KEEP THE CHANGE
NEW JUDGES, BETTER 'TALENT'
Rating: 
June 5, 2007 -- IF the acts on tonight's second season opener of "America's Got Talent" don't keep you smiling from start to finish, then clearly you don't know talent.
Or you don't know the talent behind the talent at any rate.
I'm talking about the brains behind this show, including producer Simon Cowell of "American Idol" fame and fortune.
Last year's show - based on "AI" except it's open to all acts, from animals to contortionists, man-boob dancers (don't ask), clowns, jugglers, singers and dancers - left me colder than a vampire's hickey.
Since last season, however, the show's cast has been half recast due to a series of such horrible incidents that you'd be forgiven for thinking the show was cursed.
Host Regis Philbin had to undergo major heart surgery. He's been replaced by Jerry Springer, which, you'll see, worked out .
Singer Brandy Norwood is facing possible vehicular manslaughter charges after a freeway crash killed a woman. She stepped down and has been replaced by the relentlessly self-promoting Sharon Osbourne.
And then there's the cheesy David Hasselhoff, who - after his public humiliation - would have quit the show too if he hadn't been born without the gene for shame.
In case you're in jail or something and don't know, Hasselhoff's young daughter videotaped the "Baywatch" boor so loaded that he was eating a hamburger off the floor like a rabid dog. The video hit the Internet faster than a Paris Hilton sex romp.
Returning also this season is Piers Morgan, the sour/dour judge and "America's Got Talent's" answer to Simon Cowell.
The good news here is that the replacements actually make the show much better than it was, and it clicks in ways it never did before.
Tonight's show begins with auditions in Dallas, where the egos are bigger, in most cases, than the talent. Of course, the producers feature the whack jobs in the audition phase with a smattering of sane, talented people so that the show doesn't lose all credibility.
And it is huge fun.
And since they copy the style of "AI" all the way, there are fireworks among the judges - with Sharon playing Paula, Piers playing Cowell and Hasselhoff playing, unfortunately, himself.
The acts include everything you expect and less. Don't miss the horrifying stage mother who has her 9-year-old made-up and crimped like a 40-year-old, out-of-work escort.
Piers gets all up in the mother's face about it, to which the mom answers, "This has nothing to do with me, and everything to do with her!"
Sharon goes berserk on Piers for humiliating the child and has a fit. But make no mistake, the kid gives as good as she gets and doesn't need Osbourne (who has horrible, spoiled kids) to defend her.
Great wrenching fun and a real jump over last year.
"America's Got Talent"
Tonight at 9 on NBC
