Can Jon Kitna lead the Lions to a 2-0 record? Jed Jacobsohn/Getty Images

By Eric Horowitz, SI.com

It's not often that John Kitna can look down on the .500 mark with cavalier aplomb, but that's the beauty of the Week 2. Everything is different than it once was. Larry Johnson is a bum, Chris Brown is a stud, and Bill Belichick is the modern day Richard Nixon.

Before we get to the picks, I want DirecTV to please explain why their commercial has Manning audibling to a pass when the Colts are winning 28-3 with less than three minutes in the game. Did some advertising executive decide it would be more exciting if Manning was running up the score instead of throwing the game winning touchdown pass? All DirecTV had to do was make the game 3-3 and we could have had 30 seconds of exciting artificial suspense. Instead, they broadcasted an inaccurate portrayal of Manning's late game tactics. Shame on you, DirecTV. As always, feel free to pass off the following picks as your own.

Cincinnati at Cleveland (+6.5): Last week the Browns somehow managed to commit four different penalties on their first punt of the day. The good news is that they'll get plenty of chances to work on their punting game in the coming weeks. Pick: Cleveland

Atlanta at Jacksonville (-10.5): Losing 24-3 to the Vikings wasn't quite the start the Falcons envisioned. On this plus side, they haven't lost to Appalachian state ... yet. Pick: Atlanta

Green Bay at New York Giants (-1): The Giants are denying ESPN's report that Eli Manning will miss a month with a separated shoulder and they say he could play this week. The Giants attack on ESPN's credibility has made me feel completely lost. I don't even know whether I still believe Tiger Woods is the most "now." Pick: Green Bay

Indianapolis at Tennessee (+7): Tennessee rushed for over 200 yards in both of their games against the Colts last year. The always optimistic Tony Dungy says that if it happens again, it will just be a sign the Colts still have a Super Bowl caliber defense. Pick: Tennessee

New Orleans at Tampa Bay (+3.5): The Saints have only played one game, but it looks like last year's feel good story might come to an end. And by "last year's feel good story" I mean Saints fans being able to openly mock the Texans for drafting Mario Williams instead of Reggie Bush. Pick: Tampa Bay

San Francisco at St. Louis (-3.5): Projected fantasy stud Steven Jackson did not have the opening game his enthusiasts expected. Perhaps he was still worn out from trudging through the snow and carrying the entire Steelers defense on his back. Pick: San Francisco

Houston at Carolina (-6.5): The Texans offensive line did a great job of protecting Matt Schaub in the team's week 1 win. I guess it turns out the only reason they gave up so many sacks last year was that they just plain didn't like David Carr. Pick: Carolina

Buffalo at Pittsburgh (-10): The Bills have joined the growing list of teams who suspect they were victimized by the Patriots secret videotaping. Apparently someone with the username "KingBelichick" posted an incredibly embarrassing Youtube video that shows Bills executives discussing how Drew Bledsoe will lead them to a Super Bowl. Pick: Pittsburgh

Seattle at Arizona (+3): On Tuesday, in two separate trades, the Seahawks sent defensive end Bryce Fisher to the Titans and acquired quarterback Charlie Frye from the Browns. While the two trades seem unrelated, the Seahawks have actually been so impressed with Frye's tackling after interceptions that they plan to use him as Fisher's replacement. Pick: Seattle

Minnesota at Detroit (-3): Adrian Peterson-mania is overtaking the state of Minnesota, and the excitement is certainly justified. The Vikings appear to have themselves a superstar running back and they didn't even have to give the Cowboys 27 draft picks to get him. Pick: Minnesota

Dallas at Miami (+3.5): Former Cowboy Deion Sanders, his wife, and his five kids will be the subject of a new reality show on the Oxygen Network. I'm already looking forward to seeing Primetime high-step to PTA meetings in between Mad About You reruns. Pick: Dallas

Oakland at Denver (-9.5): Running onto the field and kicking a game winning field goal isn't the only thing Jason Elam can do in 12 seconds. He can also change a tire, season a steak, and judge if an American Idol contestant "has what it takes." Pick: Oakland

New York Jets at Baltimore (-11): I never thought I would see the day Kyle Boller signed a contract extension. I still think the Ravens actually intended to cut him, but they just filed the wrong paper work with the league. Pick: Baltimore

Kansas City at Chicago (-12): Neither of these teams got off to the starts they hoped for, but there is a silver lining for both of them. Losing every game by 20 points will make it will be impossible for the Chiefs to overwork Larry Johnson, while Bears lineman Tommie Harris seems to have invented a goal-line cloak of invisibility. Pick: Chicago

San Diego at New England (-3.5): To reward himself having such a good game last week, Randy Moss will take off the Patriots next 150 offensive plays. Pick: San Diego

Washington at Philadelphia (-7): I still can't comprehend why Joe Gibbs risked trying a deceivingly difficult 39-yard game winning field goal on first down. His kicker wasn't Adam Vinatieri. His kicker wasn't even Lawrence Tynes. It was Shaun Suisham. I just hope I can find a woman I trust as much as Gibbs trusts Suisham. Pick: Philadelphia

Last Week: 8-5-2
Season: 8-5-2