(Most of these Redneck Jokes can be attributed to Jeff Foxworthy)
You think the last words to The Star Spangled Banner are "Gentlemen, start your engines."
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You think Sherlock Holmes is a housing project down in Biloxi.
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You think a stock tip is advice on worming' your hogs.
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You've been married three times and still have the same in-laws.
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You think TACO BELL is the Mexican Phone Company
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Your state's got a new law that says when a couple get divorced, they are still legally brother and sister.
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Your house still has the "WIDE LOAD"
sign on the back.
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You got stopped by a state trooper. He asked you if you had an I.D. And you said, 'Bout What?'
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Non
Athletic
Sport
Created
Around
Rednecks
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You think Genitalia is an Italian airline.
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Your sister is the third generation of women in your family to
conceive a baby as a result of an alien abduction.
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If you can burp and say your name at the same time, you're shur'nuff a redneck.
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You think Possum is "The Other White Meat"
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You carried a fishing pole into Sea World.
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You hooked up with your present girlfriend as a result of a message on the wall of the mens' room at the Flying J Truck Stop.
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The centerpiece on your dining room table is an original signed work by a famous taxidermist.
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You think a quarter horse is a ride out in front of the Wal-Mart. |
You lit a match in the bathroom and your house exploded right off it's wheels.
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Your huntin dawg had a litter of puppies in the living room and nobody noticed.
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You think safe sex is a padded headboard.
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You think subdivision is part of a math problem.
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You think there's nothin wrong with incest
as long as you keep it in the family.
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You may be a Redneck if ... You and your dog use the same tree.
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You think God looks a lot like Hank Williams, Jr., and heaven looks a lot like Daytona Beach, Florida.
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Your father executes the "pull my finger" trick during Christmas dinner.
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You believe dual air bags refer
to your wife and mother-in-law.
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You've got more than one brother named 'Darryl'.
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You think the OJ Trial was a
Sunkist and Minutemaid taste test.
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You were acquitted for murdering your first
wife after she threw out your Elvis 8-tracks.
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You think watching professional wrestling is foreplay.
The people on Jerry Springer's show remind you of your neighbors
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Your front porch collapses and four dogs git killed.
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Your grandfather died and left everything to his widow.
But she can't touch it until she's fourteen.
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Your kids take a siphon hose to "Show and Tell."
You've ever had to scratch your sisters
name out of a message that begins, "For a good time time call..."
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You know yer a redneck when you take a load to the dump and bring back more than you took |
Your whole family is Democrats 'cept little Mary.
She lernt how to read.
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You think fast food is hitting a possum at 65 mph. |
If you're getting bored with this Redneck Stuff, Check Out the
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You can get dog hair from out of your belly button.
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You have a bumper sticker that says,
"MY MOTHER'S AN HONOR STUDENT
AT SOUTH LITTLE ROCK JR. HIGH."
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You take a six-pack cooler to church.
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Your family tree has no forks.
You have refused to watch the Academy Awards since
"Smokey and the Bandit" was snubbed for best picture.
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You had to remove a toothpick
for your wedding pictures.
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You use a weedeater in your living room.
You consider your license plate personalized because your dad
made it in prison.
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You have a rag for a gas cap.
The blue book value of your truck goes up and down
depending on how much gas it has in it.
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The third grade teacher says little Bubba could be a mathematical genius
because he's got thirteen fingers.
Fifth grade was the best six years of your life.
You have to go outside to get
something out of the 'fridge.
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A seven course meal is a bucket
of KFC and a sixpack.
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One of your kids was born on a pool table.
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You have spray painted your
girlfriend's name on an overpass.
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Your lifetime goal is to own a fireworks stand.
Someone asks to see your ID and you
show them your belt buckle.
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Your dad walks you to school because
you are both in the same grade.
Mailpouch sends you Christmas cards.
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Down where you come from reruns of Hee Haw are called documentaries. |
Your house doesn't have curtains, but your truck does.
You need one more hole punched in your card
to get a freebie at the House of Tattoos.
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You have flowers planted in a bathroom fixture in your front yard.
On your first date you had to ask your
Dad to borrow the keys to
the tractor.
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You think the Mountain Men in
Deliverance were just "misunderstood".
If you refer to the fifth grade
as, "your senior year".
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Three quarters of the clothes you
own have LOGOS on them.
The Halloween pumpkin on your front porch
has more teeth than your wife.
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Your `huntin dawg' cost more than
the truck you drive him around in.
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Your belt buckle weighs more than three pounds.
You've been to a funeral and
there were more pick-ups than cars.
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You just bought an 8-track player to put in your truck.
You've ever climbed a water tower with a bucket of paint
to defend your sister's honor.
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It's easier to spray weed killer on your lawn than mow it.
You think the three primary colors are John Deere Green, Ford Blue, and Primer Gray.
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Your pickup has a two-tone paint job
-- primer red and primer gray.
Ya can't get married to yer sweetheart
'cause there is a law against it.
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You've been on TV more than 5 times
describing the sound of a tornado.
Trashy Signs, Snappy One-Liners, & Office Mottos
Click Here
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The beer can collection in the
town museum is the big tourist attraction.
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You dated your daddy's current wife in high school.
Your aunt and your grandmother went to the funeral and had a
fight over who gets to be the widow.
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You can tell your age by the
number of rings in the bathtub.
You may be a redneck if you ever used a toilet brush as a back scratcher. |
You can change the oil in your truck without ducking your head.
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During your senior year you and your
mother had homeroom together.
You're a lite beer drinker 'cause you start drinkin beer when it gets light.
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You think the stock market has fence around it.
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Your stereo speakers used to belong to the Moonlight Drive-in Theater.
You own a homemade fur coat.
Your entire family has ever sat around
waiting for a call from the Governor to spare a loved one.
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Your wife has ever said,
"Come move this transmission so I can take a bath."
You think loading the dishwasher
means getting your wife drunk.
YOU REFER TO THE TIME YOU WON
A FREE CASE OF MOTOR OIL AS "THE DAY MY SHIP CAME IN."
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The FBI surrounded your trailer park twice so far this year.
You use a NASCAR credit card. |
Your brother-in-law is your uncle
AND your grandfather.
you might be a redneck if....
Your parents met at a family reunion.
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You believe that beef jerky and Moon Pies are two of the
major food groups.
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You stare at an orange juice container because it says,
"CONCENTRATE".
YOUR IDEA OF HIGH-QUALITY ENTERTAINMENT
IS A SIX-PACK AND A BUG-ZAPPER.
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You wonder how service stations
keep their restrooms so clean.
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Anyone in your family died right
after saying, "Hey, y'all watch this!".
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You couldn't learn to swim because
your gene pool is too small.
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Your wife's job requires her to wear an orange vest.
You have the local taxidermist's
number on speed dial.
On Thanksgiving Day you have to decide which pet to eat.
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Where Do You Want to Go Next? Let Google Take You There!
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Your school fight song is"Dueling Banjos".
You think "taking out the trash"
means taking your in-laws to a movie.
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Your coffee table used to be a cable spool.
You got Clapper devices controlling the appliances in your house.
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You think a hot tub is a stolen bathroom fixture.
The gas pedal on your car is shaped like a
bare foot.
They just raised the drinking age in your state to 32
on account of they wanted to keep alcohol out of the schools |
You hammer bottle caps into the
frame of your front door to make it look nice.
The Home Shopping operator recognizes your voice.
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The taillight covers of your car
are made of red tape.
You have every episode of Hee-Haw on tape.
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You've ever been involved in a custody fight over a hunting dog.
The KKK kicked you out for being a bigot.
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You think a turtleneck is
a key ingredient for soup.
You think the French Riviera is a foreign car.
Your toilet paper has page numbers on it.
You no longer drink wine ever since
the screw cap got caught up your nose.
You think that Dom Perignon is a mafia leader.
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That billboard that says, "SAY NO TO CRACK"
reminds you to pull up your jeans.
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Your wife's hairdo was once ruined by a ceiling fan.
You go to your family reunion
looking for a date.
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You think a Volvo is part of a woman's anatomy.
Your Junior/Senior Prom had a Daycare.
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Your high school basketball game got rained out.
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You've got more than three cousins named 'Bubba'.
You have a close relative named "Cletus". |
You ever won first prize in a tobacco spittin contest.
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You wish your outhouse was as nice as those at the state park.
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Last year you hid yer kids' Easter eggs under cow pies.
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Your family always goes to the movies in groups of 18 or more 'cause they were told 17 and under are not admitted.
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Jack Daniels makes your list
of "Most Admired People"
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Your dog can't watch you eat without
getting sick.
You think the winter olympic sport of curling is part of the "Big Hair" competition.
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When you was little, your front yard got toilet papered and your momma thought it was a gift from God.
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You've painted a car with house paint.
You're banned from the Memphis Zoo because you disturb the monkeys.
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You ever named a child after a dog.
You have more belt-buckles than pants.
You removed the back seat from your car so all yer kids could fit in.
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You think taking a bubble bath starts
with eating beans for dinner.
Your child's first words were "Attention K-Mart shoppers!"
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YOU'VE EVER COME HOME AND FOUND CRIME SCENE TAPE ACROSS YOUR FRONT PORCH.
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You think a woman who is "out of your league" bowls on a different night.
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May he rest in peace.
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