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Für einen Mann, der nicht weiß, wohin
es ihn treibt, gibt es keinen günstigen
Wind.
(Lucius Annaeus Seneca)
*******************************
Due to educational issues, I can only
accept matches with a 5+ day time-
frame for now.
I'll try to move faster, though.
*******************************
How to avoid looking like a fool in chess:

1. If someone gives you check, do not
ask: "Will my bank accept it?"

2. You won't avoid losing pawns by
glueing them to the board.

3. A double pawn is not the result of
a pawn promotion.

4. Do not call your King "President",
even if you live in a democracy.

5. The ELO-Rating does not show
how much of a fan your opponent is
of the Electric Light Orchestra.

6. Do not say "Rest in Pieces", if you
have won a match.

7. Stealing a pawn at an unattended
board while walking by is not "en pas-
sant".

8. If your opponent says "Your piece is
hanging", he does not mock you!

9. Do not shout "Zugzwang" if your
King has no squares to avoid
chess.

10. A discovered attack has yet to be
discovered. Seriously.

11. You can't reload a position if you
messed it up.

12. You are not allowed to use a chess
engine, even if you are an mechanic.

13. Double Chess does not mean you
play two boards simultaniously.

14. You won't receive extra thinking time
if you time out.

15. You cannot use three Knights from
the start with the argument "but there
were three musketeers".

16. If you lost a game, don't tell your friends
how the referee must have been bribed.

17. Rook is not short for Rookie.

18. Placing a piece on the border of two
squares is not a "Zwischenzug".