caviar and Chateau d'Yquem.


INT. HOMER AND MARGE' BEDROOM - NIGHT

HOMER and MARGE sit up in bed. Homer looks pleased with himself.

HOMER
So they're actually gonna pay me to sit around and do nothing!

Homer is oblivious to Marge's 'what's new?' look.

MARGE
Well, it's just great we can finally have a family vacation together.

HOMER 
(ALARMED) Family?! But that wasn't in the contract! I was hoping
for some quiet time to catch up on my reading.

MARGE
Honey, the TV credits don't count.

HOMER
(SULKILY) Goddamn legal mumbo jumbo fineprint...

MARGE 
And with Bart's reward money for foiling that robbery, we can
afford to take the kids somewhere nice for a change.

HOMER 
Nice?! But we had a great time on our last vacation! Lisa said she
found that abattoir tour very educational.

MARGE 
She educated all over the floor of the car. I hope your free pork
chops were worth it.

FLASHBACK

INT. SIMPSON KITCHEN - DAY

MARGE, a dubious expression on her face, stirs a frying pan on the stove.

MARGE
Are you sure these are safe to eat?

ON PAN, where four purple-dyed reject chops are sizzling.

HOMER (OFF)
Sure. That purple dye will come right out...

END FLASHBACK 

MARGE
Well anyway, I've come up with a couple of holiday ideas.

PULL WIDE to reveal Empire State stack of brochures by her bedside. Marge
flicks through a selection.

MARGE 
I mean, maybe we could try skiing... I was reading about this
little resort called South Park - and it looks like there'd be kids there
on, you know, the same plane as Bart and Lisa.

HOMER 
I don't know, Marge. TV reception can be real bad in mountain
areas. I hear some places, they only get fifty-six channels.

MARGE 
OK... Then how about the beach? There's some good deals to Malibu
at the moment because of that serial killer they have down there.

HOMER
Malibu?! Isn't that where they film 'Davidhoff'?

MARGE
Sure.

ON HOMER, daydreaming.

HOMER
Davidhoff...so manly...


MARGE'S FANTASY

EXT. MALIBU BEACH - DAY

MARGE, dressed in regulation red surf rescue one-piece and carrying a
dinky float, runs in slow-mo across the beach. She looks down with some
concern at her breasts, which seem to have grown several cup sizes, and
collides with Davidhoff himself. They tumble to the ground, Davidhoff on
top.

MARGE
Oh my!

ON THEIR HEADS as they exchange a sultry look.

MARGE
(FEEBLY) No, you mustn't kiss me! I have a husband!

DAVIDHOFF
I want to kiss you Marge... But unfortunately, this is as close as I can get.

We see that Marge's breasts and Davidhoff's chest are keeping them apart.
END FANTASY

HOMER (VOICEOVER)
Marge? Marge?

Marge floats out of her daydream.

MARGE
What?

HOMER
Bart foiled a bank robbery?

INT. SIMPSON BATHROOM - DAY

MARGE emerges from the shower, thoroughly encased in towels. Homer stands
in front of the mirror in his underpants, looking dispirited.

HOMER
Marge? 

MARGE
What is it, dear?

HOMER
I'm not sure I want to go on the beach looking like this.

ON HOMER'S UNDERPANTS as the elastic gives way with a LITTLE DESPAIRING
CRY. Homer's pants drop round his ankles. He doesn't try to stop them.
Strategically placed steam hides his naughty bits from view.

MARGE
You mean because you're carrying a few extra pounds?

HOMER 
No! It's just that, on Davidhoff, they're all tan. They'll know I'm
from outta town.

Marge puts her hands on Homer's shoulders and looks at his reflection
with him, smiling.

MARGE 
Honey, you're a perfectly healthy yellow. (SEXILY) And after each
day on the beach, we can compare the parts that haven't caught the
sun...!

HOMER
(CHEERED) Marge!


INT. SIMPSON LOUNGE - DAY

The FAMILY is gathered. Bart is sulking.

BART 
But it's not fair! I had plans for that dough! The one time I earn
money by legal means and you want me to bankroll some lousy family
vacation!

MARGE 
Bart, we all have to contribute when we can. And your family really
appreciates your support.

HOMER 
- and will cut off your allowance until you're forty should you
choose to withhold that support. Heh heh.

ON BART, considering his options.

BART'S BRAIN (VOICEOVER) 
Hmm. You'd think the lump sum would be the safe
bet, but maybe I should go for regular instalments instead... I need some
sound financial advice.

Bart turns to a PREPPY in a suit, who's been standing out of view until now.

BART
What do you think I should do?

The preppy whips out a calculator, punches some keys, and then wobbles
his hand in an 'either way' gesture.

BART
Damn that compound interest!
OK, take the reward money, but we'll have to negotiate a raise in my allowance.

LISA
Are we really going to the beach?

HOMER
Yep. Sleeping on the sand is both healthy and economical.

MARGE
(FIRMLY) We are not sleeping on the beach. Don't you want to sunbake, Lisa?

LISA
You know skin cancer is fast becoming the leading cause of death in California?

HOMER
That's all right, Lisa, we plan to leave California before we die.

LISA
So...can I have a bikini?


INT. KWIK-E MART - DAY

HOMER and LISA approach APU at the counter.

APU
My valued customer! How can I be of service?

HOMER 
Could you direct us, my good man, to your swimsuit section? We're
heading to California!

APU
You are moving to California?! And here am I, dreadfully overstocked!

Apu, concerned, casts a look at past-use-by hotdogs, Twinkies, and
chocolate bars.

HOMER
It's OK, Apu: it's just a vacation.


INT. KWIK-E MART - LATER

APU emerges from a storeroom and proffers LISA a dusty - quite possibly
original - Victorian full-body bathing suit, button up, with red and
white stripes, complete with frilly bathing cap.

APU
I noticed Cindy Crawford wearing one of these just the other day!

Lisa is unimpressed.

LISA
Well, it's not really my colour...

HOMER
Tell me, do you have those new Speedy trunks like Davidhoff wears?

APU
Most certainly. They take up very little valuable display space.

Apu gestures to a rack, where hangs a range of obscenely small G-string
swimming trunks.

LISA 
Before you buy, Homer, consider that I may be irreversibly
traumatised by seeing you in those.

Homer is, however, distracted by a bottle of 'INST-TAN!' instant tanning
lotion, marked in big letters: 'INSTANT TANNING LOTION!' Homer slaps it
on the counter.

HOMER
Hey, is this instant tanning lotion?!

APU 
Oh! My word! I must return this to the manufacturer. Apparently it is
only safe for use on white mice, rabbits and beagles.

HOMER How much?! How much?!

Apu blinks.

APU
Ninety-nine cents.

HOMER
Yippee!

Homer slaps down a dollar and swipes the bottle.

HOMER
Let's go, Lisa! With this, I won't need to hide behind swimming trunks!

LISA
But - !

Homer grabs Lisa and hurries out of the shop.

INT. SIMPSON BATHROOM - DAY

HOMER gazes dreamily at the tanning lotion bottle in his hand. In the
bathroom mirror, he imagines a new-look Homer reflected - suntanned and
miraculously muscular.

HOMER
Be just like Davidhoff - saving beautiful breasts from drowning... 

ON TANNING LOTION label: 'WARNING: do not consume gravy within 24 hours
of first use!'

HOMER
Mmm...gravy...


INT. MARGE AND HOMER'S BEDROOM - NIGHT

It's pitch black but for the white eyes of MARGE and HOMER, in intimate
proximity.

MARGE
(BREATHLESS) Oh my! Homer! We've never done that before!

HOMER 
Well, when Margie cooks Homie's favourite dinner, Homie likes to
say 'thank you'.

MARGE
But when we had pork chops and gravy last week, you fell asleep on the couch.

HOMER
Which meant you got to choose the TV station. You see?

MARGE
Hmm... Say, Homie? Mo didn't give you another one of his magazines, did he?

HOMER
How can you say such a thing?!

Marge turns the light on - and SCREAMS. Homer is black.


INT. SIMPSON KITCHEN - DAY

The FAMILY eats breakfast. Bart and Lisa observe a self-conscious Homer
with a kind of awe.

LISA
Who would've thought? The Simpsons: a multicultural microcosm...

BART 
This is cool, man... Say, Homer, does this mean you're going to run
for Police Chief? And can we shoot some hoops together?

HOMER
Cut it out! I'm simply going to go back to Apu and buy some un-tanning stuff.

MARGE
Hmmm...I don't think it's gonna be that simple, Homer.

Maggie slurps on her pacifier. Bart leans in to interpret.

BART 
What's that, Maggie? Gumbo? No, you'll have to wait until you get
onto solid food.


INT. KWIK-E-MART - DAY

A disgruntled HOMER faces APU across the counter. Apu pushes the bottle
of tanning lotion back across the counter.

APU 
I am most sorry, Mr Simpson, but for once I fully informed you of the
nature of this product before purchase. Consumer protection laws do not
apply.

HOMER
What?! That's not fair! I hardly used it!

APU
Nevertheless, I cannot offer a refund. For the roll-on deodorant, also.

Apu gestures to the deodorant - half-empty, with an underarm hair still
lodged in the roll-ball.

HOMER
Why, I...! Dammit! I...! It's...! Well, I want my change!

APU
I beg your pardon?

HOMER
I gave you a dollar yesterday, and it only cost ninety-nine cents!

APU
I am sorry again, Mr Simpson, but store policy -

HOMER
(FIERCELY, LEANING OVER COUNTER) Grr!

Apu is cowed. He opens the register.

APU
Well, as a gesture of goodwill to a regular customer...

But Homer has already snatched the cent from Apu's hand and stomped out
of the store. Apu sighs.

APU
I have been in this community too long. I am becoming soft.

Apu takes a tiny mirror from a counter-top rack labelled 'IMPULSE-BUY
BUDGERIGAR ACCESSORIES' and examines his face.

APU
And, I think, a little pasty, too.

EXT. SPRINGFIELD STREET - DAY

HOMER walks down the street, self-conscious and wearing sunglasses. HELEN
LOVEJOY approaches with her shopping bag. When she notices him, she
starts getting very nervous.

HOMER
Good mor-

Helen Lovejoy SCREAMS, turns on her heel and runs down the street. Homer
whips of his sunglasses and calls after her.

HOMER
But it's only me!

There's a SQUEAL of tyres nearby as CHIEF WIGGUM pulls up in his patrol
car. Wiggum climbs out, brandishing his nightstick menacingly.

WIGGUM
OK, OK, assume the position, Mister.

HOMER
Chief! It's me! Homer Simpson!

Wiggum stops short.

WIGGUM
It... My God! It really is you! Sorry, Simpson: I thought you were here
to take our jobs and steal away our women.

HOMER
No! I'm just going to see Dr Hibbert about this, er, rash.

WIGGUM 
You are? Well, that's good. (SUSPICIOUSLY) Say, you guys ain't
planning some kind of civil rights protest, are you?


INT. DR HIBBERT'S EXAMINATION ROOM - DAY

DR HIBBERT frowns at HOMER, who sits nervously on the examination table.

HIBBERT
So, Mr Simpson: what seems to be the problem? 

(Preferred alternative line: 'Mr Simpson: are you shittin' me?')

Homer pulls out the tanning lotion. Hibbert takes the bottle and reads
the label.

HOMER
It was this tanning potion.

HIBBERT
You mean tanning lotion - wait! You didn't drink it, did you?

HOMER
D'oh!


INT. MO'S BAR - NIGHT

HOMER, depressed, sits at the bar next to BARNEY, drinking a Duff. MO
cleans glasses opposite.

HOMER 
Dr Hibbert said it would fade in a month, but how am I gonna avoid
rednecks for four weeks?

MO
Well not by hangin' round here, that's for sure.

BARNEY 
Don't listen to him! Have another beer! You know, you're far more
interesting than that Homer guy... But it may just be the drink talking.


INT. HOMER'S WORKSTATION - DAY

HOMER sneaks in through the door, holding a box of doughnuts and a flask
of coffee. He closes the door behind him and leans on it, relieved.

HOMER
Phew! No-one saw me!

He wedges a chair under the handle of the door, which bears a sign 'FIRE
DOOR - DO NOT LOCK', and sits at his console, self-satisfied. He puts his
feet up and munches into a doughnut.

HOMER
Nice work, Simpson. As long as my supplies hold out, no-one need ever know.

INT. MONTY BURNS' OFFICE - DAY

HOMER is observed on a security monitor by BURNS and SMITHERS.

BURNS 
There, Smithers: proof that this plant is a very model for equal
opportunities. I'm prepared to give a chap a go regardless of race or
aptitude.

SMITHERS
Yes sir, we all depend on your broadmindedness.

BURNS 
All I demand from my employees is a flexible attitude to those
disagreeable laws on minimum wage. Is that too much to ask?

SMITHERS
Indeed not, sir.

Burns peers at the monitor.

BURNS
Didn't we use to have a work-shy white man at that console?

SMITHERS
Yes, sir. Homer Simpson. You may recall he was up for long-service leave.

BURNS
Now we appear to have a work-shy black man in his place. 

Burns turns to Smithers.

BURNS
Oh well, better fire him anyway.

SMITHERS
Certainly, sir. 

ON THE MONITOR - Homer has suddenly disappeared. Burns and Smithers turn
back to see an empty seat.

BURNS
Oh. Good work, Smithers.


INT. UNDER HOMER'S CONSOLE - DAY

Homer hides under his console, clutching his doughnuts. We hear a BANGING
on Homer's barricaded door.

KARL (OFF)
Homer?! We know you got doughnuts in there!


EXT. LAX AIRPORT - DAY

The SIMPSON FAMILY, happy and dressed in Hawaiian shirts, walk down the
steps from the plane.

MARGE 
I can't believe it! We finally made it to California! We're on
vacation, kids - we might even see Davidhoff being filmed!

A spotty airline STEWARD, standing pointlessly at the bottom of the
steps, overhears this.

STEWARD
Oh no, ma'am. Didn't you know Davidhoff is shot in Australia, and dubbed?

A Simpson collective sharp INTAKE OF BREATH.

LISA 
No - no! Trying to destroy my childlike trust in TV! I believe in
TV, I believe in TV!

BART
(TO STEWARD) Sucker! They just say that to get around the union stuff. 
Come on! Where's the sniffer dogs?

STEWARD
Over in the terminal building, sir.

He points. The terminal is a small dot on the horizon. The family turns
on Homer, annoyed. Homer looks guilty.

HOMER
But you shouldda seen the deal I got on this flight!

MARGE
Homer? Are you sure we're still in California here?

THE END