Welcome. Whether you fancy yourself a Dominant or submissive,Mistress, Master or slave, Daddy or boy / boi, Top or bottom, the journey of a thousand miles has to start somewhere. For some this is the first exposure. For others this is one of a myriad of sites on the subject. Still others come to (or come back to) this Lifestyle after journeys of abuse or neglect or times of quiet introspection. In many cases a Dom Master Mistress or Top may have sent you here to learn the "lingo" and basic ground rules.

Welcome and welcome back. There are so many things to share. Maybe you are excited about finally meeting someone who seems so right, so like minded. You'd not be the first. And those who came before you have carved out some very solid and reasonable rules of the road. Visit my latest article on Roles. Who are you? and what about Love.

A Loving Introduction to BDSM - Psychology Today

Here is an interesting article that serves as one introduction. Intro: Kink in NYC circa 2004.

Timeless suggestions for meeting and partnering done well.
Please be sure you read Safety Rules For First Meetings before you go too far. This link from the National Safe Call Network explains more. Here is a concise link about "Silent Alarms". The more "right" your prospective partner seems, the less these safety steps should interfere with your successful meeting.

Get and Give References
It is far more customary now to ask for and or provide references. While many people will still want to protect privacy, anyone who has played even a little bit should be able to point to one or two folks who can vouch for them. As a Dom or Top be prepared to share a contact or two who can speak well for you. Sometimes just asking trusted leaders in a community may give you a better idea of a potential play partner. Watch how they do their scenes. How do they ,unpack, handle and repack their toys and tools? What style of aftercare do they do with a partner?

A warning about blindly trusting:
If you do not beleive that bad things happen all the time to good people, take a few moments and read about "Slavemaster" and the ladies who ended up in 55 gallon drums, years back for not being cautious or knowing and employing safe meeting protocols. More details separating the urban legend from the facts can be found on this urban legends site. There are lots of folks out there, with their own reasons for doing this stuff and not all are safe or healthy. The point is; exploring D/s and BDSM can be done sensibly even as it seems so far out on the edge. If you don't have anyone to confide in about all this, then perhaps you should rethink it.

Now what?
Okay maybe you're no where near ready to meet anyone. Perhaps you already have a partner to explore all this with. Learning about safe WORDS and SIGNALS would still do you well. Learning to Negotiate your involvement is important on both sides of the Power Exchange. It can save a lot of hurt feelings and distrust to be clear about what you will and will not be open to trying the first few times you explore. Go slow. If you are new to this it is an exciting time in your life. Read. Meet other like minded people. Find out what the mainstream of this community stands for, before you style your own niche in it all. Safe Sane and Consensual (SSC) and Risk Aware Consensual Kink (RACK) are two fundamental operating philosophies Visit the Scene Dynamics page to learn more about subspace, Dom space, aftercare and land mines.

A word or two about service and submission
Submission is an allowance "granted" to another person deemed capable of leading. Such exchanges are about building trust and that takes time. My best quote on this is "Learning to trust, requires a calculated risk... Do the math carefully." Evil Knievel the daredevil who measured the Snake River Canyon with his jet bike for months, didn't quite make it over the canyon. Not everyone who wears a Dom hat is compatible with everyone who has the yearning to serve, please, and submit. If a Dominant "wants it all now" and doesn't hear your need to go at a certain pace... is that Dominant really in touch and prepared to control much of anything in your world?

When you agree to something as a submissive it's a good idea to try to keep your word as best you can, but that doesn't mean you have to do anything you haven't agreed to or haven't specifically negotiated "just because he is Tarzan and you are Jane." (My apology for the gender bias here).

By the same token Doms, if the submissive will "do anything to please Master" be wary that you aren't being set up. The "doormat" submissive is often the one who will cry "foul" at a later date. Be clear about what you are both willing to try and be prepared to adjust even as you move forward. The key to a wonderful scene starts with clear sommunication. Learn to Negotiate and cover health and safety, desires and red flags BEFORE you begin. Contracts, even short termed ones, can be helpful.

Explore the rest of these links and move on to the Real Life Pages as you grow.

Best to you in your journey.

- MasterJ