Alternate Headlines
One glance at the newspaper headline is often enough to keep us up to date on the important events currently happening in our world (unless you're at the supermarket, in which case it tells you all about the latest celebrity plastic surgery).
What if you could look at the headlines not as they were, but as they could have been?
That was the question asked in a variety of threads on the newsgroups alt.history.what-if and soc.history.what-if (groups whose charter is the discussion of possible alternate histories). The following headlines were posted there, and they're all so good, I just had to archive them here (alphabetically) for posterity's sake!!
Of course, in another timeline, it's someone else doing it...
Oh, and here's some other Alternate History Links for your perusal.
A-BOMB DROPPED ON HIROSHIMA
Beijing sources say Emperor expects surrender of "Eastern Barbarians" soon
ABRAHAM LINCOLN ELECTED
Liberals win Parliament as 1st American becomes PM; protests in New Orleans, Richmond and Charleston
"ABSOLUTELY FABULOUS" TOPS IN AMERICA
British import beats "Quayle!" and "X-Files" to win Emmy for best comedy: series stars Diana Spencer and Sarah Ferguson share Best Actress award
AEROFLOT FLIES THE FRIENDLY SKIES
180 cities at your service...
AIMEE SEMPLE MCPHERSON JAILED AGAIN
Preaches "free love", demonstrates how to on the capitol steps
AIR TRAFFIC CONTROLLER'S UNION AND REAGAN COME TO LABOR AGREEMENT
Travel safe once again by broomstick
AL CAPONE BEATS RAP
"I just don't understand this music," says retired big band leader
ALAMO FALLS!
Fench forces route Spanish resistance
ALFRED HITCHCOCK WINS BEST ACTOR OSCAR
For role in Pulp Fiction.
ALI FIGHTS GORILLA IN THRILLA AT MANILA
Animal rights activists disgusted.
ALLIED FORCES LAND IN NORMANDY
Germany rushes aid to French allies to stop Communist aggression
ALLIED LAND INVASION OF KUWAIT FAILS
Sultan praises performance of mechanized Janissaries
ALLIES ROLL INTO BERLIN
Cheering crowds greet British, Canadian, American liberators: Field Marshall Trotsky rolls Soviets back across Polish borders in retreat
AMELIA EARHEART DISAPPEARS
Notorious gun moll escapes FBI dragnet
AMERICA ENTERS WAR AGAINST NAZI GERMANY
Iroquois leaders key in breaking Indians' century-old isolationist policy
AMERICAN FLEET TRIUMPHS AT MIDWAY
Australasian-Japanese Federation pledges to continue struggle, recover the captured colony.
ANDREW JACKSON DEAD AT WATERLOO
Naploeon and Wellington credit "Old Hickory" with stopping Blucher.
ANWAR SADAT RETIRES
Veteran rock band calls it quits
APPLE NOW THE BIGGEST-SELLING DESKTOP SUPPLIER
Beatles’ corporation dominates recreational pharmaceuticals market
ARAB FORCES VICTORIOUS AT TOURS
Huns forced to withdraw east of the Rhine
ARAB ISRAELI DISPUTE
Talks between Israel and the Arab League grow heated during the international water rights conference. Arab states sharply criticize Israeli use of aquafiers for commercial purposes, demand Jerusalem build more desalinization plants.
ARABS BEAT BYZANTINES
Last second field goal by "The Prophet" brings salvation for strugglers
ARABS DEFEAT PERSIANS
....in extra innings; World Series to go to 8th game
ARCHBISHOP ISSUES OBJECTION
Archbishop Adolf Hitler of Vienna strongly protests ethnic cleansing in the Bosnian War
ARCHBISHOP ISSUES OBJECTION
Archbishop Adolf Hitler of Vienna strongly protests ethnic cleansing in the fighting in Barcelona
ARCHDUKE FRANCIS FERDINAND ASSASSINATED
Sultan of Constantinople vows war; Gaul, Rome, Scotland to war against Britain,and the Islamic nations of Russia, Constantinople, and Spain
ARMY OF NORTHERN VIRGINIA TAKES WASHINGTON
General Grant claims victory over French invasion. Emperor Napoleon III rushes English reinforcements to Canada in attempt to stop General Jackson's Army of Michigan
ARTHUR CHOSEN TO LEAD CELTS
Will Command Final Attack on Rome
ASKEW LOSES PRESIDENTIAL ELECTION
Widespread voter fraud reported; Williams-Lothain junta clings to power
ATOMIC BOMB DETONATED IN NEVADA
40,000 Mormons killed in first strike on Deseret by Republic of California. CSA and Apache Free State condemn attack. USA suspected in aiding RoC's research.
ATOMIC BOMB DROPPED ON HIROSHIMA
Stalin threatens more bombs until surrender
AVRO ARROW PROGRAM TO CONTINUE
Automaker vows public will love 1959 model
AZTECS, MAYANS CLASH
Mayans win 3rd straight Super Bowl championship 41-17
BATISTA OUSTS CASTRO
Havana Enterprises ousts founding CEO and most of the board.
BEATLES REUNITE FOR 2004 NEW YEAR'S
John and Ringo will sing "When I'm 64"
BEER HALL PUTSCH SUCCEEDS!
"Now we'll get better pay" says leader of striking German brewers
BENEDICT ARNOLD BECOMES PRESIDENT
Ascends after Burr assassinated by unreconstructed rebel partisans
BENITO MUSSOLINI EXECUTED
Mob Boss dies in California electric chair
BERLIN FALLS
Communist leaders Hitler and Rommel executed; Mussolini's conquest of continental Europe complete
BERLIN PARTITIONED
Surprise invasion subdues Prussian forces; Napoleon V, Mikhail II divide territory
BILL CLINTON ASSASINATED AT VANCOUVER SUMMIT
Northwest Mounted Police blame outlawed Libertarian sect
BILL CLINTON, NEWT GINGRICH HEAD FOR DEEP SPACE
Famed actors to join cast of "Star Trek" spinoff
BLOODY MASSACRE IN TIENANMEN SQUARE
Kwomintang leader Deng vows to end student unrest
BOLIVAR, O'HIGGINS LEAD SOUTH AMERICAN REVOLTS
"We fight for Spain" they declare; Inca/Maya Alliance split on repsonse
BOMB DROPPED ON BERLIN - AXIS DEFEATED
War-like Switzerland now eyes northern Africa
BONNIE PRINCE CHARLIE ADVANCES FROM DERBY
Covenanter-Cromwellian Alliance falling back to the Tyne
BOSTON TEA PARTY
Saturday 4.00 pm - admission $1.50
BOXER REBELLION SUPPRESSED BY FOREIGN ARMIES!
Aztec and Inca forces aid Khazar and Holy Roman Empires in restoring order to China
BRITAIN SURRENDERS AFTER A-BOMB USED ON LONDON
Hundred Years War ends
BRITISH BURN WASHINGTON
Cardinal Newman proclaims end to "Witchcraft Scourge" in American Provinces
The BRITISH COLONIAL OFFICE HOME PAGE (http://www.uk.colonies.gov), with hypertext links to the government in every colony on all five continents. "The sun never sets on this home page."
BRITISH DEFEAT MAORIS IN NEW ZEALAND
Return match scheduled for London next month
BRITISH DRIVEN OFF AT DUNKIRK
Paris-Berlin Axis triumphs over Europe
BRITISH EXPEDITIONARY FORCE RETREATS TO DUNKIRK
German Kaiser offers peace
BRITISH INVADE FALKLANDS
Amphibious troops press counter-offensive against Argentine Khan's cavalry
BRITISH LAND IN AUSTRALIA
Governor Fitzroy plans last-ditch stand against Maoris at Sydney
BRITISH LAND IN AUSTRALIA
Prince Regent plans last-ditch stand against French at Sydney
BRITISH LAND IN AUSTRALIA
Queen Mother plans last-ditch stand against Nazis at Sydney
BRITISH WITHDRAW FROM PALESTINE
Jordanian Army crosses Jordan River as British leave; Palestinian Arabs appeal for Israeli support against invaders
BRITONS OF ALL CLASSES CONGRATULATE PRINCE CHARLES
He celebrates 20th anniversary of marriage to Princess Anne
BRUNDTLAND RE-ELECTED
"Mother Gro" remains President of Scandinavia. Swedes protest, claiming elections were fixed. Opponent Palme refuses to comment.
BUBBLY, HAPPY, SMILEY - UGH!
Can't The Smiths sing about something depressing?
BUSH AND CRETIEN MEET IN VANCOUVER
The leaders of Texas and Canada discuss foreign aid to People's Republic of San Francisco
BYRD RETURNS FROM POLE
Describes tunnel leading to the interior of a hollow earth
CAESAR FORCED OUT OF FRANCE
Entertainer Deported After Second Drug Conviction
CAPONE FREED BY FEDERAL COURT
White Sox slugger now a Free Agent
CARDINAL WOJECH JARUSZELSKI ELECTED POPE
Condemns General Karol Wojtyla's tyrannical Communist regime
CASTRO AND BATISTA OUT!
Cuban parliament votes "no confidence" in coalition government; new election scheduled for June.
CASTRO OVERTHROWN IN CUBA
American Politburo establishes relations with new government
CASTRO THE HERO OF CUBA
"Man with the Golden Gun" pitches second no-hitter
CASTRO TOPPLED AT BAY OF PIGS
New Havana arena watches as World Heavyweight Champion dethroned by Canadian Challenger “Big Bill” Shatner
CELESTIAL DRAGON FLIES TO MOON
Treasured rocks to be brought to Forbidden City
CHAIM WEIZMANN SWORN IN AS FIRST PRESIDENT OF ISRAEL
British withdraw from Uganda; key African leaders included in government of new state
CHAING KAI-CHEK SWEEPS CHINA
Receives standing ovation across homeland; Emperor Mao declares famed operatic tenor "revered national treasure"
CHALLENGER EXPLODES!
"I can kick Tyson's ass anytime" says top contender.
CHAMBERLAIN AND HITLER MEET IN MUNICH
"Onward to world revolution and the worker's paradise!" proclaim Communist leaders of Britain and Germany
CHAMBERLAIN OUT
Pro-War stance seen as key to his fall; Churchill promises appeasement of Danes
CHARLES MANSON ACQUITTED ON ALL CHARGES
Special Prosecutor unable to prove bribery charges against governor
CHEVRON BUYS QUEEN ELIZABETH II
Oil giant to convert cruise liner to "luxury tanker"
CHINESE ARMIES DEFEATED AT TALAS RIVER
"Next year in Samarkand", vows Khazar Khan
CHINESE TANKS CROSS BORDER
Finland invaded
CHURCHILL NEW WAR LEADER
LLoyd George promises full support.
CHURCHILL WINS NOBEL PRIZE!
English author honored for years of poetry
CLINTON BLOWN AWAY
Taste of Mint-a-Burst astonishes US Prez
CLINTON ELECTED PRESIDENT
Arkansas Governor wins in close House vote; Bush elected Vice-President as price of Republican support
COAST-TO-COAST RAILROAD COMPLETED
USA, CSA and Empire of Deseret represented at "Golden Spike" ceremony; Cherokee Nation boycotts
COLUMBUS DISCOVERS NEW WORLD
British claim they were never lost
COLUMBUS RETURNS FROM "NEW WORLD"
Brings ambassador from King Olaf V of Vinland
COLUMBUS RETURNS FROM SUCCESSFUL VOYAGE WEST TO CHINA.
"It was a bit further than we thought, but we found a few islands along the way where we picked up supplies. No new continents though."
COMMUNIST-FASCIST ALLIANCE SHOCKS WORLD
German President Karl Liebknecht signs pact with British Prime Minister Sir Oswald Mosely
COMMUNISTS GIVEN ULTIMATUM
Czar Vladimir warns Soviet American Chairman Gus Hall: "No missiles in Sweden"
CONGRESS BALANCES BUDGET
President Perot delivers promise
CONGRESS PASSES CIVIL RIGHTS ACT
President Nyerere Sees hope for oppressed white minority
CONVENTION AGREES ON CONSTITUTION TO UNITE AMERICAN STATES
Iroquois Council, Althing expected to ratify; Cherokee wary
CORNWALLIS WINS AMERICAN REVOLUTION
Last Albanian colony in New World lost to rebel leader
CRUSADE DECLARED; DATE SET FOR 1097
Pope Urban II declares crusade against Persian Empire and Mithraism
CRUSADES A COMPLETE SUCCESS
“Arabic Kingdom of Norway” founded by determined Muslims
The CUBA TRAVEL PAGE (http://www.cuba.gov/recreation/tourism.html), featuring the flight schedules into Havana of every major U.S. carrier and descriptions of the major hotels and resorts.
CUSTER VICTORIOUS AT LITTLE BIGHORN
US Cavalry, Indian allies rout British forces
A DAY THAT WILL LIVE IN INFAMY
Says Queen Catherine to Estates-General after sneak Mexican attack on New Orleans
D-DAY INVASION DEFEATED AT NORMANDY
Emperor Charles DeGaulle declares: “Europe will remain French”
DECATUR FENDS OFF PIRATES
Expansion team battles to World Series win
DEMOCRAT FROM GEORGIA BECOMES PRESIDENT
Edward Schevernadze was elected President of the USSR today...
DESERET PLEDGES SUPPORT FOR CALIFORNIA FAMINE VICTIMS
While decrying Japanese economic policies which have wrecked the economies of their colonies in California and Oregonland, LDS and Deseret President Herbert K. Smith today pledged more than 100 million Youngs (US$200 million) in emergency famine and medical relief for Californians and Oregonians of all races, to be provided through LDS missions in more than sixty cities along the Pacific Coast. He also announced that both British Imperial and American relief convoys and aircraft would be permitted free passage over Deseret airspace and that dock space would be available at Yumaport for any European Reich ships bringing relief supplies, since Tokyo had refused landing rights even to International Red Cross ships from any port in Europe. Smith said that despite Japanese-Mormon territorial disputes over the Mohave Desert territories, that saving lives by humanitarian assistance was more important than "saving face in negotiations." Praise for Smith's action came quickly from around the world, led by glowing tributes from European Reichschancellor Shamir and British Prime Minister Gerry Adams.
DEWEY DEFEATS TRUMAN (!)
Champ KOs Missouri challenger in 10th round
DEWEY DEFEATS TRUMAN!
Closest Iditarod in history!
DEWEY DEFEATS TRUMAN
Educational theory giant John Dewey is chosen over Cherokee Free State native and young, up-and-coming Professor Harry S. Truman for American Learning Institute director's position.
DEWEY DEFEATS TRUMAN
Younger fighter takes Unified Heavyweight title
DILLINGER ROBS LAST BANK
"I want to start doing some family pictures" says noted action film star.
DISNEY ENTERS CHAPTER 11
Pulitzer Prize winning author halfway through 337th science fiction epic
DR. MARTIN LUTHER KING JR. SHOT DEAD
Killed by rival black panther leaders.
DOOLITTLE MISSION TO TOKYO FAILS
Famed doctor unable to save emperor’s Puhsme-Pullyu
DUNKIRK EVACUATION SUCCEEDS
British Government in-exile escapes as Irish occupation forces continue to entrench
EASTER RISING IN DUBLIN
Irish volunteers fight German occupation troops
EDUCATORS DENY S.A.T. CULTURAL BIAS
This year's test will still emphasize Confucian classics
EDWARD VIII ABDICATES
Throne of Britain empty as monarch flees to avoid invading Russo-German troops
EGYPTIANS TRIUMPH IN TEL-AVIV
Playoff hopes look dim.
EIGHTH COUNCIL OF CONSTANTINOPLE TO OPEN TODAY
Pope to abjure "Filioque", reunion with Constantinople
ELVIS PRESLEY IS ALIVE & WELL
Getting rave reviews for his performance as Macbeth
ELVIS PRESLEY IS ALIVE & WELL
Has decided to leave "Star Trek"
ELVIS PRESLEY IS ALIVE & WELL
His debut album is selling well
EMANCIPATION PROCLAMATION DECREED
Pharoah to give Hebrews limited rights, property; Moses credits Seven Plaques presented to Pharoah as making the difference
EMPEROR APOLOGIZES FOR STARTING PACIFIC WAR
Promises restitution from China to Japan.
ENERGY CRISIS GROWS CRITICAL
Republic of Texas masses troops on U.S. border, Texas Navy mines Gulf waters; U.S. warned, "Stay away!"
ENGLISHMAN CHOSEN AS NEW PONTIFF
William Cardinal Shakespeare succeeds Pope Saladin III
EQUAL RIGHTS AMENDMENT PASSES
"Let's bring America Into the Fifteenth Century," says Althing Speaker
"FAB FOUR" RETIRE AFTER 30 YEARS
John, Paul, Mick and Jimi make it official
McCartney explains, "After doing the Original Series and 9 movies, we're ready to hang up our phasers."
FIDEL CASTRO ENDS STRIKE
Baseball commissar settles labor dispute
"54-40 OR FIGHT!"
De Gaulle Pressures Khruschev to abandon disputed territory along Louisiana/Alaska Border
FORD ESCAPES ANOTHER ASSASSINATION ATTEMPT
Fanatical Tucker workers again fail at Dearborn headquarters
FRANKLIN SETTLES ON AMERICAN ELECTRIC STANDARD
President declares, "It's alternating current"
FREDERICK II FORCES POPE FROM ROME
Facing Mecca, conducts morning prayer service in St. Peter's
"FREE QUEBEC" PARTY WANTS INDEPENDENT NATION
For English-speaking minority
FRENCH INVADE ITALY
Fall of Naples leaves Central Powers without secure Mediterranean base
FRENCH TROOPS LAND!!!
4 PRONGED INVASION - NAPOLEON MARCHES ON THE CAPITOL!
Napoleon himself lands at the Chesapeake and takes Baltimore. Ney is moving north from Florida. Soult razes Boston. Mississippi has been crossed.
FUNDAMENTALIST TAKEOVER IN IRAN
Radical Clergymen Assert Traditional Zoroastrianism, Oppose Mazdakite Reform
GAIUS JULIUS CAESAR ASSASSINATED!
With death of republican rival, Brutus declares himself Emperor.
GALILEO PROBE LANDS ON MARS
"For the Pope" proclaims astronaut Galilei from surface
GENERAL PATTON DEFEATED AT AGINCOURT
GENERAL PRESLEY ENTERS HANOI
Elvis “Very proud of daughter”
GERMANS REACH PARIS
In a surprise maneuver yesterday, the German advance force reached and occupied Paris, Texas.
GERMANY DEFEATED!!!
United States win soccer World Cup 1946
1:0 Castro (32.)
1:1 Schickerlgruber (51.)
2:1 Bush (89.)
"GIVE UP THE SHIPS!"
Royal Consort John Paul Jones persuades Catherine the Great not to rebuild Royal Navy after loss at Dardenelles
"GODFATHER" SWEEPS OSCARS
Wins for best picture: Nixon picks up Best Actor, Presley Best Supporting Actor: Shoshone Littlefeather named Best Director
GRAND OPENING!
For the best grocery prices, shop at Thatcher's of Finchley!
GRANT VICTORIOUS AT VICKSBURG
Colonial leader vows, "British now on the run"
HANNIBAL DEFEATS SCIPIO AT ZAMA
Alexander V blames “bungling Etruscan mercenaries”, sends Indian Phalanxes
HANOI FALLS
"Home by Christmas," says Gen. Clinton
HARRISON LEAVES BEATLES, REPLACES JONES IN STONES
Tired of playing "second fiddle" to Lennon and McCartney, George Harrison has left the Liverpool Beatles and joined the London Rolling Stones. The Stones are currently ranked #2 behind the Beatles in the British Basketball Association, and hope for an upset to play #1 in the Colonial Basketball Association in next summer's World Series.
HENRY COOPER BEATS CASSIUS CLAY BY A SCORE OF IPPON.
HENRY V VICTORIOUS AT AGINCOURT
Ming armies fall back on Orleans
HESS FLIES TO SCOTLAND
Meets with Scottish guerrilla leaders, promises Nazi assistance.
HITLER ASSASSINATED
Bavarian President shot at Munich Home
HITLER BECOMES CHANCELLOR
Noted Vienna architect Adolf Hitler was today named Chancellor of the University of Salzburg.
HITLER SEEKS REFUGE IN ISRAELI EMBASSY
Russians demand Israelis hand over deposed Communist bigwig
HITLER STAGES COMEBACK
Artist returns to spotlight in first international exhibit in 20 years
HITLER VERSUS CHURCHILL
Which of the century's two top watercolorists will win the Turner Prize?
H.M.S. BEAGLE SINKS
British re-entry vehicle lost in Atlantic following first lunar landing, but crew and samples saved
HOLMES HAS PROFESSOR WATSON TO CHRONICLE HER CASES.
HOOVER LEADS U.S. OUT OF GREAT DEPRESSION
J. Edgar “Funniest Man in Hollywood” say critics
HOUSTON OILERS WIN SUPERBOWL
Beats Aston Villa 2-0 after extra time
HOWARD STERN BLASTS OBSCENITY
"No place in society," he says of decision to ban shock rockers Tipper and the Gorefests from White House
HUDSON RETURNS TO EUROPE VIA EAST OF AFRICA
Finds the Northwest Passage
HUEY LONG RECOVERING FROM SHOOTING
"I will play again," says World Champion snooker player
HUMASON SPACE TELESCOPE FINDS THAT UNIVERSE IS 6000 YEARS OLD
President Falwell Announces Period of Thanksgiving
The IMPERIAL PALACE HOME PAGE(http://www.hre.imp.gov/palace), with pictures of Emperor Augustus XIII addressing the opening session of the Imperial Senate and full text of the address.
INDEPENDENCE DAY FIREWORKS DISPLAY OVER CAPITAL
Althing Celebrates 900th Anniversary of American Independence from Norway
INDIA INVADES NEPAL
“We’ve had it up to here with those Hutus!” cries Indian PM
INDIA TO BE GRANTED INDEPENDENCE
Says President Clinton
INDIAN INDEPENDENCE GRANTED
President Truman orders withdrawal of American forces to Mississippi River, offers reparations
INDIANS BEAT HARRISON AT TIPPACANOE
President to meet Rajah of Michistan for peace talks
IRAQ INVADES KUWAIT
Parachute regiment overrun at airport.
IRAQI ARMY DESTROYED, BUSH SAYS ACTIONS WERE NECESSARY
President Bush addressed the nation to explain the use of tactical nuclear weapons against the Iraqi armies that attempted to invade Saudi Arabia after attacking Kuwait. Bush noted the areas in which the bombs were detonated were desolate, enabling the destruction of Iraqi forces with no civilian casualties, and responded to Saddam Hussein's threats of chemical terror in the US by noting that he had already shown how a threat to US vital interests would be handled.
IRISH DEFEAT CROMWELL'S ARMY
Lord Protector flees to Holland; Pope appoints Catholic Archbishop at Cantebury
IRISH DEFEAT CROMWELL'S ARMY
Lord Protector flees to Holland, asks Pope to proclaim Crusade against Druidic heathens
ISRAEL ANNEXES GOLAN HEIGHTS
Ottoman Empire Denounces Move, Vows to Retake Land; Kaiser recognizes measure
ISRAEL, EGYPT SIGN PEACE TREATY
Pledge to work together against American-sponsored Saudi aggression
ISRAELIS, PALESTINIANS TO MEET IN JERUSALEM
Prime Ministers Aloni and Ashrawi to discuss future of Confederation; merger of foreign ministries likely
JAPAN CONQUERS MANCHURIA
World stunned at first setback to Mongol expansion.
JAPAN SURRENDERS
Ceremonies to take place in Nagasaki; "We shall return" McArthur proclaims as US fleet shields government in exile from ANZAC occupation forces.
JAPANESE SUBDUE MANCHURIA
Roosevelt's lend/lease to Tokyo made it possible
JEREMY BATES WINS WIMBLEDON
Has 2-under-par round of 70
JIMMY CARTER ELECTED PRESIDENT
Atlanta stockmarket jumps 37 points as Confederacy elects its 16th president
JFK LOSES ELECTION; ELECTORATE UNEASY ABOUT HIS RELIGIOUS CONVICTIONS
Triumphant Nixon sees mandate to return to Confucian classics; "America's had enough of this newfangled Buddhism"
JFK SURVIVES ASSASSINATION ATTEMPT
Speaking from hospital, Communist Party USA leader claims FBI responsible
JOAN OF ARC BURNS
Explosion of shuttle Vercingetorix sets French space program back five years
JOHN F. KENNEDY MARRIES MARILYN MONROE IN WHITE HOUSE GARDEN
Reception shortened as she receives Hotline call
JOHN MAJOR SUCEEDS MARGARET THATCHER
Fuhrer Goering awards governorship to Major
JORDAN RETURNS TO BULLS...
Awarded two ears and a tail by cheering crowds at Chicago Arena
JULIUS AND ETHEL ROSENBERG ARRESTED
Imperial Intelligence suspects them of selling A-Bomb secrets to Parthia
KAISER IN ISRAEL
The Kaiser, continuing his whirlwind tour of the near east, visits the Jewish state, and pledges more economic investment in the region.
KENNEDY DEFEATS NIXON IN CLOSE DECISION
In the last game of the World Chess Championship, John F. Kennedy, the well-known professor of philosophy at Harvard University, defeated Richard Nixon in a very close-run game, similar to the other games in this championship.
Professor Kennedy who defied his father's wishes and entered academia instead of politics following his brilliant World War II heroics, in which he defeated and destroyed a Japanese destroyer with his torpedo boat PT-109.
Mr. Nixon is also a well-known poker authority; as "Tricky Dick," he writes a column on poker strategy that is considered authoritative. He congratulated Mr. Kennedy on his victory, giving the "V" sign in tribute to his long-time friend's incredible chess skills.
KENNEDY ASSASSINATED
Members of the ever more powerful Cherokee Nation suspected.
KENNEDY DIES IN DALLAS
MTV VJ shot dead by disgruntled fan.
THE KING BOWS OUT IN MEMPHIS GIG
Henry VIII finally gives up the lute
KING CONVICTED IN WHITEHALL TRIAL
Civil Rights campaigner to be deported.
KING HAROLD VICTORIOUS AT HASTINGS
Al-Londinis fully occupied: Caliphate of al-Paris prepares for invasion
KING HAROLD VICTORIOUS AT HASTINGS
Arthurians vow “London has stopped Saxons before”
KING RICHARD I FORCES SALADIN FROM JERUSALEM
Rabbinical elders prepare to consecrate new temple
LABOUR PARTY WINS U.S. ELECTION
President-Elect Joe Hill vows to unionize the army
LARSEN HAS PERFECT WORLD SERIES GAME
American bowler gets 300.
LBJ IN LANDSLIDE!
President Kennedy promises massive search & rescue effort for missing VP
LEE DEFEATS GRANT AT APPOMATTOX
Redcoats retreat in disarray.
LEE, GRANT IN BATTLE AT APPOMATTOX
"Bobby the Basher" Lee defeats "Chomper" Grant with TKO in the 9th round
LEE SURRENDERS TO GRANT
Defeated, southern commonwealths reaffirm loyalty to the Crown
LEE VICTORIOUS AT GETTYSBURG
Archduke Maximilian’s forces suffer first setback in invasion of US
LETTERMAN TOPS LENO
Wins second term in Oval Office
LIBERALS WIN MAJORITY FROM WAR-WEARY ELECTORATE
Churchill resigns, Labour leader loses seat
LINDBERGH FLIES THE ATLANTIC SOLO
Rocket plane pilot arrives safely in Paris.
LIZ'S NEW MARRIAGE BOOK
"How I got it right the first time": a diatribe against divorce
LORD CORNWALLIS VICTOR AT YORKTOWN
Reinforcements from Britain sustain Washington's army: invaders forced back across New Netherlands border.
MAGELLAN EXPEDITION RETURNS TO PORTUGAL
Explorer Declares World Really is Flat
MAHATMA GANDHI SHOT DEAD
Police reveal how they tracked down ruthless international terrorist
MALCOLM X SHOT DEAD
White Supremacist leader John F. Kennedy proclaims "Chickens coming home to roost don't make me sad, they make me glad" upon knowledge of civil rights leader's death, is suspended by Nation of Islam.
MAN LANDS ON MARS
Invasion goes as planned, NASA source confirms
MAN SETS FOOT ON THE MOON
Martian overlords agree to let humans move to the moon.
MARIUS ELECTED TO SEVENTH TERM AS CONSUL
Sulla also elected; powerful united force for reform
MASSIVE ARMADA GATHERING OFF WESTERN COAST OF PANAMA
Survivors of doomed Spanish expedition report "hundreds of metallic, mastless vessels"
MAYA DEFEAT INVADING ARMY NEAR CHICHEN ITZA
Arab colonies in Caribbean seen as threatened by counter-offensive
McCARTHEY CHARGES: "REDS IN GOVERNMENT"
"Clean Gene" asserts Nixon, Johnson, RFK under Paris-Jakarta influence
MEXICANS VICTORIOUS AT ALAMO
Kaiser thanks President Carranza for aid in forcing recall of AEF from Europe
MEXICANS VICTORIOUS AT ALAMO
President Davis thanks Emperor Maximillian for aid in driving Unionists from Trans-Mississippi
MICHAEL JACKSON IN SIXTH PATERNITY SUIT
Former child singer turned legal ace to represent sister Latoya vs. Merv Griffin
MICHAEL JORDAN RETURNS TO CHICAGO
"Air" Leads 82nd Airborne liberation of Windy City; Canadian losses high
MICROSOFT ANNOUNCES TAKEOVER OF MacDONALDS
Software giant acquires Scottish banking empire
MICROSOFT ANNOUNCES WINDOWS '95
Apple president Bill Gates unconcerned
MONGOL HORDE BESTS RUSSIAN GRAND PRINCES
"I don't care what anybody says. They just can't play soccer." says the Mongol coach Temujin.
"MORE DELAYS" ANNOUNCES BILL GATES
"System 9 not ready until November '95," says Apple chairman
MOSCOW FALLS
Japanese troops overrun Russian capital; German Premier Goebbels rushes troops to repel invaders
MUHAMMED ALI DODGES DRAFT
"It was really a really chilly one, too." said the champ
MUHAMMAD DECLARES JESUS OF NAZARETH WAS THE MESSIAH
Is denounced by his rabbinic peers
NAPOLEON LOSES WATERLOO
Date of French surrender set for next week by victorious Zulus
NAPOLEON VICTORIOUS AT WATERLOO
British help crucial in beating back Mongol cavalry
NAPOLEON: VICTORY IN RUSSIA
Russians in shock after French tourist romps away to win "World Vodka Drinking Open" championship.
NASA, RUSSIAN SPACE AGENCY ANNOUNCE JOINT MISSION TO MARS
China prepares Mars colony for visiting astronauts
NATION OF ISLAM TO SUPPORT BOSNIAN GOVERNMENT
NOI leader Malcolm X seeks one million "volunteers" to support Muslim government
NATIONAL VALUE-ADDED TAX ENACTED
Strong opposition from American MPs insufficient to defeat tax
NAZI SYMPATHIZERS DENOUNCE USA, BRITAIN, FOR AIDING USSR
Honorary SS Oberfuehrer Nicholas Romanov, former Tsar of Russia, denounced the USA and Britain for allying with "the Jewish Bolsheviks" of the USSR. He also expressed pride that his son, Alexei, while unable to serve in combat due to illness, was acting in a civilian capacity as Governor
NEIL ARMSTRONG BECOMES FIRST MAN ON MOON
Conservative groups disapprove, declare "A man should be in the home, not in space."
NEPAL INVADES INDIA
Little India stands little chance
"NEVER HAVE SO FEW GIVEN SO MUCH TO SO MANY"
RAF Bomber W. Churchill, after losing his flight crew, carries out mission, drops FAT MAN A-Bomb on Berlin. PM Chamberlin declares "At last, peace in our time!"
NEW EVIDENCE STRENGTHENS VELIKOVSKY'S THEORIES
"It is very reassuring" says the proponent of Evolutionary Biology
NEW MORRIS ROADSTER AT ‘97 MOTOR SHOW
“Arts and Crafts” automobile purchased by Prince Consort
NEW TSAR CROWNED
Wladyslaw I is crowned first Tsar of Russian-Lithuanian-Polish Empire; considered leading candidate for the throne of the Holy Roman Empire
NEW VIRGINIA TRANSCENDENTAL MEDITATION CENTRE
Guru Shri Pat Robertson-ji levitation demonstration 2:00
NEW YORK ABOLISHES DEATH PENALTY
Sanhedrin passes measure after impassioned appeal by Rabbi Akiva ben Baruch (Pharisee: White Plains)
NEWFOUNDLAND CHOOSES INDEPENDENCE
Governor Smallwood to negotiate state's withdrawal from Atlantic Confederation
NEWS FLASH: OJ IS A KILLER
The U.S. Department of Agriculture is recalling all orange juice due to high levels of potentially harmful chemicals.
NEWT GINGRICH WILL NOT RUN FOR OFFICE AGAIN IN 1996
"If I helped one welfare mother, it was enough," says ex-Speaker
NIXON EDGES OUT HUMPHREY, WALLACE
Late night talk show war heats up
NIXON RESIGNS
Victorious Spassky retains world chess crown
NO COMMENT FROM GOVERNMENT ON CRISIS
Officials state Prime Minister unavailable until late spring when he emerges from his cocoon.
"NO RED SCARE" SAYS SENATOR
Liberal Democratic Senator Joe McCarthy condemns Republican President Henry Wallace's vicious red-baiting witch hunt
NORTH VICTORIOUS IN CIVIL WAR
Louis XVIII's army defeats rebellious southern provinces with help from freed slaves
NORWAY INVADED
Churchill Declares Troops are to support Norwegian monarch
NOT TELEVISION AGAIN!
Why bring back a 50's flop?
OLYMPICS NOD GOES TO TORONTO
U.S.'s 4th largest city plans for Olympic spectacular
OLYMPICS TO BE TELEVISED FOR FIRST TIME
Votes Athenian Senate
ONTARIO REJECTS NATIONAL ENERGY PLAN
"We want world rates for our nuclear power" says Ontario Premier Henry Copps
ORWELL CELEBRATES HUNDREDTH BIRTHDAY
Legendary silent film comic celebrates in private
OSWALD ELUDES CAPTURE IN DALLAS
Last seen with local nightclub owner heading west; "We will continue to fight," he proclaims as SS-Amerika troops search for partisan leader
OSWALD SURVIVES MURDER ATTEMPT
Jack Kennedy, son of notorious gangster "Big Joe" Kennedy, charged with attempt on new Texas Prime Minister
PATTON BREAKS OUT
Former US general George Patton disapeared yesterday from Shady Oak, a New York area mental institution. He has been there over ten years, ever since he going mad shortly after the American defeat at the Battle of the Hole. He is a paranoid schitzophrenic, and should you recognize him, do not attempt to approach or capture him, but contact the appropriate authorities immediately.
PATTON CAPTURES METZ!
Spokesman for Emperor Napoleon V discounts announcement, claims Prussian/CSA offensive has shot its bolt
PATTON'S ADVANCE STOPPED AT ELBE
Taiping forces too well entrenched, admits Eisenhower
PEACE IN BRITAIN
After 900 years: Norway and Denmark finally agree on borders between colonies.
PEARL HARBOR BOMBED!
Musical flops on Broadway.
PEARL HARBOR FLEET ESCAPES DESTRUCTION
Japanese navy credited with saving Californian colony’s fishing boats from typhoon
PERSIANS DEFEAT GREEKS
5-4 In extra innings; Game 3 Sunday
PLAGUE KILLS HALF OF EUROPE
Ebola fever breaks out in the Dark Continent of Europe.
PLAYBOY: CARTER ADMITS “LUST IN MY HEART”
Sex symbol Nell reveals all in words and pictures
PLYMOUTH COLONY SAVED BY NATIVES.
John Smith credits Brunnhilde and her "white men" and their skilled fishing skills for preventing starvation. Link to Norsemen still disputed
POLAND ANNOUNCES MISSILE SUPREMACY
King Lech of Poland announced today that his nation has launched an anti-missile system capable of preventing a nuclear missile launch throughout the entire world. Response from the White House is guarded, but press agent Dee Dee Myers gave a statement mentioning Poland's history of intervening against neighboring nations at weak times in their history, including during the Communist uprising of 1919 in the Russian Republic and against Germany and Czechoslovakia during the War of 1938. Missile experts within the Ballistic Missiles Office stated that the Kingdom of Poland has the scientific expertise necessary to build a worldwide anti-missile system, due to recruitment of German and Russian scientists. Poland has had nuclear fission weapons since 1957, four years before the United States.
POLAND PARTITIONED!
"I just got sick of the Bug being my border" says Holy Roman Emperor Richard the Lionhearted.
POLLS SHOW SOC.HISTORY.WHAT-IF NOT POPULAR
Experts conclude: World not ready for Jazz newsgroup
POPE MARTIN LUTHER TO GIVE SERMON IN ROME
World awaits new Pope's first Ramadan message
PORTUGUESE TO FUND COLUMBUS VOYAGE
Genovese mariner’s route to America is “Go East to Get West”; plans to circumnavigate Africa
PRESIDENT DEWEY DENOUNCES MEXICAN TREATMENT OF ETHNICS
In a special address to Congress, President Dewey condemned wholesale imprisonment of ethnic Americans in the northern Mexican state of Coahuila-Tejas, following protests by Austinite peasants and merchants in Bexar and other cities. He urged Congress to quickly ratify the treaty signed by him and Confederate President Wallace to improve joint military cooperation between USA and CSA forces on the Red River facing Mexican Communist troops.
PRESIDENT KENNEDY DENOUNCES MISSILE GAP
President Joseph Kennedy, Jr. today announced that the US government had confirmed that the USSR had deployed IRBMs in a valley in Alaska he dubbed "Missile Gap." He also announced that the US had decided to deploy more SSBNs to counter this threat, while also pressing Congress for increased spending on conventional forces.
PRESIDENT KENNEDY RELEASED FROM DALLAS HOSPITAL
After successful operation, files petition to change name from “John” to “Suzanne”: re-election seen uncertain
PRESIDENT SURVIVES ASSASSINATION ATTEMPT BY ACTOR
Former cowboy star Reagan couldn’t really shoot straight
PRESIDENTIAL CANDIDATE SHOT!
Former President Theodore Roosevelt, Bull Moose Progressive, died today in Evanston, Ill.
PRINCE CHARLES MARRIES OPRAH
Diana, Camilla, and Madonna Welcome New Co-Princess
PRUSSIA LOSES PRUSSIAN-FRANCO WAR
Superpowers of Spanish leader still unexplained.
QUEBEC DECLARES INDEPENDENCE
"No state has the right to leave the Union" says President Trudeau
QUEBEC SEPARATIONIST MOVEMENT GAINS SPEED
German-speaking minority want greater voice in Portugese-dominated Canada
QUEEN MAUD DIES
The Bretalag Isles send envoys to Oslo to join grieving of our queen.
QUEEN VICTORIA “DIVORCE IMMINENT” FOLLOWING SEPARATION
“I’m heartbroken,” says Emperor Norton, “but she just didn’t take to life as my consort”
QUEEN VICTORIA MARRIES SECOND HUSBAND, THE MAHARAJAH OF ESCHNAPUR
First husband was Prince Charles-Louis Bonaparte
QUEEN VICTORIA SLAIN AT GETTYSBURG
QUEEN VICTORIA TO MARRY AGAIN
New Consort is Rajah of Ranjipore
“THE RACE” STOPS SECOND WORLD WAR
European leaders sign “1940 Olympic Truce”, gather in Bern for marathon
REAGAN REELECTED
Grand Old Man of Hollywood once again elected president of Screen Actors Union.
REICHSTAG DESTROYED BY FIRE
Chancellor Hitler dies in blaze
RESPECTFUL WISHES ON EMPEROR OTTO'S BIRTHDAY
His Imperial and Royal Majesty addresses Empire on Radio Austria-Hungary
ROMMEL SURRENDERS TO FREE CZECH FORCES. CHAMBERLAIN CALLS FOR UNCONDITIONAL SURRENDER!!!
German Military collapse continues as Czech freedom fighters rout Rommel. Elsewhere, Polish forces held off another offensive in Silesia, as Anglo/French Expeditionary Forces stalled at the Rhine. The PM, declaring Hitler and the Nazis a "menace to world peace and humanity", called for the total defeat of Germany. In a related story, Mussolini's offer to negotiate a truce was rejected by all sides.
RONALD REAGAN WINS OSCAR
Endorsement from de la Renta clinches grand prize for veteran designer at Paris fashion show
ROOSEVELT DECIDES NOT TO RUN FOR RE-ELECTION IN 1936
"Nine terms enough" says Teddy.
RUSSIA ATTACKS PEARL HARBOR
Four Japanese carriers sunk in surprise aerial assault
RUSSIAN COSMONAUT FIRST MAN ON MOON
Spanish-Portugese shot from Florida colony expected later this month
RUSSIAN NUCLEAR SATELLITE CRASHES INTO WHITEHORSE
USSR Says Canadian SDI platform shot down Kosmos 954
RUSSIAN TROOPS FIND HITLER DEAD BY SUICIDE
Tsarist security officers discovered Adolf Hitler dead by his own hand in "The Bunker", his summer home near the Caspian Sea. Best known for his redesign of the White House, the President and Tsar are expected to attend the world reknowned architect's funeral.
RUSSIANS LAND ON MOON
Cosmonauts detained by British troops
RUSSIANS LAND ON THE MOON
Fuhrer vows, “Criminal Stalin cannot escape us, even there”
RUSSIANS TO FOLLOW BYZANTINE LEAD IN RELIGIOUS MATTERS
Caliph Photius on hand to dedicate Kievan Mosque
RUTH PITCHES HISTORIC WORLD SERIES SHUTOUT
“Babe” takes fourteen wickets for naught against Australia
SALADIN TAKES ORLEANS, PARIS
Muslim forces retreat to last stronghold in British Isles
SHAKESPEARE PLAYS “ALL FORGERIES” (OFFICIAL)
Time Patrol officers blame “Academics seeking job security” for invention of playwright; promise to restore original timeline “as soon as we’ve dealt with the Turtledove situation and that Tolkien business.”
SHAKESPEARE’S TRIUMPH IN VIRGINIAN THEATRE
Catholic revolt crushed
SHERMAN BURNS ATLANTA!
Mr. Peabody promises to discipline his boy.
SHERMAN IN ATLANTA!
Union general to stand trial for war crimes. Hundreds call for execution
SIEGE OF STALINGRAD CONTINUES
Resistance continues as Polish army pounds city
“SIX DAY WAR” ENDS IN ISRAELI DEFEAT
Luftwaffe rules Balkan skies; Syria, Egypt to stand by Jewish state in Anti-Nazi “Semitic Pact”
"SLIDERS" TO PREMIERE ON FOX
White Castle puts hour long infomercial about famed slider burgers on Fox
SNEAK ATTACK ON PEARL HARBOR AVERTED
Hawaiian King thanks Japanese allies for intercepting American forces
"THE SOUND OF MUSIC" IS BANNED
"Too violent" says Quentin Tarantino
SOUTH AFRICA WITHDRAWS FROM COMMONWEALTH
Premier Sisulu cites continuing Brazilian imperialism
SOUTH CAROLINA REJECTS SECESSION
Centrist black voters block Garvey’s vision of “Africa in America”
SOUTH DAKOTA COUP APPEARS SUCCESSFUL
Secretary of State Dean Rusk today told reporters that, assuming General Foss requests recognition, the Federal Government will act quickly to recognize the new South Dakota government, only six days after the Air National Guard officer seized power in a bloodless coup in Pierre while Governor Kniep, an unpopular Democrat, attended the Western Governor's Conference in Las Vegas.
Secretary Rusk said preliminary reports from the FBI were favorable, that it was evident there was no illegal involvement from outside South Dakota, and that the new Foss administration had already committed to meet South Dakota's obligations to other states and to the Union. Unidentified sources in Pierre report Foss has met with supporters of the old governor and negotiated an end to any resistance, and has also given safe conduct to the Kniep family out of state.
Secretary Rusk stated his appreciation for the professional manner in which the South Dakota National Guard conducted the coup, leading to inevitable contrasts with last year's very bloody coup in Illinois, which ended with the gangland-style execution of deposed Mayor Daley and his family. The Senators from Illinois, acting on standing instructions from the Illinois Legislature, immediately condemned Rusk's remarks as "undue and unwarranted federal interference with the internal politics of a state" and called for a formal apology by President Dirksen.
SOUTH LOSES AMERICAN CIVIL WAR
President Nixon forced to concede independence to Quebec
SOUTH WINS CIVIL WAR
Bolivar to be President
SPANIARDS ROUTED BY AZTECS
Heads of Pizzaro, Cortez paraded through streets: Panicked French troops prepare to repel invaders at Pyrenees
SPANISH CRUSH AZTEC EMPIRE
Great Pyramid at Tenochtalin transformed into first New World mosque
STALIN ICEPICKED TO DEATH IN MEXICO CITY
Maximillian V attends Funeral
STATE OF ISRAEL PROCLAIMED
Khazars take Jerusalem from Crusaders, install Jewish king on throne; Jews invited to return to build new nation
SUFFRAGE AMENDMENT DEFEATED
President Elizabeth Cady Stanton: Men “not ready” for vote
TEMPTATIONS, B-52'S TO PLAY AT ASTRODOME
Superbowl predicted to be "best ever"
TERRORIST BOMB KILLS TWELVE IN SOUTH BOSTON
Minutes after a bomb killed twelve and injured sixteen in a bar in South Boston, local radio stations received a call claiming credit for the bombing from the "John Brown Chapter" of the Abolitionist Society. The regional commander of the Federal Occupation Forces stated that this was a splinter group of the infamous anti-government secret society. The statement called for an end to indentured service contracts and the vote for Irish-Americans thoughout the New England states.
In related news, Georgia Senator Martin Luther King denounced attempts to repeal anti-secessionist laws, citing concerns that if any of the New England states are allowed to regain sovereignty, that they will secretly ally themselves with Nazi Germany and Spain.
THOUSANDS RIOT AS TULSA ANTI-METRIC PROTEST TURN UGLY
King George insists British North America will be metrified
TIGERS WIN WORLD SERIES
Tokyo Tigers defeat Cubs in 7th game
TITANIC ARRIVES IN NEW YORK
Iceberg sinks
TITANIC SINKS!
Brave around-the-world in bathtub bid fails.
TOM HANKS WINS SECOND STRAIGHT OSCAR
Victory for "Joe Versus the Volcano" follows success with "Dragnet"
TORONTO WINS STANLEY CUP
Arenas take lacrosse championship
TORONTO WINS WORLD SERIES
Soccer world stunned by American defeat
TROTSKY EXILED
Former Russian revolutionary deported from New York by Attorney General Palmer; Tsar Nikolai Nikolaivich pleased.
TROY DISCOVERED BY SCHLIEMANN
Element 88, named Troy, was discovered by German chemist Schliemann in Gottingen today.
TRUMAN ANNOUNCES FIRST CONTACT WITH ALIEN CIVILISATION
US Starship Bela Absung discovers life at Tau Ceti
TRUMAN DEFEATS DEWEY
Correction of previous story: Truman saved by the bell in 10th round, KO's Dewey in 11th; Dewey corner cries foul!
TRUMAN FIRES MacARTHUR
Veteran actor cans long-time agent
The TSAR'S HOME PAGE (http://www.tsarskoe.gov.rus), including pictures of Tsar Alexei and the Tsarina at the 50th Jubilee and of the newly remodeled Winter Palace.
TURKS TAKE CONSTANTINOPLE BY STORM
Byzantine youth turn out by thousands to greet popular rock band
UN PEACEKEEPING FORCE SENT TO SWITZERLAND
UPRISING IN GOLAN HEIGHTS
Antioch refuses UN Demand for a Jewish homeland.
US GOVERNMENT PHONE MONOPOLY BUILDS INFORMATION SUPERHIGHWAY
Cost is 10 billion roubles
US RECOGNIZES VIET-NAM
President Truman hails Ho Chi Minh as US ally
USA PUSHES METRIC SYSTEM AT G7 MEETING
France vows to fight it!
USA WINS WAR OF 1812
Napoleon to stand trial for war crimes
VAN GOGH STAR OF PARIS EXHIBITION
Dutch lead automobile industry
VANCOUVER PROHIBITS AUDIBLE CAR ALARMS
Tuscon now only city in British North America that still permits use of audible vehicular alarms
VANDALS STORM ROME!
2 shows set for coliseum
VATICAN FALLS
"Bad publicity" cited by CEO John Paul III as reason, stocks expected to rise again soon.
VIKINGS ROUT REDSKINS
Geronimo finally surrenders to Erik the Red
VIRGINIA DEFEATS MONITOR IN CLASH
State's national guard finally kills giant mutant lizard on outskirts of Richmond
WALLACE IN SCHOOLHOUSE DOOR SHOWDOWN
New CSA President makes stand at old Alma Mater, declares "The day of segregation is at an end"
WAR IN SOUTH AFRICA
Netherlands declares no negotiating with English colonists
WARSAW PACT SWEEPS FRANCE, ITALY, BELGIUM
Next stop for Polish MegaMetal Band: New York, February 9th
WEHRMACHT IN CHICAGO
Crowds gathered around the outskirts of Chicago today to witness a historic event; the opening of the first WEHR-MART store in the US. The field marshall for American operations, Isaac Goldman, said he believed the new "superstore" would run the Sears catalog system "into the ground". Mr.Goldman also said the venture was made possible by two things: The Hawley-Smoot act, passed recently by President Smith, which eliminated all trade barriers, and the "brilliant vision" of Chancellor Speer in creating "the world's first profitable army", by replacing the old Air Force, Navy and military divisions with the new air travel, shipping and retail divisions.
WELLINGTON BEATEN BY NAPOLEON
Duchess claims Bonaparte abused her during their marriage
WELLINGTON DEFEATS NAPOLEON AT WATERLOO
In the chess match of the century, Wellington wins 21 wins, 12 losses, 20 draws
WELLINGTON ROUTED AT WATERLOO
Combined Franco-British forces retreat; Prussians, Russians begin massing troops to repel Cherokee/Seminole invasion
WHITE STUDENTS: COLLEGE ENTRANCE EXAMINATION TESTS "CULTURALLY BIASED"
Board refuses to change emphasis on the Confucian classics
WHO CARES IF IT'S FATTENING?
The Susan Powter diet sweeps America
WILLIAM HENRY HARRISON VICTORIOUS AT TIPPECANOE
Chinese forces withdraw west of Mississippi
WILLIAM THE BASTARD WINS AT HASTINGS
Teotihuacan concedes loss of colony.
YANKEES HOPE TO BREAK WORLD SERIES DROUGHT AGAINST GREAT CUBS DYNASTY
YELTSIN FLEES MOSCOW
Moves home to Buenos Aires; “Tsar’s taxes too high” proclaims famed tenor
YOKO DIVORCES JOHN
As her career flies, can he bring back Beatles nostalgia?
Who's responsible for this?!? These people, mostly.
Go back to the home page thingy