Rite
Rite 1. a prescribed form or manner governing the words or actions for a ceremony. 2. a ceremonial act or action, <initiation>

Ritual
Rit-u-al (rich'u-el), n. 1. Form or system of rites. The rites of baptism, marriage, and burial are parts of the ritual of the church. 2. Book containing rites or ceremonies 3. The carrying out of rites. -- adj. of rites; done as rite: ritual laws, a ritual dance adv. rit'u-al-ly

Protocol
Pro-to-col 3 a : code prescribing strict adherence to correct etiquette and precedence (as in diplomatic exchange and military services) .

Thoughts on Ritual and Service in Domination and submission

By DaddyJ

In the course of growing in this Lifestyle people often seek some guidance in the inner workings of a D/s relationship. In vanilla life the idea of kneeling to propose marriage is considered a ritual, a culturally common practice steeped in history. Roses for a special lady on Valentine's Day might well be another. If a specific ritual isn't to someone's liking or style and it isn't employed or adopted, it doesn't diminish the marriage or the romance.

Rituals are, in one respect, icons or symbols of a relationship. they can demonstrate underscore or enhance a level of service, devotion or station.

Purists may well argue that some behaviors are ritual and some are not, perhaps being "just" training procedures or personal preferences. I will not attempt to categorize them nor will I feign to be the final definition for an entire Lifestyle. So the works here will be more inclusive rather then not.

Newcomers as well as long term D/s people may well find something they object to or would like to add to their own relationships here. Add to or omit from these lists as you see fit. Or generate your own. The purpose is to peek inside the training and often non-verbal communication methods of some folks who practice D/s.

Assuming certain "trained" positions may well be a ritual. I myself work with many word cues. At a party or demo you may see me tell someone to "Breath". the submissive takes two deep breaths, relaxes his or her entire body on the second exhale and then mentally focuses everything on relinquishing her body and mind over. One word, and yet so much powerful experience and change occurs. the more this is practiced the easier and deeper the state of mind goes. Not quite hypnosis, but certainly the power of suggestion and the willingness to comply are employed. the Breath command affords me much control in a minimum way. If a submissive is experiencing adrenal stimulation and I wish to bring in more of the endorphin chemistry instead "Breath" becomes the ritual and guideline for change. It not only tells the submissive where I want him/ her to go.. it guides them to get there and successful compliance validates the relationship. Should the submissive have trouble finding a deeper state at the Breath command.. it is an indicator that lets me know something else may be going on with the body, mind or spirit.

Similarly, voice commands Like "Roll" or "Float" evoke other responses and states of mind. These are commands unique to training I use with my submissives. They were not handed down to me in my training as a Dom, but more developed as I worked to have better and more precise control in the scenes I do. They are not ritual to the community at large but they do reinforce the nature of our Dominant / submissive relations.

I have asked several submissives to work on compiling lists that would demonstrate practices, procedures and rituals that people use in their D/s relations. I do not personally endorse or subscribe everything presented here.. but I see this as a place to share ideas.

Some of the listed items below are really more rules of conduct. Never leave the Dom's side, speak only when permitted, etc.. are more points of protocol. none the less they are included here as they also reflect the relationship.

One word of advice, unless you have a very good regimented training program in place, it may take time for a Dom or submissive to adopt new behaviors. consistency is important but permitting a time period or space for the submissive to "learn" the expected. Rituals and Rules are best when adopted and complied with. Service Trust, Dedication, and Respect are underlying themes here. Rituals and protocols... should not become the place for demonstrating friction, or non-compliance. Likewise they should not be the framework for constant overbearing "correction" as an excuse for pain play or mind play.

by softpetal

The word ritual means a process or action that is done and repeated according to specific procedure. A ritual is a sort of ceremony that is usually formal and follows the same pattern each and every time. Simply, it is something that a person does over and over for a Purpose. They set the mood or build an expectation. They are intended to be the same each time, within normal limits.

In a D/s relationship, these are the beginning training issues to the control that is exchanged between a Dom/me and their submissive. A contract between the couple negotiates the limits and boundaries and should include a list of rituals that the submissive will be required to perform for the Dom/me. These should be clear and straight forward so that the Dom is sure that the submissive understands the expectations and the submissive is aware of the requirements. The submissive is NOT to judge or question these rituals ( unless of course it violates the main rule of SAFE, SANE and CONSENSUAL) as the Dom/me is the person who's needs are being addressed and the power exchange is started. Many Dom/me 's use these rituals for their pleasure and as a test to see if the submissive is truly offering the gift of submission.

[ DaddyJ's note: a "submissive" may well offer input at the invocation of a new practice or ritual during the negotiation phase for said behavior. A "slave" may well not be permttied such voice]

i began my training with simple rituals. i am a medical professional and on certain days of the week, this girl wore no underwear while at work and on the remaining days i was to wear none. i might caution you that this is not a good choice if the submissive needs to wear white scrubs, mine were royal blue. On certain days i was allowed to wear a butt plug to work or during chores ( my favorite) with the thought that my ass belonged to Him. i was also instructed that each day i was to email Sir, explaining how my day was and what was on my mind. This allowed for further discussion later when we were able to speak more. He also gave an assignment for this girl to do for Him, such as looking up information about the lifestyle or writing essays in who this girl was and demons that troubled this girl. These began my everyday ritual. This enabled Sir to understand me better and to offer a guide in my training and meeting my needs.

If i do not perform the ritual, there are consequences. That is another part of rituals. But the expectations are real from the Dom/me to have these done. Personally it is this girls GREAT pleasure to have these rituals. They enable me to stay in focus with my Dom and remain in a submissive role when i am not able to be with my Dom.

Now as my training has advanced so have my rituals. This girl shall list the current ones that she does everyday if possible or when requested of my Dom.

------shaving of the pubic hair ( classic submissive ritual) many Doms prefer bare
------meditation for 15 minutes before retiring to bed ( always kneeling)
------sleeping in a collar (one made of quick release and large enough for safety)
------always using the Dom and His reference in UPPER case
------always referring to the submissive in lower case and third person
------journaling everyday
------words of control and meditation :Breath, Focus, Float and Roll
------giving control over not having an orgasm without permission FIRST
------Kneeling at the Doms feet or bed and outside of the bathroom
------waiting at the door for permission to enter first
------not speaking until the Dom/me gives permission
------asking permission to or eat and drink
------foot worship and sexual worship
------waiting in position before play
------counting the number of strokes at the end of play in His name and reciting
"one Sir, thank You Sir may i please have another Sir?" and so forth
------stating when submissive is sexually stimulated eg. 'i am Your wet slut Sir"
------asking permission for a sexual release
------always carry the Dom/me bag, smokes or business card
------walking behind the Dom/me and to the left
------driving the Dom or preparing the car for travel ( air conditioner or heat)
------accepting curfews, bedtimes, diet and exercise
------writing all fantasy's and limits both hard and soft
------disrobe when entering the house and remain naked until told to dress
------accept dress requirements as the Dom seems fit
------not using furniture when in the house ( sitting lower than the Dom/me)
------do not sit until the Dom/me is seated first
------serve the Dom/me food first
------kneel to the Dom/me and confess behavior and accept correction/discipline
------kneeling with the Dom/me drink in palm, kiss edge and present, eyes lowered
------proper positions for training and pleasure
------sleep at the Dom/me feet or foot of bed (with/out pillow and blanket)
------wearing a butt plug for as long as the Dom wishes and think that He is in
your ass
------wearing of the collar in the house and during training
------never approach the Dom/me without permission (ask first and granted)
------never speaks first waits for the Dom to acknowledge
------falls to a kneeling position when their Dom/me enters a room
------NEVER leaves the presence of a Dom/me without permission first

These are just a few of the rituals that this girl has or does now perform.

Tips for the Dom: be creative and personalize the rituals to suit Your needs and the submissive's growth. They will be most honored to do these every time with encouragement and praise. A firm hand will allow the submissive to see the importance of the ritual.

Tips for the submissive: take these very seriously and express your joy in what your Dom/me allows you to have. Discuss possible problems and concerns immediately to the Dom for further discussion on modifications if necessary. Each rituals allows you to bond and grow with your Dom/me. This is about a relationship. Trust and submit all that you have.
Lastly, never stop communicating.

softpetal

Ritual Assignment

by raven

Sir,

This is what i have found out about and what i have realized about "Rituals".

i have learned some interesting things about rituals, Sir. i have discovered that many times rituals and responsibilities often cross back and forth over the center line. They can be both and actually a ritual is certainly my responsibility to perform as directed.

Also i have discovered there are many rituals i have in service to You Sir. They all tend to feed my need to serve while they reinforce my place in this lifestyle. i really did a lot of self searching Sir but i would be remiss to say i have named all the rituals i have no doubt have in my submission to You Sir.

i have learned a good bit about how important even the smallest one is like my kissing each foot before putting on Your socks, Sir. That seems so simple but it is a VERY profound and deeply meaningful to me, Sir.

So as requested, Sir, i have listed all my rituals and responsibilities plus 20 more i have heard, read, and remember from others, Sir.

Rituals Responsibilities

-- foot worship --laundry
--that waiting position in the dungeon --lawn work
--sleeping in the collar --pool care
--daily shaving --hot tub care
--kneel before getting into bed --be home on time
--meditation --odd jobs, fix it jobs
--morning pills, juice, clothes -- babysitting
--shower towels --keeping house neat
--foot kissing before socks --helping with aquarium
--journaling --my deportment as Yours
--daily or frequent writing --keeping dungeon neat
--focus, floating
--mental set before session
--putting bag and water in van before work
--quoting "i am Your wet slut" when an "O"
is coming close or i get wet
--toy bag and toy care <----------> --toy bag and toy care
--leather care <---------> --leather care
--permission to go out, curfew <------> permission to go out, curfew
--doing my best at work <----------> doing my best at work
--continuing my education in D/s <------> continuing my education in D/s
--accepting Your decisions
--telling You my feelings --open communication
--openly and honestly
--my fantasy writings

20 More Rituals

1.) Crawling to bed each night and kneeling before getting in
(Courtesy of Marsha)
2.) Disrobing as soon as submissive enters the house, no clothes in
the home.
3.) Not using the furniture. Always on the floor.
4.) Ending each shower with a 2 minute cold water rinse.
5.) Masturbating ( only with permission) almost to the O, then stopping
then starting again almost to an O, stopping and on the third time
being allowed to reach the O. This is done each time and when in
the Doms presence also with permission.
6.) Some have a discipline ritual where when there is to be correction
the submissive had to hold the implement ( brush etc) up to the
Dom and recite a request for the correction.
7.) Disrobing in a prescribed manner, folding the clothes and placing
them in front of the submissive's knees when ordered to strip.
8.) Meeting & Greeting the Dom at the door, kneeling & holding the
Dom's drink, paper or what ever is preferred up for them when they
come home from work.
9.) Preparing their body for the Dom prior to a session with a shower,
enema, douche etc.
10. i remember Your mentioning a Dom who stands his sub over plastic
when her cycle starts, leaves her there all day then tends to her
when He comes home, Sir
11.) i read of a Dom who's sub has to crawl next to the bed, confess any
areas she didn't perform up to par, then He dispenses corrections
or praise as He deems fit and either invites her to sleep with Him
or to the mat on the floor.
12.) Daily dress codes ( typical "O" style no panties, no pants etc) easy
access clothing.
13.) Using lower case & third person to refer to self & upper case in
reflection to the Dom.
14.) Wearing "hidden" clothing of submission such as a male sub in
pantyhose under his business suit.
15.) Dietary rituals ( no sugar without specific permission) or purgation
meal before a session.
16.) Hand signals for positions & the positions themselves
17.) Using only an approved scented lotion, soap, and perfume
18.) learning a new talent such as massage, dance, or a new language
(self improvements) pottery, painting
19.) Once or twice a month a recommitment session to reaffirm the
submission and bring problem/issues up.
20.) Mental ritual of self discipline- remembering goals and station,
narrowing the directive gap.

Thank You Sir, for this assignment and opportunity to learn more about me and this lifestyle.

your devoted slave,
raven

by Switch4You

Sir, I am including all that I have to date. I do not agree with all of these, but wish to give them to you for your selection. This really was an interesting assignment. I enjoyed this Sir, thank you for including me.

Dear Sir:

This assignment is endless. The more people I speak to, the more information I am given. Throughout the community, all are very helpful and offer more than I actually captured on paper. I found however, most Doms tell me that rituals are something they mandate and seldom satisfy. Listed below are examples of what Doms and their submissives considered rituals within their own relationships. Some of these were duplicated and therefore combined and listed only once. There is no order of importance nor grouping of common interests as they appear on this list.

1. The Dom's food is prepared and served by the sub before their own.
2. The Dom is greeted in a particular manner/location/position
ex: public: bowed head/eyes lifted
private: kneel/back straight/hands behind lower back/head and eyes bowed
3. Collaring/Commitment Ceremonies ex: Ceremony of Roses
4. Kiss before leaving or going to bed
5. Kissing of toys before/after a session
6. Associating a particular music selection during sessions/meditations (both)
7. Meditation (both)
8. Creating an environment for relaxation candles/lighting/music routinely (both)
9. Setting up the area for a session
10. Establishing a specific time each day to bow and privately say thank you in their
Dom's honor
11. Cleaning and maintain the leather and toys of their Dom
12. Sitting on floors instead of furniture / sitting at the feet of their Dom
13. Address their Dom as Sir, before a question or after a statement
14. Roles are defined with specific rituals in place
15. Writings/journals
16. Alters/Spiritual rituals
17. Asking permission before proceeding to do something
18. Masturbating or abstaining from masturbation until permitted
19. Wearing appropriate apparel
20. Serving food/drinks properly
21. Standing properly/speaking properly
22. Mandated to wear their collar before leaving the house to go to a party
23. If away from home, expected to have their collar with them at all times
24. Five minute notice to get ready for play and be presentable as agreed
25. Sessions of play can contain rituals. Ex: The manner one plays with knives
may include cuttings with only their sub and not with a play partner.
26. Caddy for their Dom
27. Positioning
28. Placing an appropriate collar on someone for a specific task or event, or having
a designated person assigned to dress another in the collar to distinguish the role of the relationship between those collared (Dom)
29. Sex can include rituals ex: Not permitted to cum without permission
30. Every morning coffee and paper are delivered to their Dom before their waking
31. Meditation at an appointed location: alter/church/quiet room
ex: Requested to think about how to improve the relationship
32. Seeing to it that the Dom is satisfied each night before going to sleep
33. Dom administering nightly spankings before bedtime
34. Sub remains on a leash at a specified time/location
35. Waiting until the Dom has begun to eat before the sub begins to eat
36. Dom is seated first
37. Dom orders the meals
38. Waits on the Doms ex: pulls out their chair to seat them
39. The sub must keep up the bookkeeping and stay on top of the finances
40. Driver/valet
41. Role play is filled with rituals ex: humiliation can be carried out to include
rituals of embarrassment
42. Bondage play and afterwards the sub handles the care of the ropes
43. Organizes the toy bag
44. Offer to serve before the sub may leave the Dom's presence
45. Enter bed in a specific manner/clothing ex: with wrist restraints/collar/plug
46. Reading/studying a specific topic upon request
47. Counting spankings as instructed
48. Sub not allowed to speak using the words I or me when referring to themselves
49. Walking in proper location as requested when accompanying their Dom
50. Banning or restricting specific speech or behaviors
51. Helping the Dom keep up with deadlines/commitments/appointments
52. Carry out assignments or duties/chores daily
53. Clean themselves before presenting themselves to their Dom
54. Keep shaved if requested
55. Massages nightly
56. Sub screens and returns all phone calls
57. Wearing of a toy where and when as instructed
58. Housekeeping/yard maintenance
59. Sleeps on the floor each time permission is not granted
60. Eats from a bowl on the floor when proper eating arrangements are not kept
61. If late, they are not allowed to attend and will be addressed when the event is over
62. When disciplined, the sub must write about her infraction and what she learned from it
63. Sub may be required to assist the Dom in a session for another as instructed
64. Sub runs the errands for the Dom or for whomever as he requests of their time
65. Sub always greets the Dom if both are online, promptly and awaits his reply

More "submissions"

Have a ritual or rule you would like added here? Send us what it is you do for your Dominant or, as a Dominant, what you require from your well trained submissive. We'll post them here as space and common sense dictate and they can be either anonymous or with an e mail Link back to you (only when you grant that specific permission and the proper e mail addy)