MASTER YOUR COMMUNICATION SKILLS TIP #22: PAUSE BEFORE YOU REPLY!
The other night I met up my old friend Joel to watch a Lakers basketball game and talk about some business ideas. We went to a well-known sports bar in Long Beach named “Legends” which has a lively atmosphere, tasty BuffaloWings, and plenty of large plasma television screens.
While we were at Legends, Joel and I took turns talking about each our business projects but the conversation gradually became annoying to me the longer it went on. Here’s why:
As soon as I reached about the 30 second mark in the presentation of one of my ideas, I could see Joel getting antsy to say something. Several times, he would interrupt me in mid-flow to interject some thought of his which many times wasn’t even related to my topic.
If he had just waited to hear me out and give some thought to what I had said, I would probably been much more receptive to him in exchange. As it was, I was a little ticked off by Joel’s impatience and naturally tuned him out in return.
Instead of playing verbal tag where each person takes turn talking and no one listens, I suggest that you resist the temptation to interrupt and do following instead:
Give yourself a brief moment to collect your thoughts and weigh your emotions before responding to another person’s remarks and actions. Pausing is also commonly perceived as a classy gesture. It shows subtle respect for what the other person has to say and makes the other person feel important in that moment. This is a lot better than jumping into a conversation before the other person has finished speaking because you’d rather talk than listen.
The Bottom Line
You will most often impress another person more favorably by the way you listen, than by the selfish and often misguided strategy of talking too much or too long.
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Steve Nakamoto is a two-time Writer’s Digest Award-Winning author, former Dale Carnegie Instructor, and trainer for motivational expert Tony Robbins. Steve has served for nearly six years as the iVillage.com Mr. Answer Man relationship expert.
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