New York City is considering banning transfat in foods served in restaurants.

If that statement of fact doesn't make you seethe with rage, then your testicles have an appointment with my size 15's (if you don't have testicles, then your opinion doesn't really matter).

I told all you well-meaning fucks that cheered like retarded monkeys at a shit-flinging contest that they were going to go after the food next, and you laughed and called me ridiculous and spanked my bottom with nazi-insignia paddles, telling me what a naughty boy I was . . . Um . . . nevermind . . .

THE POINT IS THIS!: I should have the freedom to be as unhealthy as I want to be and companies should have the right to sell me the most heinous substances on earth as long as they don't misrepresent the product to me! It's this little thing that's been going out of vogue lately that I like to call freedom of choice.

Freedom has consequences. We used to understand that those consequences were worth it. When did we forget? When will we remember again?

When is America coming back?

New York City is considering banning transfat in foods served in restaurants.

If that statement of fact doesn't make you seethe with rage, then your testicles have an appointment with my size 15's (if you don't have testicles, then your opinion doesn't really matter).

I told all you well-meaning fucks that cheered like retarded monkeys at a shit-flinging contest that they were going to go after the food next, and you laughed and called me ridiculous and spanked my bottom with nazi-insignia paddles, telling me what a naughty boy I was . . . Um . . . nevermind . . .

THE POINT IS THIS!: I should have the freedom to be as unhealthy as I want to be and companies should have the right to sell me the most heinous substances on earth as long as they don't misrepresent the product to me! It's this little thing that's been going out of vogue lately that I like to call freedom of choice.

Freedom has consequences. We used to understand that those consequences were worth it. When did we forget? When will we remember again?

When is America coming back?

Why do so many disparage fake tits? What’s wrong with a set of bowling-ball sized breasts that seems immune to gravity? I love fake tits. I think that every woman on the face of the earth with natural breasts should be forced at gunpoint to get implants.

In fact, I think it should by the first surgical procedure performed on a young girl. Can you imagine infant girls with knockers as big as they are? It might seem a little disturbing at first, but it’s really no different than a circumcision if you think about it. Plus, just think of all the money parents would save on pillows!

Also, it would discourage pedophiles from having sex with little girls, right? Pedos like flat chests and bald pussies—so if you want to save your daughter from the sick fucks that prowl the streets, the answer isn’t actually watching them—it’s getting them a nice set of fake tits and a possible even massaging their little papercuts with hair tonic. That would keep the pedos away! Of course, it might make all the non-pedos take up interest . . . so we as a society would have to develop a device that would erase portions of a childs memory so that they don’t recall the numerous brutal rapes they suffer, thus negating any psychological damage said rapes would have on them.

Anyway, fake tits rock so stop knocking the knockers, you fuckers!

I feel sorry for my liberal and conservative friends, trying to figure out where to draw the lines, trying to figure out who gets what freedoms. What's wrong with everyone having the same freedom? Conservatives, why can't the fags have their weddings? Liberals, why can't the rednecks have their guns?

Why can't we all just enjoy the same liberties?

Don't you think we'd all be happier if everyone could just do whatever they pleased, so long as it didn't bring physical harm to another human being? There doesn't have to be a clash of values in America--or anywhere else for that matter! Conservatives can be conservative and liberals can be liberal and everyone can leave everyone else the hell alone!

What do you say, America? Who's with me?

Why is no one reading my fucking blog? I'm not interesting enough for you fucking people? What do I have to do? Juggle knives with my scrotum? Force feed priests their own excrement? What sort of jiggly pretense must I illuminate with my groin canon in order to captivate your squiggly cognizance?

FASHIONABLY APPLICABLE TOOL QUOTE!!!:

"Desensitized to everything! What became of subtlety?"

Everything is flowering arcane districts of neo-jargon pragmatism for the shit you wipe off the bottom of your shoes!!! Behold the power of multiple exclamation points!!!

Dear holy god, I sound like that moron Jhonen Vasquez. Must . . . regain . . . coherence . . .

BLLLLAAAAAAAARRRRRRGGGGGHHHHHH!!!!!!

Comment on this fucking thing or I will kill you and then myself, you fucking twits/twats.

Mad Cow Disease--darling disease of conspiracy theorists the world over . . . .

It's cause is unknown and its presence is undetectible until its symptoms manifest. Some claim that in a few decades, when the disease catches up to us (it usually takes 10-20 years to effect you) there will be a pandemic and countless millions will lose their minds and then their lives.

Nevermind that there's no hard date whatsoever to support this; it's scary and it drives traffic to their websites. That's all that really matters. Human beings love doomsday scenarios and tend to make mad guesses at what the next terrifying disease will be, when and where the next horrific terrorist attack will occur, when the volcano will erupt, the tsunami will hit, the earthquake will strike.

I want to inject prions directly into my brains just to display to you
the extent of my not giving a fuck. Let's look at the two
possibilities here:

1. Mad Cow Disease is a pandemic that will cause millions to lose
thier minds and then their lives.

2. Mad Cow Disease is yet another bullshit doomsday scenarion in the
same vein a Y2K, SARS, Anthrax, Monkey Pox, Killer Bees, West Nile
Virus, etc.

If 1 is the case, then why stop eating beef now? I eat beef nearly
daily, so why stop only to find out 10 years from now that I've got it
anyway. Why lament all those hamburgers I missed out on? If I'm going tolose all my memories as my mind deteriorates, at least let them be memories of big, juicy steaks.

If 2 is the case then NO ONE should give a shit.

Bushe's supreme court recently ruled that police no longer have to knock or announce themsleves if they have warrant. This raises an interesting question: what's going to happen when someone mistakes a cop for a burglar and blows his ass away. Will the republicans defend the second ammendment or defend their disregard for the fourth?

Hopefully most departments will use this new ability conservatively. But since most departments still give chase to non-violent criminals, endangering civilians in the process, I doubt they possess the intelligence to manage such discretion.

It will be interesting when Roe VS. Wade goes back to the supreme court. They won't overturn it, of course. But they'll make it the discretion of the state. Then conservative states will outlaw abortion, and make laws that say that any citizen of their state that gets an abortion in another state is commiting a crime.

So, let's say someone from Kentucky goes to Ohio for an abortion and Kentucky issues a warrant for their arrest, but Ohio says, "Fuck you, Kentucky! That's not against the law here so we're not going to honor your warrant!"

To which Kentucky will reply, "Shove is up your ass, Ohio! We're not honoring any of your warrants either!"

Meow. Meow. Meow. Meow. Meow. Meow.

Think with that shit going on. Just fucking try it. Let me know if your results are any better than mine. The stupid fucking cat that I don't even fucking like is in fucking heat and it keeps fucking meowing and I can't fucking think so I just keep modifying every fucking noun with fucking fucking god fucking damn it.

How did mankind ever domesticate cats? They're afraid of everything, the paranoid little fucks. It must have actually taken effort on the part of humanity to domesticate the cat. And for what? They serve no practical purpose other than to annoy the crap out of angsty guys with mantits who think their opinions are important.